Schrödinger’s Pussy

“Lily texted me,” I texted to Lola, “and she invited me to meet her at the bar to watch the World Series.”  It was the seventh game.  She was hoping to see her team win.  “Do you want to join?”

“Will Jim be there?”

“I don’t know.”

“Nah,” Lola texted, “I’ll stay in.”

I walked into the crowded watering hole after a long day at work.  Lily, was sitting at the bar, close to the TV.  To my surprise, she had saved me a stool next to her.  She gave me a hug and turned toward me.  Despite the cold October air, she was wearing only a short skirt and a thin, loose fitting blouse.  Her legs were spread a bit as she talked to me.

“Where’s Jim?” I inquired.

“He’s with some of his friends watching at their house.”

“You didn’t want to join them?”

I could see that she hadn’t invited me there just to watch the game.  She was already on her second drink of the night.  What was on her mind?

After just a little prodding (it didn’t take much), she revealed her true design.  She was looking for some free legal advice and simultaneously looking for some special attention.

She had recently graduated and got her Master’s in Sexuality and Gender Studies.  Now she was looking to do something with that degree and was interested in becoming a “Sex and Spirit Guide” to individuals and couples.  The question on her mind was, “If my therapeutic techniques involve hands-on help and I accept money for it, what’s the legal distinction between that and prostitution?”

It was a real zinger of a query – one that they don’t ask you in law school!  And my first inclination was to say, “I’m not sure I follow.  Could we please go back to your place and you can provide me with a demonstration in order that I understand what you do a little better?”  But I wisely withheld that request, which was purely for the academic purpose of gaining clarity, and I asked instead, “So you envision digitally manipulating and stimulating your clients?”

“Well, not only that, but possibly role-playing, BDSM experimenting, discovering their inhibitions through play therapy – you know, taking them on a real sexual and spiritual journey to the seat of their soul.”

“Wow!” I said, “It sounds very Jungian.”  Once more the images of Sabina Spielrein and Carl Jung came to mind.

“Yeah, this morning I had a professional photographer come to take some risqué photos to advertise my services.”

I got lost in my imagination as I envisioned the scene, but she continued.  “And Jim even joined for some of them.”

“Oooh,” I cooed, “Boudoir photos?”

“Some were,” she replied alluringly.  She began to pull out her phone as if ready to show me the raw, unedited shots.  I wanted to look.  I wanted to tell her all about the blog.  I wanted to divulge everything.  But I knew better.  First, it’s Lo’s secret to reveal, not mine.  That has always been the rule.  Second, I’ve learned that letting on to the blog to people who are in the blog creates a Schrödinger’s Pussy situation – where the knowledge of being observed contaminates the observation.

Again I got lost in my thoughts.

She was clearly trying to attract my attention.  She regained it as she unlocked her phone.  I fumbled for my words a bit and said something stupid like the answer to her legal question would take some research.  “A deep dive,” I remember saying.

“If you could advise me,” she said, playing the role of the helpless dancer in need of a savior, “I’d appreciate it so much.  I want to heal people, not get arrested.”

Her allusion to consequences kept me in check and I soon paid my tab and said a friendly farewell to her, looking forward to going home to my sweet slutwife.

I got in late.  I found Lola in bed, almost asleep, Stoya on my pillow.

“What’s this?” I asked.  “Are you trying to tell me something?”

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” she said.  “Come to bed.  I’ll explain.”

I removed my clothes, washed up, and got in bed.  She was on the verge of sleep.  I moved Stoya to the nightstand.

“I’m all ears. . . and a penis,” I said.

She rolled over toward me.  “I was bad,” she began.  I could have figured that.  “I was thinking of Heather and Erin and all the other women I’ve been with.  I was feeling like being with a woman tonight.”

“So you took out Stoya?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I tried a little experiment,” she said.

“Schrödinger’s Pussy,” I muttered under my breath, recalling my conversation of earlier in the evening.

“What?”

“Nothing.  Continue.”

“I fingered myself a bit, rubbed some of my girly juice on her lips, fingering her, and put her over my clit.  I fucked her pussy with my clit.”

“Did you cum?”

“Many times.  It really does feel pretty realistic.”

She hugged me and asked, “Are you mad?”

“No.  But I take it you didn’t wash her properly when done.”

“Sorry Daddy.”

I got out of bed and performed the recommended cleaning to Stoya’s pussy and then hung her out to airdry.

When I got back into bed, Lo was sound asleep on her tum.  I was on my back.  My right hand caressed her back.  Then her lower back.  Then the roundness of her rump.  Then between her legs.  I could feel how wet she was still.  My fingers circled around her pussy, becoming soaked.  I then slid one finger back and did circles around her other special spot.  Slowly, gently, furtively, I dipped in, just a bit.  No response.  Then a bit more.  Lo’s ass raised slightly.  A little more.  She either consciously or unconsciously elevated her hips.  She looked like an inchworm as my finger wormed its way into her bum.*

Then a moan.  Then a sigh.  Then a “Daddy, what are you doing?”

“Nothing, Lo.  Sleep.”

I was in up to my first knuckle.  I went deeper.  And deeper.  And then added a finger.  Her ass indicated it liked what it was getting.  It was completely relaxed and open to exploration.

And then, without warning, it seized up on my fingers.  It clenched like a vice and I heard Lo’s breathing accelerate.  After only a few seconds it was over.  I pulled my fingers out.  She was back to sleep.  I was hard-up.

“There’s always Stoya,” I thought.

 

* See the story, “Sin-esthesia” in which Lo gives her “blanket consent” to being fucked while asleep.

Open Auditions

Littlegem of PurplesGem reads about Lola Down

 

As I have mentioned in the past, we receive a lot of fan mail.  Most of it is for Lo, of course, but, on occasion, I receive a kind epistle from an adoring fan.  Sometimes, the cursory reader gets confused.  Like the time a guy wrote to Lo saying, “You’re an incredible writer.”

She wrote back, “No, no.  Not me.  My man, HH.  He does the writing, I do the fucking.”

Lo and HH – much younger.

Recently, one fan of my writing wrote in asking if Lo ever gets enough pleasure and, “Do you ever get tired of writing about sex or is it always fresh for you?”

Lo was sitting on the couch reading the email, her bare legs spread as one hand held her phone and the other pleasured herself (she never gets enough pleasure – there’s the answer to your first questions), when she looked up at me, sitting at the other end of the couch, to read to me the fan’s email.

I pondered for a moment, we discussed it a bit, and she responded, “We have these amazing adventures that we just want to share with other people.  I guess it’s like a travel blog, but for sex.  We like to take you on our journeys with us.”

“How about we make it more like a food blog?” I asked Lo.  “I eat you out and then I can write about the four-course meal later.”

“Four courses?”

“Yeah: pussy, ass, mouth, and then you lick my popsicle for dessert.”

“As much fun as that sounds, slide over here and look at this,” she said.

She spread her legs wider and I sat between them.  One of her legs was up on my lap and the other behind my back.  “I like this,” I said, looking at her delectable body.

“You might like this even more because it appeals to your insatiable ego.”

“Oh yeah?  Well, you have my attention now!”

“I didn’t before?”

“Before you had my erection.”

“Let me see,” she demanded.

“No.  First you show me whatever it is that’s going to aggrandize my ego.”

“I said ‘appeal to your ego.’  It’s impossible aggrandize.  I don’t think it could get any bigger.”

“Are we still talking about my ego?”

“Take a look at this,” she said, turning her phone so I could see the photo.

It showed a beautiful naked woman reading, Match, Cinder & Spark, Volume: III, Writing Under Cover.

“Oh my!  Who is that?!”

Littlegem,” she said, referring to one of our blogging community friends across the pond.

“Really?”

“You like?”

“Yes,” I said emphatically.  It’s one thing to be told that my writing turns people on, but to see it happening is quite thrilling.

“And that’s not all,” said Lo, swiping the photo to reveal another.  The second photo was in black-and-white.

“Wow!”

“OK,” said Lo, “I was wrong.  Apparently there was room for your ego to grow.”

“Something’s growing alright.”

“Then I shouldn’t tell you what else Littlegem said.”

“Tell, tell!”

“Well. . . she said she wants to do a recording of her reading your writing while having her clit teased.”

“Like Stoya did for ‘Hysterical Literature’?”

Stoya Reading MySexLifeWithLola

“Don’t mention her.”

“Oh, right.  Still, that’s amazing!”

“I think it would be great because I got an email from another fan who is blind.”

“Blind?!”

“Yes, blind.”

“How the hell did he find our blog?”

“Apparently, he has someone read the stories for him.”

“Oh my God!  That is one of the hottest things I’ve ever heard!!!”

“Yeah,” said Lo, “and it got me thinking.  We should totally do an audio book since I’m sure there are lots of long-distance haulers who would like to have me as their companion across the lonely stretches of highway.”

“I’m sure they would.”

“And people who want to hear about my sexcapades on their way to work.”

“The morning drive will never be the same.”

“And insomniacs who could use a good bedtime story.”

“Nothing like a good wank at the end of a long day to induce sleep.”

“So you see, it’s really necessary for everyone’s well-being that we do this.”

“Indubitably.  And are you going to be the one to record the stories?”

“Oh no!” said Lo.  “I’m no actor.  All my orgasms are real.”

“Of course.  Then who?”

“I’ll put out a call for open auditions.”

[Note to reader, if you haven’t checked out PurplesGem yet, you really should. They’re a great BDSM/kink couple. Great writing and photos. Below are some of our favorite photos from them, with permission, of course.]

[p.s.  – If YOU want to audition for our audiobook, then go to ACX.com and look for “Match, Cinder & Spark.”  If you can’t find it, email us: downloladown@gmail.com]

Thigh Gap

 

Because of her trysts with Robert, Lola stopped fucking me for a while.  I turned to my right-hand woman: Stoya.  But Lola found out.  Don’t ask me how.  A woman’s sixth sense, I suppose.  Lola told me I can have whatever I want, so long as I ask for it.  But I’m too proud to ask.  I’m used to being asked by her.

I went into the bedroom and I texted to Lo, who was in the living room, “Hello Stoya, It’s just you and me now.”

She texted back, “If you want something, ask for it.”

I responded, “Come here and jack me off.”

She entered the bedroom and said, “I’ll jack you off, on one condition.”

I didn’t say anything or even move.

“Do you hear me?”

“I’m all ears. . . and a dick.”

“After I jack you off, you will write that story about me and Robert.”

“You expect me to write on commission?!  I’ve never been more insulted in my life!  I’m an artist, a poet, a philosophical. . .”

“A pompous ass and a purveyor of pornographic smut.”

“Now that’s just redundant.”

“No, it would be smut writing even without the pornographic images of me.  The pornography just makes it fun to look at as well.”

“Fair enough, but still unfair to my artistic sensibilities.”

“You’re not sensible at all!  You’re the furthest from sensible.  You’re immersed in your senses.  That’s why you’re such a great writer of erotica.”

“Well, now you’re pandering to my vanity.”

“Your vanity is six-fifths of your ego.”

“And?”

“Never mind.  Are you going to write the story or what?”

“Of course I’m going to write the story, but not because you’re going to give me a hand-job.  I’m going to write for art!  Art!  Do you hear me?”

“Who’s this fella Art?  Have I fucked him?”

“Droll, dear, very droll.”

We both got naked and I placed my cock in a prominent position above her naked body.  Her legs were spread and her pussy lips were wet and partially parted.

“Why do you only want me to jack you off when you have your cock poised right between my pussy lips?”

“Because,” I retorted snidely, “if you want something, you have to ask for it.”

She reached between her legs and began slowly stroking me.  Then she got an idea.  She grabbed Stoya from the nightstand and applied her wetness to Stoya’s pussy.  She then bent over the side of the bed and put the entire contraption between her legs; the imitation pussy just below her actual pussy.

“Fuck the pussy you want,” she said.

Just to get her goat, I fucked Stoya.

She turned her head over her shoulder and said, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No, I’m fucking Stoya.  No kidding,” I said.

I liked being able to see her hole as I filled the insentient being held in place by her thigh gap.

I continued like that, as she grew bored and impatient.  As I felt myself leading up to a climax, I pulled out of Stoya and flipped Lo on her back in order that she would feel the heat of my love on every part of her body except between her legs.  (Also, cleaning my cum out of Stoya is a pain in the ass.)  After mopping up the cum on her face, neck, and tits, she pulled out her Hitachi.

“Are you just going to sit there?” she asked me as she placed the vibrating toy between her legs.

“That’s exactly what I was planning on doing,” I said, “so you can ejaculate on me and we can call it even.”

“As fun as that sounds,” she said, “you have work to do.  Go get writing while I get myself off.”

Absolution

[Continued from “Holding on Comes Easy“]

Last I remembered, Lo had engaged in a lengthy session of self-service before falling asleep between Robert and me.  When I woke in the morning, she was sound asleep, her back toward me, and Robert had his hands around her waist.  I was turned toward them, my arm drooped over her side, my hand fondling her breast, and my cock rigid and eager for more attention.

I carefully extricated myself from the bed, found a robe and quietly went to the kitchen to make some coffee.

As I sat down to take my first sip, Lo suddenly appeared in the kitchen wearing one of Roberts t-shirts and nothing else.  She was carrying a bundle of clothes.

“Here,” she said, passing the clothes off to me.

“And a good morning to you too,” I said sarcastically.

“Get dressed.”  They were my clothes.

“What?”

“Get dressed.  You have to get out of here.”

I was perplexed.  “What do you mean I. . .”

“Imogen is still sleeping.  When she wakes up, she can’t find you here.  Remember, she thinks I’m Robert’s girlfriend and you’re just Robert’s friend.  You have to go home.”

“Are we still putting on that little ruse?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, if that’s the case, why don’t I just crawl into bed with Imogen?”

Lo gave me an angry look.

“Ok, Ok,” I said.  “I’ll get dressed and go.”

She gave me a quick peck on the cheek to show her appreciation.  “Don’t worry, Daddy,” she said, “I will make it up to you.”

My cock must have liked her tone because it immediately popped up like a little puppy who just heard the treats bag open.

“Nope, none of that now,” said Lo curtly, before turning tail and returning to the bedroom with Robert.

I dutifully got dressed and went home to shower, have more coffee, and nurse my hangover.

Sometime later I got a call from Lo.  She sounded out of breath.

“Lo?”

Pause.  “Yeah?”

“Are you ok?”

Pause.  “Yeah.”

“Are you at Robert’s?”

Pause.  “Yeah.”

“Are you fucking?”

“Yes, Daddy, he’s behind me, fucking my ass now.  What would you like us to do next?”

 

 

 

I won’t deny that I was titillated by the call, but I was also furious.  I was home, hard-up and hungover, while she was being banged by her backdoor man.

“I want you to tell me you love me.”

Long pause.  “I – I – I love you, Daddy,” I heard.

I put the phone down for a moment and hurriedly grabbed my Stoya Fleshlight, some lube, and picked up the phone again.  Lo was screaming.  I could hear Robert smacking her ass.

“Daddy, I love you,” she repeated.

I slid the prosthetic vagina down on my cock.  I held the phone with my left hand and slid the contraption up and down with my right.  I listened to Lo getting fucked.  She was calling out, “Harder.  Harder.  Deeper.  Cum in my ass.  Cum deep in my ass.”  As she was saying that, I thought of how Robert came in her mouth after fucking her ass yesterday.

“Daddy,” she said into the phone, “I want him to cum in my ass.  Do you want him to cum in my ass too?”

My eyes were shut.  I was vividly imagining her bent over his dresser, Robert behind her, looking at her tits swinging in the mirror as he fucked her from behind.  I pictured her left hand holding the phone to her ear and her right hand moving back to her ass, pulling her right cheek to spread as wide as she could go for him to bury his long dick in her bum.  Maybe she was fingering her hole as well.

I heard her ramping up, going into the overture to her orgasm.

I slid Stoya’s cunt up and down more vigorously and I could feel my cuckolded cum rising to the surface.  Lo launched into her operatic aria and I could hold out no longer.  I came and came deep inside Stoya as Robert came deep inside Lola.

A perfect triple play!

After we all were able to bask in the beauty of the trifecta, Lo stayed on the phone with me as Robert went to clean up.

“Did you like that, Daddy?” she asked.

“You.  Are.  Amazing,” was all I could say.

“Do you like seeing him make me cum, Daddy?”

“I didn’t see you,” I said, confused.

“I meant yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said.  “You’re a dirty, dirty girl.”

“Am I bad?”

I changed the topic, fearing she’d get all riled up again.  “Is Imogen still there?” I asked.

“Oh her?  No.  She woke up, I think a little embarrassed and very hungover, and we called her a cab.  She only had fragments of memory from last night, but she asked me to say something nice to you.”

“Oh, and what was that?”

“She really just said, ‘Say something nice to him.’”

I laughed and she did too.  Apparently all was forgiven.  Nothing absolves me of my transgressions like Lola’s seducing men to sodomize her.

Holding On Comes Easy

[Continued from “Lusting for Infidelity“]

Lola and Imogen had gone to bed together, leaving Robert and me alone in the kitchen.  He looked over to me quizzically and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “Oh well.  May the best man win – and this time it was a woman.”

I looked back at him, smirked, and said, “Join me for a drink?”

He put down the towel with which he was drying the dishes, pulled out two tumblers from the cupboard, got some ice and pulled out a bottle of scotch.  He poured a glass for me and one for him.  A heavy pour.  I looked at the bottle and said to him, “Eighteen-years-old.  Old for a whisky, young for a woman.”

He laughed and we went outside by the fire.  Not without irony, we both got under the heavy wool blanket and were side-by-side on the outdoor couch, our feet warmed by the flames in front of us.  We were cozy next to each other, slowly sipping our drinks, laughing, and chatting as we gazed into the flickering light.

As I have mentioned, dear reader, prior to the whole ménage à trois with Lo, Robert and I were actually good friends and closely collaborating colleagues.  But ever since Lo literally and metaphorically came between us, we have grown apart.  It was good to share a drink, share a laugh, share a blanket, and share a bed with him without sharing Lo’s body for a change.

We got to talking about philosophy, art, and poetry.  In a reflective voice, I said to Robert: “We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go.  For holding on comes easily; we do not need to learn it.”

“What’s that from?” he asked.

“Rilke’s ‘Requiem.’  One of his most beautiful poems,” I said.

We both pondered the words in silence when, out of the darkness, who should appear but Lo, bare-assed as the day she was born.  She was tiptoeing toward us.

“Isn’t this cute,” she said, looking at the two of us, “two penises in a pod.”

“That’s not the expression,” I said.

“Shut up and make room for me,” she said, “it’s freezing out.”

Robert and I each moved to our respective sides and Lo nestled her naked body between the two of us.  “What are you two up to?” she asked, suggestively.

“Just reciting poetry,” said Robert.

“Really?!”

“Yes,” I said  “And what have you and Imogen been up to?”

“Nothing,” she said with a pout.  “She just fell right to sleep.  That’s why I’m here now.”

“Because you’re interested in reciting poetry by firelight under the stars?” I asked.

“What a romantic,” said Lo, rubbing my leg under the blanket.  “No, because I’m interested in seeing which one of you is going to cum first.  My money is on HH since he didn’t cum earlier.”

As she said this, she was reaching down my pants with her right hand and reaching down Robert’s pants with her left, fumbling for our firewood.

“My hands are so cold,” she said.  “Warm them up.”

Each of us loosened our belts and undid our pants so she could have an easier time creating friction for her chilly palms.  Her tits were exposed to the cool air and her nipples were hard.  She turned to Robert first and kissed him for a bit and then she turned to me and entwined her tongue with mine, never letting go of her twin possessions.

Soon both Robert and I were turned toward her, our rods pointing at her as she stroked them masterfully.  Robert was fondling her breasts and I was reaching down to her puss.  I could feel how wet she was.  She could feel how hard I was.  I know she felt my cock throbbing in her hand, ready to explode.  She held even more tightly.  Soon I was ejaculating in rhythmic spurts all over her hips.  When I was done, I stood up and let her lick me clean, allowing Robert to see my flaccid manhood in her mouth.  Then it was his turn and he covered her in his own icing as she gave him the attention he needed at the moment.  He imitated my actions by standing up to allow her lick the very last drops from his cock.

When she was done, she said, “I’m going to take a shower.  You two get naked and I’ll meet you in bed.”

Both Robert and I did as we were told and Lo arrived in bed soon thereafter.  Robert, who had cum twice that evening, was depleted.  I was no better.  Lo engaged in a lengthy session of self-service before falling asleep between the two of us.

Lusting for Infidelity

Lusting for Infidelity

[Continued from “A Little Side-Hustle“]

Luckily for me, Lo came to my rescue.  Just as Imogen was leaning in, her eyes locked with mine and her lips lusting for infidelity, her cleavage consciously hoisted to my attention, Lo suddenly appeared between us and said, “I could use your help now.”

Taken aback by the interruption, Imogen recoiled and looked bewildered at Lo who was crouching in front of the two of us.

“We’re moving the party outside,” said Lo, “Could you please help me with taking out some blankets and the desserts?”

Robert had a fireplace outside, the center of an alcove where he had set up an exterior living room with lounge chairs and couches.  Robert was getting the fire lit as Lo and Imogen carried the sweets outside along with warm coffee and strong drinks.

I was helping and at one point, as Lo and I were passing each other, her eyes stopped me in my tracks.  She looked wicked, wilily, and wanton.  What could that look mean?  I had no idea, but my guilty conscience led me to believe I was in deep trouble with her already.

When we were all outside, sitting around the fire, chatting, I deliberately tried to make conversation with anyone but Imogen.  But, pretty soon my small-talk options were reduced to one, for soon after dessert, the Aussie guests thanked their hosts – Robert and Lola – and departed.  All except Imogen.  What to do about Imogen?

Lo and Robert were lying down under a heavy blanket on one of the couches as Imogen and I were next to each other in two chairs.  I had one eye on Lo and one on Imogen, carefully treading and dreading my next move.  I could see Lo whisper something to Robert.  Then Robert asked me to help him clean up, saying, “Lo has done quite enough, the least we could do is chip in on the easy part.”  I welcomed his invitation and then he and I went inside to collect the dishes, glasses, serving trays, etc.  We were in the kitchen making some forced chit-chat while the ladies were outside.

The next thing I knew, the two of them came in and said they were going to bed in the master bedroom, leaving the two of us out in the cold.

A Little Side Hustle

 

[Continued from “The Dinner Party“]

Soon the guests had arrived.  Because they were an international contingent traveling together, they all arrived together rather than in drips and drabs.  There were eight of them; two women and four men.

Thank goodness it was buffet style and not a sit-down dinner because with those numbers and pairings I would have been the odd-man-out.  Or, at least that was my first thought.  But then, as the guests were introduced to me, I had a follow-up thought: If Lola is Robert’s partner, then that means, for all intents and purposes to these folks, I am single, available, and, I hope, an attractive American catch!  Ah-ha!  Two can play at Lola’s little game!

Yes, each of the Aussies were introduced to me, but I’m horrible at names.  The only name I remembered was Imogen.  Of the two female guests, she was the older, more mysterious, more attractive, and more married.  It also helped that she was named after a Shakespearian character.  She looked like she was thrilled to be so far away from home where what happens here stays here.  I was very pleased to make her acquaintance.

Imogen had sandy blonde hair and hazel eyes.  She had a very casual, relaxed attitude and was dressed in tight jeans with heels and a very sheer, sleeveless white top.  When she drank, it was with her left hand and that gesture displayed her very large, prominent wedding ring.  I’ll admit, I was also taken in by her accent and foreign phrases.

The guests mingled and made small-talk and Lo played her part to a tee.  She kept her left hand in the nook of Robert’s right arm and positively glowed as he introduced her to each of his colleagues as his partner.  Her eyes sparkled and her mouth was inviting.

Small dishes and appetizers were served.  Wine was poured.  Eventually we all found our way to the living room where there was ample seating.  Lo brought out a tray of cheese and crackers and other little bites and placed it on the low coffee table in the center.  As she bent over to carefully set it down, I could see up her short black skirt.  So could others, I’m sure.  She looked so dainty in full hospitality mode.  Little would anyone suspect that Robert had been ramming his rod up her beautiful Betty Boop just a little while ago.

She took her “proper” place next to Robert on the couch.  Her right hand was gently, maybe unconsciously, stroking up and down his pantleg as she would normally do to me when we had company at our house.  It was a surreal feeling, as if we had broken up and now I was viewing her with her new man at a soiree that we both, coincidentally, happened to attend.  However, every now and again she would glance my way and give me a knowing look, as if to say, “This is all just show.  I’m going to jump your bones tonight ’cause this is making me so horny.”

I positioned myself next to Imogen and made some small talk with her.  I expressed exaggerated interest in her, looking deep into her eyes and feigning a strong connection to whatever she said.  Occasionally I gave a sidelong glance at Lo to insure that she was seeing my Academy-worthy performance as much as I was a witness to hers.  Maybe I overplayed my hand.  Soon Imogen was actually making the moves on me!  I mean, I liked her and found her attractive, but I certainly wasn’t looking for anything other than a counterpoint to Lo’s cruel counterfeit.

I got up and made my way to the kitchen.  Lo followed, excusing herself in order to get some of the entrée.  She stomped right up to me and in a hushed voice she threatened, “You stop your little flirtation or you will be sorry.  You hear me?”

“Lo,” I stammered.  “I was hardly flirting.”

“Oh, that’s so interesting,” she mocked my voice.  “Keep it up and. . .”

“And what?” I taunted.  “You’ll sleep with Robert?”

She stomped her foot, but quietly.  She abruptly turned and opened the oven to get the fish.  As she was bending over to take it out using oven mitts, who should appear next to me but Imogen!  “Can I help you with that?” she asked, her lovely accent making the question sound almost like a lilting melody.

“Oh no,” said Lo, “I’ve got it.  It’s just hot, but nothing I can’t handle.”  She was being as pleasant as pie, but I knew her too well and thus was aware that this was her “I’ll kill you with kindness” voice.

Lo brought out all the food and we all ate and drank to excess.  Imogen was uncomfortably cordial toward me.  But the more drinks I got in me, the less concerned about Lo’s feelings I was.

Lo, for her part, was playing the dutiful girlfriend and hanging on Robert’s arm, laughing at his every banal witticism.  Her sparkle, I must admit, brought real life and charm to the party.

After a good deal of indulging, Lo brought out the dessert tray and cozied up next to Robert on the couch again.  In the position she was sitting, I could see her cute tum rolls and it drove me wild!  I watched intently as she ate one delicacy after another, picking up the confections with her fingers and popping them into her mouth.  I thought of how I was feeding her before the guests arrived.  She must have seen me dreaming, because she looked right at me as she seductively put a chocolate truffle into her mouth.

After that, for me, the night wore on.  I just wanted to be alone with Lo, to feed her in both literal and metaphoric ways.  But there still was the problem of Imogen.  She became more and more flirtatious, placing her hand on my knee and occasionally moving close enough to me on the couch that her shoulder and mine were touching.

I felt that I was at an inflection point.  I could take one more drink and throw caution to the wind, indulging Imogen’s interests while ignoring Lo’s warnings.  Or I could cut myself off and take control of the situation.  The former prospect was fraught with problems and so was the latter, especially since I had very knowingly led my Australian married friend to believe that I was truly interested in her.  I knew which was the right choice, but neither was an easy choice.

The Dinner Party

[Continued from, “Feed it to Me.”]

“Daddy,” asked Lo, “if it’s ok with you, when the guests arrive, I’d like to pretend for the night that I’m Robert’s girlfriend.”

I raised my eyebrows as a confused bunch of emotions swirled in my mind.  Of course one of those emotions was arousal.  But there was also intrigue, surprise, befuddlement, and a twinge of hurt and even a sliver of jealousy.  Why wouldn’t she be ok with introducing me as her partner?  Why the rouse?  All of these thoughts flooded my mind, but then, at the flash of her pearly whites and her sexy red tongue gliding over them seductively, I could see that the real reason for the roleplay was because it excited her.

She liked the thought of taunting me, making me jealous, leaving me in the cold – the third-wheel as she got to be the center of attention.  So, what was I to do?  I capitulated and she gave me a devoted little peck on the cheek as a reward.

She practically danced back to Robert to give him the good news and I saw his face light up.  I imagine he has felt a bit awkward as a middle-aged single guy in a mostly coupled world.  And that awkwardness couldn’t have been diminished at all by coming to our house at all hours of the night for a booty call with Lola.  So, her little charade for the evening’s entertainment must have boosted his confidence.

“You know,” I said to Lo at one point before the guests arrived, “there’s a job for what you do.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, clearly delighted by her acting role.

“It’s called ‘girlfriend rental,’ or something like that.  I saw an article about it a while ago.  Men who don’t have girlfriends can hire a woman to be their date for a company function or even for Thanksgiving!”

“Hmmmmm, interesting,” she pondered, “a little side-hustle.”

For All and None

Recently it was the 200th anniversary of Herman Melville’s birth and just about every report of the event included the phrase, “died in near obscurity.”  This phrase, “near obscurity” has been bouncing around in my head.  What is meant by “near” exactly?  I understand obscurity.  By far, the vast majority of authors die in obscurity, that is why, other than those whom I have personally known, I cannot name any of them.  But what constitutes near obscurity for an author?  Nietzsche, too, died in near obscurity.  One might even say that Thoreau died in almost complete obscurity.  Same with Zora Neale Hurston, Emily Dickinson, and Sylvia Plath.  For each of these luminaries of literature, at the time of their deaths, either the light of their past glory had faded or, like Kafka, they never had any fame during their brief tenures above ground but, due to unforeseen assistance from the universe, their stars began to rise only after their mortal flames had expired.

Like you, I have frequently seen the bumper sticker advice of: Dance like no one is watching.  Recently, though, I came across someone whose blog bio read: Write like no one is reading.  (Unfortunately, that author’s name has escaped me, and so she must remain, to me at least, obscure.)  That quip really stuck with me, just like the phrase “near obscurity.”  These two adages knocked around in my brain like billiard balls.

Writing as if no one is reading is a liberating thought.  It is permission.  It is license.  It is dangerous and risky.  And so, perhaps, living, writing, and even dying “in near obscurity” isn’t so bad after all.

(It’s also important to recall that “obscurity” has a second meaning as well: unclear, difficult to understand, complex.  Maybe that characterization doesn’t apply so much to this blog, but much of my writing would be aptly described as “almost totally obscure” in both senses of the word.)

When I look at our blog stats and I see that there are over one million views and over a thousand comments on the blog, not to mention all the other eyeballs watching Lola and me in our most intimate prose in other platforms around the blogosphere, and leaving out all the books we have sold over the years, I suddenly realize that there certainly are readers of what I’m writing.  Yet, when you compare the numbers, it is easy to feel as if no one is reading.  Various sources state that in there are approximately 500 million blogs in existence as I write this.  That means that even if we round up all the various platforms upon which we appear to five million views, then that doesn’t even comprise 1% of just the writers out there, let alone the readers!  Yes, multiple blogs may be owned by one person and writers are also readers, but you get my mathematical point, right? – Though people are reading the blog, it is “nearly obscure,” given the vastness of the virtual universe.

But the injunction to write like no one is reading is not saying that I shouldn’t have any audience at all.  It’s saying to write as if the audience didn’t exist, just as I might dance as if all of you beautiful people on the dance floor with me weren’t judging my awkward movements.  If the music so moves me and it gives me joy to dance, however I might express that joy, then, by all means, I dance as if no is watching.  Same with writing.

Yet you million or so people out there, and especially you lovely likeminded literary leches out there who write to us – you do read us and thereby keep us from the cold uninhabited reaches of the blogosphere where we would be in complete obscurity.  For that we thank you.

Best Picture (Fan Fiction)

Be sure to read “A Picture is Worth a Thousand Orgasms” first.

Rory & Lorelai

            Lo got me up from my slumber.  Well, part of me was already up since she wouldn’t let me climax earlier in the night.  She had been switching off watching episodes of “Gilmore Girls” and MILF porn since I had nodded off.  Now she was ready for a second helping and she had been coaxing my cock to an upright and locked position prior to my regaining consciousness. 

            “Daddy,” she whispered sweetly, leaning over so take my meat in her mouth. 

            “Yes Lo?”

            “Can I tell you what I was thinking about?”

            “What’s that, Lo?”

            She took a few more licks and then she lay down next to me, her fingers stroking between her legs.  That’s when she told me what she had been viewing. 

            “I imagine,” she began, “Jess and Dean arrive at Lorelai’s house at the same time, each thinking that he’s going on a date with Rory.  When they meet on the porch, each carrying a bouquet of flowers, they stare each other down and then exchange some snide words.  Rory hears the voices and comes to the door.”  At this point, Lo began acting out the scene.  A little known talent of Lo’s is that she’s a great actor, just not in front of an audience. 

            Rory – What is going on?!

            Jess – Why don’t you tell us?  I thought we had a date.

            Rory – You and Dean?

            Dean – This is no time for jokes, Rory.  You and I had a date tonight.

            Rory – Wait here.

            Rory runs upstairs to Lorelai. 

            Rory – I’ve got a problem that makes Elizabeth Bennet look positively quaint.

            Lorelai – Really Rory?  I can’t find my coffee maker.  And you think you got troubles.

            Rory – You’re looking in your bedroom.  Did you try the kitchen?

            Lorelai – Of course I tried the kitchen.  That’s why I’m in the bedroom. 

            Rory – Did you bring coffee to bed?

            Lorelai – Maaaaaybeeee. 

            Rory – Why don’t you just go to Luke’s and get his coffee?

            Lorelai – And bring him to bed?
            Rory – No!  Anyway, can you help me or not?

            Lorelai – Not until I have my coffee. 

Rory – (Sitting down on a pile of laundry.  She picks up dirty panties and a bra and discovers a coffee maker.)  Here!

            Lorelai – You are destined for Harvard!

            They walk downstairs.

            Rori – . . . and so I guess I told both of them I’d go out with them tonight. 

            Lorelai – Nothing wrong with a ménage à trois.

            Rori – Mom!

Lorelai – What?  I’m just saying, if it’s good enough for Lou Salomé, it’s good enough for you.

            Rori – Her name was Lou Salomé, but you know everyone called her Loose.

            Lorelai – Rory!  You know I’ve taught you not to slut-shame!

            Rori – Can we get back to the. . .

Suddenly they hear thuds from the porch.  They run to the front door.  Jess and Dean are throwing punches and wrestling.  Lorelai separates them by getting between them. 

            Lorelai – Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Calm down! 

Both of the boys are roughed up and Jess is bleeding from the nose and Dean has a black eye.  Rori runs to get a towel and ice.  She returns and gives the ice to Dean and applies to the towel to Jess’ nose. 

Dean – Oh, so you take care of him and just give me a cold sack of ice?! 

Rori – He’s bleeding!

Dean – And I have a black eye!

Jess – And I’ll give you another. 

Dean – Oh yeah?

Lorelai holds down Dean while Rory holds down Jess. 

Rory – I’ve had enough of both of you! 

Rory runs off into the night. 

Lorelai and the boys go inside the house and they sit in the kitchen while Lorelai brews coffee. 

Lorelai – I can’t believe you two.  You act like cavemen.  Don’t you know how to treat a woman? 

Jess – [Ashamed.]  No.  My mom was never around.

Lorelai – Oh yeah.  I forgot sweetheart.  [She puts her hands through his hair.]

Dean – I was just. . . well, I guess I just am so damn jealous. 

Lorelai – It’s not jealousy, Dean, it’s hormones.  You’re all backed up with testosterone.  When’s the last time you jacked it?

Dean – Wwwwwwhat?

Lorelai – You know: chocked the chicken, spanked the monkey, beat the meat.

Dean – I, I, I. . .

Lorelai – You see, you’re just too uptight.  You have to learn to relax a little bit.  [She runs her hand down his chest to his crotch.]  Look, I think I know how we can find a way for the two of you to work together.  Follow me.

The three of them go up to the bedroom.  Lorelai strips naked and pulls down their jeans.  She positions Jess in front of her and Dean behind her and bends over.  The two of them are going at it with her and she’s about to cum when in walks Luke. 

Luke – What the hell is going on here?!

Lorelai – [With a mouth full of Jess’ cock.]  I can explain.

Luke – Explain?!  Rory said you’d probably need me to break up a fight and make some coffee.

At that point Lorelai positions Jess below her so his cock is in her puss with Dean’s.

Lorelai – Come here, Luke.  If you’re hung anything like Jess, then – I never thought I’d say this – the coffee can wait. 

            When Lo was done acting all this out, she pulled out her two dildos, putting both in her puss and taking me in her mouth, going at me like never before.  I finally came deep in her throat and she came in convulsions that shot out the two dildos followed by a cascade of girly juice. 

            “Holy shit!” she said. 

            “Holy shit is right,” I said.  “You deserve an Academy Award for best writing, direction, acting, and best picture.”