Protected: Putting the “Fun” back in “Fundamentalism” – Part V: Divine Degradation

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Protected: Putting the Fun Back in “Fundamentalism” – Part II: Satan’s Scrivener

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Crisscross

It was Labor Day weekend.  The COVID numbers were down low.  Lo Down’s libido was up high.  She always wants summer to last forever, but this particular year she was fearing the worst about the fall and winter.  Predictions were dire.  After her relaxed restrictions with MILF Meri and the brothers, she was increasingly feeling like a cornered animal as the days grew shorter.

Though her camping trip with MILF Meri and her son was way more than she had anticipated and it resulted in a couple of weeks of added anxiety, it seemed that the whole matter had just blown over.  She and Meri had been in frequent communication together, trying to suss out implications of their rendezvous.  Nothing seemed to come of it, to their great relief.

At the same time, they had been conspiring to create a way for Lo to politely bow out of her irregularly scheduled, but frequent, meetings with the brothers and for Meri to have an extramarital affair that could fulfill her desire for young, virile, and large cock, without her having to look too close to home.  Occam’s Razor – simply swap Meri for Lo as the brothers’ playmate of choice and Lo for Meri at home.  But the best laid fans require groundwork.  Lo and Meri set their minds to pulling off the switcheroo.  The opening gambit was introductions.

A backyard barbeque, socially distant, with only a few select guests presented itself as the most appropriate, convenient, and expeditious option.  To our little affair, Lo invited the brothers and Meri.

You might recall that the last time the brothers had paid a booty-call to Lo, they brought over a little something.  After they left, I said to Lo, “That sure is a big package.”

“Whose, Gary’s or Roy’s?” Lo asked.

“Whichever one left it.”  I still don’t know who is who.  It’s not like we engage in any actual conversation when they come over to pay a visit.  That is, when they pay a visit to cum over Lo.

“Oh,” sung Lo, “that package.  I thought you were talking about something else.”

The brothers had left something on the living room coffee table before they abruptly left.

“You know Lo,” I said, thinking about the way they treat her, “those two had better not go into the stock market.”

“What makes you say that?” she asked, picking up the big box and looking at it with curiosity.

“Because their only technique is classic pump and dump.”

“Funny,” she said with sarcasm.

“And you had better get out of the stock market.”

“What?” she asked, confused.

“You cause things to get over heated and that leads to dangerous inflation.”

“You are taxing the economic analogies,” she said.

“And you’re a quick wit.”

“And a faster fuck.”

“What’s in the box?” I asked, returning to the large item on the coffee table.

Lo picked it up, shook it, and then slowly slid off the top.

“Oh, look at that!  The brothers’ mother sent over a little thank you gift.”

“Is it a large box of condoms?”

“No, silly.  Besides, it would be a box of large condoms for those two!”

“Then what is it?”

Out of the box she pulled a hefty blue glass vase.

“Isn’t that sweet,” I said, “a wide receptacle in which to place long stems.”

“Enough of the single-entendre.  There’s a note.  ‘Dear Lola, Thank you so much for all your care and concern for my boys.  They have told me how sweet you are to them and, as their mother, I appreciate it.’  That was nice.”

“Little does she know how sweet you are to them!”

“Let’s hope so,” said Lo.

We hadn’t seen them since then.  Lo was busy with her MILF Meri.  And the brothers, well, who knows what those boys were up to.

But now Lo and Meri had it all perfectly choreographed.  The brothers were to join and finally meet MILF Meri who had been keen to bed them ever since Lo hatched this plan.  Matchmakers’ schemes rarely ever come off without a hitch and this was no exception.  As if still attached to his mother by the umbilical cord, MILF Meri’s youngest son, the one who tagged along for Lo and Meri’s camping weekend, also came, uninvited, to the BBQ.  As if that wasn’t bad enough to upend Lo and Meri’s machinations, Roy or Gary (I still can’t tell them apart, though they’re not identical twins or even twins at all!) brought his girlfriend, unannounced.  The young, innocent doe was everything Lo despises in a female competitor (and let’s face it, she views almost all females as competitors).  The girlfriend was a thin waif with long blonde hair, big blue eyes, and she was quite young – still in high school.  She wore a cutoff t-shirt, proudly displaying her midriff and navel piercing, almost displaying her underboob, and she wore tight blue denim shorts (fashionably ripped and faded of course), and flip-flops.

The moment she walked into the back yard with one of the brothers, I could see Lo’s soul fuming, even as Lo pleasantly said, “No, it’s not a problem at all that you came.  What’s your name?”  The word façade is from the word face and Lo’s face was a true façade – concealing her inner green-eyed slayer.

“Ell, short for Ella.  Everyone calls me Ell,” she said with a bubbly, vapid smile.

“And you’re whose girlfriend?” I asked, impolitely, reinforcing the interchangeability of the siblings in my mind.

“Gary’s, of course,” she said, grabbing his arm.  I took note that Gary was wearing a blue shirt and Roy wore a black shirt.

“I see.  How long have you been dating?” I asked, offering them a drink.

“No alcohol,” called Lo over her shoulder as she eavesdropped on our conversation.  “She’s not old enough.”

I passed Ell a ginger ale.

“We started dating just before COVID.  It’s been so difficult,” she complained, “because his mother has been so strict about him and Roy seeing anyone.  We’ve only been able to meet in person once or twice since then and all without his mother’s knowledge.”

“Please don’t say anything about her being here today, HH,” requested Gary.  Those were, perhaps, the most words he had ever spoken to me, though he had been banging Lola all through COVID, along side his brother.

“Oh, I can keep a secret.  Rest assured,” I replied, well aware that his trysts with Lo were a secret to innocent, young Ell as well as his ever-watchful and protective mother.

“Thanks,” said Ell, flirtatiously with me.  It was transparently obvious that she was trying to use her sex-appeal to get me on her side.  “And you’re Lola’s father?” was her follow-up question.

Before I could answer, either affirmatively or negatively, she added in her bubbly attempt at charm, “I can see the resemblance.”

“Now you’re just flattering me,” I said.  Luckily, Lola was out of earshot and neither Roy nor Gary let on otherwise.  I think they were dumbstruck, metaphorically scratching their heads at Ell’s inappropriate and incorrect question and my hesitance to disabuse her of the notion.  I winked at the boys, including them in my little ruse.  If they were going to implicitly include me in their deception of Ell, then they owed me an old man’s little joke.

MILF Meri approached and introduced herself and her son, as if he needed her to do everything for him.  He too was still in high school.

“You’ll excuse me,” I said, “I have to get the food ready.  I’m sure you all have lots in common.”  I knew very well that the one thing they all had in common was that they all had fucked Lo, with the exception of Ell, who was in the dark about it all.

MILF Meri was wearing a long, flowy orange skirt with a sexy slit that originated at her waist.  She wore a tight tank-top with a bra that accentuated her cleavage.  I wondered if her son knew that she was attending this party specifically to seduce the brothers.

“Looks like you have some rearranging to do,” I said when I met Lo in the kitchen.

“What do you mean?”

“MILF Meri has her horny son hanging on her and Gary brought a third-wheel who’s not you.”

“I’m never the third wheel,” she protested.  “If anything, I’m the hub at the center.”

“You mean the hole that fits the axle?”

“Whatever.  I’m a well-oiled machine.”

“With lots of horsepower.”

She laughed and said, “Do you think you can distract Shell?”

“Shell?” I asked.  “Her name is Ell.”

“Whatever,” said Lo dismissively, “she’s a shell of a person.”

“Just because she’s young, blonde, stick-skinny, and flirting with me doesn’t mean. . .”

“Flirting with you?!”

“Yes.  Is that so surprising?  You should know better than anyone that I am irresistibly attractive to younger women.”

“Get out of here before I turn you into a gelding!” she said, raising the knife she was using to cut the tomatoes.

I quickly left with a laugh and returned to our company in the backyard.  Soon after, Lo emerged with a plate of appetizers.

“Help yourselves.  HH will fire up the grill and take your orders,” she said cheerfully.

I fulfilled my hosting role, as instructed, and Lo disappeared back inside.  Little did I know at the time that Gary had followed her, leaving his girlfriend to talk to me while I put the meat over the flame.

“I wish you had told me you were bringing Ell,” said Lo to Gary, reproachfully.

“I’m sorry Lo, but she insisted.  I couldn’t say no.”

“You couldn’t?  It’s not your house.  You could have just said that it’s an invitation-only party and she wasn’t invited.”

“It’s not as simple as that,” said Gary, meekly.

“What is it, then?”

“Well, I was hoping she’d meet you.”

“Me?  Why?”

“Well,” he began without confidence, “she’s just not like you.”

“Few women are.  Few men are, for that matter.”

“I mean, she’s so inexperienced.  In bed, that is.  She doesn’t do the things you do.”

“Of course not,” said Lo matter-of-factly, “she’s a skinny chick.”

“What does that mean?” asked Gary.

“Come with me,” she said, grabbing his belt buckle and leading him out of the kitchen, down the hall, to the bathroom.  She shut and locked the door.  She got naked.  She sat on the toilet and unbuckled Gary’s belt, unzipped his pants, pulled out his cock and took it in her mouth.  He was very hard.  She peed and looked up at him, saying, “Guys use me.  I’ll do what a skinny chick won’t.  Would Ell do this?”

Gary reached down and pulled Lo’s head closer to him, causing her to envelop his meat with her mouth until it was in the back of her throat.  While he was enjoying Lola’s oral pleasures, he glanced out the window into the backyard where he could see his girlfriend chatting with me.

Lo pulled her head back.

“Uh uh,” she cautioned.  “You need to stay eager for your girlfriend.”  She wiped, flushed, got up, bent over the sink until her bare rear was pressing up against Gary’s cock.

As she washed her hands, he attempted to penetrate her.  “Can I have you, really quickly?”

“Na-ah,” she said, denying him.

“Just two minutes,” he pleaded.

“I’ll give you one minute.  In my ass.”

Lo reached in the medicine cabinet, took out a tube of lube and circled it around and then in her special spot.  Gary slid right in.  He was desperately trying to cum in under sixty seconds.  Lo was bent over the sink taking it and keeping track of the time.  She had no intention of letting him cum.  She needed him hard for MILF Meri.

At the sixty-second mark, Lo pulled forward and got on her knees, taking Gary in her mouth and looking up at him with a smile.

She could have easily coaxed him to cum in her mouth, but she released him and stood up, saying to him, “You see, boys use me when a skinny chick just won’t do.”  She kissed him, open-mouthed, for a long time while her hand held his hard cock in her palm.  “Maybe I should get a t-shirt that says that,” she mused, “Use me when a skinny girl just won’t do.”

She got dressed and led him out of the bathroom.  Luckily for both of them, the coast was clear.

Back in the kitchen, Lo continued with the food prep as if nothing had happened, but Gary was stunned by Lo’s revelation about the difference between thick and thin.  He was thinking it over as Lo washed some cucumbers.

“You mean,” he began to formulate a question.

“Pass me the pepper,” said Lo, with no time to spare for looking deep in his eyes and explaining the finer facts of life to him.

He passed the pepper unconsciously.  His mind was elsewhere.  “All the stuff you do. . . in bed. . . that. . .”  He didn’t even know how to phrase it.

“Look,” said Lo, “I’m not saying every skinny chick is a missionary-two-minute-no orgasm-might-as-well-fuck-a-slice-of-warm-pie chick.  I’m just saying that if you want to have what you have with me, you should be looking at a woman more like Meri.  Fish where the fish are, you know?”

“Meri?” he said with shock.  “That kid’s mom out there?”

“Yep.”

“But she’s married.  A mom.  A –”

“Amazing in bed!” Lo said, interrupting his slack-jawed confusion.

“What?”

“She’s a fucking animal in bed.  I should know.”

“You and Meri. . . ?”

“That surprises you?”

“Um, well, ur. . . she’s married,” he protested again.  “And a mom.”

“You have to stop seeing only labels.  She’s a woman of flesh-and-blood.  She has needs, wants, desires, drives.  I’m with HH.  That doesn’t stop me.  Or you.  Or your brother.  Or Meri.  Or her son.”

“Her son?!”

“Never mind I said that,” said Lo, happy to have planted the seed of jealousy.  “You should see her tits,” continued Lo.  “Here, will you carry this out to HH?” she asked, handing him a plate of hotdogs.  “Tell him I’m done with them.”

“You didn’t. . . ?”

“No, I’m just kidding,” said Lo.  “Or am I?  Not to worry, I have lots of fresh, long, stiff cucumbers.”

Gary went outside with the dogs and, no sooner had he left than Meri walked into the kitchen.

“What the actual fuck?!” asked Meri dramatically.

“I don’t know,” said Lo, preparing the steak, “what?”

“You didn’t tell me his girlfriend would be here.”

“I assure you, I didn’t know.  But really, remember the story of the kettle and the stove?”

“What?”

“You come in here accusing me of inviting Gary’s girlfriend and you show up with your son.  He couldn’t stay home and make himself a pb&j?”

“I had no intention of. . .”

“After what happened last time, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Lo, really, I. . .”

Lola wasn’t in any mood to hear yet another excuse for why Mamma’s Boy was tagging along with MILF Meri to the party Lola planned especially for Meri to hook up with the brothers.

“You’re making my job a lot more difficult, you know.”

“What did Gary have to say to you?”

“Gary?”

“Yeah.  He was just in here with you, wasn’t he?”

“He wants me to turn his inexperienced, prudish, girlfriend into a slutty sex goddess like me.”

“Ha!  Good luck!”

“I redirected his attention to you.”

“That’s my good little pimp,” said Meri as she grabbed Lo around the waste to give her a kiss.

Just then, her son barged into the kitchen.

“Ma,” he whined, not realizing what he was interrupting.

“What?” asked Meri, turning away from Lo.

“Oh, come on, Mom!  Give it a rest.  Can’t you be around her for more than a minute without trying to get in her pants?”

“I imagine your intentions for coming with me were lily-white!”

He turned around, walked out, and slammed the door behind him.

During all of this, I was talking with Ell.  Since Lo had invited all of her paramours here, I figured I had license to make her just a tad jealous while also teasing the unfortunate girl.

She and I had struck up a pleasant conversation, but she eventually asked to use the bathroom.  I told her where it was and watched as she disappeared inside just as Lo was returning to the party with the salad bowl.

Lo loves to play hostess to large crowds.  One of the most painful sacrifices she had to give up for COVID has been throwing parties.  Well, that is the second most painful sacrifice for her.  The first, of course, was no longer being the community cockbox.  But the brothers had helped mollify her.  She delights in feeding people and seeing them enjoy in her food and drink.  I think that on some deeper psychological level that primal pleasure is connected with the sexual satisfaction she seeks from providing for others to feast on her carnal sweets.  It is as if feeding people is how Lo vicariously fucks them.

Soon after, Ell returned and, acting glad to be in my company, picked up the conversation where she had left off.

“Where do you live?” she inquired of me.

“Oh, I live here, with Lola.”

“Is this your apartment?” she asked, a little surprised.

“I share it with Lo,” I said, matter-of-factly.

“Just you two?”

“Yes.  Why?”

“Well, I didn’t mean to snoop or pry, but I couldn’t help seeing all those photos of you two inside.”

“We make a great couple, don’t you think?”

I could see her effervescence flattening as she continued learning about us.

“Does she have a boyfriend?” she asked, clearly disturbed by what she had seen.

“Many,” I replied, truthfully.  “And a few girlfriends too.”

Now I could see the wheels turning.  She was wondering if I was misunderstanding her questions.  Maybe I was so old that I wasn’t clear what she was trying to get at, she thought.

Just then, Lo came over to me and slid her arm around my waist.  “What are you two talking about?” she asked, giving me a kiss on the lips to emphasize to Ell Lo’s complete ownership of me.

Ell seemed to blanch.

“We were just talking about you and all your boyfriends and girlfriends,” I said.

Lo let out a little laugh and said, in a show of confidential solidarity with Ell, “He’s very good to me.  He lets me do whatever I want.”

“I see,” was all Ell could muster.

“The bedroom has had a lot less traffic since the pandemic, but every once in a while she still asks that I sleep on the couch to allow her and her lover some privacy.”

“And a bed,” said Lo, confused by Ell’s outrage.  “Only I’m allowed to play.  He’s not.”

“That’s fine by me,” I said, with a wink to Ell, “with a beauty like Lola, it would be a sin to keep her all to myself.  But she always asks permission first.”

“He’s so paternalistic,” commented Lo, “But that’s ok by me, because of my daddy issues.”  Lo let out a little laugh as if it were a joke with a hint of seriousness, but poor Ell was horrified.

“I, I, I think I have to get going.”

“So soon?” asked Lo.  “We haven’t even gotten started yet.”

Ell walked over to Gary.

“Strange girl,” remarked Lo.

“Yes, but cute,” I said to get Lo’s goat.

She elbowed me playfully in the stomach.

“Keep it in your pants, old man,” Lo said, “she’s in high school.”

“Like you have the moral high-ground in that regard.”

“Whatever.  If you want her, you can have her.  I’m much better and badder.”

“Oh Darling, you know I’m only teasing you.”

“Such a big tease,” Lo said sarcastically.

“Speaking of tease, I guess I should also let you in on something.”

“What’s that?”

“Ell thinks I’m your father, not your lover.”

“What?!”

“Or, rather, I guess she now thinks that I’m your father and your lover.”

“Oh boy!  That’s why she had to leave so quickly.”

“Yep.”

Roy, Gary, and Ell were sitting together on one side of the small backyard patio, while Meri and her son were on the other side.  Lo and I were by the grill.  We knew something had to be done to get these groups to mingle more.

Just then, to my great surprise, Lily made an appearance in our backyard, sans Jim.  I had no idea she was invited.  Was she?

In any case, this new addition served a convenient purpose.  Lily’s stag arrival allowed her to mingle within and among the three distinct groups of people: the brothers and Ell; MILF Meri and her son; Lo and me.  However, it also made Lo and Meri’s design a little more complicated, for the brothers were captivated by Lily’s beauty and, I surmise, her wedding band.  She was off limits and that is always an attractive feature in a person.

I found out later that Lo had told Lily about our Labor Day garden party and that Lily was extremely curious to meet all the people Lo had been pleasing during the pandemic.  But she was not sure if she would make it since Jim and Lily had another engagement at the same time.  It so turned out that Jim was enjoying himself there more than Lily and so Lily politely excused herself to inspect Lo’s summer conquests.

“Maybe we should introduce an ice-breaker party game?” I suggested to Lo.

“What did you have in mind?”

“We could play find the hidden dildo?”

“That wouldn’t work.  Too many dildos lying around the house.”

“Even better – everyone can be a winner!”

“How about Pin the Butt-plug on the Mommy?”

“MILF Meri?”

“The only mommy here.”

“Sounds like it would take too much skill.”

“Any other ideas?” she asked.

“Each of the women has to hold a beer bottle in her cleavage and pour a sip into a guy’s mouth.”

“You’ve got some perverted ideas,” she said.  “And I like them all.  But that wouldn’t work.  Ell over there is no more than an A-cup.”

We compromised and chose “Heads-Up!” – the charades game you can play using a smart phone.

Lo chose teams: MILF Meri and Gary, Roy and Lola, Lily and me, Ell and Meri’s son.

We played for a little while and as the adult beverages began to work their magic on the adults at the garden party, Meri became gradually more comfortable with Gary and attempted to engage his brother Roy.  Lily and I played nice, but she knew I was off limits and was more interested in teasing out the brothers, creating conflict and friction with Meri.  Finally, Ell and Meri’s son couldn’t have been more awkward together.

We only played a couple of rounds and it became quite clear that Meri and Gary were the hands-down winners of this game.  When it was over, the purpose of the game proved a success – the various parties were mingling and getting to know each other better.

To my consternation, after Lo went inside to prepare dessert, Meri’s son approached me.  He hadn’t said a word to me the entire time.  Not even a hello.  But now he walked up to me and looked starstruck.

“Did you really go to Japan?” he asked.  No introduction.  No small-talk.

“Yes,” I said, politely.

“And studied in a Zen a monastery?”

“That’s right.”

I’m not one to toot my own horn, but he approached me like I was a famous explorer or a celebrity.

“I want to do that someday.”

“I’m sure you will,” I said, mindlessly.

“And Lo really fucked all those guys there?”

He had blurted it out as if it was common knowledge.

“Where’d you hear that?” I asked.

The blog!  And the books!” he said enthusiastically.

“Shhhhh,” I said, pulling him closer to me in confidence.  “Look, it’s all well and good that you know about the blog and have dotingly read every story, but not everyone here knows about it,” I said, looking around at our guests.  “And some of the people here are in the blog.”  Namely: Roy, Gary, and Lily.  Now we can add Ell to the list of characters, I suppose.

“Oh,” he said, comprehending the need for secrecy.  “Well, I guess I just wanted to say, uh, that, I really admire you.”

“Thanks kid.  Good to hear,” I said, feeling like Hemingway.

At the same time Lily had begun to make conversation with Ell.  As I cooked, I eavesdropped.  I don’t know how they got on the topic, but Lily was telling Ell about her time in New York City.

“When I lived there,” she was saying, “I was in a thruple.”

“What’s that?” asked the naïve Ell.

“Well, in my case, it was an older married couple.  They took me into their place.  I had my own bedroom and when either the husband or the wife needed more sexually, they’d page me.  I’d go into the bedroom and service whichever one had need of me.  Sometimes both, but not often.”

Ell’s eyes widened.  Her jaw dropped.  Lily was bragging, but trying to play it as if it were nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary.

“Some nights she wasn’t in the mood, so he’d call me in to help him.  Other nights he might have fucked her, but came too early, so I’d use my mouth on her until she was satisfied.”

“What about you?” asked Ell, engrossed by this alternate lifestyle as if hearing for the first time about an alternate universe.

“Me?  Oh, I got a lot of pleasure from it.  I’m like Lo in that way.  I enjoy pleasing others.”

“Like fucking them?” asked Ell.

“Yeah.  But, with me, I’m chaste.”

Now Ell’s mind looked as if it was about to explode.

“What?” she asked in disbelief.

“I’m what’s known as A.O.L. – anal only lifestyle.”

“So he’d fuck you in the. . .”

“Well, not always,” said Lily nonchalantly.  “Sometimes he would bind my hands behind my back and my ankles together, have me sit kajira, and fuck my mouth.”

“Kajira?  What is that?  A Japanese term?”

“No, Gorean.”

“What?”

I could see that Ell was in for an education in the subtleties of fantasy fiction fan sexual positions, so I made my way over to Meri on the pretense of offering to refill her glass.  She was busy trying to entice both Gary and Roy into her den of maternal delights by speaking to them about sports, specifically hockey, as she feigned not knowing how much cleavage she was showing.  I saw the brothers struggling to keep eye contact with her while they desired to look down the V-neck opening of her tank top.  Simultaneously, the slit of her skirt was sliding further and further up her left leg, revealing just about everything, including her pantiless crotch.

I indicated that I would like to pour her some more wine.  She didn’t even look up at me.  She just waved her hand toward her glass, as if I were a waiter and she was indicating a refill.  She had the boys and she knew it.  She wasn’t going to let anything interrupt the seduction.

Everything seemed to be going fine and now that the awkward introductions were over and we were well past the getting-to-know-you period, time sped by.  Before any of us knew it, the sun had begun to go down and we had seamlessly transitioned from an afternoon lunch to thoughts about dinner.  No one wanted the party to end, especially since, due to lock-down and COVID, we had not spent time with this many other people in a long time.

Lo and I, reading the crowd, but lacking the provisions, discussed what to do.  We finally turned it over to our guests, letting them know that they were welcome to stay, but that we didn’t have enough food for dinner.

Sexy Sushi

After a bit of discussion, Meri suggested Sushi.  She said she’d pay for it and the Grubhub delivery.  Everyone gave Meri their orders and she took care of it.  After she was done with the extensive list that must have cost her over $200.00, she said, half jokingly, “We should make Nyotaimori of it.”

“What?” asked some of our guests.

“Nyotaimori,” she repeated, explaining, “You know, body sushi.”

Most people still looked confused.

“It’s an ancient Japanese tradition of serving sushi on a naked body – a woman’s body, traditionally, but it could be a man’s, I guess.”

“Ewww, that’s gross,” blurted out Ell.

“I think it’s sensual,” replied Lily.  “For a lot of people, the closest they come to embodied existence is eating, and even then they do it mindlessly.  This tradition really drives home the experience of living in the flesh.”

“Maybe it drives it too close to home,” added one of the brothers.

“Do we want to try this?” asked Meri, persistent and clearly eager to do it.

“Who would be the, er, serving table?” asked Ell nervously.

“The host should, of course,” responded Meri, quick to volunteer Lola.

“Oh, I don’t think you want to see me naked,” I chimed in, playfully.

“I wasn’t talking about. . .” began Meri, before she realized I was just joking.

“I’m game,” said Lo.  “Luckily I showered and shaved just before you all got here.  Hun,” she said to me, “will you light the firepit?”

“Sure.”

It was a warm evening, but Lo loves the ambiance of a firepit.  Lighting it wasn’t a problem since it was a propane fueled fire.  Living in the city, we couldn’t have a wood-fueled firepit.  We’re lucky to have a postage stamp sized backyard.

Lo went inside, stripped, put on a bathrobe, grabbed a couple of rarely used blankets, and returned to our company outside.  She spread the blankets on the long-neglected picnic bench and the brothers and I lifted it and moved it to the center of the yard.

Not much later, Meri’s phone alerted her that the food would be delivered momentarily.  She told Lo, who went around front to greet the delivery boy.  He had stopped on the street in front of the apartment building and got out with the large bag of food.  He was about to go in the front door when he saw Lo saunter up the side of the building in her white, plush, terrycloth robe.  He looked startled.

“I’ll take that,” said Lo.

“Meri?” he asked, making sure he was delivering the food to the right person.

“Yes,” replied Lo.

He passed her the bag.  Lo reached out for it, allowing her robe to open slightly in the front, revealing her nakedness.

He cast his eyes away as he scurried off like a frightened deer.  Lo chuckled.  She returned to the crowd in the back.

“Food’s on!” she called, adding, “On me!”

Lo slowly removed her robe and passed it to Roy as she climbed naked up and onto the flat surface of the picnic table covered by the blankets.

While Lo was getting the food, Meri had gone inside to grab a head of lettuce from the fridge.

“The proper way to do this,” she said, authoritatively, “is to place a leaf of lettuce under each piece of food in order to prevent contact between food and skin.”

“Very sanitary,” whispered Ell under her breath sarcastically.

“It actually is quite sanitary.  I had the pleasure of being exposed to this time-honored tradition when I was in Japan many years ago.”

At this point, Lo was the one being ‘exposed’ to the tradition.  She was lying, baring all, on the table and looked, if I do say so, good enough to eat.

Meri took the lead and said to Lo, “You’re going to have to lie perfectly still.  Very shallow breathing.  No sudden moves.  Can you do that?”

“I’ll try,” replied Lo, a little nervous.  It was a lot of sushi that rested literally on her shoulders, and other body parts.

Meri placed the lettuce leaves down on Lo’s body, strategically – breasts, navel, the two corners of her Delta of Venus.  She placed a few more on her legs, and in between the other cardinal points.  Then she began to arrange the sushi pieces delicately on their little lettuce plates.  She arranged the soy sauce, ginger, and wasabi on the table, next to Lo.

“Who’s first?” she asked, handing out chopsticks.

Before anyone could answer, Meri turned to me and said, “I think, as co-host of this evening, you should do the honors.”

I took the chopsticks and found a succulent, deep red slice of tuna sashimi resting right over the topmost part of Lo’s slit.

Picking it up with dexterity, I dipped in the soy sauce and ate it all.  It was fabulous!

Others followed suit.  Ell notably refrained with a disgusted look on her face.  She tried to prevent Gary from indulging, but was completely ineffective.

Perhaps the most notable aspect of this cross-cultural culinary immersion was its lack of eroticism.  At least that was my experience of it.  Lo was so focused on her breath and remaining still that it was more like a meditation session than a sensual, sexual foray in exhibitionism.  The guests were careful to grasp their food in their chopsticks without incident to such an extent that they hardly noticed the body upon which they feasted.  It was only, perhaps, in between bites that one could take in the whole scene and even then, there was so little action on the part of Lo that her seductive charm seemed dormant.

The one aspect of it that did particularly strike a chord for me was that this form of hospitality yoked Lo’s two great loves: stylishly satisfying her guests’ appetite for food and elegantly gratifying her lovers’ desire for her body.

When we were all done feasting, and Meri had even popped a few sushi rolls in Lo’s mouth so that the conduit of the cuisine wouldn’t go hungry herself, Lo asked, “Anyone for dessert?” as she spread her legs and scooched down to the edge of the table.

Gary had his girlfriend, Ell, to keep him in line.

Meri thought it might appear unseemly to partake of Lo’s parted pussy lips in front of her son.

Roy seemed vicariously inhibited by his brother’s girlfriend’s harsh judgment.

Lily, though open-minded, preferred thick cock in her ass to giving oral pleasure.

That left Meri’s son.  Maybe he was intent on making his mother jealous after all of her overt interest in the two boys where were just slightly older than he.  Maybe he was tired of being the background wallpaper to his mother’s grab for attention.  Who knows, but after approaching the table, bashfully, he stepped up and indulged exactly the way Lo had taught him on their camping excursion earlier that summer.

Lo’s hands held on to the side of the table as she let him lap her up like a thirsty dog sloppily licking every last bit from his water bowl.

Meri stood at the opposite end of the table and fondled Lo’s breasts, pulling and tugging at her nipples.  Eventually she alighted on a creative way to inflict more intense pain.  She picked up a couple of chopsticks and turned them into a miniature vice in which she trapped Lo’s nipples and twisted them in the primitive torture implements.

Predictably, Lo came and came a lot all over Meri’s son’s eager and enthusiastic mouth, to such a point that his shirt was soaked from the collar to the navel.  Her climactic ejaculation was a revelation to Ell who, if she had ever had heard rumor of such a thing, certainly had never witnessed it.

When the waterworks were complete, Lo slowly got up from the table and found her way to a chair by the fire.  She sat, her bare legs crossed, her head drooping back, as she breathed heavily, catching her breath, causing her exposed chest to heave up and down.  Her nipples were erect and red with the results of Meri’s sadism and from them all the way up to her face her complexion was flush with the rush of blood following her orgasm.

Nipple Twist

Everyone sat staring at the Sushi Strumpet until I interrupted their gawking disbelief with an offer to refresh their glasses or grab them a drink.

Lo asked for a tall glass of ice water.

The night continued on with polite conversation as Lo sat among our circle around the fire, nude among the other clothed guests.  Occasionally she got up to get something or use the bathroom and her entrances and exits were dramatic by design.

Eventually our guests began to file out, beginning with the brothers and Ell, who had to be home early, so she said.

Then, seeing the night had reached its apex, Lily bade us all a good night.

Lastly, Meri and her son said they were off to their sleepy suburban home.

This left just Lo and me to clean up and, let’s be real, Lo wasn’t going to clean up anything.  She went into bed and said she’d welcome me there when I was done.

I found her with her legs spread wide saying, “Oh, Daddy.  Have me.”

There’s a deep, hidden connection between feasting and fucking, I thought.  It is not coincidental that the early Christian Eucharist was an orgiastic experience.  Feasting on the flesh, sacrificing the body to the spirit, elevating the soul through the nourishment of the corporeal house in which it lives, communing with the Holy Spirit through a physical act – all of these could be viewed as metaphors and substitutes for the sacred act of carnal connection and the interrelatedness of all life through the hollowed act of ingestion.  Man/Woman, Life/Death, Self/Other, Sacred/Profane, High/Low, Animal/Divine – all these pairs become intertwined and indistinct in and through the dual acts of copulation and ingestion.  Two uniting into one.  One becoming two.  The interplay of all things in the divine dance of a match: a fading cinder; a spritely spark.  They come together and form a fire that radiates light and warmth, around which the ever-widening concentric circles of the world emanate out  toward a horizon whose circumference is nowhere and center everywhere.

The union of all things

Only Love Can Fill the Hole in Your Heart

The Hole at the Center of the World

“Daddy.”

“Yes?”

“Daddy, I want your attention,” demanded Lo in her spoiled-brat tone.  I was busy reading a book.  I looked up at her.

“Yes?”

“Daddy, are you proud of me?”

“Am I proud of you?”

“Yes.”

“Of course I’m proud of you,” I said.  I’ve said it before, but of Gary Chapman’s “Five Love Languages” – 1) words of affirmation; 2) quality time; 3) receiving gifts; 4) acts of service and; 5) physical touch – Lola requires all five and a few more.

“Why?” she asked.

Where to begin?  An open-ended question like that really is difficult to answer, especially after having written five published books about Lo and thousands of yet-to-be-published stories – all expressing my awe of her.

“You know,” I said instead, “it is Father’s Day, not Lola’s Day.”

“Every day is Lola’s Day.”

“I’m well aware of that.”

“Please, just give me three reasons why you’re proud of me.”

At this point it began to dawn on me why, on Father’s Day, she suddenly needed to hear my praise.  Because she’s been estranged from her father for so long and, on this day in particular, his absence and lack of appreciation of her was being felt more strongly than on others.  As a result, she needed to hear from me – her father-figure/lover – that I held her in high esteem.  The highest in fact.

“OK, Lo.  Well, first off, you are incredibly beautiful and sexy.”

“Though that’s true,” she said, “that doesn’t count.  No physical qualities.”

“Alright.  You’re an incredible lover.”

“Also true.  But nothing to do with sex either.”

“You’re just looking to increase the minimum of three to an indefinite amount by disqualifying my answers.”

“Try again.  You still need three.”

“You’re a great cook.”

“It can’t be something I do for you.”

“But you cook for lots of people.”

“Right.  That’s another reason why sex doesn’t count either.”

“This is hard.”

“It shouldn’t be, Daddy.  Can’t you think of three things about me that make you proud?”

“I just gave you my top three.”

“Try again.”

“Well, you’re very accomplished.”

“Go on.”

“You’ve got a graduate degree.  You’re successful in your field.  You’re a rising star.”

“You think so?”

“I do.”

“OK, that counts as one.”

“You’re funny.”

“Funny?  Funny how?” she asked.  “I mean funny like I’m a clown?  I amuse you?”  She said all this doing a spot-on imitation of Joe Pesci from Goodfellas.  We both cracked up.

“And you’re smart.”

Suddenly there were stars in her eyes.  “Smart.  You think so?”

“Of course I do, Lo.”

“Do you know how much that means coming from you?”

“Plethora.”

“What?”
“Plethora.  It means a lot.”

She laughed at my old joke.

“Let’s do it, Daddy,” she said.

“Why all of a sudden?”
“Because your wit turns me on.”

“And you like hearing that I think you’re smart.”

“That too and I want to learn more.”

“What could I possibly teach you in bed?”

“I don’t know, but I’m a big fan of hands-on learning.”

When we got to the bedroom and she removed her clothes, I said, “Now can I compliment your physical features?”

“No,” she said, “just pound me Daddy.  I need to be filled up.”

As I gave her what she asked for and she called out to me “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” it dawned on me (again) that she has a gaping hole in her heart that she attempts to fill through a stuffing a different hole.  Her long line of lovers, past and present, most of whom have been older men, are mere substitutes.  But I, the eldest of them all, what am I to Lo?  Lover?  Paternal benefactor?  Security?  Challenge?

As I continued the quick dips deep into her, she began convulsing and clutching my member.  Tears began flowing from her eyes and greater gushes spurted from below.  A cathartic, quaking, crying orgasm that left her breathless and sopping wet everywhere.

Still hard and sheathed deep inside her, I held her firmly, yet gentle enough to allow her to breathe deeply, her breasts heaving up and down under my chest.

“Daddy,” she whispered as she regained her composure.

“Yes?”

“Are you proud of me?”

“Yes, Lo, I’m very proud of you.”

Fill the Void with Art

A.O.L.

[Continued from Fast, Wet, & Slippery]

 

After the long day at the lake and the suggestive movie, when Lo and Lily went to bed that night, Lo got up the guts to ask Lily, “What did you mean when you told me that lying out in the sun naked here is no different than being naked in front of your dad?”

Lily laughed a little and said, “You know we’re French, right?”

“You mean, like French French?  I mean, born there?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Oh, I thought I mentioned it.”

“Well, you might have said in passing that your family is French, but I thought that was a few generations ago.”

“No, my dad and his brother Collin came here just before I was born, like twenty-three years ago or so.”

“But they have no accent!”

“Their parents were diplomats and they were raised half in America and half in France.  But even in France, they went to the American School.”

“Oh.”

“And your mom?”

“My mom is from D.C.  My dad met her when he was at the French Embassy here.”

“Oh.”

“So, in France we always vacation in the south and it’s pretty much all nude beaches there.  That’s all I meant by that.  Nothing kinky.”

“Oh, I see.  And so Collin was just interested in Blue is the Warmest of Color because he’s French and it’s a French movie?”

“Probably,” she snickered.  “That, and he’s a horny fuck.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“He is!  Haven’t you noticed?”

“Well, he has been showing me a lot of attention.”

“A lot of attention?!  Come on, Lo!  You know that there’s something between you two.”

Lo blushed and admitted, “OK, I know he wants me, but what about your Aunt Suzanne?  I mean, she’s got to know something’s up.”

“I think that they have an understanding,” she said with a knowing, mysterious smile.

“What makes you think that?”

“I have my ways,” said Lily, delighting in the unspoken.

“Do you think that Collin is trying to encourage you and me to play?”

Lily said nothing.

“Or me and Suzanne?”

Lily again said nothing.

“Come on Lily!  You have to have some take on it.  I mean, if you know that they have an understanding, you must have some idea what Collin’s up to with that porno film he showed us.”

“Lo!  It wasn’t a porno film.  It won tons of awards!”

“It was porn and he meant for us to view it that way.”

“It turned you on, didn’t it?”

“I’m not denying that,” said Lo, who was simultaneously and unconsciously playing with her pussy beneath the covers, “but paint drying turns me on.  I want to know what Collin’s plan is?  What’s he scheming?”

Lo leaned toward Lily, who was sitting on the bed not far from Lo, and Lo said in a whisper, “Or did you suggest the movie?”

“Meeeee?” squealed Lily, playing innocent.  “I didn’t.  Why?  Do you want to seduce me?”

“Do you want me to seduce you?  To finger you the way those two girls did?”

“Oh no,” said Lily, to Lo’s great disappointment.

“No?” repeated Lo in disbelief.  She’s not used to being turned down.

“No fingering me.  No.  I’m A-O-L.”

“What?”

“Anal Only Lifestyle.”

“What does that mean?”

“Just what it says.  I only do anal.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m not.”

“I’ve never met anyone who only did anal.  I mean, I’ve met lots of people who swear never to do anal, but not the other way around.”

“Well, I’m not only French, I’m also Catholic.”

Lo laughed.  “What’s that have to do with anything?”

“A lot!  You see, the Church teaches that sex before marriage is wrong.”

“You didn’t buy that B.S., did you?”

“I did!  And before I was married, I tried to be a good girl.”

“But anal sex,” Lo began to say, putting the pieces together.

“Anal sex isn’t sex, and so, I was a good little anal slut in high school.  I never had sex – according to the Church – but I had lots of loads up my ass.  I grew to really like it.  No, to love it.  And so, even now, it’s only anal for me, even though I’m married.”

“Really?!” asked Lo in disbelief.

“I’m still, technically, a virgin.”

“How’s Jim feel about that?” asked Lo with deep curiosity.

“Oh, he’s such a romantic,” she said, almost dismissively.  “He wants so badly to take my virginity.  But I’ve held off.”

“Why?”

There was a long pause and the conversation turned serious as Lily pondered the simple question.

“I guess,” she began slowly, “I’m just afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Afraid he might not like it or. . . maybe I won’t like it.  You know how small he is.”

Lo knew very well.

“I guess I prefer that he just keep on banging my backdoor than take a chance on coming in the front.”

Anal Anime

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lola

Live, Learn, & Listen

When we published our first book together, Match, Cinder & Spark, Volume I: Nymphomania and the Single Girl, it was quite literally a novel experience.  We had never done anything like that before and we both delighted in the editorial process – rereading the stories, selectively choosing sexy photos to accompany the tales, deciding on the font size and type.  The entire experience was a sensual exploration on so many levels.

After Marxism, “materialism” became a bad word.  But now that the world has gone digital, I find that I indulge in the material universe: Books made of paper with pages that you can turn with your thumb and index finger; Magazines that are glossy and clearly have had thought put into the layout design; Oil paintings and marble statues.  All these mediums of reproduction that are tangible delight me, perhaps because, in the age of the internet, they are becoming endangered.  There is the possibility of pixels putting print out of business.

Lola Down in digital and print media

However, during that maiden voyage into publishing, there was something we did not consider nor realize until the long and arduous work was over: price.  After compiling twenty-nine chapters and an introduction, organizing the 221 pages and including numerous full-color, glossy photos, when we finally hit the “publish” button, the entire project weighed in at a whopping $74.95!  That was far more expensive than we ever contemplated.

Oh well, there was no going back now.  We figured we’d put it out there and maybe it wouldn’t sell like other pulp, but it would become a collector’s item.

Someone Enjoys the Glossy Photos of Lola Down

Luckily for our readers, but completely defeating my materialistic motivation, the entire book could be digitalized and easily downloaded as an e-book at the very affordable price of $1.99.  To date, this has been our top seller, with thousands of copies being read on devices around the world.  Unfortunately, at the time the technology was not available to include all the spicy photography that accompanied the hard-copy text.  But at least our dedicated fans were able to get this collection of stories all in one place.

Enjoying the digital image of Lola Down while on a date with his gf.

But now, we are very pleased to announce that a different form of material immersion is possible for Match, Cinder & Spark.  Thanks to the magic of technology and the talent, dedication, endurance, and sonorous sexiness of Ms. Jupiter Grant, the entire first volume is soon to be released as an audiobook.  That’s right, all 6.1 hours of steamy stories will be yours to hear.  Though the immersion into the senses that is provided by the hard-copy is, in my humble opinion, a wonderful medium through which to experience Lola in all her glory, I have to say, after listening and re-listening to Jupiter Grant’s marvelous performance of the spoken word, I feel as I have suddenly discovered new and relatively unexplored dimensions of sound and sex.

I hope you will give it a listen. (Stay tuned for the release!)

The Sexy Jupiter Grant!

Here’s what people are saying about the e-book:

 

 

Reviews of Match, Cinder & Spark, Volume I: Nymphomania and the Single Girl

 

 

About the book: The story of Lola Down, your average nymphomaniac next door. This roman-a-clef tells the story of how she and the author, H.H., survive the trials and tribulations of life with her libido.

Rodin: Lola looks at this absorbing topic with such sexy passion. A great read. 5 stars!

Kathy K: HOT! HOT! HOT!
Calling all Nymphomaniacs
All wannabe Nymphomaniacs
All fantasy Nymphomaniacs
Any type of Nymphomaniacs.
This is THE book for you.
An extremely explicit detailed account of Lo’s sexcapades told in blog post form from her beginning preteen sexual awakening through the years to her current Nympho state.
Erotically told by the author, her lover, her Daddy.
Sexual experiences you couldn’t even imagine told, in truthful, frank detail.
A must read!

And the perhaps biased review from Ms. Jupiter Grant herself:

Intelligent and thoughtful erotica.

I have had the recent pleasure of reading Match, Cinder & Spark, Volume I for the upcoming audiobook version, and I can honestly say that it has been a very sexy, delightful read. H.H. tells us about his beautiful muse, Lola, and her insatiable desire for sex and pleasure. As well as recounting plenty of hot scenes, the book discusses nymphomania, stigma, non-monogamy, sexual exploitation, and numerous other issues.

If you want your brain to be enticed as well as your body, grab a copy of Match, Cinder & Spark.

Always come prepared and prepared to cum.

Absolution

[Continued from “Holding on Comes Easy“]

Last I remembered, Lo had engaged in a lengthy session of self-service before falling asleep between Robert and me.  When I woke in the morning, she was sound asleep, her back toward me, and Robert had his hands around her waist.  I was turned toward them, my arm drooped over her side, my hand fondling her breast, and my cock rigid and eager for more attention.

I carefully extricated myself from the bed, found a robe and quietly went to the kitchen to make some coffee.

As I sat down to take my first sip, Lo suddenly appeared in the kitchen wearing one of Roberts t-shirts and nothing else.  She was carrying a bundle of clothes.

“Here,” she said, passing the clothes off to me.

“And a good morning to you too,” I said sarcastically.

“Get dressed.”  They were my clothes.

“What?”

“Get dressed.  You have to get out of here.”

I was perplexed.  “What do you mean I. . .”

“Imogen is still sleeping.  When she wakes up, she can’t find you here.  Remember, she thinks I’m Robert’s girlfriend and you’re just Robert’s friend.  You have to go home.”

“Are we still putting on that little ruse?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, if that’s the case, why don’t I just crawl into bed with Imogen?”

Lo gave me an angry look.

“Ok, Ok,” I said.  “I’ll get dressed and go.”

She gave me a quick peck on the cheek to show her appreciation.  “Don’t worry, Daddy,” she said, “I will make it up to you.”

My cock must have liked her tone because it immediately popped up like a little puppy who just heard the treats bag open.

“Nope, none of that now,” said Lo curtly, before turning tail and returning to the bedroom with Robert.

I dutifully got dressed and went home to shower, have more coffee, and nurse my hangover.

Sometime later I got a call from Lo.  She sounded out of breath.

“Lo?”

Pause.  “Yeah?”

“Are you ok?”

Pause.  “Yeah.”

“Are you at Robert’s?”

Pause.  “Yeah.”

“Are you fucking?”

“Yes, Daddy, he’s behind me, fucking my ass now.  What would you like us to do next?”

 

 

 

I won’t deny that I was titillated by the call, but I was also furious.  I was home, hard-up and hungover, while she was being banged by her backdoor man.

“I want you to tell me you love me.”

Long pause.  “I – I – I love you, Daddy,” I heard.

I put the phone down for a moment and hurriedly grabbed my Stoya Fleshlight, some lube, and picked up the phone again.  Lo was screaming.  I could hear Robert smacking her ass.

“Daddy, I love you,” she repeated.

I slid the prosthetic vagina down on my cock.  I held the phone with my left hand and slid the contraption up and down with my right.  I listened to Lo getting fucked.  She was calling out, “Harder.  Harder.  Deeper.  Cum in my ass.  Cum deep in my ass.”  As she was saying that, I thought of how Robert came in her mouth after fucking her ass yesterday.

“Daddy,” she said into the phone, “I want him to cum in my ass.  Do you want him to cum in my ass too?”

My eyes were shut.  I was vividly imagining her bent over his dresser, Robert behind her, looking at her tits swinging in the mirror as he fucked her from behind.  I pictured her left hand holding the phone to her ear and her right hand moving back to her ass, pulling her right cheek to spread as wide as she could go for him to bury his long dick in her bum.  Maybe she was fingering her hole as well.

I heard her ramping up, going into the overture to her orgasm.

I slid Stoya’s cunt up and down more vigorously and I could feel my cuckolded cum rising to the surface.  Lo launched into her operatic aria and I could hold out no longer.  I came and came deep inside Stoya as Robert came deep inside Lola.

A perfect triple play!

After we all were able to bask in the beauty of the trifecta, Lo stayed on the phone with me as Robert went to clean up.

“Did you like that, Daddy?” she asked.

“You.  Are.  Amazing,” was all I could say.

“Do you like seeing him make me cum, Daddy?”

“I didn’t see you,” I said, confused.

“I meant yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said.  “You’re a dirty, dirty girl.”

“Am I bad?”

I changed the topic, fearing she’d get all riled up again.  “Is Imogen still there?” I asked.

“Oh her?  No.  She woke up, I think a little embarrassed and very hungover, and we called her a cab.  She only had fragments of memory from last night, but she asked me to say something nice to you.”

“Oh, and what was that?”

“She really just said, ‘Say something nice to him.’”

I laughed and she did too.  Apparently all was forgiven.  Nothing absolves me of my transgressions like Lola’s seducing men to sodomize her.

Turning the Screw

            I had been away for three days and I hadn’t heard from Lo.  She hadn’t heard from me either because before I left we hadn’t properly made up after our fight.  On the fourth day of my five day trip I received a text from her around 6:00 pm.  It simply said, “Dinner plans with Robert tonight.”

            I immediately called her.  The stalemate of silence be damned, I had to know the details.  Was this a date?  What had transpired to bring this about?  Had she been having “dinner plans” with Robert all week?  There were so many questions swirling in my mind unanswered.  I had to know. 

            “Hello,” she said coldly.

            “Hello,” I said imitating her tone.

            “Did you call for something?”

            “I just, um, thought I’d say hi.”

            “Hi,” she said flatly.

            “What’s this I hear about plans with Robert?” I got right to the point since it was obvious why I was calling and I might as well drop the subterfuge. 

            “He and I are going to dinner tonight,” she said matter-of-factly.

            “Going out or going to his place?”

            “Out.”  She wasn’t revealing many details and I could tell she was secretly delighting in my curiosity.  She was hoping it was a manifestation of jealously.

            “Like, to a restaurant.”

            “That’s usually where couples go out for dinner.”

            “Oh, so now you’re a couple, are you?”

            “I’m just saying, in general.  But there will only be the two of us.”

            “Sounds romantic,” I said with some sarcasm.

            “A gal of my age, my looks, my intelligence deserves some romance.”  Ouch!  Cutting.

            “Well, have a good time.”

            “I intend to.”

            “OK,” I said, hurt from her comment, “bye.”

            She just hung up. 

            In this little game of cold shoulder, she was winning because she had a hot body attached to that cold shoulder.  Damnit!

            There was nothing I could do from hundreds of miles away but wait, for I knew that if something sexual were to happen between them, she wouldn’t delay in telling me, if for no other reason than to make me jealous.  Unfortunately for her, it wasn’t jealousy I was feeling, but longing, curiosity, desire, and a prurient prick of stimulation by my groin.  In other words, I wanted her.  I wanted her to want him and for him to have her and I wanted to be in on it.  But I was on the outs. 

            So I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  It was past ten, then eleven, and finally midnight when finally I got a text from her.  It read, “Driving home.  You can call me if you want.”

Date Night

            She knew me.  In the battle of who-can-outlast-whom, she outwitted me.  She won.  There was nothing to do but concede defeat.  I called immediately.

            “Hi,” I said mawkishly.

            “Oh, hi,” she said, as if surprised by my call.  A total ruse.

            “How was your night?”

            “It was good.”  She wasn’t going to reveal details until I had shown sufficient interest and she had tortured me to teach me who is boss.

            “What did you do?”

            “We had dinner.”

            “And?” she knew what I wanted to know.

            “And then went to his house.”

            “And?”

            “And we talked.”

            “And?” I was getting very frustrated, but I also knew she was going to put me through my paces. 

            “What would you like to know, Daddio?” she asked.  The use of Daddio meant two things: 1) Something salacious happened; 2) She felt vindicated enough to return to her proper role.

            “You know, dear.”

            “No, I don’t.  That’s why I’m asking.”

            “Well then,” she said, “you’ll just have to fly back home right away and ask me in person.

            “You’re not going to tell me?!”

            “I’m exhausted and I’m almost home.  Have a safe flight.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            So I was wrong.  She hadn’t felt vindicated enough.  She was going to turn the screw a little tighter and let me lie awake and suffer my own self-inflicted punishment.  Cruel, cruel woman.