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Interview With Sex Surrogate Joslyn Nerdhal
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Interview With Sex Surrogate Joslyn Nerdahl
Joslyn Nerdhal
LOLA – Hi Joslyn, it’s an honor to interview you for our blog! To be honest, I had never heard of a sex surrogate or even programs to assist people living with disabilities to have sex until one of the fans of the blog wrote to me. He told us about his condition – he had been injured in an accident that left him paralyzed from the chest down. His accident was over two decades ago and he had to suffer terribly, especially when female aid workers came over to assist him with all sorts of things – showering, getting dressed, etc. – and they’d see him naked, but never the other way around. He found many of them quite attractive. And then one day, a home health aid who had been with him for many years made advances that were probably grossly inappropriate, but were also most welcome by him. After that, he did more research on it and discovered the interview you did with Vice and your work with Spencer Williams. He sent the interview to me. I was blown away! The fact that I hadn’t been aware of this issue – and I consider myself pretty well-versed in all things sex – shows how invisible this is for to the general public. The fact that his home health aid had to resort to something she could get fired for but which he desperately wanted and needed also shows how our system is broken and in need of repair. Will you tell us a bit of how you got into this field and what you do?
Joslyn Nerdhal
J.N. – Thank you Lola, I appreciate the opportunity to discuss this very important topic with you. I get asked about how I got into this field of sexuality a lot, even as a Certified Sex Coach and Clinical Sexologist in my private coaching practice people ask me all the time “How did you get into this?!” LOL!
I started out as a typical sex worker years ago, doing erotic massage and adult entertainment to pay the bills. Eventually I got engaged to be married and tried to transition out of the sex work industry for the sake of my relationship; it was during this time I started my private sex coaching practice, and it was also when I found Sensual Solutions – the agency for folks with physical disabilities – and I met with Trish St. John (owner/founder) to see if working together would be a good fit. We had a meeting that was supposed to be 30 mins…3 hours later we were still talking! Needless to say, we hit it off. But my fiance at the time was not comfortable with me taking the job. Once that relationship deteriorated, Trish was the first call I made and we’ve been working together ever since. Within the same year, I registered for school and eventually completed my sexology degree. I now help folks individually and in couples with their sex lives through private coaching sessions. I also teach sex ed classes to students and speak at conferences and workshops sometimes on sexual diversity, sex and disability and sex work. And sometimes I do still work as a surrogate partner for people with physical disabilities.
Joslyn Nerdhal
LOLA – After I heard from this fan, I actually started getting a lot of fan mail from other people with various kinds of disabilities. One of the most interesting (and saddest) was of a man who was also in an accident and the injury he sustained was directly to his penis. It was shorted and misshapen and he was unable to find a sexual partner who would be ok with this. He also suffered terrible anxiety about it that resulted in erectile disfunction. He told me that he was only able to get erect through virtual conversations and cybersex. Have you encountered anything like this and would this be in your scope of services?
J.N. – Absolutely, erectile challenges are extremely common, even with folks who haven’t been injured in an accident. The mental anxiety people experience – both men and women – when they’ve got negative self-talk, body image concerns, body dysmorphia and/or a lack of confidence can result in paralyzing fear that does manifest in physical consequences…like the inability to maintain an erection, or to self-lubricate or to even relax enough to get aroused, let alone reach climax. The study of sexology is not just the study of human sexual behaviour but also how we think and feel about it; it is commonly stated that our most important sex organ is the brain.
Valentina Bianco
Valentina Bianco
LOLA – One of my fans turned me on to pornoeducativo.com and the video with Valentina Bianco. https://befuck.net/xid/21240957/ I’m not sure if you’ve seen it, but is that educational or porn? I mean, is that similar to what you and other sex surrogates do or a wild exaggeration?
Vanlentia Bianco
J.N. – I have never seen a video like this before, I was waiting for it to turn into a porn, considering the site it is on, but all they did was talk and snuggle for 23 mins lol…so yeah, that I’d say that is pretty realistic because a lot of discussion is needed for these interactions. I wouldn’t necessarily call it educational either though, since we can’t hear anything they’re saying. It would’ve been nice to hear some of the negotiations or topics they were discussing.
Valentina Bianco
Valentina Bianco
LOLA – Which brings me to the subject of fetishes. Ever since my friend directed my attention to the sexual needs of people with disabilities, I’ve become increasingly more aware of a sub-category of kink which is sex involving people with all sorts of disabilities. Now, you’re very sex-positive, but do you think this is dangerous or harmful in any way or do you think it is helpful to get people to realize that we all like, even love, sex?
J.N. – I think it can be dangerous to fetishize anyone, not just people with disabilities, but trans folks, plus sized people, different ethnicities, et cetera… because if that is all you’re appreciating about a person you’re reducing them to a 2-dimensional being and it is very dehumanizing. There is definitely a fine line between having a healthy kink-preference and fetishizing folks.
And how you can tell the difference is whether or not that person’s interest in you extends beyond the bedroom into other facets of your life as well…not just sexually; caring about your hopes and dreams and struggles and hobbies and interests, not just about orgasms.
LOLA – From what I’ve learned in other interviews and news stories about you, it seems that some of your clients are long-term. If you can, will you tell us what it’s like to have a long-term client who might engage in what Freud called “transference” – the projecting onto you feelings that the client has? I imagine a long-term client is very different from a one-off.
J.N. – Yes, transference can definitely take place and that is why typically in the surrogate partner scenario (especially in the U.S.) there is also a licensed therapist involved supporting the client to work through those complicated emotions; ideally there is a set number of sessions you agree to in order to work through a self-identified goal or concern, knowing there is an end date. There have been instances where my working relationship had to end with a client because the connection with me became problematic for them rather than helped them, but it is rare. Ultimately, if I’m doing my job correctly of course, there will be some level of attachment. It is to be expected when you’re handling intimacy.
LOLA – I don’t know anything of your personal life (and you don’t have to reveal anything here), but I wonder what it’s like to be in a romantic relationship at home and then be like, “I’ll see you later, hun, I’m off to work,” when work is literally helping people to cum. Does it make for any complications or unusual strains on the relationship?
J.N. – I have encountered both ends of the spectrum with my personal romantic partnerships; I’ve had partners like my ex-fiance who were not comfortable at all with me touching other people, even in a professional capacity, (despite learning later he wasn’t faithful himself!) and so it caused problems in the relationship…and I’ve also dated very mature and self-realized partners who weren’t threatened by my professional life at all because they understand how it helps people rather than hurts people and that it is still work for me and it is not the same as what I do in my personal life. I have strong boundaries and safer sex standards that keep what I do at work very separate from what I do at home with my personal partners. I have been told more than once that my experience itself is intimidating, and that’s ok because if you’re intimidated by me, you probably can’t satisfy me in bed anyway!
I also have zero tolerance for whoreaphobia now; if you don’t or can’t respect sex workers then I have no use for you anyhow.
LOLA – Can you give a description of what sorts of techniques you would use during a surrogate session? I mean, does it only involve hands or could it also involve feet, full nudity, oral, and/or more?
J.N. – Every session is different, because every client is different and dealing with a varied level of experience, injury and or sensation. I often do body mapping with clients which is a process of going through a checklist of different types of touch on different areas of the body (*hint* NOT just genitals can be erogenous zones!) and they can range from sensual to educational to erotic…sometimes sessions are more educational in nature because it’s the first time seeing a live naked body, or learning about anatomy or safer sex practices or how to use different toys. Sometimes companionship and compassionate touching is more necessary than orgasms because cuddling isn’t available to them. Sometimes I help 2 partners learn how to be intimate with each other and I’m more of a guide and support for them. No two sessions are alike.
LOLA – Do you ever just read to your clients? If so, would you be interested in a free copy of Match, Cinder & Spark to read to them?
Sure that would be great! I’d love a free copy.
To find out more about Josyln Nerdhal and what she does, check out:
Josyln Nerdhal’s website is mojomediator.com and people can find her on IG and Twitter at MojoMediator.
Also check out her Sensual Solutions website:
http://www.sensualsolutions.ca/
Match, Cinder & Spark, Review by Jen Coulter
Protected: Gateway to Bliss
Sunstroke
[Continued from Young Lust, Dirty Woman]
Lola at the nude beach
The dad was lying back, sleeping or simply suntanning. I was sweltering in the sun and so I got up and asked Lo, “How’s the water?”
“So refreshing!”
“Looks a little chilly,” I said as I looked down at her pointy nipples.
“It’s delightful.”
“Seems like you’re delighting in more than the water and weather.”
“Go on, Daddio, try it for yourself.”
Was she trying to get rid of me?
I walked to the water. It was like bath water. I didn’t hesitate to get in and cool down as much as I could. I felt myself burning in the sun, but didn’t want to curtail Lo’s little jaunt. I thought that maybe, if I stayed in the water, I would avoid a burn. I knew from experience that was not true, but it felt better to be in the water than shriveling up dry in the sun. I sat in the shallow water looking out at the Mediterranean. To my surprise, not much later, the mom walked into the water beside me. She passed me. I saw from the back that she was much more heavyset than I had thought when I saw her sitting on the blanket. She was rather round on the bottom.
Model, Jennifer Battistoni Kincade
She stopped about five feet in front of me and bent over to splash water on her face and shoulders. As she did so, I could see her FUPA (fat upper pubic area) fall forward like a curtain in front of her. Her ass was large and round. There was so much flesh that I couldn’t even see her pussy. I wondered to myself how her husband fucked her, but then I remembered his enormous member and realized he probably could fuck her from a foot away when fully hard.
The thought crossed my mind that she might be putting on a show for me. She was very attractive and this view was. . .
Uh oh! Now I was getting hard. The tip of my cock was pointing upward like a mushroom growing out of the water. I dared not stand up because then I’d be even more conspicuous, but what will happen when she turns around?
I didn’t have to wait long to find out because no sooner had the panicked thought presented itself, than she did turn around and look right at me. I saw her eyes glance down at my attention-grabbing appendage and she smiled!
Thankfully she didn’t say anything. She just splashed water on her heaving breasts and lifted them up, probably to cool down the underside where they pressed up against her belly. I found it all captivating (and arousing).
While I was contemplating the plump Aphrodite before me, I noticed she was pointing behind me. I couldn’t see by simply turning my neck and so I had to stand up. I figured she had seen an erect penis before and that perhaps she’d take it as a compliment, so I got up to look behind me since she seemed insistent that I see. She was smiling, as if delighted by the vision.
When I turned around, I saw Lo and the boy wrestling or wriggling on the sand. Then I realized they were having a tickle fight. The mom said, “Bella, bella!” That I understood. She thought it was beautiful how they were getting along. She was indicating to me her approval. She doesn’t know Lo.
I walked back up to the blanket and saw that the two of them had separated. Lo was sitting in the sand, her legs spread, heaving heavily. I saw that between her legs, the sand was darker – wet. Oh boy. Did she?
“Squirt or pee?” I asked her, judgmentally.
“Both?” she said, guiltily.
“Lo.”
The father said something to me and I turned my head and saw the mom still cooling down in the water. The baby was in a small carrying seat with a makeshift tent over it.
The father repeated his question to me. I turned to him. He was holding his massive cock and pointing at Lo. “Scoparla?” he said, or something like that.
I was ignorant.
“Fuck,” he finally said in English. “Fuck her.” This he knew. But I was still uncomprehending of whether he wanted me to fuck her or if he wanted to fuck her himself. So I did the only polite thing and said, “Si, si.”
I soon had my answer, for he got down in the sand on his knees and stroked his cock as he looked at Lo’s shimmering body and glistening pussy lips. Soon he was inside her. He fucked her violently.
Lo, for her part, wrapped her legs around his wide torso and began to moan and groan and say, “Yes, fuck me.” I think it then dawned on her that he couldn’t understand anything she said other than fuck, so she repeated the term many times.
I looked at the boy who stood to the side of the four armed, four legged beast and watched with wide eyes and an erect penis. He held his diminutive dick in his hand just as his father had done.
Lo then started saying, “Fuck me you ugly, fat, disgusting old perv! Fuck me with that massive cock of yours! You are so abhorrently hideous! A sea monster, really!”
Occasionally, other beach goers would walk by without stopping. The mother was in the water, no doubt aware of what was happening, but unconcerned.
“Yes, you gross fucking single tentacled kraken! That’s my spot. Fuck!” Lo is quite poetic when her pussy is activated.
Then she was unable to speak as her body began convulsing. She looked up, directly into the eyes of the boy by her side, and her eyes communicated everything: delight, ecstasy, pleasure, pain, longing, satisfaction, disgust at herself and the man on top of her, triumph.
The dad kept on plunging into Lo’s gushing cunt, oblivious of her climax and desirous of his. He pulled his torso up off of Lo’s and held her by her ankles, her legs up in the air, as he fucked her like a piece of meat hanging in the outdoor market. He then let go of her ankles and greedily grabbed and squeezed her breasts. He began to slap them and she responded with more sounds of pleasure. He slapped her tits silly. She began to cum again, but before she could, he spurted his spunk deep inside her. She could feel it and that was all she needed to push her over the edge. Her legs began to tremble and her tits rose and descended with her fast, deep breaths.
All this time her eyes remained fixed on the boy and it was as if the two of them were telepathically communicating mysterious words of love and compassion in a common, yet private language.
The father pulled his incredibly long lance out of Lo’s clam and soon after liquid pearl began to drizzle from her widely dilated lips onto the sand.
The dad and the son stood side-by-side looking down at the kill. There was a touching moment when the son’s little hand reached to his father’s large one and held it as they gawked at Lo lying on the ground, immobile.
Then, from between Lo’s legs a sudden dribble of pee percolated and puddled by her ass. The father and son duo smiled at the sight and, as if it gave them both the idea and permission, they too released their bladders and showered Lo with their golden streams. More than once the father’s and son’s lines crossed and crisscrossed again over Lo’s body as they drenched her in a double dosage of warm urine.
When they were done, Lo was recovered and she got up and walked right past me into the sea. I saw her exchange smiles and some words with the mother who was still bathing there. I glanced at the father-son team and smiled a ridiculously twisted grin, feeling awkward and stupid. They both laughed and went back to sitting on the towel together. I noticed that the father’s meat hung down now, nearly to his knees. It no longer had the arch to it that it did when we first arrived. It was completely flaccid. The son’s was still rigid though.
When Lo returned from her purifying bath, she said, “OK, Daddy, I think it’s time to go. I’m beginning to burn.”
“No doubt from the jealousy of Aphrodite Ourania and Aphrodite Pandemos.”
“What?” she asked.
“You make the goddesses of desire hot with jealousy.”
“You flatter,” she said, smiling.
I put my clothes back on. Lola put on her bikini top and bottom, but carried her shorts and t-shirt. Lo waved and smiled at the family and patted the little boy on the head before giving him a matronly kiss on the cheek.
