Quiver

[Continued from “Black Friday: A Juicy Story Before Brunch

The day after Thanksgiving.  Black Friday.  Miami Beach.  Lo was on a mission.  This was our third day in Miami.  Seventy-two hours of glorious sunny days, short-shorts, and sex.  And, in typical Lo fashion, she wanted more of all three.

“What’s for breakfast?” I asked.

“I thought we were having sex,” she said as she sat on the side of the bed wearing only her sexy tank-top T-shirt and spreading her legs.

“Sex for breakfast?”

“Yeah, we’ll call it ‘Sex-fest.’”

“But Lo, you just came twice.”

“That was all external stimulation.  It just makes me more hungry.”

“Hungry for breakfast?” I asked, since I was starving.

“No, hungry for your cock in my cunt.”

“It’s not even 9 a.m. and you’re using that sort of language?!”

“It’s never too early to speak a Romance Language.”

“You forget, I was in the Romance Languages department at my college.  They didn’t speak like that.”

“Illiterate.”

“We could discuss the nuances of philology all morning, but. . .”

“But I want you to fuck me.  Please.  Just a quick in-and-out is all I need.”

“Fine,” I said and I puled my shorts down around my knees.

The hotel room bed was only a full; much smaller than we were used to.  I said to her, “There better be a spot for me in that bed cause I’m getting in it.”

“Oh, I’ve got a spot for you and you definitely are going to get in it.”

She turned over and scrunched up her body into a little ball on the bed, exposing her puss and ass to me.

“Just go right in,” she said over her shoulder, as if I needed some instructions.

“Top or bottom?” I asked.

“Top or bottom?” she was confused.

“Yeah, which hole?”

“Which do you want?” she asked seductively, surprising me.

“Top!” I said without hesitation.

“Well, fill the bottom first and, if you’re good, you can have the top.”

Lola & HH

Standing by the side of the bed, I slid in with ease and she moaned.  She was drenched and dripping.  “Stay.  Right.  There,” she commanded.  I didn’t even move.  I just grabbed her by her hips and lifted her a little then pushed her down a little.  Up and down, up and down I slid her on my cock.   My thumb moved its way to her top hole to press against it. Within seconds her cunt was gushing and clenching.  I pulled her in closer by her hips to make sure I stayed in place; the tip of my cock up against her g-spot.  She didn’t even scream.  She just bit her lower lip and moaned.  I could see her facial expressions and contortions in the mirror.  In a few more seconds she pulled forward and, as I slid out of her, she squirted.  I was careful to jump back and avoid getting splashed.

“Ahhhh,” she said, “that did the trick.”

She was splayed out on the bed now, breathing heavily.  I stood next to the bed.

“This isn’t a coat rack,” I said of my erect phallus.

“What?” she asked, perplexed.

“You promised me the top hole, remember?”

“Oh, right!”

She scrunched up into her little ball again, wiggling her ass in front of me.  “Can you hit the target?” she teased.

“Stay still and my arrow will fill your quiver.”

I grabbed her hips again and pressed the full head of my cock up against her sphincter.  Her flower bud opened.  Slowly I filled her.  I could see her hands out in front of her clutching the bed sheets as she felt the pain and pleasure of my deep dive.

Again she commanded, “Stay. Right. There.”  Her ass clenched down on me and her body turned the noun, “quiver,” into a verb.

Suddenly she lunged forward, just like she did before, leaving me hard up, standing by the side of the bed a second time as she caught her breath.

Turning her head over her shoulder, she said, “Amazing, Daddio!”

Then, noticing me pulling up my shorts, she said, “Aren’t you going to cum?”

“Darling, thirty seconds of standing behind you, rigid as a statue, while you got your rocks off was exclusively for your pleasure.”

“But I want you to cum.”  She turned around, on all fours, facing me, or rather, my crotch.  She looked up at me and asked, “Don’t you know what Cyndi Lauper says?”

“Cyndi Lauper?!  You’re dating yourself dear.”

“Oh, I wish I could date myself.  I’d be such a good fuck.”

“You’re getting distracted again.  What does Cyndi Lauper say?”

“Oh, right.  She sings, ‘Girls just wanna have cum. That’s all they really want – some cum.’”  She sang the lyrics.

Girls Just Wanna Have Cum

“I think you might be taking some poetic license with that.”

“Whatever.  Cum in my mouth,” she commanded as she took my cock into her open mouth and slobbered over it with her tongue.

“And spoil your appetite?” I asked, enjoying the sensation and the thought of what a dirty, slutty girl she is.

“It’s more of an appetizer.”

“No,” I said flatly, pulling out of her mouth.

She pouted.

“I’m starving,” I said.  “If I don’t eat soon, I’m going to waste away.”

She rolled her eyes sarcastically – as if I was in any mortal danger of wasting away.

“What?” I asked.  “Look at me,” I said, striking a pose, flexing my biceps, “One hundred seventy-five pounds of pure muscle!”

“One hundred and seventy-five?!” Lo exclaimed in disbelief, “Aren’t you a few pounds off there?”

“No.  It is a hundred and seventy-five pounds of muscle.  The other thirty pounds might be fat, but under it is the pure muscle.”

“Still a little shy of the mark, I think.”

“Well, the other ten pounds is brain, of course.”

“Of course,” she said sardonically.

I stepped on the scale and cursed it saying, “You lying sack of shit!”

Lo, naked but for her T-shirt, stepped on the scale after me and said, “It better not be lying, it says I lost two pounds!”

“It lies.”

“Does it?  Or could it be that my diet and exercise and drinking plenty of liquids has caused me to lose two pounds?”

“It lies.”

“Why would it lie to me that I lost two pounds and lie to you that you. . . well, uh, you’re. . . ?”

“Because it likes the view it has of you from down there.”

She laughed.  She almost never laughs at my jokes, but I suppose this one also appealed to her vanity.  I love it when she laughs.

“Do you like the view?” she asked, bending over and looking at me from between her knees.

“I don’t know why they call it mooning when it looks as bright and pink as the sunrise to me,” I said.  “But as pretty as you are, morning glory, can we please go get breakfast?”

“Sure,” she said as she slipped into her bikini bottoms.  “How do these look?”

It was a very skimpy pink thong bikini bottom that she purposely pulled up extra tight.

I gave her a cat-call whistle and launched into a sing-song limerick:

 

Do your labia hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie ’em in a knot?
Can you tie ’em in a bow?
Can you throw ’em o’er your shoulder
Like a continental soldier?
Do your labia hang low?

 

“What?!” she asked, looking down between her legs.

“Look in the mirror,” I gestured.

She took a look and could see what I saw: her puffy pussy lips straddling the skinny g-string.  She’s very self-conscious of her large labia.

“Ah, fiddle-dee-dee,” she said, dismissing my concern.  She walked up to me and, seeing that I had pitched a tent in my shorts, she sang back:

Does your cock stand high?
Does it reach up to the sky?
Does it droop when it’s wet?
Does it stiffen when it’s dry?
Can you wave it at your neighbor
With an element of flavor?
Does your dick stand high?

 

Touché,” I said.

“Tushie?” she asked, turning around and showing me her bottom again.

I smacked it hard and said, “That’s for being tardy.”

We finally got in the rental car and I let Lo drive.  Lo being Lo, she blasted the radio and “I’m Real” by Ja Rule happened to be on, pounding the bass of the speakers to the chorus:

 

 

-Cause I’m real-
The way you walk
The way you move
The way you talk
-Cause I’m real-
The way you stare
The way you look
Your style your hair
-Cause I’m real-
The way you smile
The way you smell
It drives me wild
-Cause I’m real-
And I can’t go on without you

 

 

Lo was contentedly squirming in her leather bucket seat to the beat of the music.

“Can you shut that damn music off?!” I complained.

“You know, you sound like an old man when you say that.”

“You know, I am an old man.”

“Oh, I know.  It’s just sad to think about.”

“Well, if you want to break up with me, go right ahead.”

“Sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me.”

“No.  You said that it’s ‘sad’ to think about me being an old man.”

“It is!  I mean, I’m not even at the great hump of my life yet.”

“I thought I was the great hump of your life.”

“I should hope not.”

“What?!”

“What I mean is, I’m not over the hill yet.”

“I should hope not.”

“What does that mean?”

“It simply means, that at twenty-something, you still have some great humps to look forward to.”

“And you don’t?”
“I didn’t say that.  I’m looking forward to humping you in about five minutes.”

“Why so long?”

“So long?  Is five minutes too much to wait for you youngins these days?”

“Five minutes is like two and a half news cycles.”

“Well, here’s some breaking news: the best is yet to come.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“Why’s that?”

“Cause I love cumming.”  She pulled up to the curb.  “Here we are.  Where are you going to fuck me?”

“Well, I need nourishment first.  Let’s eat,” I said as we got out of the convertible and went to the hostess stand on the sidewalk.  We were seated at a quaint table outside with a view of Ocean Boulevard and the beach across the street.  Pretty people were walking by and fancy cars were cruising slowly to see and be seen.

A tricked-out car drove by – shiny, sparkly, loud.  Lo was clearly impressed.

She observed it closely and then commented, “The exhaust is merely cosmetic.”

“Just like yours!” I quipped.

She gave me a look of faux shock.

A musclebound fella walked by in a tiny speedo and a loose fitting tank-top.

“Lo, stop drooling.  Or at least use a napkin.”

“What?!  He’s a very beefy boy. . . and I’m a beefeater,” she said, taking a slow, seductive bite of her sausage.

After breakfast, we walked down the strip and Lo was window shopping, until she was actually shopping.  I sat outside sipping my frozen drink.  When she came back out, she gave me a t-shirt like the one worn by Mr. Muscles.

“I didn’t know whether to get you a large or an extra large,” she said.

“You should always get me grandiose.”

“To match your ego?”

We walked down to the beach and Lo pulled out of her oversized bag a sheet she stole from the hotel.  She spread it out on the sand and then spread herself on top of it.  I sat down next to her and began rubbing in the sunscreen on her shoulders.  When I was done I said, “I’ll draw on your back with my finger and you tell me what I’m spelling.”

“OK.  But where’s the top?”

“Here,” I said, as I scribbled up by her shoulder blades.

“Hey!  What are you doing?” she asked as my finger went down between her butt cheeks.

“I’m just seeing where the bottom is.  Oh!  Look at that.  I think I found the ink well.”

“Yeah?!  You’re gonna have a broken nub if you keep it up!”

After a bit, she pulled out the deck of cards from her bag and began shuffling them.

“What are you playing?”

“Strip Solitaire.”

“Are you winning or losing?”

“I’ll take off my top and you tell me.”

I scanned the beach to see if any other women were going topless.

“Hey!” she said, “I’m over here!!!”

She thought she saw me looking at some of the other sexy women on the strand.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, teasing her.  “So I like looking at them.  They’re like boats: I like how they look, but I don’t want to have one.”

“Oh yeah?  Like boats?  You better watch out that I don’t wash them away with my tsunami.”

“Are you squirting again?  I didn’t even see you touch your puss.”

“I don’t need to with all this eye-candy.”

“Oh, so it’s ok for you to look, but not me?”

“Exactly.  Next pair of sunglasses I buy you will be blinders.”

With that comment, she left her card game and sauntered into the water.  Just at the water’s edge, she turned back to me and called, “Daddio!  Aren’t you coming?”

“Not yet,” I called back, “but I will be.”

“What?!” she called.

“I’m not coming!”

She yelled back, “I’ll fix that!”  She then turned tail and bent over, revealing her shoelace thin thong.  She feigned finding a seashell, but she was just showing off.  She eventually walked in the water, sticking out her tongue at me over her shoulder as the waves crested and fell over her hips.  Then she dove in.

When she returned from the cool dip, she asked, “What do you think of my hair?” as it dripped from its curls down her breasts.

“You look just like Medusa.”

“That’s not a compliment.  Wasn’t she so ugly that she turned anyone who looked at her to stone?”

“No no no, that’s not it.  What the Greeks meant was any man who saw her got hard as a rock and that’s how I feel about you and your wild, curly hair.”

“Nice save,” she said with a smile as she laid down next to me, getting me all wet.

I had just got comfortable and was engrossed in the book I was reading, The Postmodern Condition, you know, your typical beach read, when she said, “Let’s go for a walk Daddy.”

“What?  Now?”

“Yes, Daddio.  I want to go find something nice.”

“To wear?”

“To fuck.”

“I’m still available, you know.”

“Available?  No you’re not.  You’re taken.”

“I’d never know it.”

“You had me this morning.”

“For thirty seconds to help you get your rocks off.”

“So, what the hell are you complaining about?”

“I’d like to get my rocks off.”

“Oh, are your rocks aching?”

“Yes.  Yes they are.”

“Follow me.  Let’s see if we can do something about that.”

We went for a walk through the dunes to a little wooded park, verdant with scrub pines, palms, and colorful flowers.  When we found a little bench, she said to me, “OK, you go over there and just watch.”

“What am I watching for?”

“You’ll know it when you see it.”

I sat diagonally from her, about thirty feet away.  I watched as she sat there looking pretty.  Guys walked by, mostly couples.  But then one muscular black man in a skimpy bathing suit, bulging out of the itty-bitty stretchy material, stopped and asked her a question.  She looked up, batting her eyelashes at him, smiling, licking her teeth with her tongue as she looked down, furtively, at his crotch.  They began chatting.  And then, within not so very long they got up and walked out of sight.

About a half-hour later Lo returned to the spot where I waited for her.

She approached me slowly, with a look of wily satisfaction and mystery about her.

“You can have me now, Daddy.  He’s all done.”  I noticed jizz covering her clavicle.  She grabbed my hand and walked me to the secluded spot where she had just been with the tall, dark stranger.

“Lo,” I said, “What do you mean he’s all done?”

“Well,” she said, “do you want me to act out exactly what we did?”

“Sure.”

She laid down on the bench and began stroking her pussy over her short shorts while I stood over her and looked at her.

“Well, Daddio?”

“Well what?”

“Aren’t you going to take out your cock and stroke it?  That’s what he did.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“And what did you do?”

“What do you think?  What should a good girl do when she goes to the park and begins masturbating over her shorts and a tall, dark, hung stranger appears pantless ready to fuck?”

“Did you get his digits?”

“All of them.”

“All of them?”

“Yeah, all of them, inside me.”

“Right here?”

“Right here.”

“Come on.”

“Where are we going?” she asked, confused.

“To a bar.  I need a drink.”

Truth was, it was hot.  I was thirsty.  I was tense.  I was irritated.  I was horny.  And I wasn’t about to start fucking Lola right there in the barely concealed patch of public privacy.

“Wait!” she said.  “I have to change first.”  She spread her legs and showed me the dark spot covering the crotch of her denim shorts where she apparently squirted.

She popped into the public restroom and a moment later, she popped out wearing just her bikini top and a short skirt.

“Wow!” I said.  “You’re like a superhero!”

“Super Squirt!” she pronounced, swinging her shorts around her finger, grabbing me by my arm.

We went to a fancy hotel with a rooftop deck, pool, and bar.  This was a new hotel and the rooftop was pretty high up there and it even had a balcony with a glass floor.

Lo walked out and leaned over the railing and said, “Wow!  Don’t look down!”

“I’m not,” I said, “I’m lookin’ up – lookin’ up your skirt, that is.”  No panties.  No bikini thong.  Nothing.  Just her perfectly shapely and shaved mons pubis.

We then went and sat at the bar where I ordered a Tom Collins.  Lo apologized to the bartender for my unfashionable taste in drinks, saying, “I’m sorry, he’s old.”

The bartender chuckled.

For the middle of the day, on a beautiful beach day, the bar was pretty busy.  But, I guess for the people who live down there, going to the beach every day loses its allure pretty quickly.

Lo asked me, “You want to see what I saw on the bench?”

“Sure,” I said, not knowing where she was going with this.

She pulled out her phone and pulled up a photo of her with her legs spread and a guy with an elephant trunk hanging down from his crotch standing over her.

The old pervert seated next to Lo at the bar – not me, the guy on the other side of her – looked over Lo’s shoulder out of curiosity.

“Nice shot,” he said.

“Not nearly as nice as when he came on me,” retorted Lo without missing a beat.

“Is that so?” asked Mr. Intrusive.

“Yes, that’s so,” said Lo, followed by, “Oh, how rude of me.  HH, this is,” she said, as if introducing an old friend.

“Kip,” he said.

“Kip,” said Lo.  “Kip, HH,” she said, introducing us.

I shook his hand over Lo’s lap and said, “Nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure,” he said.

He clearly had had a few already.  He wore a festive Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts, sandals.  I’d say he was about 46 and beginning to bald.  A bit overweight.  Genial smile and friendly – midwestern friendly.  Too friendly, you might say.

Lo was in a festive, flirty mood and so she teased and toyed with this guy, telling both him and me what happened with her mystery man down by the beach.

“How very slutty of you,” he said.

“I thought so,” replied Lo proudly.

The guy asked, “Will you be my slut?”

“I’m everyone’s slut.  That’s what being a slut is.”

“I don’t know if you could handle me,” said the guy.

“Why not?” asked Lo, defiantly.

“My cock – it’s pretty big and has a lot of girth,” he said.

Lola pulled out her phone and found a photo of her horse cock dildo.  “This is one of my toys,” she said.  “I can handle any cock.  Any human cock, that is.”

The guy was trying to play it cool, but I could see he was intrigued by Lo’s unabashed candor.

What about Lo?  She was flirting and teasing, but was she actually into him?  I couldn’t tell.

We had a few more drinks and continued chatting.  The fella next to us was married, had adult children, older than Lo, and claimed to be in Miami on business.  But it was Thanksgiving weekend.  Who is in Miami on business?

Lola was waxing rhapsodic about how much she loved Miami – the ocean, the beaches, the restaurants.

The guy interjected, “The orgasms on the boardwalk.”

Lo squirmed in her barstool and pressed her knees together.

She looked at me, embarrassed.  I knew what happened.

I said, “You could say, she cums with the territory,” as I feigned spilling my water.

“That’s the worst pun you ever made,” said Lo as she watched me clean up the mess she made under her stool from her perch.

“Really?  I’m sure I’ve made worse,” I said, looking up at her, hoping she wouldn’t have another accidental squirting orgasm.

“I’m sorry,” Lo apologized to our new friend, “Dad jokes.”

“I’m a dad,” he said, “no need to apologize.”

Along one side of the pool there were semi-private alcoves with recliners made for two.  Lo ordered another drink and suggested we take the one that was recently vacated before someone else got it.  She picked up her bag and casually sauntered to her destination.

Mr. Middleage followed her, leaving me to grab (and pay for) our last round.

When I got to the little cabana, Lo was lying down with her Mr. Marriedman next to her.  I handed Lo her drink and said I was going for a swim.  Her antics were beginning to upset me, if I’m honest.

I got in the warm water and rested up against the side of the pool with my drink in hand, watching Lo and her beau.

She lay with her legs crossed under her skirt.  She removed her bikini top.  The guy ogled her.  They were making small talk.  I could practically read Lo’s lovely lips when she said, “That’s ok, you can touch.”

The guy put his hand on Lo’s hip and slowly caressed her.  Lo turned over and he put his hand down under her skirt and I could see him touch her bum as she took a sip from her straw.

She rolled on her side, showing him her tits and letting her skirt open in front.  She said, “You like what you see?”

He said something I couldn’t make out.

“Are you hard?”

Again, I couldn’t make out the words.

“Jack it,” she commanded.

He pulled a towel over his cargo shorts and reached down.  Lo watched him intently.

She loves being the stimulant for sexually starving strangers, the sweet release for men and women who need a focus for their swirling smut-dreams like a mantra for meditation.

She was speaking softly to him, encouraging him, telling him dirty things about her, probably telling him about how she sucked my cock after letting me have her ass that morning.

His head dropped back and he became rigid for a few seconds before crumpling like a suit having all its starch sucked out in one magic moment.

Lo got up and came into the pool.  Her skirt billowed behind her in the water.  She swam to me and said, “Let’s go, Daddio.”

“Mission accomplished?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.  My mission is to make you cum like that,” she said as she grabbed my cock under the water.

We got out and Lo put her top on, and we walked out, both dripping wet, but she in more ways than one.

She blew a good-bye kiss to the man with the mess in his cargo.

Back at the hotel, Lo could hardly wait.

“Did you like everything today, Daddy?” she asked as she lay naked on the bed.

“Most of it,” I said, thinking it over.

“Let’s take a shower,” she said, just as I got out of my clothes and was very ready and eager to have her.

“What?  Now?”

“Yeah,” she said.  “I got sand in my hoo-ha.”

“What did you say?”

“You know, I’m not interested in any pearls in the ole clam.”

“Only you, darling, only you,” I said, amused at her pornographic poetry.

The shower had a small seat built into the back wall of it.  She sat on it, spread her legs, looked up at me, and said, “Was I a very bad girl today, Daddy?”

“Yes, yes you were.”

“Was I a dirty little slut?”

“Very much so.”

“Are you mad that I let a man cum on me in public?”

“No, darling.”

“Are you mad that I walked around with his cum on my body all day?”

“Proud of your accomplishment?”

“Oh yeah,” she said.

“Am I terribly disgusting?” she asked.

“Not to me,” I said.  I can’t lie.

“Show me, Daddy, that I’m yours,” she said.

I wasn’t sure what she was after.

She reached out and grabbed my cock and held it in her hand.

“You drank a lot at the bar,” she said.

“Not too much.  A few drinks.”

“Have you peed even once today, Daddy?”

Now I knew where she was going.

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes,” she said, a certain neediness in her voice.

I closed my eyes, relaxed, and let go.

She shook her tits and spread her legs wide as I drenched her in the warm stream from her chin down to her twat.

“That’s right, Daddy,” she said, “I’m such a slutty, cum-hungry, whore.”

I looked down at her, dripping wet, and said, “Ah, the Fountain of Youth!”

When I was done, we turned on the warm water and took turns washing and worshipping each other.

When we finally got in bed she said, “Use me, Daddy.  Use me however you want.  Treat me like your little fuck-doll.”

I had her on the bed just like I did in the morning.  I slid in her puss only briefly and then went back to her other hole, filling her from tip to balls.

“Mmmmm, yes.  Hold me down.  I like that.  Slap my ass.  Slap my puss.  Slap me.  Hold me down.  Hurt me.  Make it hurt!  Make me yours again, Daddy.  I’ve been so bad today.  I just want to be yours.  Yours.  Make me stop whoring around town.  Make me good again.  Make me so sore I can’t even walk.  Make me stop searching for cock.  Make me good again.”  She went on like that the entire time I fucked her until I was nearly ready to cum – finally after a full day of teasing and edging, watching her degrade herself for me and for others, in private and in public.  Finally, I was ready to explode with all that pent-up jealousy, desire, rage, ravage, revenge, lust, love, and “Lo!” I called out as I was about to erupt.

She quickly hopped off my rod and spun around, opening her mouth wide and accepting the offering I emitted like a parched nomad in the desert desirous of every last drop of life-giving liquid.  She wrapped her mouth around my cock and sucked, encouraging me to continue cumming until I could stand no more.

I fell down on the bed next to her and immediately lost consciousness, falling into a deep and peaceful sleep.

Thank You Daddy

 

Schrödinger’s Pussy

“Lily texted me,” I texted to Lola, “and she invited me to meet her at the bar to watch the World Series.”  It was the seventh game.  She was hoping to see her team win.  “Do you want to join?”

“Will Jim be there?”

“I don’t know.”

“Nah,” Lola texted, “I’ll stay in.”

I walked into the crowded watering hole after a long day at work.  Lily, was sitting at the bar, close to the TV.  To my surprise, she had saved me a stool next to her.  She gave me a hug and turned toward me.  Despite the cold October air, she was wearing only a short skirt and a thin, loose fitting blouse.  Her legs were spread a bit as she talked to me.

“Where’s Jim?” I inquired.

“He’s with some of his friends watching at their house.”

“You didn’t want to join them?”

I could see that she hadn’t invited me there just to watch the game.  She was already on her second drink of the night.  What was on her mind?

After just a little prodding (it didn’t take much), she revealed her true design.  She was looking for some free legal advice and simultaneously looking for some special attention.

She had recently graduated and got her Master’s in Sexuality and Gender Studies.  Now she was looking to do something with that degree and was interested in becoming a “Sex and Spirit Guide” to individuals and couples.  The question on her mind was, “If my therapeutic techniques involve hands-on help and I accept money for it, what’s the legal distinction between that and prostitution?”

It was a real zinger of a query – one that they don’t ask you in law school!  And my first inclination was to say, “I’m not sure I follow.  Could we please go back to your place and you can provide me with a demonstration in order that I understand what you do a little better?”  But I wisely withheld that request, which was purely for the academic purpose of gaining clarity, and I asked instead, “So you envision digitally manipulating and stimulating your clients?”

“Well, not only that, but possibly role-playing, BDSM experimenting, discovering their inhibitions through play therapy – you know, taking them on a real sexual and spiritual journey to the seat of their soul.”

“Wow!” I said, “It sounds very Jungian.”  Once more the images of Sabina Spielrein and Carl Jung came to mind.

“Yeah, this morning I had a professional photographer come to take some risqué photos to advertise my services.”

I got lost in my imagination as I envisioned the scene, but she continued.  “And Jim even joined for some of them.”

“Oooh,” I cooed, “Boudoir photos?”

“Some were,” she replied alluringly.  She began to pull out her phone as if ready to show me the raw, unedited shots.  I wanted to look.  I wanted to tell her all about the blog.  I wanted to divulge everything.  But I knew better.  First, it’s Lo’s secret to reveal, not mine.  That has always been the rule.  Second, I’ve learned that letting on to the blog to people who are in the blog creates a Schrödinger’s Pussy situation – where the knowledge of being observed contaminates the observation.

Again I got lost in my thoughts.

She was clearly trying to attract my attention.  She regained it as she unlocked her phone.  I fumbled for my words a bit and said something stupid like the answer to her legal question would take some research.  “A deep dive,” I remember saying.

“If you could advise me,” she said, playing the role of the helpless dancer in need of a savior, “I’d appreciate it so much.  I want to heal people, not get arrested.”

Her allusion to consequences kept me in check and I soon paid my tab and said a friendly farewell to her, looking forward to going home to my sweet slutwife.

I got in late.  I found Lola in bed, almost asleep, Stoya on my pillow.

“What’s this?” I asked.  “Are you trying to tell me something?”

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” she said.  “Come to bed.  I’ll explain.”

I removed my clothes, washed up, and got in bed.  She was on the verge of sleep.  I moved Stoya to the nightstand.

“I’m all ears. . . and a penis,” I said.

She rolled over toward me.  “I was bad,” she began.  I could have figured that.  “I was thinking of Heather and Erin and all the other women I’ve been with.  I was feeling like being with a woman tonight.”

“So you took out Stoya?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I tried a little experiment,” she said.

“Schrödinger’s Pussy,” I muttered under my breath, recalling my conversation of earlier in the evening.

“What?”

“Nothing.  Continue.”

“I fingered myself a bit, rubbed some of my girly juice on her lips, fingering her, and put her over my clit.  I fucked her pussy with my clit.”

“Did you cum?”

“Many times.  It really does feel pretty realistic.”

She hugged me and asked, “Are you mad?”

“No.  But I take it you didn’t wash her properly when done.”

“Sorry Daddy.”

I got out of bed and performed the recommended cleaning to Stoya’s pussy and then hung her out to airdry.

When I got back into bed, Lo was sound asleep on her tum.  I was on my back.  My right hand caressed her back.  Then her lower back.  Then the roundness of her rump.  Then between her legs.  I could feel how wet she was still.  My fingers circled around her pussy, becoming soaked.  I then slid one finger back and did circles around her other special spot.  Slowly, gently, furtively, I dipped in, just a bit.  No response.  Then a bit more.  Lo’s ass raised slightly.  A little more.  She either consciously or unconsciously elevated her hips.  She looked like an inchworm as my finger wormed its way into her bum.*

Then a moan.  Then a sigh.  Then a “Daddy, what are you doing?”

“Nothing, Lo.  Sleep.”

I was in up to my first knuckle.  I went deeper.  And deeper.  And then added a finger.  Her ass indicated it liked what it was getting.  It was completely relaxed and open to exploration.

And then, without warning, it seized up on my fingers.  It clenched like a vice and I heard Lo’s breathing accelerate.  After only a few seconds it was over.  I pulled my fingers out.  She was back to sleep.  I was hard-up.

“There’s always Stoya,” I thought.

 

* See the story, “Sin-esthesia” in which Lo gives her “blanket consent” to being fucked while asleep.

A Little Side Hustle

 

[Continued from “The Dinner Party“]

Soon the guests had arrived.  Because they were an international contingent traveling together, they all arrived together rather than in drips and drabs.  There were eight of them; two women and four men.

Thank goodness it was buffet style and not a sit-down dinner because with those numbers and pairings I would have been the odd-man-out.  Or, at least that was my first thought.  But then, as the guests were introduced to me, I had a follow-up thought: If Lola is Robert’s partner, then that means, for all intents and purposes to these folks, I am single, available, and, I hope, an attractive American catch!  Ah-ha!  Two can play at Lola’s little game!

Yes, each of the Aussies were introduced to me, but I’m horrible at names.  The only name I remembered was Imogen.  Of the two female guests, she was the older, more mysterious, more attractive, and more married.  It also helped that she was named after a Shakespearian character.  She looked like she was thrilled to be so far away from home where what happens here stays here.  I was very pleased to make her acquaintance.

Imogen had sandy blonde hair and hazel eyes.  She had a very casual, relaxed attitude and was dressed in tight jeans with heels and a very sheer, sleeveless white top.  When she drank, it was with her left hand and that gesture displayed her very large, prominent wedding ring.  I’ll admit, I was also taken in by her accent and foreign phrases.

The guests mingled and made small-talk and Lo played her part to a tee.  She kept her left hand in the nook of Robert’s right arm and positively glowed as he introduced her to each of his colleagues as his partner.  Her eyes sparkled and her mouth was inviting.

Small dishes and appetizers were served.  Wine was poured.  Eventually we all found our way to the living room where there was ample seating.  Lo brought out a tray of cheese and crackers and other little bites and placed it on the low coffee table in the center.  As she bent over to carefully set it down, I could see up her short black skirt.  So could others, I’m sure.  She looked so dainty in full hospitality mode.  Little would anyone suspect that Robert had been ramming his rod up her beautiful Betty Boop just a little while ago.

She took her “proper” place next to Robert on the couch.  Her right hand was gently, maybe unconsciously, stroking up and down his pantleg as she would normally do to me when we had company at our house.  It was a surreal feeling, as if we had broken up and now I was viewing her with her new man at a soiree that we both, coincidentally, happened to attend.  However, every now and again she would glance my way and give me a knowing look, as if to say, “This is all just show.  I’m going to jump your bones tonight ’cause this is making me so horny.”

I positioned myself next to Imogen and made some small talk with her.  I expressed exaggerated interest in her, looking deep into her eyes and feigning a strong connection to whatever she said.  Occasionally I gave a sidelong glance at Lo to insure that she was seeing my Academy-worthy performance as much as I was a witness to hers.  Maybe I overplayed my hand.  Soon Imogen was actually making the moves on me!  I mean, I liked her and found her attractive, but I certainly wasn’t looking for anything other than a counterpoint to Lo’s cruel counterfeit.

I got up and made my way to the kitchen.  Lo followed, excusing herself in order to get some of the entrée.  She stomped right up to me and in a hushed voice she threatened, “You stop your little flirtation or you will be sorry.  You hear me?”

“Lo,” I stammered.  “I was hardly flirting.”

“Oh, that’s so interesting,” she mocked my voice.  “Keep it up and. . .”

“And what?” I taunted.  “You’ll sleep with Robert?”

She stomped her foot, but quietly.  She abruptly turned and opened the oven to get the fish.  As she was bending over to take it out using oven mitts, who should appear next to me but Imogen!  “Can I help you with that?” she asked, her lovely accent making the question sound almost like a lilting melody.

“Oh no,” said Lo, “I’ve got it.  It’s just hot, but nothing I can’t handle.”  She was being as pleasant as pie, but I knew her too well and thus was aware that this was her “I’ll kill you with kindness” voice.

Lo brought out all the food and we all ate and drank to excess.  Imogen was uncomfortably cordial toward me.  But the more drinks I got in me, the less concerned about Lo’s feelings I was.

Lo, for her part, was playing the dutiful girlfriend and hanging on Robert’s arm, laughing at his every banal witticism.  Her sparkle, I must admit, brought real life and charm to the party.

After a good deal of indulging, Lo brought out the dessert tray and cozied up next to Robert on the couch again.  In the position she was sitting, I could see her cute tum rolls and it drove me wild!  I watched intently as she ate one delicacy after another, picking up the confections with her fingers and popping them into her mouth.  I thought of how I was feeding her before the guests arrived.  She must have seen me dreaming, because she looked right at me as she seductively put a chocolate truffle into her mouth.

After that, for me, the night wore on.  I just wanted to be alone with Lo, to feed her in both literal and metaphoric ways.  But there still was the problem of Imogen.  She became more and more flirtatious, placing her hand on my knee and occasionally moving close enough to me on the couch that her shoulder and mine were touching.

I felt that I was at an inflection point.  I could take one more drink and throw caution to the wind, indulging Imogen’s interests while ignoring Lo’s warnings.  Or I could cut myself off and take control of the situation.  The former prospect was fraught with problems and so was the latter, especially since I had very knowingly led my Australian married friend to believe that I was truly interested in her.  I knew which was the right choice, but neither was an easy choice.

Community Chest


What’s black and white and read all over?

            Recently our financial situation improved.  In no small part, Lo’s getting a full-time job has certainly contributed to our recovering fiscal health.  Now that we aren’t always scraping by to pay the rent or put food on the table, we actually have a little bit of money that we can set aside for a rainy day.  So, trying to be the responsible adults we pretend to be, we created a joint savings account.  I know, nothing says sexy like money in the bank.  Walking home from the bank, feeling a sense of accomplishment, I said to Lo, “We’ll call our account ‘The Community Chest.’”

            “Community Chest! – That’s what they called me in college!” she blurted out with a smile. 

I thought she was joking and said as much. 

“No,” she said, “that’s really what they called me.  There’s a long story there that I’ll tell you when we get home,” she said, grabbing hold of my hand and pressing her palm into mine.  

When we got home, I started to make myself a sandwich in the kitchen.  “So,” I said to her, “what’s the story from college?”

“What story?” Lo asked, playing dumb.  She loves to tease me and see that she has succeeded in piquing my interest. 

“You know what story,” I said, taking out the pickles, “the ‘Community Chest’ story.” 

She reached down and slid her hands from her waist up and under her bust, pushing upwards so that her cleavage bulged out of the neckline of her black tank top.  “You like, Daddy?”

“Yes,” I said, “but I want to hear the story.”

“Kiss them,” she instructed. 

I wagged my pickle at her (literally, no pun), and said, “Look here, Lo, if you’re trying to get me to hop in the sack with you and forego this lovely lunch I’ve just made, you’re in for some disappointment.” 

“I’ll be your lunch,” she said, standing up, unzipping her skirt and letting it fall to the kitchen floor.  She stood in her little black lace panties and her black boots. 

“Lola,” I said plaintively. 

“You know,” she paused and thought and then said, “I’m hungry too.”  She sauntered over to the fridge like a stripper on the stage.  She bent over, putting her ass in the air, standing on her tiptoes, and took a long look at the contents.  “I know what I want to eat,” she said, turning and walking toward me. 

What is there to eat?

“Lo.  Lo, I see that look in your eye.  Lo.”

It was no use.  She dropped to her knees on the kitchen floor.  She undid my belt, unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, pulled them down, pulled out my hard cock and filled her mouth with meat. 

Snack

“Fuck my face,” she asked, looking up at me.  “Put your hands here,” she said, moving my hands to her head, “and push me, use me, fuck my mouth.”  I followed instructions.  “Harder, Daddy!” she said before I forced her back on my rod.  I had passed the point of no return and soon I was filling her up as she ravenously swallowed all I gave her.  It all happened in the matter of a few moments.  Then she got up, took my plate with the sandwich that I had so carefully prepared, and sat at the table, taking a big bite of it.  “Mmmmmm,” she said, “can I have a glass of seltzer to go with this?” 

“Lo!  That was my sandwich!” I rebuked as I pulled up my jeans. 

“I just wanted a bite.  Here you have it.”

“No, it’s yours,” I said dejectedly as I got her a drink.

“No, I feel bad.  Have half.”

“Fine.”  I sat across from her and we ate.  “Now, tell me the story.”

“Well,” she began, chewing, “you remember Ryan?”

“No, I don’t remember Ryan.”

“Ryan, the boy from college.”

“I’m going to need a little more to go on than that.  There were a lot of boys from college.”

“I told you about how one night after watching a movie in a friend’s dorm, he and I crashed there on the sectional couch.”

“I vaguely recall that.” 

“You just want me to tell you again.”

“Indulge me.”

“Well, we got to talking in hushed tones about sex.”

“And who initiated that topic?” I asked sarcastically.

“He was curious about my masturbatory practices,” she said, ignoring my question.  “I told him that I jill it once a day – at least.” 

“Oh yes, I remember that story now.”

“Well, there’s more to it than that.  Come to the bedroom and I’ll tell you the rest.”

I followed her sexy ass to the bedroom, got naked, and climbed into bed with her.

She got on her back and spread her legs.  Putting her hand down there, under the covers, she continued in breathy tones.  “I was masturbating under the covers, like I am now, as I talked to him in the dark.  I imagined that he was masturbating too.  I asked him about his girlfriend – someone I didn’t really know.  He said that he wasn’t too happy with her and I asked him why he didn’t break up with her.  He said, ‘because she gives really good blowjobs.’  I said, ‘Oh yeah?  Tell me how you like it.’  He told me about what she does, adding, ‘but I don’t think she really enjoys it.’”

Lo was pulling on her nipples now and squirming in the sheets. 

“I was sad to hear that.”

“I’m sure you were broken up about it,” I added full of sarcasm.

“I told him, ‘You should try getting a blowjob from someone who really enjoys it.’”

“Did you give him one?”

“I really really wanted to.”

“I’m sure you did.”

“But he was too shy.”

“Too shy?!”

“Or something.  Maybe he felt bad cause of the girlfriend.  Whatever the reason, I didn’t get to give it to him.  I just masturbated till I came.  After that night, there were many nights when I’d be in my dorm, chatting on Facebook, and he’d pop up and quickly turn the chat into something sexual.”

“So you had virtual sex with him?”

“You could say that.”

“But that still doesn’t explain how you got the nickname.”

“I’m getting there.  Give me a minute,” she said as she climaxed. 

            I waited for the waves of pleasure to subside. 

            She flipped over and lifted her ass up.  “Fuck me, Daddy, and I’ll tell you the rest of the story.”

            “Lo, you just blew me in the kitchen.”

            “Come on!  You can do better than that.  Can’t you get it up again?”

            Her belittling comments didn’t help the situation.

            “Get behind me and fuck me,” she demanded. 

            I got behind her, but I wasn’t hard.  She reached under the bed and passed me her glass dildo.  “Use this for now,” she instructed.  I slid the smooth, hefty sculpture into her slippery puss and she continued talking in spurts. 

            “He was a gamer and I think he told his nerdy friends about me.  Soon they were inviting me over their dorm rooms to play with them.  They each wanted me to jiggle their joysticks.”

            “I bet they did.”

            “They were all computer geeks and none of them had much sexual experience.  Anyhow, I didn’t actually do anything with them.”

            “Nothing?” I asked in disbelief.

            “Not much, but they made up stories about me.  They each claimed that they fucked me and so they began calling me the community chest, bragging that they each made a deposit.”

            “And you let them get away with that?”

            “Let them, I got off on it.”

            All this time I was almost mechanically pushing and pulling the glass object in and out of her puss as she was backing up and pulling forward on her hands and knees.  Now she said, “Harder, Daddy.  Pay attention to what you’re doing!”

            I tried to give more attention to her puss, but I had more questions for her.  “So,” I asked, “what did you do with them?”

            “Well,” she said, ramping up again, “like I said, they didn’t have much sexual experience and when I did try to blow one of them he. . .” she broke off and began her howling orgasm.

            I pulled the dildo out from her and she squirted, involuntarily, all over the sheets.  She thrust her hands between her legs, trying to stop the sprinkler, and she exclaimed, “Wow!  I feel like a fucking Slip-n-Slide!” 

            “You’re more fun,” I said.

            Collapsing in the bed when she was done, I brought a towel over and applied it between her legs and to the sheets.  I asked her again, “What happened?”

            “I squirted,” she said, annoyed at my ignorance.

“No, silly.  I mean, what happened with the geek?” 

“Oh, well, I was on my knees and I unzipped his pants, but when I opened up his fly, I saw that he had already cum.  I said to him, ‘Let me blow you.  You can take my tits out of my top and suck on them,’ but he was so embarrassed that he just zipped up and left.”

            “And the thought of that made you cum just now?” I asked.

            “No,” she said, “the thought of making all of his friends cum the night that I went over there to play video games and they watched me finger myself – that made me cum.”

            “Tell me that story.”

            “Another time, Daddio, when I actually have a shot of getting fucked by you,” she said, closing up shop for the day.

I’m Your Bitch


            We were out on a double date with Mark and Stephanie.  Despite, or perhaps because of, Lo’s slutty ways, especially around Mark, they invited us out again after the beach experience.  They had hired a sitter for their kids and this time it was just the four of us at a local restaurant.  Because it was so crowded that Friday night, we took the first table we could get – a high-top in the bar area. 

            Lo was wearing her sexy little black skirt and heels with a neon blue blouse that had one too many buttons undone, revealing her cleavage and part of her lace bra.  She was sitting kitty-corner to Mark, and when she laughed, she would put her hand on his forearm, his knee, or touch his bicep.  She did this in a friendly, yet flirtatious way. 

            After the day at the beach with them, there was no way they would be surprised by this.  I was wondering to myself if they were actually interested in propositioning Lo, or both me and Lo, but were too inhibited to come out and say it. 

            If Lo was trying to get me jealous with her fawning over Mark, she was doing a good job of it.  Usually I’m not the jealous type – especially not with a hotwife like Lo.  But Mark was too perfect.  He was smart – a teacher in fact – and handsome, he worked out at the gym and was in tip-top shape, he had a perfect smile, and he was about four inches taller than I.  As if that wasn’t enough, Lo was perpetually reminding me of how large his cock is, as she ascertained through his pants and his bathing suit.  If he had any flaws that made his wife not want all that every night, I was unaware of them.  To make matters worse, Lo kept on inquiring of him about his personal habits.  “How do you stay so fit?  How do you keep in such great shape?” she asked, as she rubbed her hand down from his broad shoulder to his elbow. 

            He, for his part, was lapping it up.  He went on and on about his workout routine as Lo licked her lips just imagining it. 

            What Stephanie felt or thought during this, I don’t know, but in order to avoid any bad feelings, I inquired of Stephanie how her work was going and how the kids were doing.  It was boring polite dinner talk.  I really wanted to blurt out and ask her, “What do you think of my little slut making moves on your hunky husband?” 

            However, all this flirtatious frivolity came to a screeching halt when Julie approached our table.  Julie is a woman who moved to our neighborhood recently and has earned the ire of Lo.  She is just about Lo’s age with a teenage son, which means that she must have been pregnant when she was about 16.  She’s single and she gives Lo a run for her money.  She’s tall and has an All-American look about her that says she’s nothing but innocent sweets and smells of apple pie.  She uses this to her advantage in order to charm every guy she meets.  She hasn’t spoken more than the casual hello to Lo (or any other woman in the neighborhood), but will go out of her way to chat up any of the men on our block. 

How Lo Pictures Mark out to eat with Stephanie

            Julie happened into the restaurant alone, but I doubt she planned to leave it that way.  Seeing us – or rather, seeing me – she approached and gave me a warm hug hello with a kiss on the cheek.  To the other three, she merely waived and flashed her sparkling whites at them.  I felt Lo kick me hard in the shin under the table.  I was glad of it.  After all the torment she had given me thus far that evening, it was my chance to return the favor. 

            Though Julie was only going to say hi, I asked what brought her to that restaurant that night.  She said that her son was at a sleepover and that she just felt like getting out.  Much to Lo’s silent consternation, I insisted that Julie join us and get to know Mark and Stephanie.  At first Julie declined the invite, but I insisted. 

            “I couldn’t possibly.  There’s not enough room at this table,” she said.

            “Nonsense.  I’ll make room for you right here,” I said, sliding my stool over and grabbing another one for Julie so that she was very cozy between me and Mark. 

            Lo’s eyes were shooting ICBM warheads at me.  Ha!

            Despite Lo’s displeasure, the addition of Julie really helped the evening’s conversation.  The awkward pairing of Lo and Mark trading googly eyes at each other while Stephanie and I tried to pretend like nothing was happening was disrupted by Julie’s asymmetrical addition.  Now Lo was forced to pay attention to me at the expense of her romantic overtures to Mark.  I enjoyed that very much. 

            The night came to an early end for us because Lo insisted she had to get home “at a decent hour” in order to prepare for some fictitious event.  When I began to express perplexity at this excuse, I received another swift kick to my other shin.  I wasn’t sure how I’d walk home on those two injured legs of mine. 

            As soon as we were out of the restaurant, Lo stormed off at a brisk pace ahead of me. 

            “What?” I asked insincerely innocent.

            Silence.

            “Lo, come on.  Slow down and talk to me.  What’s the matter?”

            “You know very well what’s the matter,” she said from ten feet in front of me.

            “No I don’t.  What’s the matter?  Come on?  Please slow down.”

            She waited for me. 

            “Oh, Julie, there’s plenty of room for you.  You can come here and sit on my lap,” she said in a mocking manner. 

            “I did not say that.”

            “Whatever.”

            “Does it upset you?”

            We had just arrived at our apartment.  We got inside.  She went right to the bedroom and got naked.

            “Mmmmm, you look good,” I said.

            “This,” she said, sliding her hands over her sexy body, “is not for you.”

            “I suppose it’s for Mark,” I responded.

            “It’s for anyone except you,” she said curtly. 

            I got naked and into bed and she slid under the covers next to me and shut out the nightstand light. 

            From the darkness I heard, “Daddy, do you like her?”

            “Who?”

            “You know who.”

            “Julie?”

            “Yeah, Julie, that slut.”

            “Careful Lo, ‘slut’ is a compliment in your book.”

            “Only for me.  And you’re only for me.  You hear me?”

            “Yes, Lo, I hear you.”

            She reached down and grabbed my cock and began rubbing it.  “This is mine.  You got that?”

            “Yes Lo.”

            I was getting hard.  She dove under the covers and began sucking my cock.  When she reemerged, she asked, “Do you want me?”  

            “Yes,” I said.

            “Well get behind me and fuck me.”

            I did as she commanded.  She was wet and willing.  She came within seconds of penetration. 

            “Why do you want me?” she asked when she caught her breath.

            “Because Lo, I’m like a dog.  If you reach down between my hind quarters and fondle me and suck me till I’m hard, I’m going to want you.”

            That had her cumming again.

            “Either I get to have you,” I said, “or I’m going to be left painfully hard-up and full of liquid desire for you.”

            She loves the thought of me (or men) suffering physical anguish in the groin for her sweet release.  This made her climax a third time.

            “Cum in me.  Use me.  That’s what I’m here for.  You don’t need anyone else.  Just me and my cunt.  Fuck me, you horny dog.”

            I did as she commanded, filling her full of my froth. 

Filled, but not Finished

            She fell forward and I cuddled her.

            “Daddy, do you love me?”

            “So much,” I said.

            “Then why do you make me so jealous?”

            “Honestly Lo, it’s just to reassure me that I’m still your favorite.  I don’t mind sharing you, but I do really fear losing first place to someone else.”

            “Daddy, you’re silly.  You know that more than half the reason I flirt with other guys is because I want you to fuck me fiercely.  I want you to fight for me and subdue me with your cock.  Make me know that you’re my Daddy.” 

            Hearing her talk like that got me hard all over again and so I mounted her again and asked her what she was.

            “I’m your bitch.  I’m your horny, slutty, dirty bitch.”

Class Pet

            A stroll down Memory Lane:

            I was a little rusty.  It had been a while since I was in the classroom in front of a packed lecture hall of undergrads.  To compound matters, I wasn’t even lecturing on my specialty, art, but on literature.  You see, a friend and colleague of mine had taken ill and needed someone to fill the gap as a long-term substitute for the second half of the semester.  The course was “Post-Modernism.”  I had jumped in just as the syllabus was up to Donald Barthelme’s The Dead Father.  Looking out across the room full of bright, enthusiastic, eager, young faces, I was feeling like the dead father myself.  Were colleges admitting younger students, or was I just growing old?  I know what Lo would say. 

            The lecture hall was designed much like a movie theater, with the students’ seats at an incline, rising about ten feet from the lectern to the last row.  And it just so happened that in the third row was a very sexy and seductive brunette seated directly in front of me, her knees level with my eyes. 

            I must have tickled her fancy because on the third day of classes she strutted in wearing high heels, a short skirt, and a crop-top that prominently displayed her navel.  As I was pontificating about the post-modern condition, she was crossing and re-crossing her legs, allowing ample time for me to see that she was clearly not wearing panties.  I was even able to discern the dainty little ‘V’ shape of her carefully groomed pubic hair. 

            Trying my best to not stare, since a hundred other eyes were on me as I looked out and up into those vessels waiting to be filled from my fount of wisdom, I read from the text:

Class Pet

They stand before the hole in the ground. 

No fleece? Asked the Dead Father.

Thomas looked at Julie

She has it?

Julie lifted her skirt.

Quite golden, said the Dead Father.  Quite ample.  That’s it?

All there is, Julie said.  Unfortunately.  But this much.  This where life lives.  A pretty problem.  As mine as yours.  I’m sorry. 

Quite golden, said the Dead Father.  Quite ample.

He moved to touch it.

No, said Thomas.

No, said Julie.

I’m not even to touch it?

No.

After all this long and arduous and if I may say so rather ill-managed journey?  Not to touch it?  What am I to do?

Fan petting her Golden Fleece to Lo’s images

            A suggestive passage, indeed.  But what was I to do?  The page had been earmarked by the professor in whose stead I stood and the passage highlighted.  After reading aloud, it dawned on me that perhaps this was indicated for his personal pleasure and not for me to discuss in class.  Too late.  The cat was out of the bag now.  Or the puss, as the case may be. 

            My little class flirt raised her hand.  “Why is Julie’s pubic hair depicted as blonde?” she asked, unabashed.  Perhaps even a little sadistically, as her question was intended to make me squirm publicly. 

            “Excellent question!” I said like a fool.  “Maybe because the entire text is harkening to Greek mythology, and the Golden Fleece is, well, golden?”

            Unsatisfied, she followed with, “But isn’t this just perpetuating the myth of white elitism?” 

            “It could be read that way, or it could be read as a commentary or critique of those very origin stories that propounded the European and, by extension, white supremacist beliefs.”  I thought the answer not bad for an extemporaneous analysis.

            “And the centrality of the father,” she said, “isn’t that really patriarchal?”

            “You could view it that way, except for the fact that the children are taking him to be buried.  They are attempting to bury the patriarchy, you might say.” 

            As I answered, she spread her legs, very wide this time, and her right hand moved with grace and effortless flow, down to her crotch and ever-so-briefly pet her labia, causing them to spread.  I knew where I wanted to bury my patriarchy. 

            When the class was finally over, as the students were filing out of the lecture hall, I called the precocious student over to my lectern.

            “Ms. uh. . .”

            “Down,” she said, “Lola Down.”

            “Ms. Down,” I said, looking into her brown eyes.  “I am sorry that you found this week’s text so objectionable.”

            “I didn’t find it objectionable,” she said, batting her eyelashes at me.  “I just don’t understand men’s idealizing and obsessing over blonde pussy.”

            I was shocked, shocked! at her forthrightness. 

            “Well, er, yes, um, I completely understand,” I muttered, unable to compose myself. 

            “Don’t get me wrong,” she said, “I like blonde pussy as much as the next girl, but it’s like ice cream.  Why only taste vanilla when there’s also chocolate and strawberry?” 

            “Well put,” I said like an idiot.  “I look forward to seeing you next class.”

            “I look forward to being seen,” she said, knowing exactly what I meant. 

            “And,” I added, “I hope you won’t be too offended by our assigned reading next week.”

            “Lolita?” she asked, displaying that she was well aware of what was on the syllabus, “Don’t worry, I read it so many times in middle school that the pages fell out.  It’s my favorite!” 

Sex & Death

“We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.”

                                                       Anne Morrow Lindbergh – Gift From the Sea

            For a few months now, Lola and I have been like the dancers upon a large stage – not like the partners doing a sexy Spanish tango, but like performers of some contemporary choreography who move at a great distance from each other, yet always aware of the presence of the other.  Her work has demanded long hours and travel around the country.  My work has kept me at the office on weekends.  We have seen each other only occasionally – hastily preparing and eating dinner, a ride to and from work, a quick fuck before sleep. 

            Realizing the monotonous irregularity of our relationship, we consciously made an effort to set aside a weekend for a “love-in”: two days of nothing but lying in bed together, rediscovering each other’s bodies, reading naked next to one another, watching movies, and preparing luxurious meals – all in the comfort of our own home.  Laundry can wait.  Work can wait.  Life can be put on hold. 

            But fate had something else in store for us.  On the Friday that was to kick off our cocoon habitation, Lo got word of the unexpected death of her friend Cammy’s husband’s aunt.  When Lo relayed this to me, at first I thought, “So?”  I didn’t expect that such a tangential relation would in any way impinge upon our reunion weekend.  But, it turns out, Cammy is very anxious about death and dying, is prone to panic attacks, and since her new husband would be needed at the memorial and funeral services, Cammy pleaded with Lo to come along for moral support.  Lo graciously agreed.

            “It’s only for Saturday,” said Lo.

            “That’s fifty percent of our love-in.”

            “I’ll make it up to you,” she said, seductively.  “Promise.”

            “Can’t Cammy handle this herself?”

            “No, she can’t.  Besides, I already said I’d go with her.” 

            I was in a foul mood.  I grunted something incomprehensible, but clearly expressed my displeasure.

            “I’ll be back tomorrow night and we still have tonight.”

            It was no use.  My mood was spoiled.  Lo said to me that I was spoiled, and, in retrospect, she was right. 

            Friday we went to bed and I rolled away from Lo as she lay there naked next to me in the dark.  “Daddio, you realize don’t you that you could have me now.”

            Grunt.

            “Do you realize how many men would pay – would die – to have a naked nympho next to them in bed, wet, waiting, and willing to fuck?!  Do you?  You big grouch.  Come here.  Put your face in my cleavage, suck my tits, grab my ass and fuck me,” she said, pulling on my arm. 

            “No,” I said like a child.  “I don’t want a quick fuck and then sleep.  I want to have you all weekend, all to myself.” 

            She didn’t respond.  She just reached over and grabbed my cock and began to rub it under the blankets. 

            “I can feel you getting hard.  I know you want to have me.”  She was right.

            After some manipulation, I rolled over to her.  I got on top of her, spread her legs and entered her. 

            “That’s it, Daddio.  Have me.  Use me.  Use me like so many guys have used me.  Fuck me.  Get your rocks off on me.”

            She continued to encourage me like that.  Though her voice was soft and breathy, I could tell she wasn’t getting off herself.  Her breath wasn’t becoming short and rapid.  Her hips weren’t moving to meet mine.  She wasn’t using her body to help herself climax.  But she kept talking to me and the sound of her sexy voice was enough to stir me to a swift conclusion. 

            “Yes.  Cum on me.  Cum on my face.  Cum on my tits,” she said without cumming herself. 

            When I was done, I said, “You didn’t like it.”

            “No, Daddio.  I did.”

            “Then why didn’t you cum too?”

            “Because, I just wanted you to use me.  Sometimes I like to do that.”

            “You like to fuck.  You like to orgasm.  You like to do it all again.  I know what you like.”

            “Sometimes I just want to be your fuck-toy that you use to get your rocks off.  It was so hot seeing you cum on my face.”

            As odd as it sounds, when Lo doesn’t cum, even if I do, it leaves me feeling like our romp was anticlimactic.  I went to sleep feeling worse than I did before. 

            Saturday came and Lo got decked out in her little black dress and black leather boots. 

            “Do I look ok for a funeral?”

            “You look like the stereotypical mistress who follows a funeral.”

            “What?!”

            “Lo, your skirt doesn’t even cover your knees and that top really makes your chest. . . er. . . prominent.” 

Look Daddy, No Panties!

            “You think so?” she said, perking up.

            “Yeah.”

            “Shucks, you know how to compliment a lady.”

            “Good grief!”

            “Wish me luck,” she said as she gave me a peck on the cheek.

            “Luck?” I asked, surprised. 

            “Or, whatever one wishes when one goes to a funeral.”

            Off she went and I went to the office, thinking that she’d be rather late returning. 

            Half past three, and I before I even had a chance to go to lunch, I got a text from Lo – “I’m home.  Where are you?”

            I closed up shop and sped home to see her.  When I got in, there she was, greeting me at the door. 

            “Oh, hello,” I said, seeing her still in her mourner’s basic black.

            “Hello ole’ man.”

            “How was your, er, funeral?”

            “My funeral.”

            “I mean, the funeral you. . .”

            “It was fine.”

            “Fine?”

            “Well, better than fine – for a funeral.”

            “What do you mean by that?”

            “Come to the bedroom and I’ll tell you.”

            When I got to the bedroom, she had already hopped on the bed and lifted her skirt up over her waist, showing her bare ass.

            “Lo!” I said, taken aback, “You didn’t wear panties to a funeral in December?!”

            “How else is a girl supposed to amuse herself at a funeral?”

            “Seriously?”

            “Don’t you like?” she asked, wagging her ass in the air.

            “Um.”

            “Well, I can tell you, there were boys at the funeral who were very happy to see me.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “Get yourself out of those pants and I’ll explain.”

            I dropped my trousers immediately and pulled up behind her.

            “That’s it, old man.  Pound it.  Drive it home.”

            “Lo, why are you so randy today?”

            “When am I not?” she retorted, followed by a moan.

            “What got into you at that funeral?”

            “You should be asking who got into me.”

            “Lo, you didn’t.”

            “I’m sorry, Daddy, but I was like the song.”

            “The song?”

            “You know: ‘I gotta stay high all the time to keep you off my mind.’  Bad habits, you know.”

            “They say bad habits never die.”

            “Ha,” she laughed, “It wasn’t a funeral for my habits, that’s for sure.”

            “What did you do?”

            “Remember the wedding we went to?”

            “Which one?”

            “The one where we got it on in the powder-room.”

            “Yeah.”

            “Well, that’s what I did, but at a funeral.  Same difference.”

            “But, I wasn’t there.”

            “I had no idea you were so fond of funerals.”

            “I had no idea you were so irreverent.”

            “Irreverent?  Don’t you think that it’s very respectful of the dead to enjoy life?”

            “Not that way!”

            “Sex is the emblem of life and orgasm its crowning achievement.”

            “The French call orgasm le petit mort – the little death.”

            “Well, then I died many times at that funeral!  Slay me once more.”

            “Lola!”

            “Do you like fucking me knowing that two other guys were in me earlier today?”

            I went at her with great vigor and she came as she talked dirty to me about it.  After she did, I pushed her body flat on the bed and ejaculated all over her back. 

            “Fuck!” she yelled out, “My dress!”

            Her mourner’s gown was now my cum rag.  I fell down next to her on the bed.  Between deep gasps, I said, “That’s how you should greet me every time I come home.”

“Even from work?”

“Especially from work?”

“Even when you just go out to the bar?”

“Yes, when I go out to the bar.  When I go out to do grocery shopping.  When I take out the trash.  When I enter through that door you should greet me just like that.”

Waiting for a Lyft

            “How do I look?” she asked, doing a little twirl on the toes of her shiny black boots. 

            “Just Peachy,” I said.

            “Peachy?”

            “Yeah.”

            “You’re so old,” she replied.  “Do you like the lipstick?  Too much?” she asked as she puckered up.

            “Depends.  What do you plan on doing with it?”

            “Hopefully something naughty,” she said as her tongue ran over her pearly whites.

            Lo was all decked out for a date she had with a new gentleman caller.  About a half hour earlier she had emerged out of her steamy shower, silky smooth down below.  She showed me saying, “Hopefully he’ll appreciate this.”

            “You are eager for him to get up your skirt,” I said, nonchalantly, though I was upset that she wasn’t offering it to me.

            “So eager that I’m not going to wear panties.”

            “Why don’t you shave for me?  Only when you’re going on dates?”

            She walked up to me and made a pouty face, and teased, “Oh, is my ole man jealous?”

            “No,” I said, “Not jealous.  But I appreciate a slick, wet, whistle just as much as the next guy.”

            “I know,” she said condescendingly.  “But don’t you like my muff too?”

            “Lo, I like all of you in every way,” I said, “But maybe you could just keep the mons pubis polished all the time, especially for when I go down on you.”

            “But Daddy, it’s winter.  I might catch a chill.”

            “Wear a merkin.  I hear they’re coming back in style.”

            “Funny.”

            “I’m serious.  I read an article about it.  It was all the rage for Fashion Week in New York.”

            “Fiddle-dee-dee,” she said dismissively. 

            “You don’t seem to be too worried about catching a chill today,” I observed.

            “I plan to have his warm mouth on my va-jay-jay soon enough,” she retorted. 

            “Are you just trying to tease me?” I asked, adding, “Cause you could have my mouth on it right now.”

            She was applying moisturizer to her tits, tum, and mellifluous legs and puss.  “Will you get my back?” she asked, applying some lotion to my palm and turning around.

            I began to rub it into her shoulders and then down her back.  She bent over, exposing her rear.  “Get it in good there, cause I want to be silky sweet for him when he has his face where your hands are now.”  I was circling my middle finger around her anus and she was moaning. 

            After a little while of that, she got on the bed, lying on her back, her legs up.  I thought for sure this was my invitation.  But no!  Instead she said, “Don’t forget my toes.  Get right in there.” 

            I applied the lotion to her heel, her arches, her toes and between her toes, one foot at a time.  She was almost climaxing from the sensation.  I was hard as a rock in my slacks and protruding noticeable.  I could see her pussy glistening. 

            “Do you plan on giving him a foot-job as well?”

            “I plan on giving him whatever he wants.”

            “Lo, why are you torturing me so much?  I’ll just pull out my cock and you can give me a foot-job.  Think of it as warm-ups or practice,” I said as I unzipped my pants.

            “I’m already hot.  I don’t need warm-ups.  And are you saying I need practice?”

            “Practice makes perfect.”

            “I am purrrrrfect,” she said, “or at least so I’m told.”

            She got off the bed and began rummaging through her wardrobe.

            “Out!” she commanded.  “You’ll see when I’m done.”

            I left the room and then, a while later, she appeared in the living room asking me how she looked.  I was starving for a taste of her.  When I said, “Just peachy,” I was thinking about eating her peach, which now was more like a nectarine. 

            She lifted the hem of her short skirt to show me her bare nectarine.  Then she bent over to pick up her purse and pull out her phone. 

            “Lo, the whole world can see how nicely you prepared yourself when you do that move.”

            “That’s what I was going for.”

            I rolled my eyes.

            “You won’t miss me too much?” she asked.

            “Lo, I’m going to tell you the truth.  As soon as you shut that door, permission or no permission, I’m going to pull out my Fleshlight and cum so hard into Stoya’s pussy.”

            “NO!” she exclaimed.  Horror of horrors.

            “But, I’m so worked up right now.  I can think of nothing else.”

            “I’ll tell you what,” she said, “I just ordered my Lyft.  It will be here in exactly four minutes.  Go get a condom.” 

            I ran to get a condom from the bedroom and appeared back in the living room, eager to fuck her, but I had another thing coming. 

            “Put it on,” she said, looking at her phone. 

            I obeyed. 

            And then, instead of bending over the couch and letting me enter her, she grabbed my covered cock with her right hand and began jacking it. 

            “What?” I asked perplexed. 

            “I’ll jack you off.  You have about two minutes,” she said, not even looking at me. 

            “Why won’t you let me fuck you?”

            “Because, I’m pretty as a picture right now.  I don’t want to risk messing up my outfit.”

            “Really?”

            “A minute and a half.  Do you want to be hard-up all night?”

            “OK, ok,” I said, letting her tug, “but why the condom?”

            “No mess,” she said, her hand moving mechanically.  “Speaking of pictures. . .” she said as she manipulated her phone with her other hand.  She raised up her arm and smiled at the camera as she shot a selfie without me in the frame.  No one would even suspect she was giving me a hand-job as she flashed her smile at them.  She sent the pic to her date with a message, “Coming.”

            She looked again at her ride app and saw the car turn onto our street.  She got closer to me and ever-so-gently licked my earlobe with her tongue as she increased her wrist motion.  “That’s it Daddio, think about how he is going to lick my clit later.  Think about how he’s going to cum all over my puss and make my skirt all dirty with his hot mess.  I’m your little trollop, your little. . .”

            She stopped mid-sentence.  The Lyft was outside our window.  I came into the condom.  She let go.  I grabbed my cock and stroked it as I watched her through the window getting into the car and blowing me an air kiss. 

            She is truly devilish. 

Cliterotica

[In honor of all our friends, such as Cara, Hy, Catherine, and of course, Michael & Molly, who are attending Eroticon this weekend, a little fantasy of what we envision our attending it to be like. Hopefully next year.]

Drawing of Lola by nglare

            “LOLA” – her name lit up the marquee.  As we approached the theater from the street, slick from the recent rain, Lo looked up and said, “Big, bright, beautiful, and inviting.  That’s me alright!”

            We were in England for the annual Literotica convention and somehow we were the headline event for this evening’s performances.  Lo was giddy with excitement. 

            Entering the theater from the side door for performers, there was a flurry of activity backstage.  Everyone was primping and preparing.  Lo, herself, had tried on three different outfits and five different pairs of shoes before settling on the glittery gold sequin top, the slinky green skirt, and the flashy four-inch heels.  “Green and gold,” I said, “the colors of money.”

            We were there to do a reading and book signing, but Lo had plans for oh so much more than that.  Her Marina Abramovic performance-art streak was activated and she had conspired with me to put on a show.  We were to be a Penn & Teller style duet.  She’d be Penn, the showman, and I’d be Teller, the silent sidekick.  She had her props: a little wooden lectern on which she put the book, some paints, paint brushes, markers, and a sign.  The sign read:

Match, Vol. I – $35

Match, Vol. II – $20

Match, Vol. III – $20

Complementary with your purchase:

Squeeze

Tease

Pull

Paint

Draw

Write

Kiss

Suck

Cum

NOT ALLOWED:

Penetration of any sort

Photos

(Mild BDSM is ok)

All prices USD

            After the opening acts, we were introduced to a loud round of applause.  I got butterflies in my stomach and I’m sure Lo did as well.  We took our places on the otherwise empty wooden stage under the hot spotlights.  I stood next to Lo at the lectern with three stacks of books and my portable credit card swipe device plugged into my phone.

            Lo opened the books to the places she had specially chosen for this event and read some select passages: The preface to Vol I, penned by her; the encomium to the color red; a few poems.  As she read each passage in her sweetly seductive voice, she slowly removed first one and then the other strap of her blouse and let it fall, revealing her breasts.  She then wriggled out of both the blouse and her skirt until she stood stark naked but for her sexy heels.  The poems were read in the buff. 

            When she was done the music began – selections of songs mentioned in the books.  I invited the audience members who had pre-purchased books to step up and have Lola sign them while they each took a turn participating in one of the activities mentioned on Lo’s sign. 

            The first ones in line were a bit shy and timid.  They ventured a kiss or a gentle tug on Lo’s nipples while she leaned over to sign one of the gloss nude photographs of her in the book.  A few others took up the Sharpie pen and wrote love notes to Lo on various parts of her body.  Some wrote “Slut” or “hotwife” or “cum here” with an arrow pointing to her puss. 

            As the audience saw the performance taking place, those without books were eager to get in line and I began selling our inventory.  Men took out their cocks and began stroking as they eagerly awaited their turn in line. 

            Some of them stroked it next to Lola as she signed the books and wrote cute comments about the men’s anatomy in the margins. 

            The first man to cum did so on Lo’s feet, filling up her shoes with warm jizz.

            The next man to cum had a powerful ejaculation and managed to hit Lo’s tits with remarkable aim.  He even got a bit of applause!

            A woman was in line and she gave Lo a very warm kiss on the lips and then slid her tongue down Lo’s neck to her glazed breasts and cleaned off the previous customer’s cumtribution. 

            This performance went on for some time, until we sold out of all our books!

            Unfortunately for Lo, all of this fun foreplay was merely a tantalizing orgasm tease.  She whispered in my ear and I briefly disappeared off stage to grab Lo’s favorite toy from one of the event sponsor’s display: The Hitachi Magic Wand.  We plugged it into an extension cord and I brought the large, white device to Lo who proceeded to use it on her clit while sitting in a high stool.  She spread her legs and, within only a few moments filled with tension and anticipation, Lo finally gushed with an torrential outpour of emotion, release, and fluid that covered the stage. 

            After her grand finale, some stage hands appeared at Lo’s side with warm, wet towels and they cleaned her off.  One of them gently removed Lo’s feet, one at a time, from her shoes and wiped them down.  Another person mopped the wooden floor.  Once Lo was cleaned off, she got dressed again and we walked off the stage.  Before exiting, though, Lo took a long bow, but not to the audience, but to the wings of the stage, thus giving the audience one last look up her skirt. 

            Congratulations were showered on Lo and me from our fellow literotica friends and authors and we got ready for the afterparty.

Slap Shot

“Tell me about the hockey team,” I say.

“What hockey team?” she asks.

“Don’t be coy Roy,” I say.

“Oooohhhh, you mean the hockey team that I met on my trip.”

“Yeah, that hockey team.  Why?  Is there another I should know about?”

“There are a lot of hockey teams in the world.”

“And you’re just the gal for each of them, aren’t you?”

“If you say so,” she says, batting her eyelids.

“Just tell me about the hockey team you began telling me about the other night.”

She had begun telling me about it the night she returned from her business trip, but I was so primed and ready for our reunification that I didn’t last long enough to hear any more than the teasing preview.  Now a few weeks had gone by of my living in ecstatic mystery wondering about her little hints and jibes and I felt ready to hear the full-length tale.

“First,” she says, “get naked and lie on your back.”

I follow instructions.

She pulls out the massage oil and drips it over my cock.  She begins to rub as the starts up where she left off.

“I told you, I was on my way back up to my hotel room when I got in the elevator with a bunch of guys who had arrived in town for a hockey tournament.  I think they positively could smell how horny I was.  They began to make small talk with me and I flirted back.  They told me that they had the entire ninth floor of the hotel.  I told them I was on the eleventh floor and I asked if they were up for coming up.”

“Let me guess, they were all very hard-up.”

“Oh yeah,” she says, caressing my member with both hands.  “Just like you. . . only bigger.”

“And?”

“Well, they invited me to their floor first and so I got off.”

“Off the elevator?”

“Well, I got off on my floor, went to my room, got myself off, freshened up, and then went to their floor.  All the doors were open on their floor and everyone was coming and going like in a dorm room.  I flitted here and there and some of them were changing or walking around with their shirts off and a few had just gotten out of the shower and had nothing on but a towel around the waist.  They were all gorgeous.”

“I bet.  I bet you didn’t even see their faces.”

“Oh, no.  I saw their faces and their arms, their chests, their lovely sculpted legs.  I saw just about everything.”

“But you wanted more.”

“More is my favorite amount.  So I invited five of them down to my room.”

“You did what?”

“You heard me.  A select five.”

“Oh, I’m glad to hear that.  How did you select them?”

“I had the whole team stand at attention in a row naked and I selected the five longest cocks.”

“You did not!”

“No, but a lady can dream, can’t she?”

“Anyhow, I selected the five nicest guys and we went down to my room and I told them a bit more about me before slipping off my panties.  I had my little black cocktail dress on and I bent over the side of the bed and let them take a look under it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  And I encouraged them to pull out their cocks and jack off behind me, which they did willingly.”

“I bet.”

“And then I said, ‘Go on, slap it.’  And one of them gave me a good, solid whack.”

“They were so kind and considerate.”

“I thought so too!  My fingers were down between my legs, caressing and pulling my long pussy lips.  They could see as they took turns slapping my ass.  First they were timid, but then they grew more confidant as I moaned and said ‘Yes.’  Then I asked who wanted to be first in.  One of the guys immediately got behind me and began thrusting as hard and fast as he could.  It was rough and manic like a jackhammer horizontally placed in my cunt.”

“And you loved it, I bet.”

“You wouldn’t be wrong.  But he came so quickly, deep inside me.  I crawled up on the bed and let the next guy in.  He was slower, more loving.”

“Loving?”

“Well, more gentle.  I turned over my shoulder and said, ‘You can do better than that,’ and his friends encouraged him.  They each had their puds in their hands, except for the guy who had just cum in me.  But guy number two couldn’t finish.  I guess it was a lot of pressure.  He pulled out and a lot of cum from the first guy dripped out of me.  One of them snapped a photo of me from behind just before the third guy went in me.  After that, I sort of lost track of who was where because then one of them got under me and entered me so that they were double penetrating my pussy just like I always wanted.  And later one was fingering my ass and then he let himself in there, cumming deep inside while a different guy was under me in my puss.  I have no idea who came where or how many times I came.  One of them even got in front of me and came in my mouth and on my face.  In the end, let’s just say that everyone had scored at least once.”

“Who says that hockey is a zero-sum game?”

“Right?  Win-win!”

“Any chance I can get a shot on goal?”

“It’s wide open,” she says as she gets on top of me and slides her puss down my pole.

“How’s it feel,” she asks.

“Smoother than ice, and a whole hell of a lot warmer.”