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Erica Garza Exposes Herself
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Lola and Erica Garza’s Getting Off
We are incredibly pleased to share with you all Lola’s exclusive interview with the writer and sex-positive advocate, Erica Garza!
In case you don’t know, Erica Garza is the author of a beautiful memoir, published in 2018, about her struggle with shame, sex, and self-pleasure/self-punishment: Getting Off: One Woman’s Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction. I had heard about it and immediately recognized a soul-sister and got the book. I read it cover-to-cover in one night – a night punctuated by masturbatory intermissions. HH found it hidden in the closet (how appropriate) one day and that turned into a little story he wrote about our trip to a wedding.
Other people found our blog through Erica and Erica through our blog. Erica and I struck up a friendship and recently I interviewed her to find out some of the things that left me panting for more after putting the book down.
Erica Garza and her book, Getting Off
L – Your book starts off with the passage: “My favorite porn scene of all time involves two sweaty women, fifty horny men, a warehouse, a harness, a hair dryer, and a taxicab.” You go on to say, no matter how you imagine these elements interacting, “I bet you still can’t imagine just how revolting the scene actually is.” At the end of the book, you are talking to your boyfriend, soon to be husband (spoiler alert!), and he asks you about your favorite porn. You realize that to tell him about this “revolting” scene is dangerous. But telling him was necessary in your journey from sexual shame, guilt, and deception to self-love, acceptance, and honesty. You realize that your greatest fear is “being exposed.” Not as in being naked in front of others, even strangers, but being seen, for who you really are, as a compulsive masturbator who gets off to the revolting. I mention all this because, did you know, that when one does a Google search for “porn, two women, fifty men, warehouse, harness, hair dryer, taxicab,” you pop up as one of the top hits? (After this interview goes live, mysexlifewithlola will probably be the top hit.) Seems like your book was an exercise in “exposing yourself.” How does that make you feel now?
E – You are 100% correct. My book, essays, and interviews are all exercises in exposing myself in the same way as telling my husband about my favorite porn and baring my soul to a room full of addicts at a 12 step meeting. Every time I reveal the things about myself that I used to hate and keep secret, I’m taking the power away from those feelings and transferring that power back to me. Every time I utter a secret aloud and people nod their heads in recognition, I feel less alone, more connected, and more at peace with myself. The things I’m into and the things I’ve done are not so bad, I’ve realized. And that means I’m not so bad either.
L – Your book is dedicated to, “the wankers, the loners, the weirdos, the perverts, the outcasts, the bullied, the flawed, the awkward, the shunned, and the shamed.” Isn’t that all of us at some point in our lives at least?
The author, Erica Garza
E –Totally. I’ve had a lot of different people connect with my story who come from entirely different backgrounds. I’m a 41-year-old Latina from Los Angeles who was raised in a Catholic household, but I’ve been contacted by readers ranging from 12 to 70, men and women, of all different ethnicities, religions, and income brackets. So many of them had the same story: They grew up thinking sex was bad and they hated themselves for enjoying their sexual proclivities in secret. Like me, they were desperate for self-acceptance but didn’t know how to find it. This desperation usually led to destructive and compulsive behaviors and broken relationships. Had we just been taught that there was nothing wrong with us from the start—would that have changed everything? Would we be happier people? I think yes.
L – Throughout the book you mention how you would often bring yourself to orgasm by thinking about “what a miserable slut I am.” Can you explain a bit more how this thought got you off?
E – Shame and pleasure are intricately connected for me. When I first masturbated to orgasm in the bathtub at age 12, I distinctly remember how good it felt and yet how bad I felt once it was over. Nobody had ever talked to me about sex except to say it was something dirty and wrong and so I had this heavy feeling I had discovered something I wasn’t supposed to. And I LOVED it, which made me sick and defective. The only solution to these bad feelings was to go after the pleasure again, reinforcing this intoxicating dichotomy. Later, I would seek out porn that gave me this dose of pleasure and shame, typically scenes of degradation. To be turned on, I had to be turned off, disgusted with myself. This then transferred over to my relationships. I wanted men to make me feel used in bed, demeaned, and then discarded afterward.
L – Your book is fascinating because it’s not only a personal coming-of-age story, but it also tracks the development of on-line porn. You talk about watching porn on VHS with your brother’s girlfriend and sneaking sex chats on-line right in front of your parents, then you chronicle the first porno sites on the internet right up to the proliferation of humiliation, extreme BDSM, and more. It’s like you grew up with porn and the porn industry grew up with you. Your book is also unusual as a memoir because it contains a lot of footnotes to studies and research about the effects of porn and women self-reporting about their use of porn. What is your take on porn’s popularity now and how women in particular use it. I guess, I’m thinking especially of OnlyFans and the many women during the pandemic who found ways of becoming entrepreneurs (or “entrepornors”).
OF Content Creator StrawberryWine @swtlikestrawber
E – I’m here for it. I find OnlyFans to be a fantastic addition to the porn world because it allows women to be in charge of their own content. Sure, we have many more female porn producers/directors, but I think it’s safe to say it’s still a male dominated industry when it comes to who’s operating the camera. I’m excited to see women taking initiative in making porn as long as they’re not merely perpetuating what they think men want. But I’m even more excited about women as viewers. I’m not sure about how many women are turning to OnlyFans for porn, but it would be fascinating data. If more women talked about what we like and what we want and what we’re willing to pay for, the less shame we’ll feel about our desires.
It’s funny you say I grew up with the porn industry and the porn industry grew up with me. It’s so accurate. And while I’m not anti-porn (unless the porn is made without someone’s consent of course), I do worry about what kids have access to when they’re just starting to explore their sexuality. When I was 12 and first started masturbating and looking at porn, I only had access to softcore scenes on Cinemax. They were so mild and still left a lot of room for my imagination. And when I advanced to watching porn online, scenes took so long to load so I couldn’t get caught up in a binge—endlessly searching for a harder, darker, sexier scene than the last. It was too much effort. Now the internet is at a place where a 12 year old could look up “two women, fifty men, a warehouse, a harness, hair dryer, and a taxicab,” or any other hardcore scene. And this is the new mild. Once they get bored with that, they can instantly search for something harder but they haven’t even discovered sex in real life yet. When they do start to explore with someone, their idea of what sex should look or feel like is likely to be distorted. They’ll probably end up performing; instead of naturally discovering what they like or what feels good, their desires will have been finely curated by whatever they had access to. I think this could be really damaging.
Porn Star Shannon Tweed
Dreaming of Shannon Tweed and Lola Down
L – You mention being enamored of such VHS stars as Shannon Tweed, and lusting for Tommy Lee’s long shlong, Pamela Anderson’s tits, and the power Gwyneth Paltrow’s character of Estella had over Finn in Great Expectations. Does anyone come to mind today as either a quick fap fave, a girl-crush, or a role model?
Gwyneth Paltrow
E –Besides you, Lola? 😉 I don’t watch porn much these days (which is so weird to say), but when I do I like Megan Salinas who I’m not sure even performs anymore. I think her videos are a few years old. My girl crushes are always evolving though I just finished watching White Lotus so the Italian actress Simona Tabasco (Lucia) comes to mind. I’m also inspired by Paulina Porizkova who is nearly 60 and so hot and comfortable in her skin without looking plastic.
Scene from White Lotus Season II
L – You say, “In all the movies I’d ever watched, men were the ones who made the first move. Women, it seemed, either played hard to get and were labeled dick-teasing prudes, or they quickly gave in and were called sluts and whores.” This is the old Freudian dichotomy of Virgin/Whore. For a long time, it seemed that either/or was the only choice society or culture presented for women. If you were young, you were either a virgin or a whore. If you were older, you were either matronly or a whore. Women could never be both. What do you think of the movement to reclaim the word “slut” from being a pejorative to a badge of honor?
Megan Salinas
Simona Tabasco
Paulina Porizkova is a dirty girl
Paulina Porizkova wins the solitary mud-wrestling prize
Paulina Porizkova – wash me!
Paulina Porizkova like a fine wine
E –We’re making some progress with more women being open about their sex lives but we still have a long way to go, especially in the U.S. This country is so ridiculously misogynistic. Just scroll through the comments section of any article written about a woman’s love life and the evidence is in plain view.
L – Along those same lines, one thing I’ve encountered, even with my man, HH, is people saying, “Wow, you have the libido of a man.” Isn’t that also a double-standard? I mean, men who do or did the things you did are just “guys being guys,” but a woman doing it is somehow labeled with a disorder and many of them feel guilt and shame about it. But if you were a man, would you feel that sort of shame or guilt?
E –The only solution to this is for more women to speak up. But to speak about what you want and need sexually requires self-awareness. If you’ve been taught that sex is shameful, it’s possible you ended up in a cycle of repression. You don’t even know what you like anymore and if you do, you’re keeping that to yourself. The more honest and comfortable women are about their sexuality, the more we’ll see that men and women are more alike than we think.
L – I love when you talk about the power that Gwyneth Paltrow had over Finn. Do you think that writing your book was a way of reclaiming your feminine sexual power?
Female Sexual Power
E – Absolutely. When I first suspected I had an addiction to sex and porn, I thought I had to put myself in a box to be “recovered.” I would never watch porn again, I’d go to 12 step meetings, I’d only be in a monogamous relationship. But that quickly started to feel inauthentic. It felt like an extension of my early childhood shame, like I was desperate to stop doing things that felt good. I realized that the driving force of my addiction all along was that shame. That’s when I started to explore how I could be a sexually open-minded, experimental person and not feel bad about it. This entailed not lying to myself and not lying to others, being open in my communication, and ultimately not thriving on destruction. Realizing I could be sexual without shame was an empowering revelation.
L – You talk about the sexy and nude photos and homemade porno movies you made with different boyfriends and the fear you have of those ever resurfacing. Has that happened? I mean, after the success and popularity of the book, one of your exes must have heard about it and read about you. Did any of them come forward, either privately or publicly, with “naughty” goods?
E – Surprisingly, no! And I didn’t even use a pen name. I also expected past lovers to reach out and comment on the book, ESPECIALLY if I wrote explicitly about them! But it never happened. No videos have ever resurfaced (yet!) though I would be curious to see that younger version of myself tbh.
L – You say that your “preferences were changing all the time. I loved ‘old and young’ clips. I’d also taken a liking to watching drunken girls get walked around on leashes at parties or get fucked by groups of men while seemingly unconscious. I’d discovered the category ‘bukkake’ and felt simultaneously disgusted and excited every time I watched multiple men come all over a girl’s face before urging her to lick up the drips that had fallen on the carpet beneath her. I didn’t consider any of this normal.” It wouldn’t exist if people didn’t watch it. I mean, what is normal anyway?
E – Who knows. That line of thinking came from a place of deep shame and self-disgust and judgement. I felt so isolated and broken in this shame and couldn’t imagine anyone else would understand. But, like I said, if more women spoke up about what they liked and what they’re into, the less alone people like me would feel.
L – I love the passage where you combine what you learned meditating with your active imagination. You say, “Suddenly I was the girl on the shore of that river I’d imagined in meditation. I watched a boat come by with a skinny blond college girl spread-eagle on its main deck getting fucked by a whole fraternity. And then another boat where a girl on a leash was held facedown by a man’s boot while another man fucked her from behind. Each time I came, I returned to my breath.” When you’re done, you admit to yourself that you’re “out of control.” For people wondering, how would you characterize unhealthy from healthy masturbatory practices or porn viewing?
Role Models
E –That’s not up to me to say. Each person’s experience is different. For me, feeling incapable of stopping seemed to be a clue. Even when I felt sore or numb. Finding that I’d wasted hours trying to find the perfect clip, especially if it meant neglecting other plans or responsibilities was another. Failing to nurture real relationships or friendships in pursuit of another orgasm also seemed problematic.
L – At one point you talk about a guy you were with and how when you ran out of things to talk about or it got awkward, you reached for “what I’d always reached for to help me with the awkwardness. I initiated sex whenever I felt things getting weird. I was tireless with blow jobs, encouraging him to come on my face, begging him to slap me, to fuck me harder, to hurt me, to do whatever he wanted, playing the role of the perfect, pleasing porn girl.” Do you think that your exposure to hard-core porn led you to believe that this was what men wanted, or was it a thrill and a turn-on to play this role? I mean, so much in life is role playing, including sex and it can be fun. And sometimes it can be difficult to disentangle where your own desire ends and trying to meet the desire of someone else begins. Or maybe there is no clear distinction.
E –I think it’s all about balance. If your fetish is that you’re into degradation, rough sex, humiliation, role play, then why not? You do what feels good, but then at some point you leave the bedroom and life goes on. For me, that degradation leaked out of the bedroom and into real life. I didn’t just expect a guy to make me feel used and demeaned in bed as roleplay, I also expected him to ignore my calls, say abusive things, and lie to me afterward. I did not feel worthy of love and respect, so when someone tried to give those things to me I’d run away and destroy the relationship. But I desperately wanted love and respect. I felt lonely and isolated and the only company I could keep was sexual company. What was friendship? What was intimacy? What was connection? I wanted to know these things but had no idea how.
L – Was there anything that you had originally written for the book that the editor or publisher asked you to remove?
E – The footnotes were originally integrated into the text, but they were found to be distracting. They were almost cut out completely but I really wanted to keep them in. The research proved that what I was going through (and what my reader might be going through) was way more common than most people think. So many of our struggles are universal, yet we feel so alone much of the time. I hoped that the research would show readers they’re not simply “fucked up,” but that there’s likely a scientific explanation behind their feelings and actions.
L – As I mentioned, your memoir is intertwined with the historical development of internet porn. One of the positive things I see about that development is that a lot of people, especially women, trans folk, and others have been able to connect with communities out there and realize that they’re not alone, not the “the wankers, the loners, the weirdos, the perverts, the outcasts, the bullied, the flawed, the awkward, the shunned, and the shamed” to whom you dedicated the book, but that they are part of humanity in all its beautifully multifarious forms. HH, because he’s older, frequently tells me that so much of what is normal human activity was totally in the closet when he was younger, especially female masturbation. One thing that the internet porn might have influenced is the normalization of women pleasuring themselves. I mean, once upon a time you never saw it, but it’s now part of so many popular shows and movies – Sex & the City, Seinfeld, Weeds, Fleabag, SMILF, New Girl, The Shape of Water, Sex Education, Broad City, just to name a few. Women are sexual beings. We can be students, moms, daughters, sisters, wives, bosses, and also get off without going to Hell. Do you think that girls growing up today are exposed to a healthier view of women’s sexuality than when you grew up?
SMILF with Frankie Shaw Look Carefully and you’ll see what gets Frankie Shaw off.
SMILF
Frankie Shaw asks, “Do you like my poster of Lola Down?”
Frankie Shaw in SMILF in a scene where she gets off to Lola Down
E – Yes, our entertainment has become more inclusive and I love seeing these realistic, multi-dimensional folks be represented. But let’s not forget that Roe v. Wade just got overturned, which has everything to do with female sexuality and bodily autonomy. Sexism still exists because the wage gap still exists, because doctors still gaslight women, because we still haven’t elected a female president…and so forth. These things may seem unrelated to women masturbating, but the personal is political. It always has been. Female pleasure is powerful and people are afraid of this power. Women and lots of marginalized folks are still socialized to believe our pleasure doesn’t matter. And d this has huge implications. I’m so inspired by pleasure activism, specifically the work by author adrienne maree brown who ways capitalism creates a “false scarcity” of pleasurable experiences for the marginalized. We’re taught that “our health, our votes, our work, our safety, our families, our lives don’t matter – not as much as those of white men.” Simply put, being denied pleasure makes us easier to control. So, yes, I get excited when I see female characters on our TV set pursuing personal pleasure just as male characters always have, but I won’t be satisfied until I see those larger equalities at play in other aspects of our lives.
L – Toward the end of the book, after you met the man who would become your husband, and after you began writing publicly about your struggles and began being honest with him and yourself about your past, you begin to find some balance or at least a temporary truce with your inner demons, for lack of a better description. If I’m not getting too personal, how much of your past plays a role in your present? Or, another way of asking that is, do you and your husband enjoy “getting off” to some of your past sexcapades? Does he find it sexy to hear about, or is it something that you two avoid?
Erica – Take me as I am
E – My husband does not like hearing about my sexual past. Not because he’s judgmental or embarrassed or possessive, it just doesn’t turn him on I guess. I’ve written about us going to a swingers resort where we we explored quite a bit and enjoyed ourselves, but he didn’t like watching me with other men. And I didn’t really watch him either, which is weird because I do sometimes fantasize about him sleeping with other women. I just haven’t felt the need to watch the real thing happen. Sometimes, the fantasy is hotter.
L – In 2015, in an article you wrote for narratively.com, you said, “Masturbating beside my husband while he sleeps is the last secret I’ve kept from him. Although I’m beginning to fear that it’s actually just the latest secret. My resistance in telling him only proves how fragile recovery is. This week it’s masturbation. But maybe next week it’s back to porn binging. Or obsessive scrolling through Craigslist personals. Or lying about my whereabouts. And so forth. Abstaining from these habits, when so readily available, without abstaining from sexual pleasure completely, or the shame I’ve long bound to it, is a challenge I face daily.” Looking back on that now, how have you fared over the past seven years?
E – It has been a rollercoaster of up and downs. Of me (and us) figuring out what we like and what we don’t, what’s right for us and what’s off limits, what feels safe and what feels dangerous or destructive. But I like the process. Humans evolve and so do our sex lives and I’m grateful to be with someone I could be 100% honest with.
L – What is your sexual life like now – I mean, with yourself and with your partner or partners? In the book you seem open to threesomes and other non-monogamous situations. Have you found a way that works for you individually and you as a couple?
E – We’re open minded but not in an open relationship. So while we do experiment with others, we only do so as a couple. Honesty is sacred to us. We always have conversations before we do anything with anyone else and then we have conversations after that about what we will or won’t do next time.
L – In some articles you wrote after the book came out, you talk about going to nudist resorts with your husband and having “soft-swaps.” You also mention “relapsing” after marriage and sneaking off to masturbate to porn – at least until you came home one day and caught him doing the same thing. Then you lifted the prohibition you had on porn in your relationship and found out something surprising – you two could integrate it into your lives together. Can you talk about that balance? I mean, unlike drug and alcohol addiction, you can’t really ever cut sex, sexuality, or sexual fantasy out of your life 100%. No one is a tee-total reformed sex addict, because we, as human beings, are sexual beings. How have you and your husband been able to navigate that?
E— Unless you’re joining a convent, you’re going to have to find a way to integrate sex (and maybe porn) back into your life in a healthy way. For me, I know the difference between when I’m watching porn to escape a difficult feeling or watching because I simply want to, because it feels good. It’s a fine line and takes a lot of self awareness but it’s possible.
L – In an article you once wrote about the difficulty of being a porn-addicted feminist. You said, “You want to stop because the hypocrisy is so intense it makes you nauseous. You call yourself a feminist, an activist, a conscious citizen, but then you watch women get walked around on leashes and your panties get soaked through. . . [and] you’ll scan over all the gangbangs and golden showers, convinced (or at least hopeful) that your sickness isn’t a sickness, but a natural fascination.” That was in 2016, three years after Belle Knox, a.k.a. Miriam Weeks, was outed as the Duke University porn star and she defended her decisions as her form of feminism. Since then many women have made names and careers for themselves in porn – both in front of the camera and behind it – and have promoted ethical porn and feminist porn. What’s your take on the possibility that porn and feminism are not mutually exclusive?
E – Bodily autonomy and consent is everything. If a woman wants to be a sex worker, she should be allowed to do that. It’s her body. If a woman is coerced into sex work and she feels she has no other choice, that is an entirely different thing.
L – Something I love about the book is your frequent literary references. In addition to porn, you clearly have an affinity for literature. Some favorite authors, books, or movies you go back to frequently?
E – I don’t often reread books, but when I do, it’s usually A Moveable Feast because I find Paris and Hemingway both sexy as hell. Otherwise I feast myself on memoirs, biographies, journals, anything confessional and real. Right now I’m reading (and adoring) I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jeanette McCurdy, who also had some familiar conflicted feelings about sex and love and her body.
L – A little self-indulgent inquiry now. You reached out to me recently and hinted that you’ve been reading the blog. Are we – HH and me – a part of your sexual fantasy life or your erotic life with your husband? Be honest.
E – For now, your blog is a solitary pleasure. I’m not ready to share you yet 😉
“Don’t be. Erica Garza says you’re just a woman with a healthy libido.”
Imitation is the Best Form of Flattery
Art by Al
The perennial question: Does art imitate life or life imitate art?
“Daddy,” Lo said, as she was lying down in bed. It was one of those rare mornings that she woke up before I and was already engaged in her favorite activity – pleasuring herself to something on her phone – “I’m reading ‘Paint me like one of your slutty girls,’ and I want you to know how much your writing turns me on.”
“That’s nice, Lo,” I said, slowly opening my eyes.
She was in her red top and matching red bottom satin pajamas, one hand down between her legs under the satin, the other holding her phone.
“You know,” I said further, “that story has nothing to do with me.”
“Yes, but you wrote it.”
“About you and your admirer and his obsession with you.”
“That’s what I love about it.”
She brought her hand out from under her satin shorts and licked her fingers before replacing her hand on her crotch.
I reached my left hand over and placed it between her legs so I could feel her fingers moving and her hand pumping up and down as she inserted her fingers to her hole. I tried to slide my hand under her satin bottoms and she said, “Uh uh. Only over.”
I relented and resigned myself to merely feeling her feeling herself.
She dropped her phone and pulled her tits up and over the V-cut of her top and said, “Suck them, Daddy,” which I did.
“Pull my nipples, Daddy.” I did that as well. She orgasms quite easily to the feeling of pain caused by pulling and pinching her nipples.
She moaned.
“What’s got your engine revving so this morning?”
“I told you,” she whispered in a breathy sigh, “I was reading. . . your story.”
“And?”
“And Al sent me a drawing of what he would like to do.”
“What is that?”
“It’s a drawing of him and his wife in bed, getting off to my photos on their TV.”
“Oh, I see.”
“He wishes he could tell his wife that he has been jackin’ off to me regularly for months now. He wishes he could tell her what a slut I am – that I like to go A-to-M and A-to-P and P-to-M and P-to-A-to-M.”
Before speaking I thought that if the Secret Service ever needed a code name for Lo, it would be: MAP PAM
“Yes, you are a dirty slut.”
“Say it again, Daddy.”
“You are. . . ,” but before I could say it, she was back to Al.
“He wants to tell his wife about me, about how I’m a hotwife and sleep with men and women. He wants to have her read the books and blog and get her to do the same. He wants her to fuck other guys in the bed next to him.”
She came in a gush of good feeling. I felt it wash over my hand.
As she was recovering, I looked at her phone.
“Lo, that’s not a painting,” I said.
She opened her eyes. “Oh, that? No. That’s from Jane and Andrew. I sent them Al’s art and, guess what?! They reproduced it in real life! And they improved upon it. Look at Andrew! He’s locked in his cage. And look what else!”
Andrew & Jane
She used her dry hand to enlarge the photo so I could see that Andrew and Jane had printed up art of Lola and framed it around their television. “Isn’t that amazing!”
“You are a sexual celebrity.”
“A tempter for Andrew’s celibacy!”
“I sure hope he’s not celibate with a wife that sexy!”
“Maybe they both cum to you when she gives him permission.”
“I want him to look at my photos and lose control and cum even in his cock-cage.”
She saw my cock twitching under the sheets. “Oh, Daddy, do you need to cum?”
“When I see you like that, I do,” I said, which wasn’t the whole truth. I am actually even more turned on by her voice, her tone, her moan, and her dirty talk than by seeing her. She could make me cum over the phone, which she has actually done many times.
Art from Al
“What do you need?” she asked.
“Stroke me.”
She grabbed the hand lotion next to her on the nightstand and put it in the palm of her left hand. “Give me that cock,” she said.
She wrapped her hand around my hard rod and the cool cream made me even more hard than before. She began sliding her cupped hand up and down my shaft. She slid her palm down to my balls and cupped them before moving even further down.
“You like how life imitates art?”
Andrew and Jane
I couldn’t answer. She knew why. “You’re going to cum,” she observed. “Where do you want to cum?”
“You tell me,” was all I could say.
“My face.”
At those words, I pulled back and got up, straddling her torso, grabbing my throbbing organ and coaxed my creative juices to climax, baptizing the crown of her head in hot white spurts that dripped down her face. She licked around her mouth and said, “I bet Al would like to show his wife how I do that too.”
“Maybe he’ll paint you like a Mona Lisa drenched under a dripping Jackson Pollock.”
“Classic, abstract, and pornographic all at once. I like that!”
“You should, it describes you perfectly.”
Imitation #1
Imitation #2
Protected: Clench & Drench
Protected: “Paint me like one of your slutty girls.”
Finding Lola – Three Covid Stories
Covid Quarantine had a way of messing with our mental life. It has been well documented that people reported having more intense dreams during the first lonely months of quarantine. Since then, many people have experienced a strange time distortion when attempting to recall any sort of chronology. Things basically fall into B.C. (“Before Covid”) and whatever it is that we’re living through now. But placing events exactly on a timeline post-Covid is a bit wonky.
For us, Covid was a time when we made a lot of new friends virtually. In order to help people through the forced “celibacy” of the quarantine (both single people and the people like us who are non-monogamous and so had to curtail their outside playtime) we started up our free books program where we sent a complimentary copy of Match, Cinder & Spark to friends, fans, and avid readers in exchange for their sending back to us a sexy photo of them with the book. That was so much fun that we’ve continued it on a limited basis. (Please request one via email if you’re interested.)
We heard from a lot of you out there in Lolaland and we continue to receive sexy missives from our beloved kinkster community.
This week we are going to feature three short stories sent to us by new and old friends. Diving into Lola’s Letter Box, we are pleased to bring you a story about a single college student, a married couple, and sisters who learned a lot about each other in lockdown.
The first comes from Melissa, a college student who, like Grace, was stuck at home with her parents in the spring of 2020. “At the time, it was the middle of my freshman year. I’m a shy introvert, an voracious reader, a bookish nerd,” she says.
I also am a closeted nymphomaniac. With limited tolerance for social interactions, I found that it was just easier to get off on my own. In fact, that’s how I found your blog. I was concerned about my internet porn binging and, by doing a search to find some way out of it, I came across Erica Garza’s book, Getting Off. And not only did I come across it, I came to it and got off even more! I couldn’t get off enough and so I did a deep dive (into my pussy and on the internet) until I found your post about ‘Her Porn Addiction’ and everything I read, except for Lo’s confidence and extroverted personality, sounded very familiar to me.
After that, she was hooked. She became a regular reader of the blog for a while, but she was hungry for more. Similar to Grace, she was afraid of ordering one of the books and having it arrive at her house, only for someone in her family to discover it and expose her. So, she too found a way to get off during those isolating times though other means. “I purchased all five volumes of Match, Cinder & Spark on audiobook and masturbated every night to the voice of Jupiter Grant reading the sexy stories while simultaneously scrolling through the photos of Lola on the blog.”
As we all remember so well, getting out during Covid Quarantine, even just to do shopping or go for a drive, was a big deal. Melissa relayed that her favorite sexy thing to do was to up the stakes and take risks by getting in the car and playing the audiobook on the speakers while wearing a skirt with no panties and finger-fuck herself or dildo while driving.
Lying down in bed, masturbating naked was fine, but it didn’t have the interaction I craved. I wanted to be around people. Also, there’s a difference between hearing Jupiter Grant’s voice through the earbuds and hearing her through the car’s speakers. Every chance I got, I borrowed my mom’s car and went for a drive. Listening to the stories was like an education – I learned about some great books I should read and I learned about sex. Win-win! But as the months got warmer, I would drive around with the windows down. One day I pulled up to a stoplight just as Lola was describing being mounted and pounded, used and abused, in the story ‘Pound.’ I was on the verge of cumming when I noticed the guy in the car next to me had his windows down as well and he heard everything that was making me so wet. He gave me an intense, sidelong glance. I just looked at him, blushed, and tried to shut off the radio, but I suddenly felt an orgasm violently taking over my body as I reached for the button. No use. The light turned green. Neither of us moved. I came. He watched. It was hot!
From Melissa’s miles and miles of masturbation, we now turn to our good friends Jane and Andrew. You will recall these newlyweds discovered their kinks on their honeymoon when it was revealed that Jane gets off to erotic stories (like Match, Cinder & Spark) and Andrew likes to wear women’s panties and takes delight in his wife locking his chastity cage while she mercilessly masturbates in front of him as a form of titillating torture.
This week they sent us a photo tryptic of sorts showing how they have fun. She hops in the tub, takes a long, relaxing bath, shaves her twat clean and smooth, and then cuddles up with a good book. In this case it happens to be Match, Cinder & Spark, Volume IV: Sexy Shorts. When she is good and gushing, she invites in Andrew. He knows by now that during her sexy-time he is to be locked and loaded. She then reads aloud the passages that have her groin grinding. If he is lucky, she might fondle and cup his genitalia, but he is not allowed any greater gratification than that. Yet she is free to dive into her toy drawer and pull out all the necessary accessories for her maximal self-care. She indulges freely in the pleasures of the flesh while denying him the release he desires.
Jane and Andrew reading Match, Cinder & Spark
As she was reading the stories, she asked Andrew, “What would you think if I took many male lovers and had them fuck me in front of you?”
“Like Lola does?”
“Precisely.”
“I don’t know if I’d be able to prevent ejaculating, even in my cage.”
“How would you like it if our entire marriage you were never allowed to fuck me – only watch – as I was banged by so many men on a regular basis?”
“You would make me the happiest husband on the planet!”
“Then learned Leo was wrong – not all happy marriages are alike. Perhaps each happy marriage is happy in its own way.”
“I know ours is.”
For Your Entertainment
Our third story is from Nicci and her sister Malory.
[Abridged. The unabridged version you can find here.]
Just before the lockdown went into effect, Nicci had traveled from her hometown of Charlotte to visit her sister Malory in Tampa. Everything was going fine until the day the CDC announced that no one should be flying anywhere. That nixed Nicci’s return flight. As with everyone else, her job shut down and then went remote, as did Malory’s. The two of them were cooped up in Malory’s small, one bedroom, one bathroom apartment with only Malory’s black lab, Lucky, for company. This made for rather cramped living space. As Nicci tells it, the couch was too small for either of them to sleep on, so they bunked up in the bed. When either of them needed “self-care” time, one sister had to ask the other sister for some “personal space” to “take care of business.” On more than one occasion, stuck in bed together at night, one or the other would begin fapping. Two twenty-something women isolated from the rest of the world needed an escape from the ever more grim news inundating them each day.
But they weren’t the only ones in need of relief. Lucky was a rescue dog and by the time Malory had adopted him, he was too old to be neutered. He was “intact,” as they say. And, as such, he too needed to get off – on the couch, on the floor, on Nicci’s or Malory’s leg.
According to Nicci, one evening the two of them joined in a Zoom happy-hour with some mutual friends. Both of them had a couple of strong margaritas and after the happy-hour was over, they continued to drink and reminisce about high school days. Malory brought up one of their girlfriends about whom it was rumored that she had regular sex with her dog. Nicci denied the rumor as urban legend and they both shared a laugh about it. That led to Nicci asking Malory if she had ever seen the movie Sleeping Dogs Lie. “It’s a terrible romcom about a woman who. . .”
“No, don’t even!”
“I kid you not!”
“What kind of romcom is that?”
The two of them ended up watching it, or at least trying to. Nicci was right, it was terrible.
Sleeping Dogs Lie
“If I hear another accordion, it will be too soon!” said Malory.
“I know! That soundtrack was the worst. Like they were some French film or something. And it manages to be cringeworthy in every way and insult just about everyone.”
“Not to mention, the moral of the story – if you can call it that. It’s best to lie – to your spouse, family, coworkers, and friends.”
They loved hatewatching it. Nicci added, “And the entire premise of the film – that a lonely, single college woman would give a blowjob to her dog.”
“I know, right? I mean, it’s so unbelievable. If I was that lonely, I wouldn’t blow him, I’d have him fuck me.”
Suddenly Nicci stopped laughing and looked very seriously at her sister. “What? You wouldn’t, would you?”
Malory mysteriously said, “Who says I haven’t?”
“Come on! Stop joking. Really?”
“Ew!” screeched Malory, dramatically, “I take him out twice a day and clean up his shit after him. Are you kidding me? No.”
Sure enough, just as they were having this conversation, Lucky went at it again on the rug.
“Whew,” said Nikki, laughing nervously. “You had me worried for a minute.”
Malory laughed and, looking at Lucky, said, “If I had been fucking him, I don’t think he’d be doing that like three times a day.”
“You should have named him Horny, not Lucky,” said Nicci.
“Who are we kidding? We’re all fucking horny and none of us are going to get lucky anytime soon,” replied Malory.
That conversation and movie was enough to set the wheels in motion for both of them. Who knows, maybe Lucky had this arrangement in mind all the while and that’s why he was constantly causing friction on the carpet.
Before long. . . .
When Nicci would go out to do the grocery shopping or Malory would go for a run in the afternoon or morning, whomever was at home was busy with. . . .
But when Malory went out for a jog one afternoon only to have the sky open up and drench her in a downpour so that she returned to the apartment early, she found her sister dripping wet as well, but not from the weather. . . . Nicci looked up at Malory with a swirling combination of satisfaction, shame, and helplessness.
. . .
This cozy arrangement continued for about two or three months, until Nicci felt safe enough to return home. When that fateful day came, she and her sister made an unspoken pact never to so much as mention this intense ménage à trois again.
Nicci wrote to us to say, “Though we never, ever talk about what happened between the three of us in those early months of the pandemic, since then I have found (and shared with Mal) your blog. (You can guess what I was searching for.) I didn’t tell her why I was sharing it with her, but I’m sure she figured it out. Thank you for your honesty, candor, and sexiness!”
Sisters at the beach with Lucky
Hind Hunting
“Daddy, have me.”
“Get naked.”
“I’m naked, Daddy. Have me.”
“Come here.”
She nuzzles up to me, putting her head and soft hair on my shoulder. Her right hand reaches down for my hard cock. She moves her head down toward it. She opens her mouth and takes it in – wet, warm, soft, and loving.
She maneuvers to climb on top of me, straddle me, ride me.
“Hey, what’s the hurry?”
“I want it.”
“We got all night.”
“I want it in me, now.”
“Can’t we enjoy each other first? A little stroll through the Garden of Good and Evil before going in for the kill?”
“Daddy,” she says as she lowers herself on my rod, “it needs it. My pussy needs it. My cunt needs to be filled. I’m sorry. Play with my titties,” she says as she bounces up and down.
I reach up and grab her breasts with both hands.
“Pull my nipples.”
I pull on them.
“Pinch them. Pull them harder. Make it hurt.”
I do as I am told.
“Pull them. Really pull them. Pull them down. Make them sag. Pull my nipples to my navel.”
I do as she says. She moans a moan of pain and delight.
“Fuck, I’m cumming,” she says after mere seconds.
“Lo, what were you looking at on your computer before coming to bed?”
She bites her bottom lip. She’s not able to reply. Her pussy squeezes me out and squirts like an overripe peach on the first bite.
Her fingers clutch my shoulders. She lifts up her ass in the air. She slides down my torso with her tongue out, licking up all she spilled on me in her exuberance.
She gets to my navel. She pauses. She falls asleep.
I push her gently onto the bed, sliding her off my still rock-hard cock.
“Lo,” I say, quietly, “Lo, I want you.”
From her dreamlike state she says, “Do whatever you want.” She’s off to Never-Never Land.
I pull out a German porno mag from my nightstand drawer. I open it up on her ass. I compare her to Gili Sky, the porn star of the magazine’s centerfold. I prefer Lola. But the juxtaposition is nice. I know Lola would prefer Gili and the three men Gili is with as well.
I try to jack it to the photos and Lo’s ass. Lo’s ass looks too good to pass up. I rub some lube on the tip and her target, take aim, and swoosh! Direct hit.
Driving home the happy hunter, I lie down on her back and open the magazine and begin leafing through the pages, reading what I can in German. It’s been a while. Lo is motionless, soundless. The lack of her longing for my donging diminishes my fervor. I pull out. As I do so, she says, almost from the depths of her depraved dream, “Al wanted some new photos. Take some of me, Daddy.”
I’ve never seen a woman so eager for the camera and yet, so very very relaxed in front of it.
Lola and Gili Sky
I replace the book on her rear and snap a few for her long-distance lover. Now I know what she was doing before coming to bed in a feeding frenzy.
Gili Sky Front, Lola Rear
The next day she wakes up chipper as can be.
“Sleep well, Darling?” I ask.
“Great! You?”
“I wish I could say I slept hard. But it’s more like I hardly slept because I was hard.”
“Awww, poor baby. Didn’t you have me?”
“It’s not worth going into,” I say. “You’ll read all about it anyway.”
“I hope so!”
“What’s for breakfast?” she asks, pulling at her nipples over the thin t-shirt she’s wearing. “Wow! My nips really hurt! Kiss them better, Daddy.”
Lo in Lace
She lifts up her shirt and forces her breasts in my face. I give them gentle kisses.
“Mmmmm,” she moans. “Can I have you for breakfast?”
She drops to her knees in the middle of the kitchen, pulls down my pajama bottoms, and goes to town on my torpedo.
After she slurps down her morning smoothy, she gets up, wipes her mouth, and says, “Looks like a no pants, no panties, pussy party day at work for me!”