Author Archives: Lola Down

About Lola Down

Just your everyday nymphomaniac next door.

COVID Birthday

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“Happy birthday!” said Lo in a sing-song tone.

Lola’s Gifts

I rolled over.  It was early.  Earlier than Lo gets up in the morning.  She wanted to make the day special for me since she knew that we couldn’t have a party or celebrate in any way that resembled birthdays past.

“Wanna have birthday sexy?” she said, rubbing her large breasts up against my bare back in bed, swinging her right leg up and over my hip and sliding her pussy up and down my hip.

“Not now,” I said like a real ingrate.

“Oh, don’t be like that.  Let’s get it on.  You’ll be the oldest person I ever fucked.  Again.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yeah.  Why?”

“Just checking.”

I slid my legs over the side of the bed and sat up.  I sat for a while contemplating the day before me.  I’m not a very social or sociable person.  That’s Lo’s department.  But this COVID thing did drive home just how much I actually enjoy being with people.

This year there would be no party, no rowdy crowd, now carousing.  Just a few cards.  Maybe a phone call or two.  I had already told Lo, absolutely NO Zoom party.

I stood up slowly and made my way to the bathroom.

“Leave it open!” Lo called, as usual.  She has a fetish for seeing a man pee.

I shut the door behind me.

When I emerged from the privy, I found Lo on the bed, legs spread, finger placed between her labia.

“Ready Daddio?”

“Not now, Lo.”

She rolled over and stuck her bum in the air.  “Birthday spanking?”

I patted her behind gently as I walked by it, exiting the bedroom to go make my coffee.

It was a weekday and so I went through my usual morning routine to get ready for work.

Lo, to my surprise, got dressed and was ready to go out the door before I was.

“Forget to buy a card?” I asked sarcastically.  It was cruel.

“Yeah,” she said, “I’m going to buy a condolence card since you seem to be set on mourning everything you don’t have.”

She left and I suddenly felt very alone.  Having Lo around to spout off my spoiled whining to was better than having no one around.

I ate breakfast, got dressed, hopped in the car, and drove to the office.

There would be no one at the office, again, thanks to COVID.  Everyone was working remotely.

I climbed the stairs to the floor that my office is on and turned to walk down the long hall to it when, looking up, I saw that the door to my office was open and, sitting there, framed by the doorway, was a sexy blonde wearing, it appeared, nothing but her black facemask.

I practically rubbed my eyes thinking I was still dreaming.  Was this a femme fatale straight out of a fifties’ movie?  Was I going to walk up to my office and she’d sit there, light a long cigarette in an even longer black filter, and speak to me in a sultry voice?  “Mr. H.  I would like to hire you to sue my husband.  It’s a hard case.  Do you like it when it’s hard?  I know I do.”

I walked slowly down the silent hallway.  Her eyes were trained on mine.  I got to the doorway.  She uncrossed her legs and spread them wide.  I could see now she was wearing merely an extreme micro bikini.  I stopped at the threshold.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

“Happy birthday, Mr. H,” she replied.

Before I could ask how she knew it was my birthday, how she got into my office, or even who she was, she added, “Why don’t you come inside and shut the door behind you so we can have some privacy?”

I took a step in and closed the door.  It was then that I saw, inside my office, just out of sight from the doorway, was Lola, sitting in the waiting room chair.  Oh, thank God!

“Lola,” I said in my Ricky Ricardo voice.

“Hi Daddy!  Surprised?”

“What’s going on here?”

“This is Candie.  She’s a strip- er. . . exotic dancer, and she’s here to perform for you.”

“For me?”

“Well, for us.”

Candie stood up and just smiled.  She stood in the middle of the reception area on the hardwood floor in her tall stripper heels.

Lo turned on some music, Candie’s playlist, I imagine.

 

 

I smell sex and candy here
Who’s that lounging in my chair
Who’s that casting devious stares
In my direction

Mama this surely is a dream

Very appropriate, especially since her long blonde hair did smell like candy – cotton candy.  I sat down in the leather club chair where Lo had been and enjoyed the show.  She danced for a bit in her teeny-bikini, and then the top came off.  I saw her nipples were very hard.  That’s when I realized it was chilly in the office.  Lo had opened the windows to keep the air circulating.  Can’t be too careful.

To my surprise, Candie’s bottoms, what little there were of them, also came off.  As they did, Lo found her way to me and slid me out of my jeans.  She reached down to see how hard I was.  Very.  She got between my legs and went down on my rod like it was her candy.  I put up no resistance.

Lo looked up at me and said, “You like, Daddy?”

I looked down at her and said, “I do.  But I’d rather have you.”

That didn’t take much convincing.  Lo stood up and, as if she were on stage with Candie, removed her blouse, bra, skirt, and panties.  She kept her heels on.  Then she sat on my lubricated lingam and I eased into her dripping yoni.  She was facing away from me, toward Candie.  Lo put her right hand down to her crotch and made small circles on her clit while gently rising and lowering, as if riding a horse English style.  Candie was clearly performing for Lola and only secondarily for me.  She seemed to like what she saw and, judging from how wet Lo was, Lo enjoyed Candie’s performance just as much.

Candie sat on the floor and diddled her own pink parts.  Her breasts were small and perky.  She was probably Lo’s age or maybe a little younger.  She was confident in her performance.  I whispered in Lo’s ear, “Where’d you find her?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” said Lo.

“I am older, today!”

“Sit back and enjoy the show.”

I did just that.  I was too self-conscious to cum.  But Lo wasn’t.  Thank goodness the chair was leather and the floor hardwood.  Easy clean-up.

When her performance was over, Candie again wished me a happy birthday and thanked Lo.  She said, “I haven’t worked in months.  This was really helpful.  And I thoroughly enjoyed it.”

She got dressed as Lo used paper towels and all-purpose cleaner on the chair and floor.

Candie let herself out, wearing a long leather trench coat like a character out of The Matrix.

“Well, well, well,” I said to Lo.  “Do you have any more surprises up your sleeve for me today?”

“You’ll have to take off all my clothes again to find out.”

“All your clothes are off!!!”

“Does it look like I have anything up my sleeve?”

“I imagine you have more creative places to hide my birthday gifts.”

Victory Lap

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As she made the ‘OK’ sign with her index finger and thumb, my hard cock filled the hole of that universal hand-gesture that indicates everything is alright.  And everything was better than alright.  She was lying under my arched, naked body, her left hand doing the bare minimum necessary to still qualify as a hand-job.  I was doing most of the work, thrusting in and out of her digital aperture.  She was lying naked on her back, her right hand doing more work on her clit than her left on my dick.  But, hey, it’s not a competition.  I was pleased.  She was pleasing – herself and me.

“That’s it, you big, bad dog,” she said in a sultry tone, referencing the taboo topic of her acquired technique.

She knew exactly what that would do to me.  She plays me like a fiddle with her nimble fingers, though I’m sure she’d rather play a long, black clarinet that requires both hands to get the proper fingering and also the use of a wet mouth and tongue to blow all those Ds loud and with proper dynamics.

Within seconds my baton was conducting the final climactic notes of this symphony.

As I write these tortured metaphors, I can hear Lo laughing and saying, “Symphony!  P’shaw, more like a minuet.”

Be that as it may, she was covered in pearlesque droplets from chin to chest.

Holiday Glaze

I fell back onto the bed, relishing the sweet release she uncorked for me.

But she, rather than lounge in the lethargic bliss I was enjoying, hopped out of bed, put on her jeans and a tank-top, and said, “Do you want to come walk with me?”

Or, at least that’s what I understood her to say.  What she actually said was, “Do you want to cum-walk with me?”

“What?” I asked groggily.

“Cum-walk.”

“I don’t want to walk.”

“No, Daddio, a cum-walk.”

“What’s a cum-walk?” I asked, finally understanding what she was articulating.

“It’s like a walk of shame.  A stride of pride, a victory lap, the trek of triumph, the Something About Mary hommage,” she said with a French accent.

“Since when is that a thing?”

“Oh, old man, hurry up, get dressed, and I’ll tell you as you accompany my for a strumpet stride through the neighborhood.”

“Ok, ok,” I said, laughing, “You’re killing me with these colorful combinations of colloquialisms for cum.”

“Say that four times fast!”

“Where’d you learn all those?

“Eskimos have forty different words for snow and I. . .”

“Forget it.  I don’t want to hear what precipitated your poetic euphemisms.”

When I was dressed, we walked outside, arm-in-arm.  She was proud to have the origin of her adornments accompany her as she displayed her latest accomplishment.

She said hello in a flirtatious voice to the others who passed us by on the delightful spring morning.  Out of the corner of her eye, she tried to spy if they looked carefully enough to discern what was glinting in the sunlight on her cheek, chin, neck, and shoulder.

“So, when did this become a thing?” I asked again.

“It’s always been a thing.  I mean, remember the time at the nude beach when you came all over my face and tits?”

“Which time?”

“Oh, Daddio.  The beach with the geriatric gentlemen who genuflected at my altar.”

“Right.  Yeah, so?”

“Remember, after you rained your love down on me, we walked together, saying hi to the beachcombers.”

“Yeah, I remember, fondly.”

“And the time I met that very nice athlete in the park.”

“You mean the big black guy who came on you?”

“You have a good memory for an old man.”

“That’s why I write these things down – to keep your paramours straight.”

“Oh, straight is ok, but I prefer kinky paramours.”

“I’m sure you do.”

“Anyhow, after he came on me and I walked up to you dripping with his jizz.  That also was a cum-walk.”

“I see.”

“Are you going to write about this one?”

“Of course I am, even if no one believes me.”

“They don’t believe you, Daddy?”

“Lo, you can understand that a lot of people find you unbelievable.”

“I’ve been told that before.”

“Morning,” said a passerby.

“Hi,” Lo chirped back in a perky voice.  Her tits were perky too in her see-through white tank-top.

Lo’s braless top

“Getting a lot of looks,” I remarked to her.

“Yeah, but I made the wrong choice.”

“How’s that?”

“They’re all looking at my chest, not my face.”

“Ah yes, the age-old dilemma.  What’s the reaction you’re looking for?”

“I’d just like a tall, dark, and handsome man to give me a long stare that says, ‘I know what you just did, you slut.”

“I think you take too much pleasure in this.”

“Oh, Daddio!  The only thing more pleasurable is when it’s leaking out of my puss through my panties and shorts at the same time as it’s on my face.”

“Do you have a special name for that walk?”

“The Double-Stuff Strut, The Cream-Pie Promenade, The Spit-Roast Saunter.”

“I should have known.”

admiration

Abstract

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I was sitting up in bed, my glasses on, reading silently.

Abstract painting

She was next to me, naked, legs spread, knees up in the air.  Her position reminded me of a frog stuck on its back, its vulnerable underbelly exposed.  Not a flattering juxtaposition, but that’s what went through my mind as I looked at her, caressing her spread, dewy pussy with her right hand, her left squeezing her left breast and then her right.  She was clearly trying to give herself the love and attention she wasn’t receiving from me.  Filling her pussy with her three fingers, pinching and pulling her nipples, rubbing her hand over her tum, licking her fingers.  Moaning.

“Don’t you ever tire of reading?” she finally asked, pouting.

“Don’t you ever tire of fucking yourself silly?” I retorted.

“Say what you will, I am a damn good fuck.  Better than most.”

“Present company excluded,” I added.

“I wouldn’t say that necessarily.”

She was trying to get my ire up, or something up.

“What are you reading, anyhow?” she asked out of frustration.

“An abstract.”

“What?”

“An abstract.”

“Is that the title of the book?”

“No, but that would make a good title,” I said, pulling out my little notebook and writing the thought down.

nude

“Oh no, now you’re reading and writing!”

“An abstract is a summary of the contents of a book, a paper, a dissertation.”

“Then why don’t they call it a summary?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t make the rules.”

“Well, is that abstract so good that you wouldn’t have the full-color, complete package, right here in-the-flesh?”

“Darling. . .”

“You prefer the abstract over the real?”

“I. . .”

“Philosophers should come with a warning label!”

“And what, prey tell, would that warning be?”

“WARNING: Prefers to contemplate own navel over contemplating your anus!”

“You want me to contemplate your anus?”

Lo minimalism

“No, never mind.  I can do it myself,” she said, putting her knees behind her head and curving her torso forward while simultaneously grabbing her butt cheeks with her hands and pushing her ass toward her face.

“Nice parlor trick,” I said.  “You’ve been doing yoga while I’m at work?”

“No, I’ve been contemplating my anus.”

“And what have you discovered with all that contemplation?”

“That it is eminently fuckable and sublimely beautiful.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“May I fuck it?”

“Do you want it for real, or merely abstractly?”

“You know, there’s a branch of mathematics that is strictly theoretical.”

“Is there?”

“Yes.”

“So, what’s that have to do with my ass?”

Contemplation of the Anus

“I’m merely pointing out that even something as grounded and concrete as math can exist on a fictional plane.  People think that there is nothing more basic than one-plus-one equals two, that these numbers are based in empirical facts like stones or sticks.  But even the number one and the number two are abstractions.”

“I’m interested in making one and one equal one.”

It took me a while to understand her mathematical metaphor.

She was still twisted in her pretzel shape.

“Can you lick it?” I asked.

“I’m working on it since at this rate, it’s the only cunnilingus I’m going to get.”

“You remind me of the ouroboros now.”

“What is that?”

“It is the image of a snake eating its own tail.  It became the symbol for infinity because it never ends.”

“Appropriately symbolic, for you never stop talking and start fucking.”

“And your desire is infinite.”

“Everyone’s desire is infinite.”

“I’m afraid you are generalizing from the specific.  Quite the no-no in logic.”

“Do you want my ass, or don’t you?” she asked impatiently.

“If you’re offering it, then sure I do!”

She released from the yoganidrasana pose.  “Well, you’ll have to use your imagination because that’s something you’re only going to experience on a fictional plane.”

“But. . .”

“Imagine it vividly and then you can write all about it.”

“But Lo, you know that I’m not a fiction writer.  Our readers expect accounts of my sex life with Lola!”

“What sex life?  It’s more like Lola’s sex life with Lola as H.H. exists on the astral plane.”

“Have you ever had sex in the astral plane?”

“No, I’ve had cocks in my ass and it felt divine.  And I’ve had sex on a plane (with myself).  Maybe one day I’ll have anal sex on a plane and be transported to that heavenly realm again.”

“The astral plane?”

“No, the anal orgasm.”

“I’ll take you there.”

“To hell you will.  I want you in my cunt.”

“Why won’t you give me your ass?”

“Because you simply don’t deserve it.  Make me cum in my cunt and then we’ll see if you graduate to the advanced class.  If you can get it up for one, you can get it up for the other.”

“Isn’t it more like, if you can get it up for two?”

“You know what I mean.  Do you want to spend our time in bed discussing nomenclature and numbers, or do you want to ram your cock hard in my cunt?”

“You wax poetic when you’re horny, you know that?”

She was done with language and she reached down to grab my member.  I was very hard by this point.

“Looks like you are ready to give me what I want.  I know how to excite you.”

“Your intellectual conversation of theoretical planes of existence was a real turn-on.”

“I bet it was, now get behind me and show me how deeply you love me.”

She rolled onto her tum and put her ass in the air.   I mounted her from behind and pulled her hair.  She instantly gushed like an overripe fruit, sensitive to the touch.

“Yeah, Daddio, that’s it.”

I delved deep inside her.  I could feel the tip of my rod touching the target, tantalizing and teasing that tender tuft of nerves that turns on the tap, unleashing a torrent.

Within mere seconds, she was flooding the bed with her happiness.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” she repeated again and again, grasping the sheets and holding on for dear life.

I don’t mean to give myself much credit for any special sexual talent.  It really wasn’t very difficult.  She was primed and ready before I even penetrated her.  The time it took to bring her to climax was approximately half the time of our conversation about it.

When she had recovered her senses, she looked over at me and smiled.

I picked up my book again and said, “I’m glad I could please you darling.  Had I known it would only be a matter of a moment, I wouldn’t have protested so much.”

She simply said, “It was the talk about abstractions that turned me on.  You know I’m a sapiosexual.”

“Indeed,” I replied.

“What’s the abstract about, anyhow?”

“Abstract art.”

“Of course it is.”

The End

Redoubled Effort

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Lo’s Dinner

“Is that the doorbell?” I asked, just as I was sitting down to eat dinner.

“Oh!” said Lo, getting up quickly from the table and rushing to the door.

“Oh what?”

“It’s the boys.  They’re here to fix the leak.”

“What boys?  What leak?”

“You know, Roy and Gary.”

“Oh, the brothers.”

“Yes,” she said, opening the door, letting them in.

They waved awkwardly at me.

“What leak?” I asked again.

“Oh, it’s not leaking yet, but it will be.”

Lo led the boys down the hall to the bedroom.  I waited a couple of minutes.  When I heard the moans of pleasure, I decided I’m not waiting any longer.  I’m eating my dinner.

Suddenly I heard the Beatles playing, drowning out Lola’s voice.

About fifteen minutes later the boys were leaving.  As they left, I saw them adjusting the crotches of their pants.  They waved goodbye as awkwardly as they had greeted me.

Then Lola reentered the dining room, her face slathered in cum.

She sat down and looked at me, “Are you mad, Daddy?”

“I’m confused.  What leak?”

“Oh,” she said, “me.  I’m leaking, now.”

Lo Sprung a Leak

“I see.  Lo, what is this all about?”

“What Daddy?”

“Having them drop by like this.”

“Well, they need a release.  Their mom doesn’t let them see anyone.”

“So you let them in your bubble?”

“I sure did.”

“Lo, they’re so much younger than you.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“I mean, I thought you liked older men.”

“I like to be their sweet release.”

“You’ll get them in trouble with their mother.  In fact, you might get in trouble with their mother.”

“She thinks that they’re just being handymen for me.”

“Very handy.”

“And the music?”

“I asked them both to ‘Cum together, right now, over me.’  And they did.”

“I thought you said you were leaking.”

“At that age, they’ve got such needs and. . .”

“And what?”

“And they’re so full!.  They both came twice in that short time!  Once over me, once in me.  And they could have gone for more, I’m sure!”

“Still hungry?”

“Seeing two brothers jackin’ it like that over my naked body. . . YES!  I’m soooo hungry!”

“I mean, for dinner.”

“Oh, no.  Was it good?”

“You could have told me they were coming over!” I blurted out, not realizing that I was inadvertently speaking a double entendre.

“I didn’t know until they did.”

“But you invited them.”

“Yes, but they both came much faster than I expected.”

“Are we talking about the same thing?”

“I don’t know, are we?”

“How about some dessert?”

“Ok,” she said, “in the bedroom or here?”

The Origins of the Mercy Fuck

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A while ago, when Lo and I first met up with the protégés, Zach and I had a nice little chat about our sexual proclivities.  My theory was and is that the things we obsess about as adults have their origins in our formative sexual experiences.  While talking with Zach, I was reminiscing about the girl who stole my virginity and then proceeded to crush my loving heart.  (“Stole my virginity” is hardly an apt phrase.  I was eager to get rid of it!)  It had not occurred to me at the time that there may be other, more subtle seeds that were sown in my libido that blossomed into an infatuation with nymphomanical women drawn to living the lifestyle of a hotwife.

hotwife hotty

But then Lo took pity on our friend, Professor Smith.  One night, when I was making passionate love to Lo and she was whispering in my ear about helping dear Dr. Smith to find release from his long sexual frustration, an image and snippet of conversation buried deep in the recesses of my memory was triggered.

It was the same year I had lost my virginity.  There I was, fifteen, and out with my two buddies – Ryan and Peter.  They were both seniors and I was a sophomore.  I looked up to Ryan with unquestioning admiration.  Ever since I was a freshman, my first day of high school, he kindly took me under his wing and showed me the ropes.  He taught me how to cut class, the shortcut to the convenience store to grab a sandwich and smokes, he let me drive his car in the parking lot, instructing me in the basics.  When it snowed, he would take us out into the same parking lot and we’d do donuts for hours on the slippery surface, fishtailing and skidding around like kids in their big, motorized toboggan.

To this day, I have no idea why he was so kind to me.  He had a generous nature and there was no one in the school who had a bad thing to say about him.  His best friend since childhood was Peter – also a senior.  Peter was, in many respects, the opposite of Ryan.  Whereas Ryan was good looking and “cool” – whatever that meant to us back in high school – Peter was quite unattractive and a “nerd.”  Peter had some terrible acne, he was about forty pounds overweight.  He dressed slovenly, showed no personal attention to grooming, and, to complete the picture, he played the tuba.  He didn’t just play the tuba.  The tuba was his life.  He was an award winning tuba player.  Such accolades, however, didn’t make him any more attractive to anyone.

Yet Ryan, unfazed by the court of public opinion – even in that most harsh and unfair court called high school – stuck by his buddy and stuck up for him.  It was a true bromance that was lovely to see.  Somehow, for reasons unfathomable to me, these two seniors were more than happy to include me, a mere freshman, in their little club.

In addition to Ryan and Peter, by the time I came on the scene, there was also Jackie, Ryan’s girlfriend of about a year.  Jackie was a tough, rough, brunette who was the star of the girls’ soccer team.  She played trumpet and also was on a girls’ rugby team.  I’ll admit, I had a crush on this sexy senior.  I’m sure it showed.  But I wasn’t alone; Peter also had a crush on her.  She was, in so many ways, “one of the guys.”  She hung out with us and reveled in our adolescent humor and poor manners.  She accepted everyone for who they were, perhaps because her tomboy persona set her apart from the other preppy girls of the school.  She wasn’t going to be one to judge since she was frequently on the receiving end of judgment from her peers.

Now that I’ve introduced you to all the players of this stroll down memory lane, I shall relate the inciting moment.  It was a dreary autumn day.  Ryan, Peter, and I were in Ryan’s car, getting high in the parking lot of a state park.  Peter was monologing about his unpleasant family situation.  His parents would have been better off divorced and they treated him and his siblings as so much extra baggage.  As Peter’s rant continued, he touched upon all the other aspects of his life that sucked – his failing grades, his lack of money, his unseemly appearance, being overweight, being a virgin.

And that’s when Ryan said the words that I, a fifteen-year-old virgin myself at the time, could not believe I was hearing.  “Do you want to fuck Jackie?”

“What?” asked Peter.

“Do you want to fuck Jackie?”

“No.  I mean, yes, I do.  But, if you’re really asking, no.”

“I’m really asking.”

“Stop fucking with me.  I’m high and this is a mind trip.”

“No.  I talked to her about it.  And. . .”

“Talked to her about what?”

“About fucking you.”

“You what?!”

“Yeah, I asked her if she would fuck you.”

“Why the hell would you ask her that?!”

“Because, I think you need to pop your cherry and move on.  It would be a real confidence boost for you.  Plus, she’s fucking amazing in bed.”

“I’m sure she is – don’t think I haven’t imagined what she’s like in bed.”

“OK,” I said, “this is getting weird.”

“But she’s your girlfriend,” continued Peter.

“So?”

“So?!  Don’t you think that would, like, fuck everything up?”

“What would it fuck up?”

“Our friendship, your relationship with Jackie, I don’t know – those are the two biggies I can think of.”

“No,” said Ryan nonchalantly, “it wouldn’t fuck up anything.  It would unfuck you up.”

“Fucking your girlfriend would unfuck me up?  That’s the most nonsensical thing you’ve ever said, on so many levels.”

“All I’m saying is, if you want to, you can.”

“It is tempting,” said Peter.

“Then do it.  I’ll talk to her tonight and I’ll let you know when and where.”

“Fuck you!”

Well, I don’t remember the rest of that day, but the next weekend I was out with Peter and I asked him, “So, did you take Ryan up on his offer?”

Embarrassed, he said, “MmmmHmmm.”

“You did?!  Tell me about it!”

“He asked Jackie again and she said, ‘Sure.’  Ryan came back to me and told me that she’ll be at his house after school on Friday.  He’d go out for a couple of hours and she’s all mine if I want.  I was tortured by the choice.  He told me this on Wednesday.  I kept going back and forth in my mind.  Eventually Friday came around and I thought, ‘Well, I’ll just go over there and talk with her.’  I showed up at Ryan’s house and there she was, wearing only her panties and bra.  I tried to talk with her and she just led me into the bedroom and got on her knees.  She looked up at me and said, ‘I’ve always wanted to be the first with someone.’  When she pulled out my pud, she put it in her mouth.”

He stopped talking.

“And?” I asked, on the edge of my seat.

“And, with one lick I came all over her.”

“Oh my God!  No!”

“Yeah.  I couldn’t help it.  I’m lucky I didn’t cum in my pants before she undid them.”

“So, that was it?  You’re still a virgin?”

“No, that wasn’t it.  She was very good about it.  She smiled, licked what she could, cleaned up, and then we lay in bed.  It didn’t take long before I was hard again – especially because she got completely naked in bed – and, well, I had her.”

“You did?!”

“Yeah.  She was amazing!”

In retrospect, I probably could have had Jackie too, but at the time I was too proud for a pity fuck.  I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved.  Silly me.

All’s well that ends well – Jackie and Ryan continued dating until she went off to college.  Ryan and Peter remained the closest of friends.  And I found my first love and she ripped my loving heart right out of my chest, but that’s a tale I’ve already told you.

 

Last Day to Order Your Free Book!!!

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Friends, our campaign to help people combat COVID by sending free books is coming to an end.

Order now to get yours!

Send an email to: downloladown@gmail.com and include mailing address and name and we will send you a free book.*

Also, our latest audiobook, narrated by Jupiter Grant, is out now!!!  Match, Cinder & Spark, Volume IV: Sexy Shorts is available here:

AUDIO BOOK

Lillith Avir – “I had a great time reading it.”

* – Limit one per order. This excludes hard-copy of Vol. I – Nymphomania and the Single Girl.  Note that there are ongoing production problems with Volume VI: SlutLife.

Sticky Fingers

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Work on Top, Party on Bottom

“MmmmmHmmmm. . .  Yeah. . . That’s right.  Yesssss.”

These are the words I heard Lo saying as I walked in the door for lunch.  I turned the corner and entered the living room where I saw Lo at her makeshift home office desk in front of the open window that looks out onto the street from our apartment.  She was business on top, naked on bottom.  Her legs were spread.  She had a small oscillating personal fan on the floor under her desk blowing on her bare mons Veneris.  She held her phone with her left hand and was stroking her air-cooled puss with her right.  There was a small puddle on the hard wood floor beneath her task chair.

She looked over her shoulder at me and interrupted her self-pleasure just long enough to communicate to me in primitive sign language that the computer screen in front of her, on her desk, was on for a Zoom call with work.  She covered up the speaker of her phone and whispered, “It’s on mute.”

“You sure about that?” I asked.

She gave me the finger before going back to finger herself.

“MmmmmHmmmm.  Yeah, I’m here.  Yeah.  Tell me again what you are doing.”

I walked away from the sight and left her to her own coping strategy for remote work.

I was on a mission: Lunch.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed some bread, lettuce, tomato, and. . .

“FUUUUUKKK!”

I dropped everything.  Startled for a moment that Lo fell off her chair or that she lost all her work on her computer, I stopped cold in my tracks.  Then I quickly recalled what she was up to in the living room.

I walked in to find Lo in the same spot, larger puddle under chair, phone hung up, and her panting.

I looked out the windows onto the street and there definitely were people looking into the building trying to ascertain the source of the alarming scream.

“Lo,” I began to rebuke her.

“Get me a paper towel, a mop, something!”

I returned with a whole roll of paper towels.

“Can you clean it up?” she asked.

“What?”

“Can you clean it up?  Just stay out of sight of the camera.  I’m still on this Zoom call for work.”

“Multitasking?”

“Yeah, I’m very talented.”

I surreptitiously got on my hands and knees and cleaned up the mess under her chair.

“This is all from you?” I asked, incredulous.

“Well, I started with an ice cube on my puss, then in my puss.  But it melted.  The rest, yeah.  An artesian spring.”

“Maybe we should bottle that stuff. We could make more money than San Pellegrino.”

“Shhhh, I have to unmute.”

She clicked a button and then said, “Yes,” in a very professional voice – so different than the voice she was using with her paramour.  “I think that sounds good,” she said to some pixilated person in the ether.

I took the wet towels and left Lo to her work.

As I sat eating my sandwich and drinking a cold beverage, Lo sauntered into the room, still pantless.

“Thanks Daddio,” she said, sitting across from me.

I grunted and continued to chew.

She could tell I was displeased with what I found.  She tried to explain it away.  “It’s just so hot in here.  I don’t have central air like you at your office.  I had to improvise.  The fan and the ice cube helped.”

“And your phone-a-friend?”

“Well, that Zoom call was just so long and boring!”

“It’s called ‘work,’ Lo.  Not every moment of every day is filled with magic pixie dust and populated with penises for your own personal pleasure party.”

“Oh, but why not?” she asked in her little girl voice.

“Who was on the call?”

“Who do you think?”

“Robert.”

“Nope.”

“One of the brothers.”

“Nope.”

“Both of the brothers.”

“Wrong again.”

“MILF Meri.”

“Getting warmer.”

“I’m out of guesses and I’m almost out of time and patience.”

“Oh, you’re no fun!  It was Scott.”

“Scott?!  MILF Meri’s husband?”

“One and the same.”

“You called him or he called you?”

“Neither.”

“Someone called somebody.”

“Well, he sent me an email and asked if I could talk.”

“Did you talk or did you listen?”

“A little of both, Daddio.  You wanna know what was said?”

“I know what you’re up to and I’m going to tell you, I have to get back to work.  No hanky-panky.”

“You use the oddest, oldest phrases.”

“I’m odd and old, so I can get away with it.”

“Well, you’re going to have to wait anyhow.  I have to hop on another Zoom call.”

“You going to put on your pants?”

“What’s the matter, don’t you think work on top, party on the bottom is home-office appropriate?”

“Is this call for work, or are you sex-camming with an admirer?”

“I told you, I don’t do that anymore.”

“Well, the times, they are a changing.”

“Would you like it if I went back to it?”

“I’ve told you, Lo, you’re free to do whom or what you want whenever you want.”

“I know, Daddio, but I like to hear you say you want me to.”

“Would you do it?” I asked.

“Oh, gotta dash!” she said, returning to her makeshift desk.

She sat back down and I let myself out of the house to return to work without interrupting her work or pleasure call.

I wasn’t back at the office for more than ten minutes before I got a frantic call from her.  “Daddy, Daddy!”

“What’s the matter Lo?”

“I need you!”

“Is this a mid-day booty call?  Because I just. . .”

“No,” she interrupted, “come home right away!”

I returned to the house as quickly as I could and I found Lo on the living room couch, her panties around her ankles, her right hand on her pussy.

“Lo,” I said, suspiciously.  “What’s this all about?”

“I’m stuck.”

“What?”

“I’m stuck.”

“How’s that?”

“I accidentally broke the handle off of my favorite teacup and I was trying to fix it with superglue.”

I’m a little teacup

At that moment I noticed the cup and the superglue tube on the coffee table in front of her.

“And?”

“And somehow my index finger got stuck to my clit!”

“Somehow?”

“This is not the time to tease.”

“I’m not teasing.  I just don’t know how that’s possible.”

“It’s very possible.”

“Only if your diddling the bean while engaged in a repair job.  Were you diddling the bean?”

“That’s not the right question now.”

“Seems like a very pertinent question.”

“The question is how I unstick myself.”

“Maybe I should just let you stay stuck.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” she growled, anger in her eyes.

“I might.”

“Grrrrr!”

“I might even invite the neighbors over.  Maybe I’ll charge five dollars admission.  ‘See the nympho who got caught with her hand in the cookie jar!’” I feigned being a circus barker.

“You’re mean and cruel.  I don’t know why I love you.”

“You love me because I’m mean and cruel and I’m the only person on this planet who puts up with your hijinks.”

“What are you going to do about this?” she asked, indicating her sticky situation.

“Let me look up home remedies for girls who superglue their fingers to their clit.”  I pulled out my computer and added, “Or maybe I should post on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and ask the hivemind what they think.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Woudn’t I?”

I Googled it.

“Do you have nail polish remover?”

“Why?”

“It says to soak a cotton ball in nail polish remover and apply to the stuck spot.”

“DON’T YOU DARE apply nail polish remover to my clit!!!”

“No?”

“NO!!!”

“OK.  Let me look up other remedies.”

I continued searching.  “Ah-ha!  You’re in luck!”

“What’s it say?”

“There are two mildly erotic ways we can go about undoing your masturbatory mess.”

“I wasn’t masturbating!”

“Of course you weren’t.”

“What’s it say?”

“We could either soak you in a nice warm bath with some soap.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Or, apply some vegetable oil to the affected area.”

“Hmmmm, that could be fun too!”

“Let’s do a little of both.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Follow me.”

I led her to the bathroom and got her in the empty bath.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed some vegie oil and returned to her, dripping it on her hand and pussy, soaking both.

Then I turned on the warm water and let it fill up the bath.  It only took a few minutes before she was unstuck.  I poured more oil over her pussy and slid my fingers over her clit.

“Is this where you were stuck?”

“Yes Daddy.”

“How’s that feel?”

“Good Daddy.”

I slid in a finger.  Then another.  Then three.  Then four.  Then my thumb as well.  They all slipped right in without resistance.

Lo moaned.

“What were you doing?”

“When, Daddy?”

“When you got so attached to yourself.”

“I did it unconsciously.  I didn’t even know I was touching myself.  I swear.”

She reached down and pushed my hand from the wrist.  In it slipped, a full fist inside her pussy.

“Yeah, Daddy.  That’s it.”

The water was up around her ankles.  She slowly stood up in the bath and bent over, keeping me inside her the whole time.

“Put your other hand in,” she said.

I slowly wedged my left hand in until it was clasped with my right hand inside her pussy.

“Have you ever been double-fisted before?”

“Noooooooo,” she said, cooing.

Her hips were rhythmically rocking forward and back, humping my two hands until she came.  I felt her Kegel muscles clench, but, unlike when my cock is in her, she couldn’t possibly squeeze my hands out with her orgasm.  I waited until she was good and done before I slid them out slowly.

“That was fun,” she said, sitting down in the bath, putting her legs up on the wall, letting the water splash down on her pussy.

“You may go now,” she said dismissively as she let the waterfall bring her to another climax.

I didn’t leave though.  I dropped my pants and did what she always longs for me to do.  I stroked my cock, using the vegetable oil as a lubricant.   I stroked it over her naked body as she let the water run over her clit.

“You know,” I said, “Cleopatra used to bathe in a bath filled by her slaves with semen.”

“You’re so hot,” she said.

“I bet you’d like to have enough men surrounding you, stroking to the sight of your naked body, to fill your bath with their warm, pearly cum.”

“You know me too well, but right now, if you’d give me just enough for a nice facial, I’d be a happy girl.”

I needed no further encouragement.  I provided the beauty cream she requested and she, in turn, reached orgasm #3.

“There’s nothing like learning history while masturbating,” she said.

“I hate to break it to you, but that story of Cleopatra is an urban myth.”

“Really?!”

“Sad, but true.  Its origins are unknown.”

“Hmm,” she said, pensively.

“What?”

“I wonder if two thousand years from now stories about me will make a loving couple orgasm together.”

“If the reports of your contemporaries are any indication, then, yes, it’s very likely.”

“Good.  Maybe they’ll report that you were able to fill up the tub with your semen single handedly just by looking at my face.”

“It sure feels that way.”

“I’m sure it does, to you anyhow.”

Wet

Flappers, Floppers, and Fappers

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Lola as a 20’s Flapper

[This story was printed in the December issue of Ethical Non-Monogamy Magazine. Get yours today!]

We pulled up outside the stately mansion, exterior up-lighting illuminated its solid granite façade and the silver hue of the full moon reflected off the glittering snow of the estate.  We could already hear music emanating from the warm glow within the large windows where the Christmas revelers were crowded into the grand ballroom.

We were a mere twelve days away from 2020 and the historic home was throwing a Gatsby inspired ball to usher in the new decade and raise money for the private trust which kept the historic home open to the public as a museum and park.  Tickets were limited and expensive, but we managed to score four: two for Lo and me and two for Mark and Stephanie.  You will recall that they are the married couple with two young kids at home.  They like Lo and me because we encourage them to get out and do things like they used to, pre-kids.  And Lo is in lust with Mark.  He, for his part, has fawned on Lo, but resisted her advances thus far. 

The four of us had dressed for the occasion; Mark and I in classic twenties attire, complete with bowties and him sporting a little straw hat, Stephanie and Lo both adorned as flappers.  Lo wore a tight, shimmery silver sequin dress with tassel fringes and a silver Charleston pendant headband upon her dark mane of hair.  Stephanie wore a sleek red velvet dress with a plunging neckline in the front and back, revealing almost more skin than it concealed.  She wore a little black bowler hat with it and many strings of costume pearls.

We were a handsome foursome to behold, I’ll admit.

As we entered the ornate palace, we were greeted by the cheerful “maid” who took our tickets and said the exact words I like to hear upon arriving at a party: “The open bar is right there.”

Our pricey entrance fee included drinks for the evening, small appetizers and a light meal, as well as the ten-piece swing band playing the Shimmy, Fox Trot, and Lindy Hop for an enthusiastic audience, many of whom were either professional or amateur enthusiasts of this bygone style of dance.  They were good and a delight to watch!

The drinks were poured generously by the barhops and the food was scarce and light fare, resulting in a lot of the partygoers getting sloppy drunk fast.  Luckily, we had hired a limo for our transport to and from.

As the band churned out rhythmically charged dance tunes, made more intense by the brass accents and lyrical clarinet, more and more people got up to dance.  Old, young, couples, singles, strangers, straight, gay, good dancers and bad all hopped and glided to the beat of the drums.  For the first time I realized that punk and ska, with their fast tempos and driving beat, were not really new creations of an angst-ridden age, emerging from the ’80s disenchantment with hippy hope and prog-rock complexity.  No, the Roaring Twenties had every bit of pent-up primal power in its music as anything that came afterwards in the age of amplifiers.

Not Lo, but very similar.

Lo and I danced, Stephanie and Mark danced.  Lo and Mark danced together as Stephanie and I danced.  She shimmied and shook in her flimsy dress.  Her nipples grew erect as the fabric rubbed up against them and little beads of sweat formed on her chest.  Her breasts were small and sagged, so she had no cleavage to speak of, thus she easily emulated the ʼ20s icon of women’s fashion, the garçonne.

When I also worked up a sweat and needed a break, Mark accompanied me to the bar as Lo and Stephanie flew and flapped together on the dancefloor.  Mark said something to me as we waited for our drinks, but I couldn’t quite make it out other than that it was about Lo and, I assume from the look on his face, it was complimentary.

As we made our way back to the dancefloor, drinks in hand, an older woman (yes, even older than I!) approached me, took Lo’s martini out of my hand and said, “Thank you, sweetie,” as she drank it down in one fell swoop and then invited me to dance.  I couldn’t say no, so I asked Mark to hold my drink and I went out on the dancefloor with her.  She just wanted to be held and to hold a man, any man, as she once was held by her man years ago.  The Spirit of Christmas Past filled her eyes as she swayed in my arms.  I knew not who she was, nor she me, but for a moment I was everything she longed for and I was happy to fulfill her Christmas Present, however briefly.

The song came to a close and the band took a well-deserved break.

Mark, Stephanie, Lo and I explored the various rooms of the Tudor Revival home.  Lo was feeling frisky and, at many of our stops by bedrooms with canopy beds, she was groping me and whispering in my ear something slightly intoxicated about Mark.  Her words were not quite audible enough for me to comprehend, but the tone was one I knew well – full of desire and sensuality.

The rest of the evening’s entertainment was mostly a blur for me, until our quartet got into the limo for the hourlong ride home.  Lo was riled up and reaching for relief.  As soon as we were in the dark, leather interior of the car, she leaned in for a long wet kiss from me, grabbing my hand and placing it up, under her sequin dress, between her legs, seemingly oblivious to our companions, but secretly glad to have them, or particularly Mark, as an audience.

“I want you Daddy,” she whispered to me.

I looked over her shoulder and saw that Stephanie was similarly engaged with Mark.  That put me at ease a bit.

Soon Lo scootched on the seat and slid out of her panties (also silver) and she dropped them on the floor.  The hem of her sequins was up around her waist.

I looked over at Mark and saw he was eyeing Lo while Stephanie was allowing her braless breasts to fall out of the taut fabric.

Lo also noticed this and she sat back, putting her feet up on the seat, spreading her legs, and pulling at her pussy lips, watching Mark and Stephanie.  “Look,” she said, diddling her unusually long labia with her finger like a miniature boxer at the speed bag, “I’m a real flapper!”  She cackled and I could tell she was very intoxicated.

Lo’s Labia

Mark moved from next to Stephanie to my side.  Lo was on my left fapping as Mark was on my right, very close to me.  I looked across at his wife as she looked at the three of us.

To my great surprise, Mark placed his hand on my knee and said, “Do you like what you see?” meaning Stephanie.

“I do,” I replied.

Stephanie, I realized for the first time, was basking in our attention.

Mark’s hand slowly but firmly made its way up my thigh to my crotch.  I was frozen in place.  I think Lo glimpsed what was happening from the corner of her eye and she reached over to feel where Mark had placed his hand.  She cooed, “Oh yeah,” in a long, drawn out whisper as her left hand continued pull and stretch her loose labia.

“Are you hard for her?” Mark asked me.

I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet and he slid his hand up and down my hard shaft.

“Take it out,” he gently instructed me.  “Show her.”

I opened my pants and pulled out my cock.  He held it as Lo leaned over and went down on it with her mouth.  Suddenly, I was the center of attention.  Stephanie’s eyes met mine and she proudly displayed her breasts.

She was ten years older than Lo, the mother of two young children, and her already diminutive breasts were flat, sagging, and flopping, forming the same shape as her drooping pearl necklaces as she leaned over.  I could see by her expression that she longed to be beheld, to be an object of desire.  She also knew that I was off limits.  Lo is free while I am happily her kept man – an arrangement I had explained to Stephanie in the past.

But then, to my astonishment, Lo and Mark switched – Lo held my member as Mark swirled it in his mouth.  All the while his betrothed voyeuristically observed from her side of the limousine.

Lo’s lips locked with mine and she held my manhood firmly in Mark’s mouth.

“Cum, Daddy,” she encouraged.  “Cum.”

Her blessing granted, I took it as a command and obeyed without delay just as we pulled up to Mark and Stephanie’s driveway.

Mark kissed Lo a long, open-mouthed kiss goodbye.  I gave Stephanie a polite kiss on the cheek and wished them both a very merry Christmas.

Once they were gone, leaving Lo and me alone in the car, I turned to Lo and said, “What was that all about?”

She just smiled and replied, “Now I finally know why he has rebuffed my advances all this time.  It had nothing to do with me.”  She sounded quite relieved.

“Ooooh,” I said, slowly making the connection.

“Did you like it, Daddy?”

“I did.  Did you?”

“So much.”

“Did you have a good time?”

“It was magical.”

“I think we’ll really enjoy the ’20s.”

“Yeah.  Let’s hope that flappers come back in style,” she said, looking down at her pussy and pulling again at her stretched labia.

“Lo, your beauty is timeless.”

Little did we know then what the Spirit of Christmas Future had in store for all of us in 2020.

A little Christmas cheer!

ENM December 2020 Issue

Spread the Love

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“But Daddy, it’s Thanksgiving,” whined Lo.

“COVID Thanksgiving,” I reminded her.

“Exactly.  All the more reason.”

“Lo, though I admire your generosity of spirit. . .”

“More like horniness of flesh.”

“Whatever.  The fact is that this Thanksgiving isn’t going to be like Thanksgivings past.”

“I know, but maybe I could just. . .”

“Absolutely not.”

That, as they say, was that.

Lo had wanted to continue with her ‘lock-down panties-down’ frolics.  Since the beginning of COVID she had been the goto girl for the brothers across the street, MILF Meri and her merry band of horny men, and Professor Robert Smith.  For her, this was a reduction in her socializing and she was complaining about it.  She envisioned a very thankful Thanksgiving Day meal with her as the main course.

But reality was not accommodating.  COVID numbers were up.  Though Lo likes it when things go up, this was not one of those things.

“So, it will just be the two of us?” she asked meekly.

“I’m afraid so.  Am I not enough for you?”

“Oh, Daddio, you’re the world to me.”

“That’s more like it.”

“But you know, our blog always has higher viewing on holidays.”

“True.”

“And that’s because so many people feel alone on the holidays.”

“Also true.”

“And we help them to feel better.”

“We?”

“I.”

“True.”

“So, maybe we could do something special for all of our fans.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.  You’re the creative genius.  I’m just here to inspire.”

“That you do.”

I had been thinking lately about the phrase “a social art form.”  I wonder, is every form of art social?  I mean, there are a few outliers, like Emily Dickinson scribbling poetry in her bed for no one to read.  Or Franz Kafka, who instructed his literary executor to burn all of his writings after his death.  But these few notables are exceptions who prove the rule.  Most, if not all art is created to be shared.  In one way or another it is created for others.

Never had I really thought about that until COVID times struck and all the things that I had taken for granted were taken away from me: going to the movies, attending the theater, live music concerts, poetry readings, museums, art galleries, dancing!  It has dawned upon me that ART IS SOCIAL!  Yes, this blatantly obvious fact was hidden from my view because I am a rather solitary sole who is content to sit, like Thoreau, in his garret and write away the hours for my own entertainment.  But, in the end, I have to admit that even these scribblings of a madman are a social art form.  They live, breathe, and exist in the public sphere.  If things were otherwise, I wouldn’t post them, they wouldn’t be published in books, you wouldn’t be reading this.

Perhaps writing and reading are less social art forms than performing in a rock band for thousands of people, but they are social activities none-the-less.  And, as if this introvert’s idea of himself wasn’t turned upside down enough by this realization, then the fact that I write erotica rounds off the perfect circle for, of all the literary art forms, isn’t erotica the most social?  I mean, erotica stems from the erotic – Eros, the god of desire and intimate congress.

So, maybe at heart, I am a social being after all and my art is also a social event rather than an artifact existing under glass tucked away in a hermetically contained vault for no one to see.  Even the plethora of papers I have written that you have never seen and are not likely to see, are part of this social ecosystem because the mere mention of them puts them in play.  Like J. D. Salinger’s unpublished works, you probably are more interested in that stuff than the published pieces.  (Am I right?)

Understood this way, Lola and I are not so very different from one another.  Though our relationship and my writing about it has played off of our counterpointal conflicts, it turns out that, on a deeper level, we are far more similar than I had suspected.  She likes to express herself through her social art form – sex – and I like to express myself through mine – writing.  Together, we make an incongruent pairing that is more harmonious than discordant.

“I’ve got it!” I said to Lo.

“Yeah?  What?”

“For Thanksgiving this year, let’s do what Hermann Hesse did during the war.”

“What was that?”

“He sent books to prisoners of war.  This is going to be a tough COVID winter.  Everyone is going to feel like a prisoner.  Starting on Thanksgiving and ending on December 10, why don’t we send a free copy of one of our books or audiobooks to anyone who asks?  Can you picture it, books with your image on the cover being unwrapped all around the world on Christmas morning?!”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea!”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  A tangible way to spread the love.”

“And we know how much you love to spread.”

“If only it could be more tangible.”

[For your free copy, please write to us at: downloladown@gmail.com]

Grist for the Mill

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Tanning while reading Match, Cinder & Spark

Strolling through the park on a bright summer’s afternoon.  “What a glorious day,” I said.

“Yeah,” she said lasciviously.

I looked at her eyes and followed her line of sight.  She was watching two sunbathers.

“Lo, what are you thinking about?”

“Nothing, Daddy, I just can’t wait to get home and bang you,” she said while biting her lower lip.

The female sunbather turned over, revealing that she was wearing merely a thong.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked, accusatorily.

“Darling, the difference between you and I is that I am an aesthete.”

She rolled her eyes.  “This again?”

“And you are a hedonist.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  Quite so.”

“What makes me a hedonist for looking at the exact same thing you were looking at?”

“I was looking at the entire composition of the sun, the clouds, the green grass, the spatial relations of the various persons and trees upon the sward, the mathematical ratio of the low lying buildings to the rectangular outline of the park’s boundary.  I could go on.”

“I’m sure you could, you pompous ass-thete!”

“While you, my dear,” I continued, ignoring her invective interruption, “were simply thinking about the heat of the sun, the cool of the breeze, the tingling between your legs stimulated by the physical appearance of those two bodies over there, going home, fucking and eating.  That’s what makes you a hedonist and me an aesthete.”

“You are unbearable!”

“Why do you take such offense?”

“Because you’re basically saying that I’m a simpleton with animalistic cravings and you are a cerebral demigod!”

“Darling, but don’t you see – that’s why we’re are made for each other.  You admire that about me and I admire you for your primal desires.  You wish you could be more like me and I wish I could be more like you.  That is the law of attraction.”

“Primal desires?!”

“I don’t mean it in a value-laden sense.  It’s merely descriptive.  As the great philosophers of Utilitarianism – Jeremy Bentham and John Stuart Mill. . .”

“Oh boy, here we go!”

“As the originators of that philosophy of pleasure, Bentham, in contrast to Mill, put no greater weight on the enjoyment derived from eating bonbons than that derived from reading Balzac.”

“If you could shut up for ten minutes, I’d love to eat your sword and fondle your ball sack.”

“Darling, when I said ‘sward’ earlier, it was with an ‘A,’ meaning a green pasture.  And the Balzac to which I just now referred was to the French author Honoré de. . .”

“Please, please give it a rest!”

“All I’m saying is that the utils that you get from. . .”

“The what?”

“Utils.  The unit of measurement of pleasure in Utilitarianism.”

“Oh, back to that are we?”

“The utils that you get from seeing a curvaceous and scantily clad female are no better or worse than the utils I derive from viewing a Kandinsky painting.  I’m much more sympathetic to Bentham’s egalitarian theory than Mill’s hierarchy of pleasures.”

“Really?  You?  Mr. aristocrat himself?”

“If, by ‘aristocrat,’ you mean that I subscribe to a ranking of merit, then guilty as charged.  But one can excel in merit while still deriving pleasure from the simplest of things.”

“You are such an asshole!”

“But if pressed,” I said, again overlooking her impulsive outburst, “I would have to admit that I do not subscribe to Utilitarianism at all.”

“OK, I’ll bite.  What do you subscribe to?”

“I think Nietzsche understood that humans are not such simplistic beings as brute beasts, merely out to diminish pain and increase pleasure.  Observation of any great artist shows that the highest exemplars of the human race make great sacrifices and endure terrible suffering for the sake of art.”

“Oh, and what sacrifices and sufferings have you had to endure?”

“The subheading of our blog is ‘the trials and tribulations of dating a nymphomaniac.’”

“I am the source of your suffering?!”

“The source of my art, and thereby, the source of the suffering that I go through for it.”

“What suffering is that?  Having sex with a goddess multiple times a day?”

“No, no, no dear.  It’s the, the, um, creative process.”

“What does that mean?”

“Like this conversation, for instance.  It’s all just grist for the mill.”

“So, conversing with me is a source of suffering for you?”

“No, no.  You take my meaning all wrong.”

“I really don’t see another possible interpretation.”

At this point, we were at our front door.  Just as we arrived, a sun-shower began.

“What a weird season,” said Lo.  “It’s wet like spring, hot like summer, and beautiful like autumn.”

“You just described yourself: wet, hot, and beautiful.”

Lola Down – Wet, Hot, and Beautiful

“What about smart?”

“Lo, you know how I admire your intelligence.”

“Do I?  You just performed an oral dissertation about how I am a hedonist given over to carnal desires.”

“There’s wisdom in that.”

“What does that mean?”

“You are wise beyond words.”

“I know what you’re saying.  You wish I’d shut up and you could simply enjoy my beauty without having to listen to me talk.  You think you’re so smart.”

“No.  I’m just wise beyond your years.”

“I don’t need your stamp of approval.  I know I’m smart,” she said with a grin indicating just how content she was with herself.

“Then why do you get so upset when I talk?”

“Because you say the dumbest things.”

I must have looked mortally wounded by her words because she followed that up with, “I mean that with love.”

“I’m sure you do.”

“The dumbest things for someone so intelligent.  That’s what I meant.”

Once we were inside, I sat down at my computer to transcribe this little conversation of ours.  She was in the bedroom, naked no doubt.  She hollered down the hall for me to join her.

“Can’t you see I’m writing?  Why do you keep distracting me?” I called back.

“You think that life is just writing and that everything else is a distraction.”

I heard the quiet purr of her Hitachi start up, followed by her moans of pleasure.

When I had completed the reporting of our peripatetic discourse, I sauntered down the hall to check on her, following the sounds of her self-copulatory female vocalizations.

Her right hand held the mechanism between her legs as her left held her phone and scrolled through various images.

Lo’s Little Friend

I turned to leave.

“Hey,” she called to me, “where are you going?”

“It seems that you have matters well in hand,” I said.  “You give no indication of needing assistance.”

“For many species, masturbation is the mating call,” she responded.

“Oh, so you want me?”

“If your superior intellect can deign to do me – a mere mortal full of base desires.”

“Like the immaterial Nous infusing the nether pleroma with its animating spirit.”

I had penetrated her as I spoke those words.

“You’re lucky I’m such a sapiosexual, or else I’d take offense at that,” she said, looking up at me.  “But the mere fact that you not only know what those terms mean, but can use them when fucking turns me on.  And, I might add, your emanation is hardly immaterial.”

Within moments she had reached the apogee of her venereal excitement.

I slowly removed my sword from her scabbard and stood over her recovering body.

“What?” she asked.  “You’re not going to cum?”

“That was strictly for your pleasure, my dear,” I said.

“You got nothing from it?” she asked, insulted.

“Your enjoyment gives me satisfaction.  Now, back to my writing.”

“Good grief!  You’re lucky you have me or you’d have nothing to write about except ideas!”

Cum-Covered

Later that day, a friend sent an email asking, “How are you two?”

Lo responded, “We’re doing fine.  HH is writing.  I’m masturbating.  Once in a while he puts down his pen and picks up his penis and gives it to me.  But mostly he gives me his stories to edit.”

I turned to her and said, “You know, my writing makes you immortal.”

“And my body makes you mortal.”

“Are you saying that without your body I’d live forever?”

“No, I’m saying that without my body, you wouldn’t even live once.”