Clickbait


“What’s there to eat in the fridge?” I call to her through the bathroom door.  I had just gotten home from work and I was famished. 

“Nothing,” she calls back as I hear the squeak of her opening the valves to take a shower.

“Nothing?!  I saw a cucumber in the bottom right drawer.”

“Oh, that’s not for eatin’,” she says.  “Come to think of it, will you bring it to me darling?”

Good grief.  I get the green gourd from the fridge for her and a cold beer for me.  I pass her the vegetable when she extends her hand through the narrow opening of the door. 

“Can’t I see you?” I ask.

“No.”

“You do know that I’ve seen you naked before?  Most of the internet has seen you naked before.  Probably most of our neighbors have seen you naked before.”

“I have my shower cap on.”

“Oh, well then.” 

The door shuts.  I sit down to read and sip my beer and await her exit from the bathroom.  And wait.  And wait.  After her repeated cries to God and profanities that I imagine were directed at her pleasure-bearing plant, I hear the waterspout squeak off. 

Finally she emerges. 

Lo is very wet

I whistle at her.  “You look half as good in your clothes as you do out of them.”

“That’s insulting!”

“Would you prefer the opposite: You look twice as good in your clothes as you do out of them?”

“How about you just say I look fabulous.”

“You look fabulous, darling.  And delicious.  I had no dinner.  Can I please eat you from bottom to top?”

“Oh, Daddy, I have to catch my breath,” she says, lying naked on the bed next to me.

“You do that and I’ll caress your snatch with my tongue.”

She puts her laptop over her shaved triangle and opens it up. 

“Darling,” I ask, “what are you doing now?”

“Just checking some email and sprucing up some social media accounts.”

Dejected, I get up off the bed.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“I’m not going anywhere.  I’m taking off my work clothes and. . .”

“Getting naked?” she asks, licking her lips.

“If that would please you.”

“Will you lie next to me?”

“As you wish,” I say, somewhat sarcastically. 

I sit next to her, reading my book as she scrolls through pages with her right hand.  Her left hand is resting on my cock.  It grows in her palm.  I put down my book and turn on my side, rhythmically fucking her fist.  Unconsciously, she allows it, but doesn’t enthusiastically respond to it.  She’s engrossed in whatever it is she’s reading. 

After a couple of moments, I look at what is on her screen.  It’s a page of nearly naked women.

“What is that?” I ask. 

“You’ve never seen a woman before?”

“Not until I laid eyes on you, darling.”

“Funny.”

“What is that page?” I ask with more specificity. 

“Oh,” she says, “I created a Pinterest page.”

“I can’t help but notice, I’m nowhere on it.”

“Do you like it?”

“The pics of you, yes.”

Just as I was enjoying seeing her in the naked flesh next to me, and also her pixilated portrait resting just above her pink vulva on her laptop computer, she scrolls away from the page.  And, to make matters worse, she removes her hand from my hard rod.

            “Now what are you doing?” I ask.

            “It’s well known that lists create web traffic and a fan asked me to list six facts about my body.”

            “Clickbait,” I respond.

            “You can call it that,” she says, but I think I’m the real bait.  Clitbait, you might say.”  She strokes her bean under the computer as she says it. 

            She returns her hand to the keyboard and writes:

Six Facts About My Body:

  1. It is an instrument of pleasure.
  2. It is a canvass for cum.
  3. It inspires creativity.
  4. It drives people crazy.
  5. It drives me crazy.
  6. I love it.

“Not bad,” I say. 

She ignores my compliment because now she is engaged in answering emails. 

One guy asks, “Who are you?”

“Cum and find out,” writes Lo, followed by, “Wait, reverse that.”

Another guy sends a dick pic.  Lola tells him that if he is going to do that, he has to send one with her photo in the frame.  He replies, “I don’t usually send dick pics.” 

            “I bet you say that to all the sluts,” she replies snidely.   

            I can see that she is getting excited.  Her right hand moves to her chest and she pulls at her nipples, making them erect. 

            “Looks like you’re ready to give some pointers,” I say.

            Another fan read the story, “Divine Destinies,” about Lo’s immaculately pure pink posterior flower.  He wrote to Lo requesting some steamy chat, adding that, “I love to talk about dirty things.”

            Lo, taking offense at this, replies, “Are you suggesting that the pinnacle of my success is ‘dirty’?”

            “Lo,” I say, “turn over and I’ll take a pic of my tongue deeply penetrating your perineum and we’ll show him how you’re more beautiful than Charlene and Mr. Clean.”

            She chuckles and asks, “How the hell do you know that song?”

            “My brain isn’t as old as my body.”

            “If by that mean you mean that you’re immature, then you’re right.”

            “Roll over.”

She closes her laptop and I think I’m in luck, but then she takes out her phone.  She does turn onto her tum and begins going through photos from fans.  “I just need a little something to wet my whistle, if you know what I mean,” she says, as she puts her right hand down between her pussy lips and strokes, then, using that natural lubricant, moves to her porn star. 

She passes me the phone and says, “Look what I found in my in-box!”

I, looking at both her boxes intently at that moment, take the phone from her. 

“Read it aloud,” she says, “I’m all ears. . . and vagina.”

I see a long email from a fan, a woman named “Jen X.”  It reads:

Lola,

You are a much curvier, sexier, more luscious version of Audrey Hepburn. Think about it, HH is Gregory Peck. And you, my dear friend Lo, you are a Princess.

You’re so innocent. He’s older than you. He’s a writer, a professor, a man of mind, body, soul and spirit. He’s brilliant. You are his muse. He is obsessed in the best possible way by you. You dominate his thoughts, his feelings, his emotions. You go further than he could possibly believe now…you’re so deep in his consciousness; as deep as his dick passionately penetrating the walls of your strong, shaking, quivering pussy.

Because of the way HH writes about you and your magnificent personality, I want you! I have a deep desire to have you pop my girl-on-girl cherry. However, HH has got to be there and ease us through it. I want him to watch us, jerk off, and then we both share his cum.

He just channels your soul’s sexiness, your perfect pair of tits, your sweet soft strong flexible box, and your behind. Your behind forces him to forget anything that isn’t about you. He loves not just looking at you, he loves to take you with his eyes. In his mind he is cumming into every atom of your being.

HH is a Voyeur. He’s a genius. And I have a crush on HH because I’m perfectly straight, yet I adore you Lo, I truly do, because you are one of the funniest, most caring, sexiest women in the world. I feel your sexiness and your body through HH and I want both of you!

I have never had a FFM. I’ve had two MMF trysts in real life, but the guys freaked out about touching each other. I’m not saying a need a bi male partner. I would love that, however, the way you yank me into your stories…WOW! I want to co-write a hot story of Lola introducing me to you. I believe this should be a gift from us to you.

Lola’s the hottest thing since fire! – classy, highbrow, but with a twisted, kinky, warped sense of humor. Imagine the Magical Kink Fest Lola and I could create for you.

HH, I need you to pitch your fantasy for this erotic project I’m co-creating with your sweet innocent lollipop licking Lola.

Let me know if you want my company in your bedroom or dungeon.

Kisses babes,

Jen X

As I read the lusty letter, Lo is having finger fun time between her legs and her feet are working in tandem to stroke my cock.  The words are so poetic and prurient that I very nearly cum.  Lo can feel it and she turns and says, over her shoulder, “I just got out of the shower.  I didn’t wash my hair and I don’t intend to today.  If you cum, don’t cum in my hair.”

            “Do you think Audrey Hepburn ever said that to Gregory Peck?”

            “Look, I aim to please, so please be sure to aim.”

            Just as she says it, I take aim and hit my mark, right between her shoulder blades. 

Painting on Canvas

            After I recoup, I get up and go to the bathroom to clean myself off.  There, on the sink, is her giant cucumber.  “Do you think this is still ok to eat?” I call to Lo.

            “What, your cock?”

            “Well that too, but I was referring to your veggie vagina filler.”

            “Oh, I’m not done with it yet.  Toss it here.”

            I do so and I also return to the bedroom to get dressed.

            “Where do you think you’re going?” she asks as she stuffs herself full of the jolly green giant. 

How about this?

            “To the store to get something for dinner.  Do you want anything?”

            “How about an eggplant.  This is not nearly enough to feed me.”

Sexercise

            “Fuck!  I hope that never happens again!” she blurted out as she entered the house.

            I had been quietly sitting on the couch, perched in my usual spot, writing, when she burst in with a flare for the dramatic. 

            “What happened?” I inquired, merely raising an eyebrow.

            “Get in the bedroom and I’ll tell you.”

            That can only mean one thing. 

            I saved my work, closed my laptop, and followed her to the bedroom.  By the time I got there she was already naked, her legs spread wide, her right hand slapping her pussy with a small splash. 

            “What are you waiting for?” she asked impatiently.

            “I came as fast as I could,” I said as I began removing my clothes.

            “Well, don’t cum as fast as you can now if you want to hear what I have to tell you.”

            I slid into her already lubricated puss and she let out a gasp of relief. 

            “Am I wet, Daddy?” she asked.

            “A juice box,” I said.  “What is going on?”

            She didn’t speak immediately.  She was enjoying the ride.  Her hands had moved to her sides and she was pulling her ass cheeks, spreading herself as wide as she could go.

            “Can you feel me?” she asked.

            “Almost not at all.  Like fucking a bathtub full of warm water.”

            That was enough to bring her to a mild squirting orgasm as her puss gently gurgled, soaking me, the bed, and her ass. 

            “Harder, Daddy.  Faster.”

            “If you tell me what’s going on, I’ll fuck you like a jackhammer.”

            I sped up my rhythm and increased my force. 

Lola’s Yoga Pants

            “That’s it,” she said, her eyes shut.  “I’m so wet.  So fucking wet.”

            “I can tell,” I said, “but not for me I bet.”

            “I was at the gym,” she began, as the scene played out before her shut eyes, “in my grey yoga pants.”  She paused.

            “Yes,” I said, bringing her back to the here-and-now.

            “And I was on the adductor machine, working on my inner thighs when I noticed the guy in front of me.  He was doing pull ups directly in my line of sight.  Unconsciously I was watching his body go up and down while I was working my legs.  Then I noticed that I was watching him – his bulging biceps, the ripples of his shoulders, his broad chest.  His shirt was short, so I could see his abs, and then I looked a little lower and saw just how huge his cock was.  Every time he went up and down, I was spreading and then clenching my legs together.  I became self-conscious of what I was doing and looked up to see if he noticed me.  Our eyes met for a moment and then. . .”

            She climaxed again; this time much harder than before. 

            When she regained her composure, I asked, “And then what happened.”

            “Daddy, it’s too embarrassing!”

            “What?”

            “As I was spreading my legs, completely involuntarily and without warning I. . .” she trailed off.

            “You what?”

            “I came.  I squirted.  I felt myself drenching my yoga pants until they were dripping.  And he saw it all!  I immediately closed my legs together and pretended to take a sip from my water bottle and somehow made it look like I had spilled it on my lap.  I ran out of there as fast as I could!  Oh my God!  I can never go back there again!!!”

            As she told me this, I had slowed and almost stopped thrusting, I was so engrossed in her story.  But then she rebuked me.  “Don’t stop.  Come on.  Fuck me.  Use me.  Fill me up.”

            “Lo,” I said apologetically, “I can’t even feel you, you’re so wet.”

            “Forget it!” she commanded, angry at me. 

            She pulled away so I slid out of her.  She reached under the bed, grabbed her horse-cock dildo and said, “You can watch, if you want, but I need something that’s going to really fill me up.”

            She stuck it to the headboard of the bed and backed into it as I was on my knees in front of her, stroking my cock. 

            “Are you thinking of him?” I asked as she thrusted back into the cock vigorously with her eyes closed.

            “Yes,” she said honestly. 

            “You think he’d fill you like that?”

            “Yes,” she said.

            I could see that I may have been distracting her from whatever fantasy was playing out in her mind, so I continued with my masturbatory movements in silence as I watched her tits hang down and rock back and forth, thinking about what that guy must have thought of her in the gym.  Suddenly I came, shooting my pent-up love all over her face.  It was a surprise to her because her eyes were still shut.  When she realized what I had done, it sent her into a violent hysterical paroxysm, the likes of which I had not seen in a very long time. 

            Her arms spread forward and her body bowed down making a “Downward Dog” movement as her cunt clenched the long, thick cock behind her. 

            When she regained consciousness, she said, “Maybe I’m just not made for city life.  Maybe I’m meant to keep in shape by working on the farm.” 

“In the Next Room”


            Mark and Stephanie came over for appetizers before we all were going to go to see a play.  Lo had planned this night for the four of us months ago.  She was very excited because the play was one that she had heard great things about and she thought that Mark and Stephanie were just the couple to invite to it.  My guess was that she had designs on Mark and was hoping to get him into a showdy corner of the dark theater and play a little herself.  But what actually happened was way beyond my wildest imaginings.  

            Lo, as is her practice of primping and prepping, spent most of that lovely summer Friday afternoon cleaning up the house for our guests, making a special dip, stocking the bar, adorning the small tables with bouquets of flowers, and then hopping into the shower.  I, for my part, cracked open a beer and watched Lo do all this work in her panties and bra.  I hope you, dear reader, don’t get the wrong idea about me.  I’d be more than happy to chip in with the chores, but Lo is such a perfectionist that I have learned the hard way over time that it’s best to leave it to her. 

            As I sat on the living room couch, I heard what could only be described as Lo’s mating call, if mating occurred for her the way it does for komodo dragons, that is, through parthenogenesis, or without the need of a male.  Yes, this is a very long-winded way of saying that Lo was fucking herself in the shower with one of her many dildos and calling, to God, to me, to anyone, with her distinctive, “OH GOD!  YES!  FUCK!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!”  Not quite as poetic as the final paragraph of Joyce’s Ulysses, but the same sentiment.  When she got out of the shower and found me sitting on the bed, I wasn’t the only one who was long-winded.  She was panting for air since her hot, steamy shower only added to the heavy, humid air of our apartment. 

            “Thinking of Mark?” I asked snidely. 

            “Mark, Mike, Matthew, Milton, it doesn’t matter.”

            “Allow me to rephrase.  Thinking of dick?”

            “Many, many dicks,” she said. 

            I got up off the bed to spank her bottom as she was bending over the sink to wipe down the mirror when I caught a glance into the tub and saw it was populated with not one, but four dildos! 

            “What the hell did you need four dildos for in there?  You only have three orifices to fill.”

            “I like to feel wanted,” she said as she set out to blow dry her hair. 

            “How many times did you cum?”

            “Three or four or five.”

            “Seriously?”

            “No, deliriously.  I used different dildos for different holes and different sorts of orgasms.  I used this one,” she said, pointing at the one that was stuck to the tile wall by its suction cup base, “for my puss.  Then I added this one in my ass,” she said, indicating her large red double-ended dildo.  “And then I used that same one on both my ass and my puss before I used this one,” she said pointing to the horse cock dildo on the floor of the tub.

            “What about that one?” I asked, pointing to the black dildo we call “Tommy gun” because it looks like a little machine gun the way the ball sack is attached to it.  

            “Oh, that one I just held in my hand for fun.  You know my motto.”

            “No, I don’t.”

            “Be happy: jill off, jill often.”

            “Well, you’d better clean up your bathtub toys before our guests arrive.”

            “Why, were they planning on taking a bath?”

            “You never know.”

            “That would be fun.”

            “I bet you’d like that.  But, remember, Mark hasn’t had sex with Stephanie in over a year now.”  We knew this from what Stephanie had told me at their Super Bowl party.   

“First, that’s not due to any deficiency on his part.  And second, even if it was, I know I could help him.  I’m a cock whisperer.” 

“I think you still aim to ‘help’ him,” I said, knowing that Lo is terribly attracted to Mark. 

“So,” she responded, “Why do you think I have so many dildos in the tub?  I like to get men hard.  I like them to desire me.  I like to be what gets them up in the morning and what gives them sweet dreams at night.  I want to be a vessel into which men drain their lust.”

“Everyone but the shoemaker’s wife,” I said under my breath.

“What?” she asked as she slipped into her dress.

“Everyone except the shoemaker’s wife,” I said more loudly. 

“What the fuck does that mean?” she asked.

I responded, “You have to clean up your language, young lady.”

“Fine, I’ll clean it up.  I’ll take out every word except ‘fuck.’”

“You know what I mean.”

“Fuck?”

“Stop it.”

“Fuck fuck.”

“You’re being vulgar.”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

“OK, I’ll play your game.  What do you want to do tonight?”

“Fuck.”

“I bet you do.  Fuck Mark.  Like I said, everyone except the shoemaker’s wife.”

“That’s the third time you said that, now tell me what the fuck it means before I shove this shoe up your ass!” she demanded as she held her high heel in her hand. 

“It’s a saying.  Everyone gets a new pair of shoes except the shoemaker’s wife.  The shoemaker never gets to her because he’s so busy making the shoes for everyone else.”

“And what does that have to do with us?”

“You’re the shoemaker.  Everyone gets to drain their lust into you but me.”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” she said, feigning playing the violin for me.  “You get more than you can handle.  Nine out of ten times you deny me.  That’s why this shoemaker has to go all around town like the prince letting everyone try on Cinderella’s slipper.”

“Now this metaphor has jumped the shark.”

“Look, if you want some of this,” she said, slapping her pussy over her dress, “all you have to do is ask for it, or better yet, take it!”

“I want it!” I said, lifting up her dress and noticing that she hadn’t put on panties. 

“Not now!  They’ll be here in a minute or two.”

“I only need thirty seconds.  You know that.”

“And people say romance is dead.”

At that moment the doorbell rang.  I went to go answer it and Lo called to me and said, “Tell them I’ll be right out.  Oh, and put the chips out and the dip.  Oh, and can you turn on the Bluetooth speaker to some up-beat music?”

“Sure,” I said, trying to remember all I was supposed to do. 

I took out the chips and dip, grabbed Lo’s phone and pulled up Spotify, and turned on the speaker so it played in the living room.  Then I let in Mark and Stephanie.

I invited them into the living room and we sat down.  “Lo will be right out,” I said as we made polite conversation. 

They looked very dapper, all dressed up for the theater.  She was wearing cute flats, tight jeans, and a very sheer white top.  She doesn’t have very big breasts, but they are perky and she has a cute bob haircut.  He was in nice jeans, leather shoes, and a tight fitting black t-shirt under a blazer.  It was a dated, slightly “Miami Vice” look, but he can be forgiven since he is from Miami after all. 

I offered them drinks and they both gladly elected for the harder stuff, passing over the beer and wine.  I was surprised.  Before theater events I find I can’t have anything too strong, except coffee, lest I pull a Jack Nicolson and fall asleep during the performance and begin snoring. 

As I was entering with drinks in hand, Lo made her stunning appearance.  I had seen her little, short black dress, but to see her with the sexy, shiny black heels, her full makeup on, and that smile of hers was really something.  I wondered if she was still commando or if she had elected to wear panties.  Ah, those perennial philosophical questions that I ponder in my life with Lo. 

We sat in the living room talking since we had plenty of time before we had to leave for the play and somehow the conversation turned to the topic of tattoos.  I pointed out that neither Lo nor I have any tattoos and we were discussing what and where we’d get them if we chose to do so. 

“Do you have any tattoos?” asked Lo of both of them, but she touched Mark’s arm as she asked it. 

“Lo, don’t you remember? – We went to the beach with them.  I didn’t see any tattoos on either of them,” I interjected.

“Actually,” Mark said, “I do have a tattoo.”

“Na-ah,” said Lo in disbelief, grabbing his arm.  “Where?”

“Well, I’m actually not too proud of it.”

“Come on,” she said.  “Where?” she asked, turning to Stephanie for a hint. 

“There,” said Stephanie, pointing at his crotch.

“Na-ah,” said Lo again.  “On his. . . ?”

“No,” said Mark.  “Not on it.  Just above it.”

“What is it, I have to know,” said Lo. 

“If you’re that curious, I’ll show you,” said Mark, standing up and moving to undo his belt buckle, but obviously joking.  But Lo didn’t take it as a joke. 

“Really?!” she said, the word escaping her mouth faster than her brain realized what she had said and with how much enthusiasm she had said it. 

“No,” said Mark.  “You don’t really want me to show you, do you?”

Lo unwittingly licked her lips and nodded her head “Yes.”

“Fine,” said Mark, “I’ll show you.”  He actually unbuckled his belt.

I suddenly got up and said, “I’m going to refresh my drink.  Can I get anyone anything?”

I was met with no answer.  I looked at the tableau.  There was Lo on the couch on one side of Mark, her head directly level with his pelvis, looking intently.  Mark was standing, undoing his belt buckle, a big smile on his face.  And Stephanie was sitting on the other side of Mark, almost unable to see the action, her legs crossed, a slight frown on her lips, watching her husband’s movements in front of this woman who was over ten years her junior. 

I was in the kitchen and I suddenly heard Lo’s admiring voice coo, “Wow!  Impressive!”

When I returned to the living room, Mark was buckling up his belt. 

“So, why an eagle?” asked Lo, now touching his knee.

“I was in college, I was drunk, and I thought that. . . now this is really embarrassing.”

“Out with it,” demanded Lo.

“I was into the symbolism of spirit animals and I felt that the eagle was my spirit animal and this,” he said, running his hand across the top of his pelvis, “was the seat of my spirit.”

Lo did her best not to giggle and to really stroke his ego (though she wanted to stoke something else, I’m sure).  But then she said abruptly, “Oh, fuck, I forgot, I have to send a quick email for work.”

I was confused and I saw her grab her phone and scurry off.  “I’ll be right back.  Just five minutes.  Promise.  I just have to take care of this little bit of business.”

OH!  I thought, Is that what she’s up to now.  You see, “TCB – Taking Care of Business,” is our little code for her masturbating.  That’s what she texts me when she can’t come to the phone because she’s busy cumming to something else. 

And just as quickly as that revelation hit me, a second, more menacing one alighted, “She took her phone.  Oh, shit!”

But that second realization was just a bit too late in arriving.  She must have already gotten into the bedroom or bathroom, took down her panties, if she was wearing any at all, and already found a dirty little video to watch because suddenly the music on the Bluetooth speaker switched to the sounds of two (or more) people fucking.  Yes.  Right there in the living room, the pornographic soundtrack filled the air like an ambient disembodied orgiastic orchestra. 

“Ha ha,” I fumbled, “must be a random connection crossing paths with our wireless.”  I jumped to shut off the speaker and couldn’t find the confounded button fast enough!  Finally, in the awkward silence, we sat just sort of looking at each other as I struggled to fill the air that was now devoid of sex sounds but pregnant with nothing.  Small talk into the void, I thought, not finding the words that would penetrate those deafening drawn out moments of muted embarrassment.  And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, that shriek of Lo’s climax cut the stillness with “Oh FUCK!” 

“I’ll just go to check to make sure everything’s ok,” I said, in haste to remove myself not only from the living room, but, if possible, from the continent. 

“LO!” I whispered as I entered the bedroom and found her with her dress up over her waist, one of her dildos up her crotch, on hand manipulating it as her other held her phone as she was kneeling on the bed.  She scampered to make it look like she wasn’t up to no good, but there was no evading her shenanigans.

“What?!” she angrily asked, also in a whisper. 

“They heard you.  They heard everything.” 

“What?”

“Yes.  The porn, the orgasm, all of it.  Now, put your toy down and get out here.  Oh, and make up some sort of an excuse.”

I returned to our guests, looking as if nothing was wrong and said, “Oh, Lo just, er, dropped her computer on her foot.”

“Is she ok?” asked Stephanie, seeing right through the ruse.  

“Oh yeah,” I said, waiving my hand as if to say, nothing to worry about. 

No sooner had I done that than Lo came out, in her heels, smiling, and she said, “Sorry about that, I just found out that something terrible happened at work.”

“How’s your foot?” asked Stephanie.

“My foot?” asked Lo, perplexed.  “Fine.”

“We were all worried,” I said, “about the computer you dropped on it.”

“Computer I. . .” she began.

If I could have stepped on her foot to give her the hint, I would have, but as it was, I think my eyes were saying everything. 

“Oh yeah,” said Lo, “my foot’s fine.  Just a little bruise,” she said.  “Will you rub it?” she asked me as she sat on the couch and took off her heel and put her foot up on my lap. 

“I thought you rubbed it.” I said, accusatorily. 

“Oh, I did.  I did rub it, but it still hurts,” she said.  “It needs more rubbing,” she added, and I could just hear her saying, “Daddio,” but she kept that to herself, thankfully. 

She shook her foot, as if to demand my attention, and I said, “Wasn’t it your other foot Lo?” just to mess with her. 

“No, silly,” she said, “I think I know which foot I dropped my computer on.” 

So I began caressing her foot.  We all continued our little chat, but this time without any ambient music. 

Eventually it was time to go and we went to see the play. 

Prior to that evening, I had no idea what the play was about.  I hadn’t even heard of it.  But ever since, that play has been etched into my mind.  In brief, it is the story of a late 19th century doctor who treats women with hysterical paroxysms.  He used to induce them digitally, but now he has discovered this newly invented medical device that uses the also newly invented technology of electric power.  The device?  A vibrator!  The wife, who is sexually frustrated, becomes curious about this mystery treatment and uses it on herself, to her delight.  I won’t give too much of the wonderful story away here, lest you, dear reader, go to see it – which I highly recommend. 

But for the four of us to see that play together, well, I can only surmise that this was the scheming of Lo’s cunning mind.  For, as you know by now, Stephanie and Mark have been struggling with rekindling the sexual spark in their marriage.  In many respects, they may have felt like they were watching their relationship play out on stage. 

Lo’s little foreplay at home may have been an elaborate prelude to the main event.  A little masturbatory appetizer for our guests, only in order to fete them with a full course meal of onanistic explorations.  During the performance, Lo was squirming in her seat as she sat, very conveniently and strategically between me and Mark. 

At intermission, Stephanie pulled Lo aside, leaving Mark and me to get drinks at the crowded bar.  I was thankful for the distraction, for I honestly didn’t know what to say to him.  When we did have a moment of awkward interaction, he asked, “What do you think of the play?” 

I answered, “Wonderful, wonderful,” ambiguously. 

“I can see what Lo likes about it,” he said, just as ambiguously. 

“What wouldn’t she like about it?” I asked rhetorically. 

Just then the ladies returned and the lights flashed off and on indicating time to return to our seats. 

The final act was a very satisfying one, especially if Mark and Stephanie saw themselves in the main characters.  After the final curtain came down, Mark and Stephanie said hasty goodbyes, claiming they had to get home to relieve the babysitter.  But who knows what the actual cause of their haste was. 

When Lo and I were alone, I rebuked her for her bad behavior. 

“Are you angry, Daddy?” she asked.

“Lo, why did you give in to your carnal desires when we had guests?  Were you just prepping them for the play or were you too much in lust after seeing Mark unzip his pants for you?”

A couple getting off to “Match, Cinder & Spark” and mysexlifewithlola.com together

“A little from column A,” she said, “and a little from column B.” 

“More like a lot from column B,” I added.  “What exactly did you see?”

“Not enough, Daddy.  Not nearly enough.” 

Sinfluencer

            “Lo, what ya doin’?” I asked as I came in the house and found her on the couch, naked, scrolling through her phone.  This wouldn’t be unusual, of course, except for the fact that she was not masturbating at the time.  Just getting ready?  Just finished?  I wasn’t sure.

Lo on her Phone

            “I tallied it up and I have over 20,000 followers on our various platforms,” she said without bothering to look up at me. 

            “Really?  20,000?  That’s a lot of horny men,” I said.

            “And women,” she added.  “And don’t forget your fans.”

Jen X
Madelaine
Piper

            She was kind to include my fans, even if she said it with a bit of scorn.  Lately, I’ve had quite a resurgence of interest.  A number of women have been writing to me telling me how much they enjoy my stories.  There has been Madelaine, Jen, Piper, Dawn, TJ, Tracy, and Liz.  Of course these are not exclusive categories.  Most of the fans of my writing are also fans of Lo.  But in Lo’s mind, she refers to them as “your fans.”  Flattering me?  Or jealousy? 

            In any case, I digress. 

            “I think that makes you a micro-influencer,” I said. 

            “What do you mean ‘micro’?” 

            “I’m just using the terminology that. . .”

            “Let me see your cock,” she said, interrupting.

H.H.

            I walked in front of her on the couch and undid my pants and grabbed my member from my underwear, pulling it out.  “Nothing micro there,” she said. 

            “I just meant that you have reached that echelon.”

            “But we don’t sell anything,” she objected.

            “I’ve received a lot of offers from companies to write posts just for them, or include their products embedded in our stories.”

            “Really?”  She was curious.  “What sort of companies.”

            “Sex toy companies, mostly.”

            “Would they pay us for it?”

            “Well, they said that they would send us free dildos and vibes and stuff.”

            “You can’t pay the rent with sex toys.” 

Rent?

            “If we only could,” I mused. 

            “It’s fine,” she said, “I like our independence.  I prefer to be a social media sinfluencer.” 

Age Gap

            I was 44.  She was 18.  I was her professor.  She was my undoing.  She was a flirt.  I was a letch.  She was smart and sassy.  I was pompous and sardonic.  She loved to tease me with her sex appeal.  I loved being teased, but felt like she brought me to my knees and knew it.  She was unrelenting.  I was unrepentant.  She was the young spark that reignited the flame hidden deep beneath my gray ashes.  It was a match made in hell and I yearned for the tongues of fire licking my loins.  I had been in purgatory for so long that it was either commit to my sins or admit that I had copped out on life.  I chose to sin bravely.  But not just yet. 

Lola Reading her Fan Mail

            It would be another six years before my defenses melted.  Six years of excruciating distance and proximity that would prove both a delight and debilitating distraction.  She would write me suggestive, alluring, and blithely innocent emails.  I would respond with allusions and innuendo. 

Back when she was still my student, I was teaching Emily Dickinson and she wrote her final essay on the poem, “The Angle of a Landscape.”  The poem reads:

The Angle of a Landscape—
That every time I wake—
Between my Curtain and the Wall
Upon an ample Crack—

Like a Venetian—waiting—
Accosts my open eye—
Is just a Bough of Apples—
Held slanting, in the Sky—

The Pattern of a Chimney—
The Forehead of a Hill—
Sometimes—a Vane’s Forefinger—
But that’s—Occasional—

The Seasons—shift—my Picture—
Upon my Emerald Bough,
I wake—to find no—Emeralds—
Then—Diamonds – which the Snow

From Polar Caskets—fetched me—
The Chimney—and the Hill—
And just the Steeple’s finger—
These—never stir at all—

Her entire essay focused on the latent sexual content of the work.  Her exegesis was explicit.  It read like wordporn.  The “ample crack” was Dickinson’s pussy lusting for the “Vane’s Forefinger,” or the “Steeple’s finger.”  The Bough of Apples recalled Eve’s biting into the apple, the first sin that aroused sexual desire.  The chimney. . . well, you get the idea. 

            When I asked to speak with Ms. Down about it, she said very directly, “If Emily Dickinson had just gotten some action, the world would be bereft of some beautiful poetry, but she may have been much happier for it.”

            “Are we speaking of Emily Dickinson, or were you, perhaps, projecting?” I suggested heavy-handed.

            “I don’t need to write to achieve sexual satisfaction.”

            “There you and I differ,” I said under my breath, adding, “It seems to me that this essay may have fulfilled a certain need of yours.”  I was referring to her need to be noticed by me sexually.

            “Yeah, getting an ‘A’ for the course,” she said bluntly.  “It’s good and you know it.  Freudian, Structuralist, with a dash of de Beauvoir.  Did you request I come to your office in order to tell me how good it is, or to inquire about my sexual proclivities?” 

            I changed the subject, pointing out to her a typo.  “Ms. Down, you misspelled the poet’s name.”

            “No I didn’t,” she said belligerently.  “I added a ‘g’ to it.  It’s called poetic license.  This essay is a ‘Dick In Song.’” 

            I blushed. 

            On yet another occasion, I had distributed a questionnaire to the class – a survey that the administration had created and instructed us professors to have our students answer.  When I collected them all at the end, I noticed something different on only one of the anonymously written responses.  The first three questions read: Age, Sex, Location.  One of the students – and I could easily guess who – wrote: old enough, never enough, I’ll fuck anywhere. 

            After she graduated, we would occasionally meet and she instinctually knew all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  She exploited them like a master chess player prolonging the ultimate denouement.

            Once we met for a walk along the shore.  She wore cutoff denim shorts, a button-down red and white gingham blouse that she tied up like a bikini top and had her dark hair in pig-tails.  She was, without doubt, the spitting image of Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island.  This was too coordinated to be coincidence.  It was not Halloween. 

            I remarked about the striking similarity and she said, “I like Mary Ann much more than Ginger, don’t you?”

            “Doesn’t everybody?” I asked rhetorically.

            “I mean, she’s more of a secret slut and that’s what makes her so appealing,” she added as if musing to herself.

            “I can’t disagree with you there.”

            “But I was always attracted to the Professor,” she said, biting her lip while just thinking about him.  “I’d love to see him without that straight-laced Oxford blue shirt and khakis.”

            It just so happened that I was wearing a similar shirt and khakis.  What two stereotypes we made! 

            “You’ve thought about this a lot,” I remarked. 

            “I’m irrationally attracted to intelligence.  I’m a deviant in disguise,” she said, “just like Mary Ann.” 

“I bet you are.”  Little did I know then just how deviant.

Another time she invited me over to see her new apartment.  She was sharing a house with six people, all recently graduated from college.  Her “bedroom,” if you can call it that, was meant to be a study or, perhaps a walk-in closet for the wealthy person who built the old Victorian home.  As a result, it had no closet and it was the room through which the rest of the house had to traverse in order to get to the wrap-around porch. 

            I walked into her room with great trepidation and I saw strewn around the closetless space her panties, bras, and dildos of various sizes on some bookshelves, next to which were some of the classics of literature and a true classic Underwood typewriter. 

            “Ms. Down, you fancy yourself a writer?” I asked looking at the magnificent machine. 

            “Oh no,” she said, displaying some rare humility.  “I just like old things.  A bit of nostalgia.”

            Quick to correct, I said, “You can’t have nostalgia for an era in which you did not live.”

            “I have an old soul,” she said, followed by, “encased in a young body.” 

            “Our bodies are insufficient containers of our desires,” I said, quoting something I read once, “but yours seems to contain all my desires.”  Did I say that, or just think it?!  I wasn’t sure anymore.  I grumbled and made a banal comment.  “You must get absolutely no privacy in here!” 

            “It’s true,” she said, “people walk through here all the time to get to the porch.  Luckily, I’m a bit of an exhibitionist, so I don’t mind, especially when I’m having sex with my boyfriend or someone else or sex just with myself.” 

            I pretended not to hear her comment. 

            We walked onto the deck and I just wanted to hold her tightly in my arms, but instead I blurted out, “It’s big.  Really big, and wide!” 

            “Yeah, I always liked a big deck,” she said, looking to see if I heard what she thought I’d hear. 

            “Yes, er, well,” I stumbled and took a seat overlooking the street below. 

            I can only surmise that she found my awkward mix of desire and discomfort to be adorable.  Why the hell else would she pursue me for so long? 

            She sat across from me.  Not for the first time that day, I noticed her sexy strappy heels, her short skirt, and the smooth lines and curves from her ankles to her thighs.  But now, as I sat across from her, I had a much better view of these nether parts.  I tried to focus my attention on her pretty smile and seductive eyes, but perhaps out of embarrassment and feeling like she was penetrating my dirty thoughts, my gaze continually fell to her legs, feet, and toes. 

            “Oh, wait!” she suddenly exclaimed, startling me out of my salacious dreaming about those parts of her I was soaking in with my eyes.  She suddenly got up and dashed into her room.  She dove on her bed and was going through a pile books next to it.  In that position I could easily see right up her skirt as she searched her stack.  “Got it!” she said as she returned triumphant. 

            It was the book I had published years ago on art. 

            “What, Ms. Down, are you doing with that?”

            “I was hoping you’d sign it,” she said, knowing exactly how to unlock my heart, through feeding my ego.

            She was sitting on the edge of her seat, oblivious to the fact that her skirt was now riding up by her hips. 

            “Do you have a pen?” I asked.

            “Oh, right,” she said, as she got up again to rummage through the clutter on her small desk. 

            She returned and gave it to me.  “What would you like me to say?” I asked.

            “You’re the man of letters.  Say something sweet. . . and smart. . . and sexy,” she said as her tongue ran across her sparkly white teeth.

            I wrote: “Dear Ms. Down, This book is all about beauty, but as Emerson observed, no museum replica can compare to the sweet, smart, and sexy wit, charm, and loveliness of an evening with you in the flesh.” 

            I signed it and returned it to her to read. 

            She batted her eyelashes and looked up at me.  I swear I saw stars in her eyes as she looked upon me adoringly.  “Do you really think so?” she asked. 

            “That no museum piece compares to you?  Yes.  I do.”

            “I’ve always wanted to model naked for an artist, but. . .”

            “In my humble opinion as an expert on art and beauty,” I said pompously, “any drawing or painting of you would be merely one dimensional because there is no way an artist could capture the sparkle of your personality.”

            “Do you think you could capture me?”

            “Um, you mean. . .”

            “In words.”

            “As in a novel?”

            “Yeah, something like that.”

            “I think that the only way to come close would be to have words accompanying the images.  But it would take a very talented writer to do that.”

            “I think you’re talented enough to come close,” she said very suggestively.

            “I would like to try. . . someday,” I responded.  She was mere inches away from me.  She had indeed come very close to me.  I could almost feel her breathy words as she spoke.  “But I am an academic,” I added, “not a novelist.  I doubt that I would be able to do you justice.”

            “You never know,” she said, “I might just inspire you to do me. . . justice.” 

            Just at that moment about four or five people came bursting out through the door of her bedroom onto the porch, carrying beer and a bottle of booze and a joint.  Lo and I immediately pulled away from the intimate position we were in and the spell was broken. 

            Later that night, when I was back at home, I received a text from Lo.  It read, “I heard once that sex is energy between people.  What do you think?”

            I said, “Before tonight, I would have laughed at that as New Age crap.  But now I know what they’re talking about.  Was it good for you?”

            “What?” she wrote back.

            “Never mind.”  I felt embarrassed.  Was she playing me for a fool?  Was this her way of flirting?  Did she want me to be more explicit?  I don’t know, but I let it drop, though I played and replayed in my mind the “sex scene” we had shared many times since that night. 

Accessory to a Masturbator


Lo’s Nightly Companion – Her Phone

            I was asleep, to begin with.  There is no doubt whatever about that.  It was 4:45 in the a.m. and I was stirred from my slumber by the sonorous buzz of Lo’s vibrator, the rhythmic rattle of the bed, and the blue glow illuminating her face that was so contorted with a look of singular focus and intensity that I thought I was seeing a ghost.  She was lying on her tum, both hands buried under the covers and under her body, the phone propped up on a pillow about six inches in front of her.  From the sound of the Hitachi’s hum and the shaking of the bed, I deduced that she was working her clit with the Magic Wand and her puss with a dildo, leaving no hands free. 

            I opened one eye first and, upon seeing her apparition, I surprised myself with my ability to remain inconspicuous.  I didn’t stir.  I tried to give no hint that I was, in fact, awake – inconsiderately propelled out of my torpor.  I saw her struggle to keep the pleasure points stimulated while simultaneously fumbling through her phone for images. 

            Acutely aware that no mortal would be able to withstand the auto-erotic stimuli that Lo was producing, I announced my awakening by asking Lo, “Can I help you?”

            I was hoping she would be grateful if I would get behind her, replacing her dildo, freeing up one hand so she could scroll through the photos.  But no. 

            “Yeah,” she said, not surprised and unconcerned that I was awake, “swipe left.” 

            I did as she commanded.  I looked at her phone and there were pics of men, women, couples – all getting off to her photos.  As she gazed at each image, she took in the content, and then said, “Swipe.” 

A fan

            She was demanding, insistent, and a tad rude about it.  But she had a goal and nothing was going to get in her way – certainly not good manners. 

            “Swipe,” she said.  I did as told.  Another photo of a guy jacking to her pics.

An Enthusiastic Fan

            “Swipe.”  A photo of a woman jilling to Lo. 

            “Swipe.”  A picture of a couple; the woman gives the guy a blowjob as Lo’s image is on the computer in front of them.

Stella’s Tribute

            “Swipe.”  A man with what looks to be a 12 inch cock.  He holds it with two hands as if wielding it like a weapon.  I hear Lo whisper, “Fuck.”  She scrunched up her legs under her like an inchworm.  The bed rattled.  It’s a big, heavy, solid bed.  It takes a lot for it to rattle. 

Lo said, “Fuck!”  Louder this time.  More angry almost.  I heard the Hitachi click into high gear.  Lo squeezed her eyes closed tightly. 

“FUCK!!!” she called out.  I heard the dildo shoot out of her followed by the sounds of her geyser gushing onto the bed.  She convulsed, clutching the bed sheets, burying her head in the pillow and screaming at the top of her lungs: “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!”

Then silence.  Peace.  Stillness. 

She struggled to lift her head.  When she did, she looked at me.  Tears were streaming down her cheeks. 

“You ok?” I asked.

She nodded, a little ashamed. 

“Feel better?”

She nodded again.

“Ready to sleep?”

She nodded a third time. 

I pulled her head to my chest where she rested it comfortably.  One wet leg was lying flat on the bed nest to my leg.  She lifted the other wet leg and placed it over my legs, parallel to her arm which reached around my chest.  She was wrapped around me like a marsupial clinging to a tree.  I felt her puss still slippery and perhaps ejaculating a dribble more like a leaky faucet on my hips. 

I kissed her forehead and said, “Sleep.”  There was no need.  I could tell by her breathing that she was already in dreamland.   

Meanwhile, my cock was rock hard as the first light of dawn began to illuminate the windows. 

Caught


            Lo came home from work late that night.  I had already eaten dinner and was lying on the couch engaging in my favorite illicit pastime while Lo’s away, watching “SMILF.”  She walked in just as Frankie Shaw was engaging in a self-pleasure solo session, which isn’t all that coincidental, given how often she does that in the show.  (Since Frankie Shaw writes and directs the series, I think that she secretly wishes to be a porn star.) 

Lo Likes Little Penis Porn

            Lo stood next to the couch looking down at me, judging hard. 

            “What?”

            “You know what,” she said, accusatorily. 

            “I was just. . .”

            “I don’t care what you were just.  Turn it off.  If you want to see a sexy woman engaged in sex-for-one, then get in the bedroom.  I’ll be there filling my snatch full of fun.”

            I shut off the episode and met Lo in the bedroom where she was on the bed, legs spread, dildos laid out next to her like a surgeon’s tray of scalpels, forceps, and clamps.  She had her phone in her left hand.

            “What’s that?” I asked.

            “I call it my ‘in box.’  It likes to be filled.”

            I didn’t know if she meant what she was looking at on her phone or her beautiful mons pubis, which at the moment she was about to penetrate with her long, red, double-ended dildo.  

Self-Care

            I removed my clothes and sat in the bed next to her, vying for her attention.  She was busy reading something.  I inquired. 

            “I’m reading about my friend and blogger, Nero Black.  His wife caught him about to masturbate.”

            “Oh really?”

            “Yeah,” she said, easing the dildo into her tight taco.  “His wife loves to read erotica and masturbate, but she never lets him get in on the goods.”

            “How does he know her reading habits?”

            “He has access to her Kindle subscription and sees what she downloads.”

            “Oh.”

            “And he’s hard-up as a result.”

            “I bet you find that an open invitation to flirt.”

            “Who wouldn’t?  Anyhow, the other night he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his pants and boxers around his ankles, his phone in one hand and his cock in the other, when she unexpectedly walked into the bedroom.”

            “Uh-oh.  And?”

            “And she ignored him!  She acted like she didn’t even see it.”

            “And that gets you off?”

            “No, what gets me off is imagining that the porn she reads is our blog and that the porn he was about to wank to was my photos.”

            She dropped the phone and lay on her back to continue the fantasy.   

“Did you ever get caught?” I asked her.

“Caught?  Doing what?”

“You know, jillin’ it.”

“No.”

“Never?”

“No.”

“Not by any of your previous boyfriends?”

“Look, it’s not something I hide.  If they found me jillin’ off, then I kept on going.  So it’s not like ‘getting caught.’  It’s more like putting on a show.”

And put on a show she did, without ever offering to provide me with any sweet relief.  Punishment for my “infidelity” watching Frankie Shaw. 

The Porn Identity

“You are beautiful.  Your eyes are beautiful.  Your mouth is beautiful.  Your breasts are beautiful.  Your cunt is beautiful.”

Lola Down, spread wide

I was reading a message Lo received on her phone from an admirer of the blog.

“A regular Shakespeare, that one,” I said.

“I think it’s sweet,” she responded, as her left hand began to fondle her pussy lips under the covers.

“Sweet?!  He left out your hair, your nose, your neck, your shoulders, your tum, your ass, your legs, your feet, and your toes!”

“I’m sure he was going to get there,” she said matter-of-factly. 

“Can I get there?” I asked, sounding a bit desperate for affection, or her attention. 

“Get where?” she asked, playing with me.

“Anywhere.  Between your legs, ideally.”

“Let’s see where this goes,” she said about her internet friend, unfortunately, and not about my bid for her caress. 

“I know where this goes,” I said, putting her hand on my hard rod.  I was hard because her internet friend had sent a slew of photos of himself jacking off to her pics and cumming all over them.  She looked good in the sexy photos.

“Daddy,” she said, protesting, “I’m busy trying to please my loyal fans.”

“I don’t mind, as long as you do it while spreading your legs.”

“I’m spreading the love.”

“Can you spread the love wide enough for me to get in on it?”

“Your pussy looks pretty and gorgeous,” wrote another fan.

“It is pretty, gorgeous, wet and waiting to be filled,” she wrote back.

“Me, me!” I said, “Pick me.”

“Calm down, Daddio,” she said, full of vanity fed by her fans’ flattery.

“Tell me more about you,” wrote another internet correspondent.

“Read the books,” typed Lo, “There’s too much to tell and too many people to tell it to.”

“You’re hard, girl,” responded the inquirer. 

“Funny, everyone tells me I’m easy,” quipped Lo, “and that makes them hard.”

“I love your stories,” wrote one female fan.

“H.H. writes.  I inspire,” wrote Lo to her.

“Do you inspire with your body?”

“And my wit.”

“I’m inspired right now!” I said to Lo as I grabbed my cock firmly.  “They all are cumming to you.  Can I cum to you?”

“Cum to, on, in, with, over, under, around, beside – I provide the pussy.  You pick the preposition,” she said, dismissively. 

I got up on my knees and stood over her, jacking my cock. 

“Just don’t cum on my phone,” she said as she continued to scroll through her contacts.

She continued to fondle herself beneath me for a while before she said, “Daddio, lie down next to me.  I’ll help you.”

I lay down and she grabbed me by my shaft.  “I’m your righthand man,” I said as she jacked me off with her right and scrolled with her left. 

“My wife is nothing like you,” wrote one desperate, sad husband.

“You two should read our blog together.  It would open up her mind. . . and pussy.”

“I could never suggest it,” he wrote, “she’d freak!”

“But you like it?” asked Lo.

“God yes,” he sighed through the medium of type.

“Tell me what a young, sexy, slutty person such as myself does for you.”

“I’d love to eat your yummy, sloppy, used, cum-filled holes,” he wrote.

“Another bard!” I opined sarcastically.

“Shut up and cum,” commanded Lo as she tugged more aggressively.

“Are you in a rush?” I asked.

“Both hands are full,” she said, “leaving nothing for my snatch.”

“I’ll happily fill that gap.”

“You stay right where you are,” she ordered.

“Has she ever caught you jacking off?” wrote Lo to her married man.

“No.  It would be a big deal if she did.  It would be an even bigger deal if she caught me jacking off to you and not to porn.”

“I am porn,” protested Lo.

“I mean, it’s one thing to get off to anonymous, vacuous, impersonal, professionally produced porn and it’s quite another thing to get off to you.”

“That’s more like it,” responded Lo.

“That’s it, I’m getting up and out of bed,” I said.

“But nooooo.”

“Yes.  You’re just treating my cock like it a joystick to your favorite video game.”

“A game I always win.”

She continued stroking.

“Are you into length or girth?” asked her internet interloper.

“I’m into cock.  And cock gets into me.”

“Once again, I must protest!” I said.  “You’ve got a very capable, compatible, and coveted cock right here, but you’re not letting it into you!”

“What, ole man, my right hand isn’t enough for you?”

“Not when you’re teasing those guys about how fast and loose you like to play.”

A new fan chimed in, “I have to stop sinning.  I’m religious, that’s why I can’t go on doing this.”

“Sex is spiritual.  And I’m a sex goddess.  Worship at my alter,” replied Lo.

“Now you’re offering theology lessons?” I chided.

“No.  Just encouraging them to be good semenarians.” 

“That was terrible.  Low hanging fruit,” I replied.

She cupped my testicles and said, “Very low hanging.”

“Oh, does your wit never cease?!”

Now she squeezed my balls to show me that I had better be careful about mocking her.

Another woman asked Lo if she liked taboo tales.  To which Lo responded, “How taboo are we talking here?”

The woman said she was into watersports and bestiality.

Lo wrote back, “Let’s knot.”

“Don’t you mean. . . oooooh, I get it,” I said. 

“Woof!” she said to me.

The woman, whose name was Mila Beijne., went on to tell a little story.

I was a model a few years back and after doing a shoot I was talking a bit with the photographer, the lighting guy and his assistant.  They invited me to their home.  I trusted them and liked them.  We were all horny and I was willing, I admit.  At the photographer’s home we had some drinks and then they slowly undressed me.  They got naked too. They were all good looking men and one was really hung. They kissed me everywhere and started fucking me in my mouth, pussy, and ass.  I was very horny. After quite a long time, they changed positions, each taking a different hole.  Then they rotated again and fucked me a long time again till I was exhausted.  They filled me up in every place they could.  But the fun was not over yet.  One put me on the floor and the other started urinating over me. Then the other two joined in.  It was a lot and all over my body and in my long hair.  There was no shower, so it was a special experience driving home.  It was my first time doing that and I liked how the act showed their dominance over me.

Mila asked to be included.
Mila B. through the years

            I could see Lo getting increasingly more excited as she read the short little story from Mila.  She quickly wrote back, “Yeah, HH does that to me.  I love it.  Being below him, feeling his warm stream flow over my back and butt.”

            “We haven’t done that in a while,” I reminded her. 

            She ignored me because another fan had written to her.  This guy was old.  I mean, like twenty years older than I and I’m in my 50’s!  His name was Bob and he wrote:

Hi Lola, and thank you!  You are an inspiration to me.  I hope  you can give me some advice.
I’m in my 70’s and I’ve been in a relationship for over 25 years.  No passion or sex for the last 20 years.  I’m at a loss as it has become impossible to talk about it with her.  I’ve made the mistake of combining our lives and living situations this whole time.  It has become all about her for the last several years.  I feel I’m too old to begin another relationship with a woman, yet I still admire all women and all that I see on your blog.  I’ve even become curious about men as I feel that may be the only way to explore my unresolved sexual fantasies.  Yet I’m still conflicted as I long for an intimate relationship that I’ve missed in my life. 

Do you have any suggestions??

            Lola wrote back, “To tell you the truth, Bob, I’m just good wanking material, but I’m not a sex coach or a sex therapist. You might want to check out one of these trained professionals to get some expert advice on having more sex with spirit.” She provided a link.  Then she added, “But if you’re looking for a real hotwife, cum to me.”

            “What?!” I said to her, shocked that she’d even offer that to him. 

She ignored me and typed, “I have a very soft spot for old married men whose wives no longer have sex with them.  Would you like to see it?”

Of course he said yes.  Lo sent him a naughty pic of the place between her legs that she was denying to me. 

“Lo, that’s just cruel!” I said.

“What?  Soon you’re going to be that old and you’d want the same from me.  Wouldn’t you?”

“What’s cruel is that I’m that old man who is being denied right now!”

“If what I’m giving you isn’t good enough, then take matters into your own hands,” she said. 

            As she said it, another married man was singing her praises in a message that read, “I’ve come to worship your holy holes.”

            “See,” she said, “I’ve got fans who know how to woo me.”

            “Woo you?  They worship you!”

            “What’s the difference?”

            After some flirtatious back-and-forth, Lo asked to see a pic of the man’s wife.

            He asked why she wanted to see that and Lo responded, “I like to see who I’m beating out when guys are beating off to me.”

            The guy sent a photo.  His wife was beautiful.  But apparently she lacked the ‘personality’ of Lo.  He wanted to know more about Lo and he asked her questions.

“I’m like an open book, there for anyone to read,” she responded, “You just have to know where to find me.  Are you familiar with the Dewey Decimal system?”

            “Like, in the library?”

            “Yeah.”

            “So, I can find you in my local library?”

            “If only,” wrote Lo, “I’m indexed under XXX.” 

            “As in 30?” he wrote with a winkface emoji.  “Still pretty young.”

            “Pretty, young, and slutty.  I’ll tell you what, you can virtually finger my folios at: mysexlifewithlola.com,” she said, “and you can also buy the books there.  I suggest you get a few copies of each and donate the extras to your local library so everyone can spread my centerfold for free.” 

            As Lo was typing, she guided my cock to her mouth and wrapped her lips around the tip.  She looked up at me as her hand continued to glide back and forth from the base to her mouth.  I began to cum and she hungrily held me in place so as not to spill a drop.  I was so worked up that I couldn’t control my convulsions.  I began breathing deep, heavy breaths.  Lo looked up at me and said, “What?!  Are you having a stroke?”

When I finally managed to catch my breath, I looked down at her and said, “Yeah, I’m having a stroke.  A really good stroke.”

Lo wrote a final line to her fans: “Good night all you kinky sexy rogues.  Dream of me in your debauched nocturnal thoughts.”

She put her phone down, grabbed her Hitachi, lay back, shut her eyes, and began vibrating until she was the one violently convulsing, squirting, and gasping for air. 

When she was done and had removed the Magic Wand from between her legs, she grabbed my hand and placed it on her bare pussy for me to feel how wet she was.  She’s proud that she can turn on the tap almost at will. 

“Pull my pussy lips, Daddy,” she said.  I stretched them.  “Harder.”  I pulled more.  “Harder Daddy,” she complained.

“Lo, if I pull them any further they’ll be down to your knees.”

“Try it,” she said.  She likes the pain or pleasure. 

As I pulled I asked her, “What were you thinking about when you came?”

“I think about you.” 

This line from her was as false as Marlow telling Kurtz’s betrothed that Kurtz’s last words were her name. 

“OK, that’s enough of that,” I said, calling bullshit.  “What did you really think about?”

“I think about you,” she said.  “And I think about cock.  I think about a lot of cock.”

“That’s it?”

“And pussy.”

I gave up there knowing that the litany of licentious thoughts could go on endlessly.  I sat silently and she mistook my silence for judgment. 
            “You don’t know what it’s like to be me!” she blurted out defensively. 

“Oh yeah, you’ve got it so hard,” I said sarcastically.

“I wish,” she said even more sarcastically as she lifted up my flaccid member in her hand. 

“You know,” I said, “your porn persona and your personality are not consistent.”

“What are you talking about?”

“All those people out there thinking you’re a nymphomaniac, thinking that I am so inundated with your pussy that I barely can find a moment’s peace, yet the reality is that you denied me just now.”

“There’s no inconsistency.”

“How not?”

“Because I know you’re going to write about this and so it will be part of my porn persona.”

Mano a Mano


            “Why don’t you just jack it like a real man?” she complained.

            “Because I prefer fucking your flapper to fucking my fist,” I responded.

            “But Daddy,” she said, in a nicer tone now, “don’t you know that I find it hot to see a man masturbating?”

            “Any man, masturbating to anything, or certain men, masturbating to you?”

            “I prefer men to masturbate to me, but seeing any man masturbating to anything still turns me on,” she said as she was rubbing her puss under the covers.  “Please, Daddy, just stoke it for me, over me, to me.” 

            “Maybe I’ll just get my Stoya Fleshlight,” I said, trying to arouse her jealousy so she’d give herself over to me completely. 

            “No!  If you do, I’ll get out my horse cock dildo and my Hitachi!”

            “That sounds fair. . . and fun!”

            “No,” she said, “I want you to use your hand and I’ll finger-fuck my holes.”

            “Fine,” I said, more willing to concede due to the prospect of watching her.  I pulled down the covers, got between her legs, grabbed my hard member, and pulled at it for her to see.

            “That’s it Daddio,” she said as she spread her legs wide, began inserting the fingers of her right hand into her puss and slid her left hand around from underneath her ass to penetrate her posterior place.

            “Did you make every man you were with masturbate for you?”

            “I didn’t have to make them,” she said.  “They volunteered.” 

            “Tell me about it.”

            “There are so many.  Which one?”

            “Tell me about Teddy.” 

            Teddy was her fuck-buddy in college.  A tall, lean, basketball player with an enormous cock. 

            “I’d lie in his dorm room bed and he’d stand over me with his huge black cock right over my face.  It was as long as my entire head.  He’d drop his balls in into my mouth and grab his rod with both hands.  Both hands!” she said with emphasis.  “He’d stoke it over me as I lay naked on the bed and then, when he came, he shot all the way down to my knees and covered me with his hot jizz up to my chin.” 

            I could tell that as she told me this story, she was on the verge of climaxing herself.  But she held back. 

            “Tell me about Gerald.”

            Gerald was also a college fuck friend.  The opposite of Teddy in every way, except Gerald was also an athlete – a bodybuilder whose bulging biceps attracted Lo until she found that he had a micropenis. 

            “He was so self-conscious about his size that, no matter how much I wanted to take him in my mouth, he was resistant.  My natural attraction for women made the prospect of licking that little clit so appealing, especially since he shaved it and his balls clean.  He wore a teensy-tiny speedo when he worked out.  It was like he was wearing panties.  I wanted to pleasure him with my lips and tongue all the time, since I obviously didn’t feel him in either of my holes,” she said as she fingered both of her holes more deeply. 

            “Did he jack it for you?”

            “It was the only way he could cum.  He’d pull that little pimple with his thumb and index finger as he stood over me, just like Teddy did, and then he’d ejaculate all over my face.  It was the only way he could feel dominant.”

            “How often did he do that?”

            “Countless times.  It always left me unsatisfied, but I liked it nonetheless.” 

            “You never met a cock you didn’t like.” 

            “Don’t stop,” she said, looking at my cock as my stroking slowed.  I pulled harder, longer, faster.  “That’s it,” she said.  Her whole hand was almost fully submerged in her pussy and two fingers were going at her perineum.

            “Tell me about Tim,” I said.  Tim was her beau before college and, since he was older and Lo significantly younger, sex with Lo was off-limits for him.  That didn’t mean that Lo didn’t try.  Lo always finds a way. 

            “He’s probably the one responsible for my male masturbation mania.  The only way he got off was by masturbating.  I would be fully clothed and saying sexy, naughty, dirty things to him like I’m doing for you right now, and he would jack it until he came.”

            “Where’d he cum?  On your face?”

            “No.  He’d cum into my hands.  I’d hold them out like I was receiving an offering and then I’d lick them clean like a kitten licking a bowl of milk.  He loved that.” 

            That was too much for her.  She came and came hard.  Her pussy and sphincter clutching and contracting on her deeply driven digits before eventually dilating again.  When she recovered, she looked at me and said, “You didn’t cum.” 

            “No.”

            “That’s not fair, Daddy.”

            “I don’t think so either,” I said.  “Why don’t you give me a hand-job?”

            “Because I’m going to fall asleep now,” she said.

            “That’s fine, just position your left hand like you’re giving the ‘OK’ sign, and I’ll do the rest.” 

            She complied.  I lay next to her and inserted my cock.  She said, “You’re just using me as a sex object.”

            I didn’t know what to say to that, but luckily she followed up the comment with, “And I like it.  It’s so soothing.” 

            Reviewing in my mind’s eye the stories she told, looking at her naked body next to me, I came and came hard all over her.  She had drifted off to sleep.  I grabbed a washcloth, wet it with warm water, and gently cleaned her off.  I kissed her mouth good night and lay next to her thinking about what a good bad girl she is.

            The next morning I awoke to find her face bobbing up and down on my erect shaft.

            “Lo?” I asked.

            She popped off of my knob and said, “I’m sorry you didn’t cum last night, Daddy.  Let me make it up to you.” 

            I didn’t disabuse her of that belief until after she accomplished her mission.  When I did, she just said, “You dirty dog!”

            “What?” I asked, innocently.  “You told me last night you wanted me to cum.  Was that just lip service?”

            “No it wasn’t.  But what I just did for you was.”

April Showers


It was one of those strange April nights when the temperature drops twenty degrees from the daytime high of 68, the wind rustles up the new buds on the trees outside, and from out of the darkness, lighting, thunder, and downpours fill the sky.  Lola couldn’t sleep.  When I got to bed she said, “I’ve tried everything.  I’ve tried meditation, masturbation, guided meditation, guided masturbation. . .”

            “Wait.  What is ‘guided masturbation’?”

            “Oh, well, I called up a friend and asked him to tell me how he wants me to masturbate,” she said as if it were no big deal.

            “You did?”

            She nodded her head in affirmation and pouted saying, “But it didn’t help.”

            “I bet it helped him.  Why didn’t you call me?”

            “You were working hard, Daddy.”

            “So?” I asked, frustrated by the thought that she’d rather hear inappropriate instructions from one of her suitors than from me.

            “Are you still hard at work?” she asked seductively, rubbing my crotch to gauge my state of arousal. 

            “Work hard, play hard,” I said, as I pulled out my manhood for her to see.   

She grabbed it while licking her lips. 

            “You know I’m not just a sex organ,” I said.

            “I think your brain is a sex organ,” she replied as she went down on me.

            “In that case, I have a very large sex organ.”

            She interrupted her activity to look up at me and say, “And growing larger.”

            “I’m not that big,” I said.

            “I meant your ego.”

            “I’ll have you know, I’m very humble.”

            “Looks to me, you have a lot to be humble about,” she said caustically.

            “What do you mean?”

            She pulled down the sheets to reveal her huge horse-cock dildo on the bed next to her, still glistening. 

            “I’m so big, wide, and wet that I wouldn’t feel any bit of you.”

            “Care to test that hypothesis?”

            “I’m stretched to my limit.”

            “You have a limit?  That’s news to me!”

            “‘Limit’ is a flexible term.  Like ‘full’ or ‘fucked.’”

            “Oh, so it’s elastic?”

            “Yeah, it can be used in many different ways.”

            “Depends on who’s using it.”

            “Right.  It takes a lot of abuse, but it is never exhausted.”

            “Never wears out.”

            “Right.”

            “Like this terrible pun.”

            “What pun?”

            “Are we still talking about ‘limit’?”

            “I wasn’t, were you?”

            “Darling, you certainly do push the limits.”

            “What limits?”

            “All of them.  But the real question is, why did you call on some other guy for your ‘guided masturbation’ when you could have called upon me?”

            “So many married men turn to me for sweet release.  I’m a goddess of pussy.  I answer to the call of depravity.”

            “But you called him!”

            “Well, I saw that he had posted a pic of a cumtribution he had made for another girl and he wrote, ‘For my beautiful cum slut.’  I called him to remind him that I am his beautiful cum slut.”

            “You think you’re everyone’s beautiful cum slut.”

            “Well, aren’t I?”

            “Everyone but mine, I guess.”

            “Oh, Daddy,” she said, still holding my cock firmly in her hand, “would you make a cumtribution for me?  Would you jack it to my photos and cum all over them?”

            “Lo, why would I do that when I have you right here, in the flesh?”

            “To show me your unfailing love.”

            “Lo, I write thousands upon thousands of pages of poetry for you, but you’d rather I grab my masculine member and stroke it until I ejaculate a hot mess over your image?”

            “I call it giving tribute to my icon.”

            “Because you’re a goddess of pussy.”

            “Now you’re turning me on!”

            “Those are your words.”

            “Well, you feel that way, don’t you?”

            “How could I not, darling.  It is the truth.”

            “So you’ll make an offering at my virtual alter?”

            “If you want me to, I will.”

            “Now?”

            “Whenever you say.”

            “No, not now.  I want you to do it when I’m away.  Now you can enter my holy temple.”

            “But I thought I wouldn’t even feel you.”

            “You won’t and I won’t feel you, but why should that stop us from fucking?”

            I got between her legs and entered her.  She was right – it was like a mere mortal entering the pearly gates.  However, that only made it more alluring for me.  She could tell I was getting turned on. 

“Cum inside me,” she said.

“Put your fingers inside you, right where you want me to cum.”

She inserted almost her whole fist along over my cock and I could feel her fingering her G-spot. 

“There,” she said, “right there.”

I came and came with force all over her fingers.  She gripped my cock with her hand inside her and milked it for every drop. 

When I pulled out, she said she was going to clean up.  I drifted off on the bed until I heard her calling out for God from the shower.  It startled me.  I navigated the thick cloud of steam to find her squatting on the shapely bottle of Dove shampoo, rubbing her clit, and cumming uncontrollably.  (Do they make the bottles that shape for that purpose or did she buy that brand because of its ergonomic contours?  The questions Lo causes me to ask.)

I disappeared into the fogbank as stealthily as I had entered it.  I went back to the bed.  When she climbed in naked next to me, I held her warm body. 

“Just in time,” I said.

“Just in time for what?” she asked.

“Tomorrow is the first of May.”

“Hooray!  Hooray!  It’s the first of May!” she sung, “Outdoor fucking starts today!”

“No, silly,” I said.  “April showers.”

“Oooooh,” she said, “Maybe tomorrow I’ll let you see my pink flower.”

“Me and the rest of the world.”

“A beautiful flower should not be hidden away to be seen only by one man.”