Just saw that mysexlifewithlola.com was included among the top 13 erotica sites for women! The best part about it is that the list includes so many of our favorite bloggers! Very glad to be among them!!! Thank you!
[Illustration by JoKoss. If you want us to read your blog, just write to us: downloladown@gmail.com]
Once, while doing a little internet search to find out if any other guy is in a similar situation as I, I came across the following plea for help to some advice columnist:
I recently found out that my girlfriend waits for me to go upstairs and take a shower, or goes upstairs to the shower herself so that she can masturbate. I have never, ever rejected her for sex. I have even told her many times that she could have me whenever and wherever. We have been together for almost five years. When I caught her – long story – she claimed that this has only been going on for a few months before I found out. I was really upset about it. When I confronted her about it, she said that it only happens ‘six out of every ten times’ that I’m not home. So, more than half of the time that I’m not there, she would rather fuck herself than me. She acts happy and she tells me she loves me multiple times a day. She says that everything in our relationship is good. However, over the past six or seven months, she only had sex with me maybe once or twice a month. (When we started dating we were having sex at least once or twice a day!) She claims that she wants sex, but she just would rather masturbate than have sex with me – even when I’m at home. I just don’t understand why. And now I feel like I just don’t know who she really is or that our relationship is as truthful as I thought it was.
I felt really bad for the poor dejected boyfriend, especially because it could easily have been written by Lo’s ex-boyfriend – the guy she was with just prior to me.
You see, she was with this boy, Steve, for close to three years. The first year was wonderful – so she tells me – but the last two, not so much. At some point she fell out of love with him. It happens. Now, Lo being Lo, though the love was lost, she couldn’t just turn off her libido. And, if she were very honest, she would tell you that she stayed with this fella because he did have quite an amazing cock – over 9” in length and thicker than her forearm in girth. As a result, she resorted to the methods of the hapless fella’s girlfriend as quoted above. She would masturbate in bed after he fell asleep. She’d masturbate in the shower when he was home with her (at his parent’s house). She would masturbate when he wasn’t around.
What’s more, when Lo began to deny this strapping youth the pleasures of worshiping at her alter, he, being virile himself, would often jack it in the bed next to her. She could feel the bed moving, his breathing growing heavy in short quick breaths, and sometimes even the warm ejaculate upon her back. Through it all she remained stoic and still, feigning sleep until it was her turn. She knew that only a few moments after he came she would have her chance.
Yet, every once in a while she still craved that cock of his and she would get her fill. On occasion she would open her mouth to receive all nine inches of that rod; she’d bend over to take it in her puss or her ass; she’d get on her knees to have him cum on her face. And this was enough to give Steve hope and keep him returning to the well for more.
Much of this relationship was while Lo was in college and Steve, who didn’t go to college and lived at home with his parents, was none-the-wiser of Lo’s various “boyfriends” she kept at school. There was Gerald and his diminutive endowment enhanced (or, rather, the opposite of enhanced) by the use of steroids. There was Teddy and the massive member he carried around with him like a Smith & Wesson 500 Magnum. And there was the elusive Ryan. These play-things were good for some thrills, but Lo was unable to extricate herself from the place she carved out in Steve’s nuclear and extended family.
She went through all the motions of Thanksgiving and Christmas, birthdays, and family vacations with them. Yes, the first year she entirely enjoyed him and his family. In truth, they were a very good group of people – so good that when she felt herself falling out of love with him, she lamented leaving them more than leaving him.
She remained in this limbo, as I said, for about two strained years. I knew her during this time and, on occasion, we would see each other. It would only be years later, after she and I became a couple, that she revealed to me that she had a thing for me all that time and that frequently, after we would get together for a coffee to catch up, or an innocent meeting at a concert or bookstore, she would jill it to thoughts of me. (Flattering. Very flattering.)
But then, in some magical way, sparks of romance began to shoot back and forth in our Platonic relationship. Soon enough she was slipping away from Steve in order to meet with me for the illicit dark alley kiss; the so very risky blow-job in my office, or the unrestrained fuck in the front seat of my steamed-up car.
Then came that fateful day that she and I were at a remote bar, staring into each other’s eyes, talking, after having two or three drinks, when she revealed to me something that cut me to the quick. “So, last night, after we met and you got me all riled up,” she began, making reference to our long, lustful make-out session that resulted in her cumming a number of times without any actual penetration, “I needed it. I had to have it. I went home and I woke Steve up from bed and I sucked his cock till he was good and hard. I spread my legs and, as he was going at me with that massive cock of his and I was just on the verge of cumming and cumming in a BIG way, I found myself unconsciously saying. . .”
“Saying what?” I asked, on the edge of my seat when her words trailed off.
“Saying your name.”
“Out loud?!”
“Well, loud enough that I heard it. I don’t think Steve heard me. He was going at me furiously. When I finally came, I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from screaming your name cause, you see, I was imagining that it was you fucking me and not him.”
These words of hers poured into my ears like a mixture of poison and elixir. They swirled in my chest and elicited the most confused concoction of emotions I had ever known. At one and the same time I was delighted to hear this story; excited to imagine it vividly in my mind; repulsed by the image; disturbed by the thought of her going home to him for sex, even if she was thinking about me. I had no words for any of this. Waves of heat descended over my body from head to toe. All I could do was look into her lovely eyes and gaze at her beautiful and oh-so-dirty mouth. And, without knowing what it was that I was doing or saying, I grabbed her hands and my mouth pronounced the words, “Lo, I need to tell you, I love you. I love you desperately and deeply. I love you in a way that I have never, ever known. I love you and I have loved you and every day I fall deeper in love with you.”
She looked at me with confusion and joy on her face. We were in the middle of some dive joint in the sticks, country music playing on an old jukebox, the bar filled with sad, drunk people. This was hardly the place that I would have picked to profess my love for her and I think that the confession came as quite a surprise to her as well. But her response to my unreasoned and untoward words surprised me equally. She said simply, “I love you too.” It wasn’t the sort of pat, formulaic response that is said out of politeness. It was heartfelt. They were four simple, monosyllabic, yet very weighty words pronounced with measure and sincerity. Perhaps more than the words, the look in her eyes as she said them lent them the reassurance of truth that reading them on the page fails to do.
Her hands clutched mine and I knew that we had something, something real and something special – something that we had to do something with and about in order to become the people we were.
Sometime after this mutual exchange of love, I said to her, “Lo, but there is one thing I need you to promise me – to promise me very solemnly.”
“What?”
“I need you to swear that if ever you fall out of love with me like you have fallen out of love with Steve, you will tell me. You will have the kindness and courage to say it to my face immediately. You will never string me along. You will never stay with me out of convenience. You will never fuck me and whisper to yourself the name of some other man.”
Little did I know back then what I know now – that I would give my blessing to Lo’s fucking as many men and women as she pleases. Yet one thing still holds true – I demand her love. I know that when she fucks someone else, it is I whom she loves. I know that when she masturbates to wild fantasies, it is I whom she loves. I know that when she lusts for men and women whom we pass in the street, it is I whom she loves. As long as I know that, we’re good. We’re very, very good.
[Image, of Lola Masturbating by JoKoss.]
“Did you see this?” she said, holding a piece of mail in her hand and waiving it in the air. I could tell by her tone and the scowl on her face, we hadn’t won the Publishers Clearing House prize.
“What?”
“You bounced our rent check! That’s what.”
“I bounced it?!”
“Yeah, you.”
“Well, it’s our checking account.”
“Yeah, well you’re the one responsible for balancing the books.”
“Oh, so because I do more than my fair share of work, I am also responsible? No good deed ever goes unpunished in this house!”
“You’re not responsible because you take on the balancing, you’re responsible because you fucked up the balancing.”
“How the hell am I supposed to balance a checkbook when you have the debit card and spend through our cash?”
The fight went on like this for some time before I finally walked out the door.
My phone rang. I didn’t answer. I was in the car with no particular place to go other than away.
The phone rang again. Again I didn’t answer. I just grew even more heated. Why should we talk when we’re both angry?
A text came through, “You’re being conflict-avoidant again.”
At a red light I texted back, “And you’re being annoying again.”
The light had changed and the guy behind me honked his horn before I had time to hit send. I gave him the finger. Asshole.
I drove to my office – my refuge from the storm.
She called again.
“What?!” I said, answering the phone.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a contrite voice.
I wasn’t expecting an apology. I was expecting a continuation of the fight. My tone was completely over-the-top. But I wasn’t ready to apologize yet. Her apology was met with silence.
“Are you there?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Did you hear me?”
“Yes.”
“And?” she asked.
If she was looking for a reciprocation of an apology, then she was sorely mistaken.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Come home,” she said.
“No.”
“Are you going to the bar?” she asked.
“I wasn’t planning on it, but that’s a good idea.”
“No! Come home!”
“I might. It depends on if I’m coming home to a hornet’s nest or not.”
“You won’t! I promise. You’ll come home to a horny-nest!”
“Lo, sex isn’t the answer to every one of life’s problems.”
“I’m not looking for answers, I’m looking to get off.”
I returned home, a little more calm.
We talked about money a bit more in quieter tones. I explained that our finances are just a bit short right now, “but I’m confident things will be better next month.”
“That’s just the problem,” Lo said, exasperated, “you always think that next month will be better than this month. What if it’s the same? What if it’s worse?”
“So you’re saying that my worst quality is that I’m an incorrigible optimist? – I can live with that.”
“No! I’m not saying that’s your worst quality, but that’s what you hear because you are an incorrigible optimist.”
I fixed myself a whiskey on the rocks.
We talked some more before agreeing to revisit the problem another day. She suggested going out that night.
“Out?!” I asked.
“Yes,” she said. “Let’s go out and have a good time. Maybe you can watch me flirt with someone.”
“Here we are, scraping together the pennies from our spare-change jar to pay the rent, and you want to go out? I’m sorry, I just find the idea of going out tonight repugnant and odious.”
“At least you can masturbate with your words.”
I shot her a look before taking another sip of whiskey.
“Well,” she said as she spread her legs on the couch and rubbed her pussy, “if we can’t go out, can you at least cum in?”
“Why this sudden erotic twist?”
“I don’t know what you mean. I’ve always been erotically twisted.”
“I’m in no mood,” I said. “You’ll just have to man the torpedoes tonight.”
“I know I don’t look so good tonight,” she said, referring to the mascara that had run when she was crying and the old sweatshirt she was wearing, “but I promise, I feel good,” she said as she put her hand between her legs and rubbed her pussy, revealing that under the oversized sweatshirt, she wasn’t wearing anything else.
“Can I just sleep here tonight?” I asked, feeling tired and comfortable on the couch.
“Are you drunk or just an asshole?”
“Can’t I be both?”
“No, you can’t sleep here tonight. You’re coming in the bedroom. . . and I will be too, soon!”
We went in the bedroom and I got naked and in the bed. As I waited for Lo to get out of the bathroom, I dozed off to sleep. I awoke to find her straddling me, naked, grabbing my cock and using it as a dildo to rub her clit. I heard her moaning and then fell back to sleep.
The next day I saw that she made a Facebook post at two in the morning. I asked her about it. She told me that she couldn’t sleep. I asked her if she jilled it. She said, yes. I asked, “To what?”
“I used you.”
“What?”
“I licked your soft, little, good-for-nothing dick in your sleep until it got hard and then I used the tip of it to jill my clit.
“Yeah, I saw that, but that was right before I fell asleep, around ten o’clock. You made your post after two in the morning.”
“Well, it worked the first time, so I did it a second. . . and a third.”
I went to sit up and get out of bed, but my body ached and I moaned.
“What’s the matter?” she asked me.
“Nothing.”
“You’re hung over,” she stated.
“No I’m not. I’m sick. I’ve been fighting off a cold.”
“You’re dehydrated.” Her go-to diagnosis.
“No. Didn’t you see how much water I drank last night?”
“I didn’t see you drink any water.”
“I drank it right in front of you.”
“You drank two whiskeys. Don’t you remember?”
“Yeah, and what was in the whiskeys? – Ice!!!”
“Why do I even try?”
“I wasn’t even going to have one, but I was so agitated, I felt compelled to have a drink.”
“And how do you explain the second?”
“Well, after the first, my throat didn’t hurt anymore and I was feeling quite good, so I thought: if one caused that much improvement, two will be even better.”
“And was it?”
“Last night it was.”
“And now?”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Well, it was a bad idea.”
“I may be great at making bad choices, but at least I’m great at it.”
“You have to preserve yourself.”
“I’ll buy a jar of formaldehyde.”
“As long as you use it to keep your cock stiff and hard.”
“Watch it babe. One of these days I’ll be dead and then you’ll miss me.”
“Yeah, but I’ll be married to a rich guy and I’ll have his money to console me.”
“Money won’t make you happy.”
“I wouldn’t know, but I’m willing to give it a shot. Have I told you my plan? I’m going to marry a rich man and then keep you on the side.”
“Stop promising and hurry up and do it. I ain’t getting any younger here. My plan is to grow old disgracefully, and you’re just the gal to help me do it too.”
Sunday morning and, uncharacteristically, I slept late. I usually “arise” hours before Lo – meaning, due to her lovely slumbering, naked body next to me, my cock is up before the sun and then I awake and, wishing to avoid disturbing her, I sneak out of the bedroom and perch myself on the couch in the living room writing erotica about her until she wakes and is ready to have me.
However, that morning was different. For whatever reason, I didn’t get up before dawn and when my eyes did finally open, I awoke to find Lo on her tum next to me in bed. Her phone was carefully placed at the head of the bed so she could read or look at something on its screen, her left hand was between her legs caressing her wet pussy lips and her right hand was casually giving my erect cock a hand-job.
Just as my eyes were opening in order to take all this in and attempt to make out the digital numbers on the clock, I heard her orgasm ramping up as she moaned into the pillow. Her right hand let go of my cock and assisted her left in caressing her pussy. The moans grew louder and her ass lifted in the air as if she were being penetrated by a phantom lover behind her. She looked like an inch-worm as her ass slowly descended flat again with the passing of the ecstasy.
Without words, I gently pushed her over onto her back and spread her legs, entering her very wet pussy. Her orgasm must have been blissful because she was unaware of anything at that moment, allowing me to see what was on the screen of her phone as it was still on, tilted against the headboard. It showed pictures of Brian. Apparently he works out a lot and he has a whole page of various images of himself bench pressing, curling, and doing sit-ups – all shirtless. Lucky Lo.
I whispered to her, “Lo, you’re a bad girl.”
“I know, Daddy. I’m sorry.” She didn’t even try to deny it. She was caught red-handed.
“As a punishment,” I said, feeling particularly entitled to demand whatever it was that I wanted, “you will have to do something for me.”
“What Daddy?” she said with some fear in her voice.
“First, turn over.”
She complied. I got up behind her as if I were that phantom lover. I penetrated her and began working at pleasing her pussy.
“What Daddy?” she asked, apprehensive of my wishes.
“When you cum,” and I knew she was going to cum soon, “I want you to call out his name.”
“Whose name?” she asked, poorly feigning innocence.
“You know who.”
“No, Daddy.” My demand for her to own up to her unfaithfulness during sex seemed too much for her.
I spanked her bottom. She moaned with delight. “Yes, Lo. Brian. You will call out Brian’s name when you cum. Do you hear me?”
“Yes Daddy.”
“Good.”
I went at her as I’m sure she had been imagining when she came the first time and, sure enough, within thirty seconds of agreeing to my punishment, she began whispering, “Brian.” Her invocation grew louder and then she was calling out, “Brian! Yes! Brian! Yes! Fuck me! Brian, I’m cumming!”
Hearing her call out another man’s name, knowing what she was thinking about, and visualizing all those photos that turned her on so much was too much for me. I held out as long as I could and then I called to her, “Turn around and get on your knees!”
She jumped off my cock and swung around as I got to my feet on top of the bed and grabbed my throbbing cock. I came all over her face as she submissively basked in the rain of cum.
When I was done, I simply said, “That’s my good girl.”
“All I want is to be your good girl, Daddy,” she said.
“I know that’s not all you want, but you’re lucky I’m such a good Daddy and I’m willing to give you whatever it is you want.”
“I know, Daddy. And you’re lucky that you have a dirty little slut like me,” she said as she ran her tongue over her cum-covered lips.
It was Friday night and Lo and I were at a fundraising event at our city’s art museum. It was a lovely affair and the only thing that gets Lo and me more riled up than art museums is art museums at night, with alcohol and lots of good looking people dressed to impress.
In my humble opinion, Lo was the most impressively dressed. She was all dolled up in her heels, slinky skin-tight blue dress showing a lot of leg and cleavage, and her long hair framing her alluring face. We were in the courtyard of the museum and a classical string quartet was playing. I looked up at the sky and said to Lo, “I’m worried about the weather.”
“What about it?”
“I’m afraid it’s going to rain. I don’t want you to get wet.”
“Too late for that. I know what I’m going to do when we get home.”
“Oh boy.”
“Hopefully many boys!”
“Oh, I thought you were talking about me.”
“You and some other eye-candy I see tonight.”
“Like a little girl in a candy-shop, are you?”
She bit her lip and said, “Do you have anything for me to suck on, Daddy?”
“Lo, wait till we get home, ok?”
We were drinking champagne and then I noticed the perfect complement for it. “Look, Lo, a cupcake bar! Let’s get some.”
“You’re really undoing all of my effort.”
“Undoing what effort?”
“My diet. Losing weight.”
“You have to feed your soul. Soul, being immaterial, never gains weight, but it can starve.”
“My soul is starving – starving for your attention. Let’s forego the cupcakes and find a coat closet and get right to the main course.”
We mingled and drank a bit more, but the weather was ominous. Finally I convinced Lo that we should get going.
We picked up the car from the valet, but once we were in, Lo suggested going to a club.
“Lo, it’s already ten o’clock.”
“Already?! Are you kidding me? As if that’s late. The night is young and so am I.”
“Well, young’un, I’m not and I’m tired. You can drop me off at home and have your night on the town.”
“Well,” she said, “at least tell me I’m going to get laid tonight.”
Silence.
“Oh no, I’m getting fucked tonight, preferably by you.”
Silence.
“If you don’t plan on doing me tonight, then I’m making calls and I’ll find someone who will.”
“Is that the origin of the term ‘call girl’? I’ve had it backwards all these years!”
“Shut up and feel my puss! Feel how wet it is?” she asked as she pulled my hand up her dress to her crotch where I discovered the reason for why her dress looked as smooth as skin on her – no panties!
“That’s it, Daddio.”
I began to caress her and she put the seat back to allow me easier access. Suddenly a car jumped out in front of us from a side road. I swerved. She sat up.
“Watch it!” she yelled at me.
“Do you want me to drive carefully or to finger you?”
“Oh yeah. . . Well, I guess I don’t really need you,” she said as she began fingering herself.
This was almost as distracting for me as my doing it for her. She came. She came again. We pulled in the driveway. I went to open the door.
“Not so fast, Daddio.”
“We’re home.”
“But we don’t have to go in right away. How about you kiss me? You know, I’ve gotten more tongue from a dog than I have from you in the past month.”
“Didn’t I get on my knees and lick your pussy all morning after your shower before we went out tonight?”
“That’s my cunt. I’m talking about tongue-to-tongue.”
“With a dirty mouth like that, is it any surprise?”
“Shut the fuck up and kiss me.”
I kissed her. She pulled my hand down to her dripping pussy.
“It’s never just romance with you?” I ask.
“It’s all romance with me. My definition of romance is very wide, very deep, and fits a lot into it.”
“Are we discussing romance or. . .”
“Just shut up and keep kissing me.”
I followed orders. She again pressed my fingers down on her clit. She rubbed them around the way she wanted to be stroked. “I said, keep kissing me. That didn’t mean to stop fingering me.”
“How about we take this inside?”
“OK, pull down your pants.”
“Not inside you! I meant let’s go in the house.”
“Oh, right.”
As we were walking into our building, there was a flash of lighting and a crackle of thunder – loud and very soon after the lightning. Big, heavy rain drops began to fall, one-by-one at first. Within moments of getting inside, it was a heavy and steady downpour. “Let’s start this storm off right,” said Lo as she grabbed me, pushed me up against the wall, took my hands and placed them on her breasts. I kissed her on her open mouth. It was hot.
We walked to the bedroom. I got naked and into bed. Lo went into the bathroom saying, “I just have to take off my makeup.”
I guess I was more tired than I thought. Within seconds I fell into a deep and heavy sleep. I awoke to a naked Lo between my legs with my cock filling her mouth.
“Lo, I think I’m too tired,” I said, fearing her wrath.
She pulled her face up enough to say, “That’s a lie.”
“No it’s not.”
“Let’s see what the Truth Stick says.” She grabbed my hard cock. “The Truth Stick says otherwise.”
“I should beat you with my Truth Stick!”
“Yes! That’s all I want!”
She climbed on my erection and slid her warm puss down it, straddling me.
But, no matter what the Truth Stick said, I kept on nodding off to sleep. I don’t know if she came or if she merely got turned off by the lack of attention, but at some point she climbed down from her pole and sat next to me in bed. She pulled out her Hitachi and placed it between her legs. Looking over at me next to her with disdain, as she massaged herself, she said, “Brian, my special friend at work, said he’s really eager to work with me. He told me today that whenever and wherever I need him, I should just say the word and he’ll be there. I’m thinking about him right now. I’m thinking about his big, strong arms. I’m thinking about his broad shoulders. His huge bulge in his pants. I’m thinking about what sorts of things I might ask him to do for me.”
I know she was just trying to make me jealous and simultaneously rile me up to giving her a good hard pounding – plumbing her depths with my Truth Stick – and I was flattered, but unable to give her what she wanted. As I heard her climax alone next to me the lyrics of a song wafted through my mind as I gently withdrew to dreamland:
She takes just like a woman, yes, she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she cums just like a little whore.
Carrying a mug of coffee, I walk in on her just as she is squirting, pulling the Hitachi away from her clit. Her hands scrunch up the sheets under her and her legs are spread. Her head lifts and her breasts heave as she breathes quick breaths, screaming, “Oh Fuck! Oh FUCK! OH Fuuuuck!!!” She looks over at me and says, “Don’t just stand there, get me a towel!” I do so.
“I just came to tell you breakfast is ready.”
“Thanks for the coffee, Daddio!”
“When you’re ready, I’ll see you at the breakfast table.”
“But you didn’t kiss me good morning.”
“Yes I did.”
“No you didn’t.”
“I did – all night long.”
“Yeah. I had to punch you to get you to stop and let me sleep.”
“Well, those were your good morning kisses.”
“I want one now.”
I lean over to kiss her good morning. She lets me kiss her on the lips before pushing my head down between her legs. “I meant there,” she says.
“Lo, I’m not going to eat you out before I eat breakfast. It’s on the table getting cold!”
“Just one kiss, Daddio. Please.”
I indulge her. One kiss turns to a full-on tongue-fuck-fest of every area between her legs from the small of her back to her bellybutton. Luckily she cums quickly. I pull back and go into the bathroom to splash water on my face. Her juices have a way of soaking my beard and mustache. I look up, into the vanity mirror over the sink and see her preparing to pound herself with a dildo.
“OK, that does it!” I call to her. “I’m just going to throw out the breakfast I made.”
“No, Daddio, I’ll be there in. . .” Her words trail off as she becomes preoccupied with the instrumental manipulation of her puss.
I walk out of the bedroom, my hard-on leading the way. I sit down at the breakfast table alone and eat the luke-warm eggs and toast while I hear her sing-song voice of oohs and ahs crescendo from the bedroom.
When we’re both done, I stand up, put my plate and glass in the sink and I bring her her breakfast on a tray.
“Oh, breakfast in bed!” she squeals, leaning over to put her toys away safely stashed under the bed.
“If Mohammed won’t come to the mountain, then the mountain will come to Mohammed.”
“Daddy, I’ll cum to anything.”
“Don’t I know it! What did you cum to today?”
“I’m sorry Daddy,” she says, looking guilty.
“Why? Because you let your eggs and toast get cold?”
She shakes her head, no.
“What is it then? That you used my mouth, but kept all the orgasms to yourself?”
Again she shakes her head in the negative. Keeping orgasms to herself gives her no guilt.
“Then what?”
She passes her phone to me. I look at it. It’s a photo of a giant black cock.
“A friend of yours?”
“Not yet, but I hope someday.”
“Who is it?”
“Just a fan.”
“A fan of your pics, not my writing I assume.”
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask him about it.”
“What’s he have to say for himself?”
“I don’t know. He just sent me this pic and. . .”
“And it’s got you all preoccupied.”
She shook her head yes with a guilty look on her face. “I want it, Daddy!” she said like a girl asking for a big lollipop at the circus.
I turn to leave the bedroom.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“To do the dishes.”
“I’ll do it!”
“No, I’ll do it. I don’t like the way you do it. Besides, you have to eat your cold breakfast.”
“Why do you wish to maintain control all the time?”
“It’s not a matter of retaining control. It’s a matter of maintaining standards.”
“You have so many standards. Double standards.”
“I only have one standard. . . the best.”
“That’s my line,” she says, followed by, “but, if you’re speaking about me, then go on.”
I finally walk out the bedroom into the kitchen. As I’m in the midst of putting dishes into the dishwasher, Lo saunters up to the entrance of the kitchen naked as the day she was born, she turns to me and says, “Are you jealous?” She’s always trying to get me jealous, to no avail.
“Lo, you’re standing right where the neighbors can see you through the window, you know.”
“Does that make you jealous?”
“No. But it may make the neighbor’s wife jealous!”
“Phhh,” she sounds dismissively, bending over to give the neighbor a more explicit view. As she’s bent over, she says, “I’m just a hotwife with an exhibitionist’s streak and a loving man who can use his fingers to type out stories that make people come back for more.”
“I don’t think your big friend was coming back for my writing.”
“Well, I can’t help it if behind every good nympho is a line of men waiting to fuck her and behind every bad nympho is a longer line.”
“Which one are you?”
“Fuck me, Daddy, and you’ll see.”
“No, Lo, I already know. I was just testing to see if you would admit to it.”
“The line behind me is very long, very hard,” she says as she reaches over and grabs my cock.
“That doesn’t make sense. How is the line hard?”
“Fuck me and I’ll show you.”
She bends over, this time with her rear towards me rather than toward the window.
“Are you still doing the same old thing?” I ask.
“You mean you?” she asks, looking at me from between her legs.
“Very funny. This ‘old thing’ is going to work.”
“Work on me!”
“Didn’t I make you cum this morning? – and you squirted all over me and the bed!”
“That was a drop in the bucket.”
She wiggles her ass, like she’s playing charades. So I guess, “You’re horny.”
She sees the bulge in my khakis. “And you want me.”
“Yes, Lo. I always want you. But sometimes I have to actually go to work.” I walk over to her and give her wiggling bum a good smack.
“Mmmmm,” she moans, “again!”
I repeat.
“I love spankings,” she says, “they’re like applause, but on my ass! Let me hear how much you like my ass.”
I ‘applaud’ her five or six times. But I do no more than applaud. I then walk out of the kitchen.
“But Daddy,” I hear her call down the hallway, “what about my encore!”
I leave the house and go to work, but on my way home that afternoon, I stop and run a special errand for Lo. For a while now I’ve wanted to try a cock sleeve. I run into my local adult toy shop and peruse the possibilities. After a careful review, I decide on one that is a total of 11 inches, dark brown in complexion, very realistic, and best of all, has a ring to wrap around my balls to anchor the sleeve in place.
Back at home I find that Lo has invited a few people over for a little get-together. Unaware that we were expecting company, I have to find a way of sneaking the rather large box in the house inconspicuously. I decide to pop my head in, say hello to the guests, and declare that we need some more beer. I run out to the local store and pick up a six-pack. I throw the toy in the plain brown bag and rush in, crossing my fingers that no one stops me on the way.
They are all in the living room and I call out, “I’m back! I’ll just pop these in the fridge and be right there.” I head to the bedroom first, hide my stash under the bed, and then put the beer in the fridge, removing one for myself first.
Walking in on our little circle of friends, I take a look at Lo and see that she has put on a stunning little number. Her heels, her short-shorts, and her black tank-top with her one-size-too-small push-up bra under it, giving her quite the shelf popping out of the top. What’s the reason for this, I wonder.
I give her a kiss hello and tell her I’m famished, looking at her quizzically.
Lola complains that the meal she prepared didn’t come out the way that she was hoping.
I say, “You know, I don’t think love is blind so much as love is deaf.”
“What does that mean?” she asks.
“You could go on complaining like that all night, but because you look so good, I don’t hear a thing.”
I get a little laugh from everyone there and then the ‘guests of honor’ arrive. Two young men from across the street who had moved in recently were invited by Lo. Brothers. Built. Did I mention young?
“HH, you remember Roy and Gary,” she says, that look of desire in her eye, her tongue running over her lips as she introduces us. “I just thought,” she says innocently, “since we were having people over, I’d invite them as well.”
“Very neighborly of you,” I say.
The rest of the night goes on with Lo dancing that fine line between being a charming hostess and a wicked vixen.
Finally, past eleven, all our guests leave, including the brothers from across the street.
Lo goes into the bedroom and when I emerge out of the bathroom, cock sleeve firmly in place, Lo nearly jumps in fear and fawning over the giant extension between my legs.
“What the hell is that?!” she cries out.
“Just something special I bought for you today.”
“What? Why? Today?”
“Yes. Because you were so enamored of your fan who sent you that pic that was longer than your forearm.”
“But Daddio, you know I love you,” she says, reaching out to grab the long appendage and feel its heft and girth.
“Yes, but you long for bigger, longer, thicker, and bigger.”
“You mentioned bigger twice.”
“I like how indignant you are.”
“Indignity is my forte.”
“No, lack of dignity is your forte.”
“Daddy, I have loads of dignity. I just prefer to be degraded in the bedroom.”
“Well, do what you do best and get on the bed, spread your legs, make yourself good and wet, and let me pound you with this monster cock.”
“I thought you’d never ask. Oh, and by the way, I’m already super wet. I have been all night.”
“The brothers?”
“Shut up and fuck me.”
I do as she wishes and I have to admit that it was a little difficult to fit the bulbous bad-boy in, but once in, Lo takes all of it with grace and gratitude.
“Can I use my Hitachi?” she asks.
“Of course,” I say, since with this sleeve it’s easy for me to lean back and give her enough room to fit her Hitachi over her clit. With the sleeve on, there is significantly less sensation and I welcome the vibrations of the Magic Wand.
Within mere moments Lo is saying, “Pull out! PULL OUT! I have to squirt!”
I do as she says and an impatient stream of spray shoots out on me.
“Holy shit!” she says, as if she had never cum like that before. Maybe she hadn’t. Maybe every time it feels like the first. But just as soon as the words are out of her mouth, she rolls over and says, “Take that silly thing off now and fuck me rawdog!”
I obey and begin from behind her and say, “Lo, don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t even feel you. That sleeve spread you so wide.”
“Don’t you take this the wrong way,” she says over her shoulder, “but I can hardly feel you. Now fuck me like you mean it.”
I do as she commands and as I pound her from behind, all the wetness covering her ass splish-splashes with each thrust and it makes a slick slapping sound.
I continue harder and faster, hoping to register something within her, and after much striving I finally succeed. I hit my target and she cums even harder than she did the first time.
But then something I’ve never seen before happens. She literally passes out mid-orgasm. She faints from fucking. She swoons from sex. She is out cold for about three or four minutes. When she comes to, she just asks to hold me.
“What happened Daddy?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “One minute you were cumming, the next you were out cold. How much did you have to drink tonight?”
“One glass of champagne.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it. I swear.”
“Have you ever fainted from fucking before?”
“No Daddy. Never.”
“How do you feel?”
“Great.”
“Did you cum in me Daddy?”
“No, Lo. I didn’t cum at all.”
“Are you sure?” she asks feeling between her legs.
“Yes Lo. That’s all from you.”
“I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. You were wonderful.”
“But I passed out – literally on you.”
“It’s ok. I took it as a compliment.”
“You would. You have such a big ego.”
“If you’re talking about this,” I say, holding the sheath, “then you’re right. It is big. I had a big ego before, and now it’s even bigger.”
“Daddy, a man’s ego is not his cock size.”
“No. I agree. But the bigger his cock size, the bigger his ego.”
“Well, you’d better watch out. You know what they say?”
“No, what’s that?”
“The bigger they are, the harder they fall.”
“Oh? Is that how it goes? I thought it was, the harder they cum the harder they pass out.”
It was one of those weeks when I was feeling low rather than feeling Lo. A depression had settled in and, too depressed to do anything, I felt like trying to shake it was as futile as anything else I had tried to do in my life. Dark thoughts.
Lo had been trying to seduce me all week. “Fuck it out,” she’d say, “you’ll feel better after.”
“Lo,” I’d reply, “you know that depleting my Chi energy through ejaculation is a certain method for moving my mood from the ground floor into the basement.”
“Well, then just don’t cum. I’ll cum enough for the both of us!”
Though I found her determination amusing, it did little more than evoke a wry smile from my lips.
As a direct result of my lack of amorous affection for her, Lo felt no desire to keep herself primed and ready for a good romp – with me or anyone – and she let her hair-down-there grow out.
Coming to bed one night, I saw her lying naked over the covers. “Wow,” I remarked, unaware of the words escaping my mouth, “you’re looking very 1970’s!”
She immediately pulled the blanket up and over herself, saying, “I suddenly feel a cold draft.”
I can be cruel when in the throes of depression and so I responded with, “You shouldn’t be cold, you have a warm fleece.”
I climbed into bed and opened a book. Beginning to read next to her, she turned to me and said, “With that facial hair you look like a movie villain.”
“You know, don’t you, that the villain of every story is the hero of his own story?”
“Yeah, well you’re the villain – even in your own story.”
“I can live with that. You know that Milton’s great dilemma when writing Paradise Lost was that he had drawn the Devil in such a villainous way that he became the most compelling and interesting character. God didn’t have a chance when the Devil was on stage.”
“Really? Milton? Really? You are the most literary narcissist I ever did meet!”
“I take that as a compliment,” I said to her.
She reached over, more lovingly this time, and she said, “Daddy, you really do need to trim your beard.” She rubbed my rough beard with her hand and tugged a little on it.
“When did you masturbate?” I asked.
She looked guilty and then said, “A little while ago.”
“When?”
“Just before you came into the bedroom. How did you know?”
“I can smell you on your fingertips.”
“Well,” she replied, “if you’re not going to finger me, then someone has to.” As she said this, she moved her hand down to my crotch.
Never one to miss a moment to spoil the mood when my mood is foul, I called out, “Why are your hands so cold?! Were you giving the Ice Man a handjob before he cometh?”
She wrapped her legs around my bare legs and I felt her feet on my feet. I followed my first question with another, “A foot job too?”
“The Ice Man has a warmer heart (and bigger dick) than you!” she said, rolling away from me and grabbing her phone.
I fell asleep to the tap-tap-tap of her texting with someone.
The next day was Saturday and it was a beautiful spring day. Lo was up and about and I was lying on the couch in the living room. Lola approached me like a puppy and said, “Come outside with me!”
“No.”
“Yes. It’s so bright out there.”
“But it’s so dark in here.”
“Look,” she said, opening the blinds, “it’s the first beautiful day of spring! Let’s get out and enjoy it!” She proceeded to open all of the blinds and the windows to let the warm breeze flow through the room.
Like a vampire mortally injured by the light, I got up to leave.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“Are you going to come in the bedroom? – Because I’m going to take a nap.”
“I’ll probably cum several times. . . anywhere.”
“That’s what I was afraid of,” I said, as I went to the bedroom and locked the door. She followed and was nonplused at finding the door locked.
“Let me come in!”
“No, no! Go, go!”
“I’ll come in, you’ll cum in. It will be even!”
“No.”
“Then at least come out. Look, to get out of this depression you need to do something.”
“Well, I’m not doing you.”
“That was my first suggestion, but I’ll settle for going for a walk or to the gym. Physical activity will help.”
I unlocked the door. She entered the bedroom. “Fine,” I said.
Getting ready for the gym, I put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
“You’re not really going to wear that, are you?” she asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“You look like a senior-citizen mall-walker.”
“And? I’m just going to the gym, not a cocktail party.”
“And won’t you be hot? Aren’t you going to break a sweat in that?”
“Oh, gosh, I certainly hope not!”
She was naked and sitting on the edge of the bed. “Come here,” she asked seductively, spreading her legs and putting her hand between them, using her fingers to spread her pussy lips.
“No.”
“Don’t you want it, Daddy?”
“No.”
“But I want you. I can see the outline of your big, thick dick in those sweatpants.”
“Lo, what are you going to wear to the gym?”
“Come here and I’ll tell you.”
“No.”
“Please.”
I gave in and walked over to her, convinced she wouldn’t succeed in her seduction. As soon as I was between her legs, her knees clamped on my legs, capturing me and holding me tightly.
“Lo, you’re a human Penis Flytrap!”
“I think you must have Adult ADD. One of the symptoms is relentless bad puns.”
“You’re saying I have AADD?”
“If you want to put it that way.”
“Sounds like my report card from high school.”
“You see, perfect example!”
“I heard once that among entrepreneurs there is an inordinate proportion of people with Adult ADD. I heard that those entrepreneurs are good at multitasking and that they surround themselves with lots of competent people who stay on task. That’s what I do. I’m a captain and I have a lot of first mates.”
“Oh really?”
“Well,” I said more kindly, “my dear, you’re my first first mate.”
“I’m my own captain. I’m no one’s first mate,” she said, putting her thumb to her sternum, pointing to herself proudly.
“Captain, eh?”
“That’s right, and I like to be surrounded by lots of semen.”
“And you say I have bad puns.”
“Give me some semen, Daddy, please,” she asked, pulling my cock out from my sweatpants and putting it in her mouth, to no avail. Having failed in her attempt, she then got on the bed on all fours, flaunting her ass in front of me. “What do you think?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at me.
“Booty-full,” I said.
“Punny,” she said sardonically.
“Honestly, Lo,” I said, “I wish that I felt well enough to put my penis in your vagina.”
“Daddy!” she exclaimed, feigning shock.
“I’m sorry dear, I couldn’t think of a more poetic way of phrasing that.”
“That’s ok. I like the direct route.”
“Are we going to the gym or what?”
“Yes,” she said, “because if we’re going to go to a nude beach this year, then we have to get in shape.”
“We?” I asked.
“Yes, we. Us.”
“I’m in a shape. In fact, I think I look flabulous.”
“Flabulous?”
“Yeah. I might not have abs. I might have flabs, but they look flabulous.”
“Well, then,” she said, “at least I feel like I have to get in shape. I think I gained four pounds this winter. Does it show?”
“Lo, you know that I would be happy if you gained forty pounds!”
“That’s nice of you to say but. . .”
“You know, there’s a kink out there called feederism, or something like that, where gaining weight is considered sexually arousing?”
“So, I have to get fat in order to get you up?”
“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying all bodies are beautiful bodies.”
She rolled over on her tum and asked, “All?”
“Well, dear,” I corrected myself, “yours most of all.”
“That’s more like it.”
On the way to the gym, I remarked to her, “I was listening to Billy Joel the other day. Some of his lyrics are just brilliant.”
“Like, ‘I heard about sex but not enough’?”
“Of all his lyrics, that’s the one lyric that you remember?”
“It speaks to me.”
“Well, I was thinking about the song, ‘I Go to Extremes.’”
“What about it?”
“It speaks to me.”
When we got to the gym, Lo wanted to start in the weight room. Our gym is co-ed, obviously, and in the weight room there are lots of big, burly men who love to look at themselves in the full-length mirrors that surround the room on all the walls. Lots of mirrors. There are, of course, some women who, truth be told, also like to look at themselves in the mirrors. They just don’t make as big a show of it as the guys do.
Lo likes looking at everybody, including herself, and, this particular morning, I found out in the worst of ways, she liked to be looked at as well. She went right for the bench press and, asking me to spot her, she got on her back under the bar, her feet flat on the floor, her legs spread, and she asked with great deference, for my advice on lifting the twenty pounds (plus the weight of the bar, of course).
I gave her a few pointers and then stood behind her head, my hands cupped under the bar just in case she needed a little boost. She looked up from the bench where her head was perched perfectly between my legs. Had we been alone at home, she would have had a perfect angle for some fun play. Her tongue ran across her sparkling white teeth and she mouthed the words, “Oh, Daddy!” as her eyes roamed to my crotch.
I rolled my eyes, but soon saw that some of the guys in the gym were stealing glances our way. “Lo, try to get it up, will you?” I honestly didn’t mean to say that. I was talking about the bar, but it just came out that way.
“I’ve been trying all week,” she said. “I think that with this good, hard, steel rod, I can make some progress.” She went to lift the bar and lower it to her chest. With a controlled exhale, she pushed the bar back up. “That was good, right?!” She was very excited by her accomplishment.
“Excellent!” I said, trying to be encouraging. I looked up and noticed more guys’ eyes looking at her. Was it that her legs were spread? Was it that her face was down by my crotch? Was it her breasts heaving as she lay flat on the bench? I couldn’t tell what the interest was, but across the room the guys doing curls with free-weights, causing their already large biceps to bulge, were looking right at Lo. It seemed like she was giving them inspiration.
After bench pressing, we did a few other strength exercises and we didn’t exact quite as much attention. She told me that at the top of the hour a yoga class was starting and she encouraged me to join her in it. “Yoga will be good for you. It’s known to reduce depression.” Reluctantly, I agreed.
In the yoga studio, the mats were arranged in five rows of four deep. People gradually entered and chose their spots and began stretching out. Lola took the front-center mat in the room and told me to take the spot behind her. I did so. I tried stretching. Touching my toes was a challenge. When the room was full, the instructor came in and she stood right in front of Lo. We began easily enough and all was fine, until “Downward Dog.” That’s when I figured out what the guys in the gym were looking at – Lo wasn’t wearing any panties! Here little green yoga shorts were loose-fitting enough for her pussy to peek out when doing the bench press and now at yoga. She looked over her shoulder at me when she came out of the pose and she knew that I knew what a bad girl she was. Needless to say, part of my body was not as limber as it should be for yoga after that. I think that I wasn’t the only one to notice my little slut’s slutty ways. I played it off like I wasn’t with Lo. Who? Her? That one in the front row showing her joie de vivre to the class? Nope, don’t know her at all. I’m just right behind her for the best view.
When the hour was over, Lo made it clear to the class that I was her man and she was my hotwife by grabbing my arm and congratulating me on getting through the entire class. She looked down at the protrusion in my sweatpants and said, “I think you need to walk that off.”
I gave her a deriding look.
All the way home, she walked in front of me wiggling her little ass.
When we got home she said, “I’m so wet from working out.”
“I bet you are,” I replied.
“I’m going to take a shower. Care to join?”
“No. I’ll take one later.”
“Fine,” she said in a huff, “I was going to masturbate in there anyhow.”
“I figured.”
She was in there almost an hour. When she was done, she walked stark naked into the kitchen and began slicing a tomato.
Hearing her futzing about, I came into the kitchen and asked, “Did you take a shower?”
“Yes.”
“Did you jill it?”
“No. I made myself smooth.” She turned from the counter toward me and displayed her silky white skin of her mons pubis to me.
“Then why aren’t you bent over the bed?”
“Because I’m making you dinner.”
“Can’t I have an appetizer first?”
“Oh, now you want it? What happened to your depression?”
“I’m just asking for a small taste to whet my appetite.”
“Just a taste?” she asked, incredulously.
“Yes. April is abstinence month.”
“Really? Since when?”
“I just proclaimed it such.”
“Well, this month sure won’t last long.”
“I’m telling you Lo, it’s Celibate City for me.”
“Forget it, Daddio, it’s Vaginatown.”
It’s getting late and I wonder why Lola’s still asleep. I walk into the bedroom and find her naked, her fingers between her legs, watching a video on her phone. She doesn’t stop, as she usually does when I interrupt her solo-time, so I sit in the chair and watch her. She looks up from the bed and says, “Do you mind?”
“What?”
“I’m not masturbating to put on a show for you. I’m masturbating because I have to cum before I go to work and I have to be at work in fifteen minutes. I trying to get this done here.”
“Well, don’t let me stop you.”
“You are stopping me. I just want to fuck myself and finish.”
“Go right ahead.”
“Grrrrr,” she grumbles, dropping the phone, pulling out her dildo and stuffing it in her wet crotch with both hands. In-and-out, in-and-out she furiously pounds herself until, thirty or forty seconds later, she slides the twelve-incher out of her and ejaculates a spray of cum all over the bed.
As she catches her breath, I say, “Feeling better?”
“Yes. No thanks to you.”
“It was a win-win. You came, I got to see you cum.”
“I would have cum faster if you hadn’t interrupted me.”
“I’m sorry, I was just checking on you because I didn’t want you to oversleep.”
“Well, I’m up.”
“And now, so am I.”
It was a beautiful springtime afternoon. After about three days of storm clouds, rain, wind, and cold temperatures (one should not have to wear a scarf in May!), finally the gray skies gave way to blue and that round, yellow orb appeared. What’s that thing called? Oh yeah, the sun! Birds began singing, and for the first time I realized that the tulips, azaleas, forsythia, dogwoods, and magnolias had bloomed! Could it be? Had the April showers that didn’t respect the calendar finally give way to the May flowers? I was so delighted I decided to leave work early and speed home. I was hoping to meet Lo just as she arrived from her job so we could take a walk together and enjoy this miraculous occurrence.
I got home, not expecting anyone to be there yet. I made for the bedroom to change out of my suit and tie and put on comfortable walking pants and sneakers. I opened the bedroom door, only to shock both myself and Lo who was lying on the bed, pants around her ankles, knees up, giant dildo between her legs held by one hand, her phone held in the other hand as she intently stared at the screen and let out a scream. It was a bit ambiguous, for her scream began as a scream of surprise at my unexpected arrival, but morphed into a scream of climax as she pulled the dildo out of her puss and squirted on the bed, her knees shaking, her tum writhing.
Holding the dildo in her hand victoriously, she smiled at me and said, “Welcome home Daddio!”
“Hi,” I said, confused. “You’re home early.”
“So are you,” she retorted.
“I thought I’d meet you at home when you got here so we could go for a walk. It’s so nice out.”
“Fuck me.”
“What about the walk?”
“Fuck me first. I’m all ready for you.”
I removed my clothes and stood in front of her by the foot of the bed.
“You know, Daddy, that the blinds are open and the windows are open,” she said.
“Yeah.”
“So the neighbors can see you.”
“Do you want me to shut the blinds?”
“No, I’m just pointing out that you’re blocking their view of me.”
“Oh,” I said, a bit confused. “Would you like to ride me reverse cowboy so they have a better angle.”
“Yes. Then I can see them too.”
I got on the bed, lying on my back, and Lo slid her dripping snatch down on my pole. I could see her sexy ass and back from my vantage point. I saw one hand reach for her tits and the other reach for her phone.
“What were you looking at?”
“When?” she asked, not really thinking about my question.
“When you were jillin’ it. When do you think?”
“Nothing Daddy.”
“Don’t tell me nothing,” I said as she bounced up and down. “What are you looking at now?”
“Nothing Daddy.”
“Lo, I’ll put an end to this little romp right now if you don’t tell me.”
“Fine, but you’ll laugh.”
“Laugh?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Here, Daddy, I’ll show you. Slide up.”
We maneuvered on the bed from the reverse cowboy position to doggy-style. She was on her knees and elbows as I was riding behind her. She held up the screen of the phone so I could see. I didn’t have my glasses on, so it was a bit blurry.
“What is that?”
“That’s a penis, if you can believe it.”
“It is?”
“Yeah. I told you you’d laugh. It’s so small and tiny it’s hardly recognizable.”
“That’s what got you off?”
“I’m sorry Daddy,” she said.
“You don’t have to apologize. I’m just confused.”
“Can you fuck me a little harder?” she asked. In my puzzlement, I had sort of forgot what I was doing for her. I thrusted with more vigor.
“Why were you looking at that?”
“It’s a fan, Daddy. He has a little member. He can only masturbate with his thumb and index finger. And he cums within seconds.”
“I thought you liked monster cocks!”
“Oh, I do!” she said, “But I also like thinking about the novelty of this. Could you imagine if he put that in my mouth while you were fucking me like this? How easy it would be to tease and lick, suck and take in my mouth. I could take his cock and balls easy!”
Now she was cumming and cumming hard. When she cums like that, her powerful convulsions are so strong that she shoots me right out despite my best efforts to stay in. That’s what happened this time. I was so turned on that I grabbed my cock and was ready to blow. She knew it and she swung around and opened her mouth and put out her tongue as if to say, “Fire at will!” I did and it went everywhere. She was covered.
She sat back and blindly reached out her hands for a towel. When I recovered my composure, I got it for her. She wiped herself off and said, “Thank you, Daddy. I’m so glad you can always give me what I want.”
“Not always,” I remarked.
“Well, you always let me have what I want.”
“That’s true.”
She went to the bathroom and cleaned off and when she returned, I asked, “How about that walk?”
“Can we fuck just once more?”
“Lo, I’m down for the count,” I said, looking at my limp, long pleasure part.
“Fine,” she said. “You get ready, I’ll be right out.”
I put on some comfortable clothes and went outside and sat in the lawn chair next to the house. The beautiful day had enticed the neighbors to come outside and clip some hedges. As I sat there, we all could hear Lola’s screams from inside the bedroom window.
“OH! FUCK! OH! Fuck fuck fuck!”
I smiled nervously at the neighbors and waved and said, “She must have stubbed her toe.”
Mercifully, Lo’s howls were brief and when she came outside wearing her slutty shorts, I could see the neighbors’ judgments as if they were in thought-bubbles above their heads. Both Lo and I received their condemnation as a compliment.
We started on our walk and about two blocks down the street Lo stopped. She looked up at me, motionless for a moment. Her knees were pressed up against each other as she held onto my arm for support.
“Lo, are you ok?” I asked.
She raised her index finger so as to say, “Give me one second.”
I waited.
“We have to turn back,” she said.
“Why? What’s wrong?” I was very worried.
“I just squirted, again.”
She turned around and, walking up the hill, I could see her blue-jean cutoffs were soaked in the crotch and it was dripping down her inner thigh.
We scampered home and waved at the neighbors nervously as we slipped in the front door.
So much for the end of April showers.
It was Thursday. The Thursday before Super Bowl Sunday to be exact. It was just your average Thursday until, unable to shake a persistent cold, I went to the doctor. After a check-up, X-rays and bloodwork, I was diagnosed with pneumonia and ordered to get bedrest. Lo, of course, was as caring and fussing as the most attentive nurse and she took pity on my pain and suffering.
“Daddio?” she said Thursday night.
“What?” I replied in a raspy whisper.
“You know, it’s been so long since. . .”
“Lo, don’t tell me you want to fuck.”
“OK, I won’t tell you,” she said, reaching her hand to my groin, “but I’ll show you.”
She pulled out her double-ended dildo and, before she could go to town with it, I interrupted. “Lo, I just need to get some sleep. If you want to fuck your brains out with that thing, can you do it in the living room?”
“Daddio, it’s been days!”
“According to my calculations,” I replied, “I think it’s been since Tuesday.”
“Yes! You see – two days!”
“Living room.”
She moped away, dildo in hand, her intentions of seducing me shattered.
I didn’t hear much more from her that night because I quickly fell off to sleep, the Nyquil silencing any extraneous noise she may have made during her solo session.
The next day when she came home from work I was recuperating on the couch, watching mind-numbing TV. I turned to Lo and asked, “Why is everything on TV so stupid?”
“Because smart doesn’t sell,” she said without missing a beat.
“Where are you going?” I asked her as I saw her put down her work bag and pick up her clutch.
“Out,” she said simply. She pulled a piece of paper out of her clutch and looked it over.
“What is that?” I asked.
“It’s my ‘to do’ list.”
“Oh yeah? Whose names are on it?”
“Funny. Do you need anything?”
“Some more orange juice and throat lozenges.”
“What you need is sex,” she said, bending over to put on her pumps.
“I still have a 102 temperature.”
“I’m just saying, sex, it does a body good,” she smirked, looking at me upside-down between her legs.
“It sure does your body good, but mine is beyond repair.”
“Oh, Daddio,” she said as she blew an air-kiss my way, “I’ll get you your OJ and lozenges. Kiss kiss.”
Later, as I lay on the couch wallowing in my misery, Lola sent me a pic on my phone. It was of her topless in panties. “Like?” she asked in the text.
“Where are you and what are you doing?”
“Shopping. I thought you could use a little lingerie photo shoot.”
She was in the changing room of Victoria’s Secret or something, taking seflies for me. I can’t deny that, even in my state of dysphoria, I found her antics alluring.
I texted her which panties I liked. There were not many that I didn’t like.
“Maybe I can sell them on-line?” she texted back.
“People can buy them themselves from the store, you know.”
“I meant my used panties,” she responded.
“Oh. I hadn’t thought of that. Yeah. Go for it.”
“I’m coming,” she texted.
“Lo, this is no time for you to be masturbating in public!”
“I mean, I’m coming home now.”
“Oh.” Phew.
Soon she was walking in the door and she asked me how I was feeling.
“The same. Still watching mind-numbing cable TV.” A cooking show was on instructing how to make a baked pastry filled with fruit.
“I love those,” said Lo, sitting next to me. “Do you?”
“I hate tarts. . . . Present company excluded, of course.”
“Mmmm, this is making me hungry,” said Lo. “Did you eat anything today?”
“Yes. I made myself lunch.”
“What did you have?”
“I had a grilled cheese and a chocolate milk.”
“You realize,” said Lo, “that that is the lunch of an average fifth-grader.”
“Are you implying that I’m average?”
“Ugh. Are you hungry?”
“No dear.”
“You should eat.”
“No thank you.”
Lola went into the kitchen and, before long I heard her cussing at something. I got up and saw her having a devil of a time trying to flip her omelet. “Stand back,” I said, “it needs a man’s touch.”
“Well, I know something does,” she said to me. After I flipped it she asked, “Do you want me to blow you?” and she dropped to her knees on the kitchen floor.
“No, I don’t want you to blow me. I’m sick.”
“And I’m horny. Each of us can cure the other,” she said looking up at me, fumbling in my pajama bottoms for my cock.
“Lola, your omelet is ready.”
She sat down and I served her. As she ate she asked me, “How do you reconcile my silly and sexy sides?”
Sitting across from her, nursing a drink of water, I said, “You’re a complete cable package with porno channels and Comedy Central.”
“I like that,” she said. “I can’t wait to show you my new panties.”
“You already did – virtually.”
When we went to bed, I was still feeling miserable. I rejected Lola once more and she made a little tent of the sheets and opened up her phone and went to town on herself to who-knows-what naughtiness of pornographic material. We had gone to bed early, around nine, and when I woke up around eleven, she was still at it. Ignoring her, I used the bathroom and returned. She didn’t even notice my brief absence, or at least she didn’t indicate any notice.
The next morning, Saturday, she sauntered naked into the living room where I was sitting, sipping my tea and honey. “Morning dear,” she said.
“Oh, what a long fucking night,” I responded, having slept very poorly.
“Back in the day we’d have a long night fucking,” she quipped, followed by, “Those days can happen again, Sugar.”
“Not today they won’t!” I insisted, exhausted by her libido without having enjoyed any of its fringe benefits in days.
“Awww,” she said, cuddling up to me, “still not feeling well?”
“A little better,” I said. “At least I’m hungry. That’s a good sign.”
“I’ll make you breakfast,” she offered enthusiastically. “How about pancakes?”
“OK.”
She went to the kitchen and I followed her when I could smell the delicious aroma.
“Uh oh,” she said.
“What?”
“Too high, too long.”
“What?”
“My pancake. The heat was on too high and I left it on too long. It burned.”
“Oh no it didn’t. That’s just how I like it!”
I ate and was feeling better. We needed to do food shopping and I offered to go with Lola to the store. She drove and when we got there, she said, “You stay here. I’ll go in.”
“No, I can go,” I protested.
“You rest. I’ll go in.”
“Why can’t we both go in?”
“I’ll give you three good reasons: I’ll make it quicker, cheaper, and easier. Now that I think about it – that’s exactly what people said about me in college.”
“You are incorrigible.”
When we got back home, having missed work on Friday, I tried to do a little work from home that afternoon since I was feeling slightly better (at least I had no fever). Lo came in the room, naked again but for her new thong, trying to seduce me. I tried telling her that I had a lot of work to do. “I’m really quite behind.”
As if on que, she bent over and showed me her ass, the thong hardly visible.
“That’s quite a behind too,” I said.
“And it’s all yours, Daddio.”
“Let’s not exaggerate. All?”
“Well, you can have it all right now, if you want. And then later someone else can have it all.”
“At least you’re more accurate now.”
“Well?”
“Not now darling.”
“Fine!” she said, pouting. “I’m going out tonight.”
“Fine.”
Later she appeared, all dolled up, wearing her favorite earrings designed like little anchors and a sweater with a nautical theme designed into it.
“Well, don’t you look cute,” I said, trying to be nice.
“I look like a little sailor!”
“Trying to find semen.”
She threw a pillow at me. “You’re crude and rude!”
“It’s true.”
“Even if it is true, you have a vulgar mouth.”
“As Jesus said, it’s not what comes out of the mouth that makes it vulgar, it’s what you put in.”
“Well, darling, when I come back home tonight and tell you what I’ve put in it, I guarantee that Jesus never imagined such a string of words coming out of anyone’s mouth, especially not from such a little angelic beauty as I.”
“I can’t wait. Pack your condoms! A sailor doesn’t want to get caught without a rain jacket!”
“Don’t you worry,” she said as she kissed me goodbye.
I heard nothing from her the rest of the night.
When she got home, long after I had turned in for some much needed sleep, I heard her undress and slither under the sheets, pressing her chilly skin up against my nice, warm, almost feverish body.
“Did you have a good time, darling?”
“Frustrating,” she whispered.
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“We went to a gay bar.”
“Where’d you go and who’d you go with?”
She gave me the details and then told me that they went to see a burlesque show. It got her all riled up without any release.
“And, let me guess – now you are crawling back from your fishing expedition looking for my rod.”
“Let me have it.”
“No,” I said.
“Let me suck it.”
“No.”
“Please. Let me just hold it.”
“Lo, I’m still sick.”
“Me too. I want you to catch what I have.”
“Lo.”
She knew I wasn’t joking around. For a third night in a row she was reduced to playing with her toys rather than me (or someone else).
The next day was Super Bowl Sunday and we had been invited over to Mark and Stephanie’s for the game. I still wasn’t sure if I was up for it. I was feeling light-headed and dizzy, occasionally perspiring and having the chills. I didn’t think it was a good idea. Lo pleaded with me, however. She did her level best to nurse me all morning and afternoon, and when 4:00 came around and a game-time decision had to be made, I conceded and said I’d go.
It was a big crowd and Mark and Stephanie had gone all out to make it a super Super Bowl party. There were dips and sandwiches, a fully stocked bar and coolers of beer, and Mark was even manning the grill outside on the deck next to the Jacuzzi. And apparently it was a no-kids party, since I saw neither hide nor hair of the little rug-rats.
We got there and Lo took as little interest in the game as I did in the food. Unfortunately, due to my infirmity, I had no appetite. Lo, got me comfortably seated close to the TV and then she flitted around in her short skirt and sexy blouse. She looked good and I enjoyed watching her go from circle to circle smiling and seducing with her charms. At one point she came over to check on me and she grabbed my bicep and said, “Mmmm, I want you.”
“You don’t fool me, Lo,” I responded back.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I know perfectly well what it is you want.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You want Mark’s meat – and I don’t mean all the burgers and sausages he’s cooking on the grill.”
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Her apology was an admission of guilt. “But he’s wearing that short sleeve shirt and, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,” her tongue made a purring sound, “he’s so hot. But I really do want you.”
“You want to hop on my cock and use me while you think about him.”
“Just the same, I still want you.”
“I’m flattered,” I said flatly.
“Come on, I’ve been denied for almost a week now!”
Cock substitutes are no substitute for cock according to Lo.
The party and the game went on close to midnight and when it was over someone – the safe money is on Lo – suggested getting into the hot tub.
By this time, I was long ready to go, but I stuck it out on Lo’s account. She, of course, had no bathing suit, but that wasn’t going to stop her. Mark descended the staircase in his Speedo and carrying a few robes and towels for people. There was room for six or eight in the tub, but I abstained, not wishing to catch double pneumonia. Mark, a couple of other neighbors, and Lo all were game, however. The neighbors and Lo took turns getting out of their clothes and into their birthday suits under their robes in the downstairs bathroom. Then it was out into the cold dark night, on the deck, beer and wine in hand, and, down fell the robes, in went the naked bodies to the tub. I could see the crew from the kitchen window where I stood, next to Stephanie who also chose to forego the midnight hot tub excursion. Whether it was due to disgust at Mark’s behavior, jealousy of Lola, compassion (or some other feeling) for me, or her stated reason, “to clean up,” I don’t know. All I know is that as she collected and cleared off the dirty dishes, I helped by arranging them in the dishwasher.
Occasionally, I peeked out the window that looked out from the kitchen over the deck, but, not intending to gawk, I made conversation with Stephanie, who, I spied, also was monitoring the situation in the tub from her perch behind the kitchen sink.
“It was so nice of you and Mark to have us all over for the game. You two throw a great party.”
“Oh, we’re just so glad you could make it. I was really worried when I heard about your pneumonia.”
“I’ve been taking my antibiotics and I’m no longer contagious, I promise. I’ve been taking my antibiotics for four days now. I’m just feeling lousy at this point.”
“Well, you really rallied for tonight.”
“It’s always nice to see you. . . and Mark and it was sweet of you to invite us.”
“To be honest, we think you two are a great couple!”
“Thanks. I wish I could live up to my part of the bargain tonight.”
“You are. See, we’re getting to talk now.”
The truth was, I was feeling weak-kneed, but was rallying for both Stephanie’s sake and to keep a close eye on Lo.
“I wish I could be more fun. It looks like they’re having a good time out there in the hot tub surrounded by the snow.” I gestured out the window in an attempt to get a sense of Stephanie’s thoughts on it.
“I’m sure Mark is having the time of his life,” Stephanie said, almost to herself.
“What? What’s that?” I asked as she passed me a plate.
“Oh, nothing.” She dismissed her comment.
“I hope that Lo isn’t making. . .” I didn’t know what to say, but luckily Stephanie rescued my faltering ellipses.
“Me jealous? That’s not it. Can I be honest with you?”
“Yes, please do,” I said.
“After our second kid, I just lost all of my sex-drive. I feel terribly guilty about it. I love Mark. I love him so much and I know he loves me.” She grabbed a paper towel to wipe her eyes that were watering up. “But, I just don’t feel it anymore. I don’t know what happened. I want him to be happy and I know that he. . . never mind.”
“He what?” I was desperate for her to continue. “You can tell me. It’s ok.”
“I know he finds Lola attractive. Who wouldn’t? So, let him have his fun. But I shouldn’t say that. Doesn’t it bother you to hear me say that?”
I took ahold of Stephanie’s elbow and I said to her very quietly, “You both deserve to be happy.” I had no idea what I meant by that and I think that Stephanie didn’t know what to make of it either. Those were just the words that came out of my mouth in a moment of connection and compassion.
I was keen on giving her a hug, but the truth was, I wasn’t sure exactly how non-contagious I was and I didn’t know if it would be welcomed at that moment. As I held Stephanie’s arm, she and I both gazed out the window and we saw Lo emerge, naked as Venus from the churning sea, grab towel, wrap it around herself and then she popped into the kitchen.
“I’ll just be a minute,” Lo said.
“Are you ready, so soon?” I asked, half mocking.
“Thanks for being a dear. Yes. I’ll just get dressed and. . .” She closed the bathroom door and a moment later she popped out. We waved a friendly good-bye and thank you to our hosts and their guests, still outside, and then Lo drove home.
“How was the hot tub, darling?” I asked.
“It was good,” she said. She was speeding.
“Take it easy, the cops are just looking for a reason to pull anyone over tonight.”
“I want to get home and do you!”
“What happened out there?”
“Nothing. I just want you. It’s been a long time.”
“Nothing? Really? Now why don’t I believe that?”
“OK, ok. Fine,” she said, reaching over to grab my crotch.
“You’re driving, you know. And this ain’t a stick-shift.”
“I was sitting across from Mark, naked, looking at his big broad shoulders.”
“Dreamy,” I said sarcastically.
“Dreamy,” she repeated, “especially as the steam wafted off the surface of the water. I would keep on ‘accidentally’ popping my nipples just above the water line so he could see.”
“And everyone else.”
“And everyone else,” she repeated, again groping at my crotch. “Are you getting hard?”
“Never you mind and continue with your story.”
“Well, I had one hand down between my legs.”
“You’re bad.”
“I couldn’t help it, Daddy.”
“Did anyone notice?”
“I don’t think so. But, as I stroked it, I kept playing footsie with Mark. He didn’t say anything, but I know he liked it. At one point, he got up out of the tub to grab another beer and. . .” She pulled her hand from my crotch and placed it in hers.
“And what?”
“And he was so hard, he was practically exploding out of that tiny bathing suit he wore!” Her hand was up her short dress.
“You came.”
“I’m cumming.”
“I mean then.”
“Yes. And now.”
“That’s why you wanted to go. You couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Right.”
“I can’t take you anywhere.”
“You’re going to take me to bed and fuck me senseless!”
That was the last thing I remember of the ride home. I suppose I passed out from exhaustion. The next thing I felt was Lo trying to wake me gently from the driver’s seat as we sat in the garage at home. Like a somnambulist, I found my way to bed. I was the one senseless, not Lo.
The next day, Monday, was a blizzard. Both Lo and I could have slept in. But I had missed work since Thursday of the previous week. I had to go in, at least for a little while. So, early in the morning, before the flakes had fully accumulated, I snuck out while Lo was still soundly asleep, naked in the warm bed. I got to work, feeling much improved, took care of some urgent matters, and then drove home carefully through the poorly plowed streets.
When I got back, I found Lo still in bed. I took one look at her and said, “You masturbated, didn’t you?”
“I didn’t mean to. It was an accident.”
“Well, I’m going to shovel.”
“What should I do?”
“You could help me shovel, if you’re not too wet.”
“I don’t want to catch a cold.”
“Alright. See you later,” I said, and, bundling up I went outside to clear the driveway.
I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t mad. I was actually glad. Yes, I was still recovering from pneumonia. Yes, I had gone into work on a horrible winter’s day when most of the city stayed home. Yes, Lo had been inside all morning, sleeping late, sexing herself up, and probably jillin’ it once more even as I shoveled away. But the thought of her, nestled up under the covers pleasuring herself filled me with joy. I’m a lucky guy. I can lose sight of that sometimes. Not this time. I shoveled with a smile on my face. When I was done, to my surprise and delight, Lo was not in bed, fucking herself silly to her favorite Tumblr pages. She was in a silky black negligee, helping me out of my bundled jackets and scarves, and then bringing me a hot cocoa as she tucked me under a throw on the couch.
“What’s all this for?” I asked.
“I just love you and I want you to know that I’m the luckiest gal in the world to have you, Daddio.”
“What do you want, Lo?” I asked in my Ricky Ricardo tone.
“Nothing, Daddio. Honest. I just was lying in bed and I realized all you do for me. I just wanted to do something nice in return.”
I sipped my hot cocoa and read a little of the Sunday paper that was still lying out on the coffee table from yesterday.
Lola sat on the couch next to me, her left hand slowly made its way under my covers to my crotch. She grabbed my cock and then began pumping it as I read.
“Lo?”
“Yes, Daddio?”
“What are you doing?”
“Do you like?”
“What are you doing?”
“Giving you a hand-job.”
She continued for a little while. Then she pulled her hand away and, like a groundhog or ferret, she nosed her way under the blankets, getting her face buried between my legs and went to work on me with her mouth. At a certain point, I put down the paper and began guiding her head gently up and down.
She abruptly stopped before I was ready to spout. “Let’s go to the bedroom, Daddio. I want to tell you something special.”
She led me down the hall, hopped on the edge of the bed in her little black nighty, revealing her naked ass and puss to me. “Mount me,” she commanded. I did as she said.
“What did you want to tell me?”
When she had caught her breath, she whispered over her shoulder, “I was so bad last night.”
“Yes, Lo, you were. That’s what you wanted to tell me?”
“No, there’s more but. . .” She was enjoying herself at this point, too much to talk. She came in about fifteen seconds. As she came she was yelling, “I love your cock! I love your cock!” When she was done she said, “Flip me over and fuck me.”
I did as she asked. I put her on her back on the side of the bed, held her heels up by my shoulders, and went at her.
“Do you think he liked seeing my pussy, Daddy?” she asked.
“Yes, Lo. Who wouldn’t?”
“I had got it all smooth for him.”
“So, you had that all planned out?”
“No. But a woman should be prepared for the unexpected display of her pussy at all times.”
“A woman, or a slut like you?”
“That’s right, Daddy. Tell me what I am.”
“A slut. A trollop. A dirty, cheap, exhibitionist.” I went on and she came to the cadence of my nasty names. She came so hard she sqeezed me right out and squirted on the floor. I grabbed my throbbing rod and watched.
“Can you hold it in for just one more?” she asked. “I’ve got one more BIG orgasm to go. Pleeeease, Daddio. I know you haven’t cum in a long time. Just hold it in a little longer and then you can cum all over my face. Promise.”
“How do you want it?”
“Here,” she said, positioning me on the bed. “Lie back. I want to taste myself on you.” She lay me down on the bed and got on her knees and went to town between my legs. If she wanted me to withhold my orgasm until she had one more, this was not the way to do it. I felt like her face was in imminent danger of being in the direct line of my fire.
She stopped just in time. She knows me (or cock) well. She went to climb up on top of me, straddling my body with her legs, her knees on the bed. Before she lowered herself down on my very stiff and erect phallus, I said, “No. Wait a minute.” I closed my eyes. Just looking at her may have put me over the edge. I took deep breaths, but all I could think about was seeing her getting in and out of the hot tub the previous night. Just the thought was enough to coax a slow orgasm out of me. I tried to change the channel of my imaginings, but it was as if that special was playing on every station!
“Put a condom on me,” I said.
“What?” she asked in disbelief. We never use condoms. We only keep them around for her special guests.
“Put a condom on me. It’s the only way.”
She hopped off, rummaged through the nightstand drawer, pulled out a string of condoms and hastily slid it over my ramrod. The interval was a good distraction for me. When she was done, she resumed her position and began bouncing up and down, pulling her tits. The barrier between her dripping pussy and my hard, throbbing cock was just enough to keep me going without my going too far.
I reached up to her breasts. “Pull and twist,” she said. “Harder.” I was stretching out her nipples by about an inch and then turning them clockwise a full 180 degrees. She wanted more. I pulled further, twisted further. She was moaning and bouncing and dripping – I could feel it on my lap.
“When you cum, call his name,” I said. I wasn’t sure if she heard me. She was in a frenzy with her eyes closed tight, biting her lip, bouncing her tits up and down. “Call out Mark’s name when you cum.”
No sooner had I repeated the instruction than she started yelling, “Oh FUCK! Mark! Fuck! I fucking love your cock! Mark! Mark! Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark!” She was saying his name every time her hips descended down to bounce off of mine. She was riding fast, at a gallop until she stopped, frozen, held it, and gushed a waterfall downward. At that, I finally gave myself permission to cum and I did, filling the condom with all the pent-up desire that I had unspent over the past week. It was amazing.
When we were done, after catching our breath like runners at the end of a marathon, we lay looking at each other. “He really riles you up, doesn’t he?”
“Not like you, Daddio.”
“Lo, after all of that, don’t you think you can tell me the truth?”
“It’s true. You’re the one for me.”
“But he turns you on.”
“A lot of things turn me on. Does that make you jealous?”
“It would, except you’re right. A lot of things do turn you on and if you weren’t turned on by Mel Brooks, Abbi Jacobson, and certain specimens of other species I actually might be jealous. But due to your pansexual nature, I try to take it all in stride.”
“That’s why I love you, Daddo. You really get me.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you rile him up as well.”
“Really?! She said, her eyes lighting up, her body jumping to all fours like a puppy ready to play fetch.
“Yes. Stephanie told me as much last night.”
“What?! Tell me. Tell me.” Her imaginary tail was wagging with anticipation.
“When you were in the hot tub, playing footsie and showing off your tits. . .”
She interrupted with a long moan of pleasure at the memory.
“Stephanie and I were talking in the kitchen and she told me that she and Mark haven’t had sex since there second kid was born.”
“I knew that already.”
“And she went on to say that she thinks we’re a great couple and that Mark deserves to get his rocks off to the likes of you.”
“She said that?!”
“Well, not in so many words, but the message came through.”
Lola was running her tongue over her teeth in excitement now.
“Maybe you should clue him into the blog?”
I saw her wheels turning and the exciting prospect of having Mark getting to see Lola up close in all those sexy pics of her and hearing all about her nymphomaniacal exploits, jackin’ it to her every untoward adventure. But then she said, “No. Impossible. We can’t reveal our secret selves to anyone we know. It’s too incriminating! You didn’t tell Stephanie, did you?”
“Of course not, dear. That’s your story to tell.”
“Well, I did leave a calling card of sorts.”
“You left one of your Lola Down cards there?! But you just said. . .”
“No no no. I may have, accidentally, totally not on purpose left my panties at their house.”
“You what?!”
“I’m sorry, Daddy. It was an accident. I think they must have fell when I was picking up my clothes.”
“I’ve heard of Freudian slips before, but this takes the cake! How could you not know you didn’t have your panties on?!”
“I knew I didn’t have them, I just couldn’t find them. They must have fallen out somewhere when I bunched up my clothes after getting into the robe. I don’t know. Should I text Mark to look for them?”
“No! Of course not.”
She gave me a quizzical look.
“Oh no, Lo. Don’t tell me you already did.”
“I just didn’t want Stephanie to find them.”
“And what did he say?”
“He said he found them and could return them to me.”
“And what did you say?”
“I said, ‘That’s OK. You can throw them out. . .or do whatever with them.”
“Lola!” Now it was really Ricky and Lucy.