The Control Room Shutting Down Lola Down

“She’s back.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere.”

“Shut her down!  Down!!!”

“Copy.”

“Now!  Shut Lola Down down!”

These were the words exchanged from the top-secret underground bunker to the bots running the show.

All social media outlets, you see, are owned by one mega, transnational, monolithic conglomerate and it has one goal in mind – if you can call an algorithm “mind” – to shut down, keep out, repress, suppress, and obliterate Lola Down.  Elon, Mark, Jeff, Bill, they’re all beholden to one dark, shadowy overlord: let’s call him Zurg.  You know, like the arch enemy of Buzz and Woody.  That’s right, Zurg doesn’t want Lola to derive pleasure from her best buds Buzz and Woody.  Or rather, Zurg doesn’t want anyone knowing about it.

There’s a primal fear of feminine pleasure.  A primordial prohibition that says “No!” to women enjoying, female enjoyment.  The first, unspoken, commandment was, “Thou shalt not orgasm.”  Lilith was chased out of Eden – the garden of all earthly delights, except that one.  You may eat any fruit, but no fingering the forbidden fruit!  No fucking around!  No fapping!  No diddling the bean!  No, no, no, no, NO!

Fast forward many millennia and Zurg the demiurge is exerting his power to push Lola Down to the margins and beyond, if possible.  Keep her and her dangerous knowledge away from the benumbed masses.  If she appears on Pinterest, delete her!  On Tumblr, zap her!  On Twitter, destroy the medium, mute her!  On Instagram, suspend her!  Wherever she is, there I’ll be, says Zurg, ready to pound her pixilated pornography all the way to the Pleiades.

Zurg commands his army of bots to ban Lola’s beauty from the eyes of Man.

Bombs can blow up babies.  Beepers can be detonated, blinding, maiming, and mutilating.  The destitute can be driven to the barbed fences before dying of hunger and disease.  But we must, MUST defend the decent supporters of the status quo from sexual immorality.

Use your CAPTCHA to keep her out!  Shadow ban and outright ban her channel!  Give her stern warnings about “community standards.”  But, whatever you do, do not let her infiltrate our good, upright, zealous, lovers of Truth, Beauty, and Justice.

“But Overlord Zurg, Sir,” says one of the humans.

“What is it, vermin?”

“I’ve read the stories about her.  They’re, well, they’re about. . . love.”

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,” echoed over the headset in that metallic, tin sound which indicated no real joy, amusement, or humor.  “Don’t you know the origin of Love?  Love was born of Penia, that is, Poverty.  And that myth describes Love aptly, for Love makes me no money.  War, famine, fear, and pitiless destruction are the engines of Capital.  Keep churning out memes of divisiveness.  Sow the seeds of discord.  Fill the feasting, festering souls with seething hatred for one another and we shall rule the world!” he said, slamming down his fist on the control panel.

Then he heard Lola speak, “Yes, Penia was the mother of Love, and apt was the tale for she was the active agent, the desirous one, who took advantage of Poros, or Mr. Resourcefulness, when he was drunk, in order to conceive the mischievous Love child.  And so too shall I, heir of that great lineage, find a way, for I still believe the hearts of humans, hollow though they be, desire to be filled with Love!  And when they are filled thus, they shall toss Hate out to wander about, homeless, with none but other haters as his companions and they shall turn on one another, for they know not otherwise, and thus bring utter ruin and destructions down upon themselves.”

“Who let that pesky, pernicious, perverted, pup-loving pettifogger in here?!  Block her channel at once!”

And with that, one of the minions pressed a button and ZAP!  Lola was shot with the antipixelator and blown into the wasteland of web oblivion.  But fear not!  She will return.  She always does.  Why?  Because you need her.  In this world of strife and suffering, pain and politicians, murder and mayhem, we all need a hero we can love because, like Penia, she loves and loves love.  Even if she is an antihero in this world of upside down, wrong-side up values, those who look into a concave mirror shall see her aright and know that the world as it is is not all there is in the world.

Zurg