Danger Girl Dating App

In case you haven’t caught on by now, recreational drugs are not really part of Lo’s life.  She much prefers a French Martini, a Negroni, or a simple flute of Champagne to any drugs.  She claims that anything besides alcohol makes her anxious and feel “weird,” not in a good way.  So the amount of marijuana chocolate she ingested was far in excess of anything she ever had before.  Not to mention that Tara’s concoctions were highly concentrated and potent.

After Lo found out that she had inadvertently been drugged, she asked for a little time to herself.  As she tells it, Mr. Biggs and Tara both left her in Tara’s bedroom.  She took out her phone and called me, saying, “Daddy, I want more.”

I answered, “More what, Lo?”

She said that she wanted to go on a dating app and be in the dating scene again.

According to her, I said, “Lola, it’s a jungle out there.”  I warned her that people hooking up on the dating sites are animals.  But she was insistent.  She said she wanted to discover new things and she had found an app called “Danger Girl Dating.”  She downloaded it and created a profile, all while high as a kite.

Lo Left, Danger Girls center

Soon she was swiping left and swiping right, clicking ‘like’ and shooting heart emojis to men, women, and whomever.  But something stopped her in her tracks.

She suddenly found herself in the app.  I mean, in the app.

“Daddy,” she called to me, “I’ve been turned into a cartoon!”

Cartoon Lola

In the app, her cartoon avatar was named ‘Catnip.’

On her first ‘date’ she found herself dressed as a bride – I mean, if you call wearing a white veil, thigh-high white nylons, and long white gloves ‘dressed.’  She was leashed to a giant pig!  She quickly ascertained that she was betrothed to the pig and everyone she knew was attending the wedding!

Lola getting married

There was no escaping because the leash to which she was attached to the pig was fastened around her neck with a steel collar.

Apparently, I was the officiating heresiarch and after I pronounced them hog and wife, Lola was mounted by the pink, pot-bellied, cloven beast and fucked before the reception party! The pig got Lo on her back and went to town.  This pig was no Wilbur of Charlotte’s Web fame.  No, the hog Lo found in this interweb was far too heavy for her and she felt like she was going to die under the weight.

Talented pig

Suddenly, all the people at the reception also turned to pigs!  They were looking at Lola like they hadn’t mated in a year and she was, well, raw meat.  Each one wanted a go with her.  She was scared.  She could hardly handle her ‘husband’ pig.

Lola missionary style

Each boar had his way with her and Lo wished she had swiped right on a horse, dog, or goat instead of a pig.

Fresh Meat

At one point, Lo opened her eyes and saw that Mr. Bigg was sitting in a chair, pud in hand, Tara and a host of party guests were around the bed as naked Lo was holding her phone in one hand and diddling her bean with the other.

What could these pigs want?

Lo got up off the bed and crawled around on all fours like a pig or dog, her head waist high with the guests.  One of them called out, “What is that?” pointing at Lo’s bare bottom.

Tara approached Lo and said, “Um, looks like Mr. Biggs’ condom fell off inside you.”

Sure enough, there was a partially full condom dangling from Lo’s slit, hanging on like a hero of an action movie.  Lo reached back and found the condom.  She pulled it out of her twat and sniffed it.  Suddenly she was transported back to the sty with the pigs where she crawled naked through the mud and slop.

Marry in haste, repent at leisure.