In this brave new world of ours nothing is straight.  Time and space are curved, our DNA is a double helix, and people certainly are kinky!  We have friends who are a married couple: Gina and Cam (shortened from Cammie).  Gina is a lipstick lesbian, a femme.  Or is she?  I ask because Cam, who, when we met her identified as a woman, is now gender neutral and goes by “They, Them, Theirs.”  She cut her long hair and now sports a pixie haircut with a little cow-lick in the front.  She wears flannel often and does her best to flatten the curve of her breast.

To add to the gender complexity, in the past, Cam has revealed to Lo and me privately that Gina “hasn’t sworn off of dick and has left the door open to fucking guys in the future.”  Despite how sunny of a spin Cam put on this revelation, it was expressed with overtones of disappointment or hope that one day she – I mean they – could or would be able to be provide that dick for Gina.  But, like all else in this world, if that situation did come to pass, isn’t it inevitable that Gina would then express a yen for pussy?  None of us can be everything for our partners.

Yet one more twist: Recently Gina and Cam announced their intent to become pregnant.  In order to facilitate this occurrence, they informed us that they will use a “known donor” and that Cam will carry the baby.  How and why they arrived at this decision, we did not ask.  However, the other night they were over our house for dinner and, curious about all things related to sex and sexuality, Lo enthusiastically inquired about the schematics of this process.

“It’s not easy,” said Cam.  “It requires careful monitoring of my cycle, precise observation and recognition of when I’m ovulating.  Then I have to call up Ted, our donor, and see if he can clear his schedule.”

“Clear his schedule?” asked Lo.

“Yeah, for him to, uh, well, you know.”

“No, I don’t know.  Tell me.”

Even though Lo is fluent in all things sex, this process was not one she ever had reason to study.  She also is tenaciously curious.

“Ted has to, see, he’s the donor.  He has to come over, so to speak.  That is, he literally comes over our house to cum.”

“OH!” blurted out Lo, finally connecting the dots.

“Yeah, so, he needs to come over since there’s a small window of time.  He does what he needs to do into a receptacle.  While he’s busy bringing himself to a climax, Gina and I are in the bedroom.  She works at getting me to climax in order to increase our chances at conception.  It’s not scientifically proven that this actually aids in the process, but, what the hell, I enjoy it.  In order to get me cumming as quickly as possible, she usually goes down on me.  Then she sweeps in to collect the precious sample, places it in a fancy turkey baster, and bastes me from the inside.”

“But usually Ted takes more time to cum than Cam does,” added Gina.

I could see Lo’s machinations morphing in her imagination like quicksilver.

“Who is this Ted?”

“Oh, he’s a friend of ours from years back,” said Gina.

“How old is he?”

“About forty-five.”

“Forty-five?!  Really?”

“What’s wrong with forty-five?” I asked, feeling a bit defensive and surprised by Lo’s shock.

“Nothing, dear,” she said, conciliatory.  “I just mean, I thought they were going with someone their own age.”

“Why?” asked Cam.  “Sperm is good even through a man’s eighties.  He’s been tested and his sperm count is way high.”

“Oh, I know.  I just thought. . .”

She didn’t say what she just thought.

“He’s a great guy,” said Cam.  Gina smiled broadly in agreement.

“He’s actually the guy who introduced us.”

They went into a detailed backstory about how they met and the integral part Ted played in bringing them together.

“Is he gay or straight?” asked Lo, her gears turning.

Both of them giggled.

“What?” asked Lo defensively.

“Gender fluid,” said Gina.

Of course.  It was a foolish question for Lo, of all people, to ask.  So binary.  Lo, who identifies as “queer,” should have known better.

By the way they giggled, Lo became suspicious.  “Have either of you slept with him?”

More giggling.  Both of them admitted to sleeping with him together.

“Why not skip the middleman, ur, the middle jar, and just have him inseminate you directly?” asked Lo.

“We slept with him years ago, when we were first dating.  We’re married now,” said Cam, looking at Gina.

“And I think I’d get jealous if Cam conceived with him that way,” she admitted honestly.

“Also, he’s been dating a guy for like a year now and we don’t want to mess that up for him,” added Cam.

“Maybe I could help,” mused Lo, as if the idea just popped in her mind.

“How?” they both asked.

“Moral support,” said Lo.

“More like immoral support,” I muttered under my breath, knowing where Lo was going with this.  No one heard me.

“I imagine it’s a bit awkward and maybe even difficult for Ted to cum on command all alone, jerking off into a cup.”

Gina and Cam had inquisitive looks on their faces as Lo explained her idea.

“He could use some help,” was all Lo said.

“Like you’d help him cum?” Gina asked, looking at me for my reaction.

“Where does he do it?”

“There,” said Gina, pointing to their spare bedroom.

“And what’s he got in there to help him out?”

They both shrugged their shoulders.  “Maybe his phone?  We never asked.”

“Oh my God!” said Lo, feigning shock, “Even the sperm banks offer cheap magazines.”

“So what would you do?” asked Gina.

“I’d offer a helping hand,” replied Lo.

Gina and Cam both looked at me.  I shrugged my shoulders as if to say, “Whatever Lo wants, Lo gets.”

“I guess we could ask him,” said Cam.

“Yeah, ask him and see what he says.  Show him this photo of me.”

Lo texted them both one of her sexy images.  They looked at their phones.  It was clear both of them wanted Lo’s helping hands on them, but no one said anything.