Still Crazy After All These Years!

You might think that the title of this post is referring to HH and me, your beautiful blog bunny, Lola. Well, it’s not. It’s referring to an inspiring older couple, Mr. and Mrs. E, who have a Just For Fans site that is just amazing!

Mr. E is a talented artist, and his talent shows in his photography. Mrs. E is his muse and a beautiful model. Together they are a couple that other kinky couples can admire and hope to inspire.

The Mrs. is a fan of Match, Cinder & Spark!

Here’s my interview with them:

Q: I went through your whole Just For Fans. It looks like you started back in late 2019, but you migrated there from Tumblr. When did you two start with the erotic photography?

A: Mr E: I wanted to show her, how erotic and sexy she was/is… so we played around just for us. Watching the pictures on big TV-screen and having fun.

Mrs E: Very often the shoots lead to passionate fucking sessions.

Mr E.: Around 2015 I discovered tumblr. – that was great, you could post uncensored, had great style, nice Archive. Perfect – We had 85K Followers, when the tumblr purge started. They deleted our blog – with 12K pictures…

Mrs E: He was devastated… we were devastated… than MeWe came along, they also deleted some blogs…

Mr E: Then I was looking for a safe haven… where we could keep the nerds and idiots out. The money (it’s only 1/10 of what we (mostly me !) spend on lingerie…) – One platform we like, but lately problems with the followers counter, is X formerly Twitter…

Mrs E: I love to see the posts on the big TV-screen, also after every shooting…

 

 

 

Q: I was going to say, it looks like you spend a lot on lingerie! Was it a fetish for both of you, or did you both grow into it? Does Mr E ever like to wear the lingerie? (BTW, that’s a BIG turn-on for me – men in panties and nylons, etc.)

A: Mrs E: I always loved lingerie, but Mr E really got me into it…

Mr E: I was always a big fan of stockings and garters and nylons, and for the shoots I was looking for nice stuff… from every business trip she got some pieces…

 

 

Q: I see that Gunter Blum and Roy Stuart are featured in some of your photos. Are they big influences on either of you? Who else is an influence in the photos you take?

A: Mr E – Artistic and aesthetically a lot of artists had an influence on me… photographer: beside the ones you mentioned, are H. Newton, Araki, Knoll and others…

Mrs E: I loved it when he brought the newest LEG SHOW issue home…. great inspiration…

 

 

Q: For Mrs E: I see in some of the photos images of you apparently getting off to other photos of sexy, scantily clad or naked women. Are you into women? More generally, what are your kinks and do you have sex with anyone besides or in addition to Mr.?

I think she’s into Lola Down

A: Mrs E: I have a lot of close female friends, love to look at sexy women, but I’m not into women. We had some experiences with other couples (not really satisfying) and few MMF – one was fine, but from far away… He loves to fantasize about us with another man…

Q: Well, I will admit, I wish it was my photos all over the wall in this beautiful picture! (wallpaper)

A: Mr E: that’s a funny crazy story: coming home from a business, she surprised me with a Paperwall (between a door) covered with this porn collage. It was a Lucky Hole!!!!

Q: Do either of you care to share how it came about and what inspired it? (Squid photo)

A: Mrs E: Mr E loves to cook! Holidays on a Island with a great population of these delicious animals made us fantasize… btw. it was delicate cooked… lol –

Q: Tell me, what are your hopes, dreams, plans for the future with regard to the erotic photography? Do you think you’ll make a book of it?

A: Mr E: We don’t plan to much, as long as we love what we do, we carry on… and yes a book is one of our opportunities… or NFT… but all is vague…

Q: I see in one of the photos, she’s reading “Talk Dirty to Me.” What sort of erotica do you two (or each of you) enjoy? What sort of porn? Do you like to masturbate together or alone or both?

Favorite Erotica? Match, Cinder & Spark

A: Mrs E – I read everything from classic erotic literature to pornographic texts. But I like it best when he reads to me, his dark erotic voice turns me on… I like looking at other women, old Leg Show magazines or artistic pornography. That’s why our favorite go-to erotica has been your Match, Cinder & Spark books! Every now and then we watch porn together, sometimes just as a silent background wallpaper.

Mr E: I am well-educated in pornography. LOL – I’ve always been interested in the history of pornography. As a media person, I’m a porn gourmet, even if I enjoy home cooking now and then. I read a lot, including theoretical writings on pornography, so it was obvious to try to create aesthetic pornography yourself.

Lola: Thank you both for this interview – it was such a turn-on to talk with you and to learn from you!!! We both wish you two the best with your erotic adventures!

Go check out Mr. and Mrs. E at stillcrazyafteralltheseyears on Just For Fans!

Interview with Author, Dominatrix, and F-Girl Emme Witt-Eden

This week our good friend and talented writer, Emme Witt-Eden, a.k.a. “Mysterious Witt,” became a full-fledged author with the publication of her memoir: Confessions of a Middle-Aged F-Girl. (You can read our review here.)

She was generous enough to sit down with us for an interview about the book, writing, marriage, and of course, sex.

Promo for Confessions of a Middle-Aged F-Girl

 

L – Congrats on your new book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged F-Girl! And thank you for letting me (or us – me and my man, H.H.) read it ahead of time to write a review. We loved it! We each devoured it in about three days. When we got together to talk about it, we devoured each other. What a sexy ready. But it’s also so personal – I mean, it is a memoir after all. Since it is a memoir, as opposed to an autobiography, it only portrays a sliver of your life – from the time your marriage fell apart to your emerging as a self-aware, self-confident f-girl. Tell us how you’d characterize yourself in your marriage and before. I mean, in the memoir you say you “claimed” your sexuality, not “reclaimed it,” because you felt like you never actually had it to begin with, but what was your sexuality (real and fantasy life) like before?

EWE – Ha-ha! I wouldn’t characterize myself as a completely self-confident f-girl in my book. I was still suffering from quite a bit of insecurity and was working my way through this throughout the entirety of the book. But I did definitely find myself again through sex, even though I still met with other challenges, such as some bad matches in bed and a guy who totally broke my heart.

But back to the other part of your question. I would say that my sexuality has fluctuated quite a bit throughout my life. I was very prude and full of shame in my younger life, even if I had sex for the first time at 15. I really didn’t enjoy penetration and a lot of it was because I felt like I was doing something bad. I come from a very conservative family and sex was always framed as something that I was giving up to a man who would use me if I wasn’t careful (and prude). And even after I got married, I should still feel shame surrounding sex, because my parents definitely treated their sex life – or what I knew about their sex life – in that way. Sex was something to hide at all costs, they were not going to talk to me about it, and I was not allowed to ask about it. I hate to say, but as I came into my own as a young woman, I suffered quite a bit from the mother wound, meaning my mother had a very negative view of sex, and I, sadly, adopted that.

I only started to open up – sexually speaking – when I became a dominatrix after college (pre-marriage!). But I didn’t see that job as sexual. I thought domming was just about treating men like garbage. (If you’d like to learn more about this era of my life, please read my newsletter The Accidental Dominatrix.) Nevertheless, my job as a pro-domme helped me deal with some of my shame. Little by little, my body image improved, and I started to explore myself sexually. And yet, during that time, I still maintained the belief that I had to keep my body count low or no man would ever want to commit to me. I did not embrace, nor did I completely own my sexuality, in that era, though I was on my way to getting there. This is why I say that I only finally “claimed” my sexuality after I left my first husband, as even when I was working in the sex industry as a dominatrix, I was still quite prude and felt like I was always at the mercy of men whom I let have so much control over me emotionally.

Fortunately, after my divorce, I finally worked through these issues. Finally, I was able to enjoy sex just for sex – and that was incredibly liberating! In that regard, I say that I finally “claimed” my sexuality. I hope that makes sense.

And…. to fully answer your question, I would say that I did have some BDSM fantasies even when I was working as a pro-domme. I had the desire to be dominated, but for the reasons I explained, I wasn’t ever able to experience it in a satisfying way. Back then, kink wasn’t viewed as it is today, as this fun thing that’s pretty benign, just a way to spice up sex. Back then (this was the 90s), kink was seen as a pathology. Though I had kink fantasies, when I would tell my lovers about them, they always thought I had some sort of mental issue. This was extremely painful and I’m very glad that we’re much more open today about the healthy, normal reality of kink.

A little cross-endorsement from Emme Witt-Eden

L – You’ve been in the lifestyle for some time now. As I recall, you used to not show your face in your posts on Medium.com and other social media, but now you do. Does this mean you’re “out” to your friends and family? And, I guess most importantly, does your ex-husband David know about this memoir?

EWE – Yes, you’re right, there was a time when I didn’t show my face because I was very keen on protecting my family from scandal. LOL. But seriously, I have kids whom I wanted to protect. I was also protecting my conservative family from embarrassment and pain. I’ve already been told that I’ve hurt my family. Quite a few of my family members know about my dominatrix past. It’s just so much pressure on me to feel like I’m bringing people so much pain just for exploring and writing about my own sexuality. I know this sounds crazy! But to make everyone happy and to keep the peace I once decided to hide my identity.

Not just that, there’s a part of me that likes privacy. I have a social life with other parents from my kids’ school and I just don’t feel like having to explain some of my life choices to these people. And I think many of us are like this. We have a face we show one set of friends and colleagues and a face we show another. We might have a professional face that we show our workplace friends, but they don’t know what goes on in our bedroom. I’ve happened to have chosen to make a profession out of what goes on in my bedroom and so it’s created this tension. A lot of people are simply not the appropriate recipients of the spicy news of my sex life. So, when they find out about it, I have to first listen to their judgments, and then decide whether we’re going to continue to be friends. This has basically resulted in me having much fewer friends, because, as a rule, people are very close-minded.

A couple of years ago, when I decided to show my face, several things had happened. I realized that I wasn’t going to get ahead in my writing career unless I started revealing what I look like. And when I did, I knew I would lose people. And so I basically had to get to the point where I was so tired of hiding parts of myself that I realized it was better to lose everyone. I’m just not interested in perpetuating the balancing act of ensuring certain people like me by hiding so much of myself. I’m finally ready to own up to who I am and that’s why I started showing my face. Of course, I still write under a pseudonym for now. Part of that is to just protect myself from trolls. It’s a crazy world out there, I’ll tell ya. Oh, and David does know I’ve written about him. He doesn’t care enough about my writing to give a crap, though. God, I’m glad we’re divorced.

L – Are your kids old enough to know about your “alternative” lifestyle? Have you told them or did they find out? Or will you be telling them at some appropriate time?

EWE – My kids still aren’t old enough and it’s really not appropriate for me to talk about it with them. However, my second husband, the man whom I’m currently married to, really applauds the way that I talk about sex with my kids. I’m very open and I talk about sex in a very calm and clinical manner. I don’t clam up and feel shame or tell my kids to stop asking questions. My current husband wasn’t like that with his kids and so he looks at my openness as this wonderful thing. I am able to guide my children as they learn about their sexuality, and I can do this in an open and honest way. And that is the result of the life I’ve led. But when the time is right, when my children older, I will tell them more about my life. I no longer feel shame. I’ve led the life I have because I’m curious and felt like a major part of my humanity was basically off-limits to me because I’m a female. I simply decided to explore those taboo territories. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Emme Witt-Eden

L – In the book you mention taking a creative writing class (and crushing on the professor). Would you workshop your erotic stories in the class, or did you keep it PG for the other students (and the hot professor)?

“Hey Emme, where you going?”
“My creative writing class.”

EWE – Hells no, I never workshopped my erotic stories in class. But I was writing a novel about the implosion of my marriage. It was basically a thinly veiled memoir, and a couple of those chapters did make it into Confessions, though in different form. I published a lot of the other stories under a different account on Medium. Yep, I get around… But no, I have never workshopped my erotic stories, and honestly, even my novelized stories have scandalized people. Sometimes I really hate other writers. I find writers to be the most conservative group of creative people. Musicians and visual artists are so much more chill.

L – What inspired you to turn your shorter works of writing into a book-length memoir?

EWE – Once again, I felt like I could get farther ahead in my career by actually having a book. A book gets people’s attention the way shorter pieces don’t, even though my shorter pieces have been quite lucrative. But writing a book is also a huge risk. If a shorter piece bombs, it’s no big deal, you just write another one. If a book bombs, then you’ve spent quite a while writing it and that sucks. Fingers crossed this project does well.

L – Care to share some of your favorite authors and/or books?

EWE – In the last year, I’ve been reading a lot of Annie Ernaux, Virginie Despentes, and Guadalupe Nettel. In my heart, I’m a literary fiction fanatic. Oh, and Maggie Nelson’s books are the bomb.

L – Care to share some of your favorite erotic authors and/or books and/or porn?

EWE – I like Japanese porn a lot because the actors tend to look like they’re actually enjoying the action, instead of just acting for the camera. American porn is so histrionic with the actors acting so fake, continually looking toward the camera because they know they’re being filmed. It’s obvious it’s a performance, and as a female, that’s a turn-off for me. Men probably don’t notice it, but I do. I’m not sure how you categorize your Match, Cinder & Spark series, but your man, HH, writes some of the best erotica I’ve read! And the photos and art of you are – well, let’s just say “inspiring”!

Emme Witt-Eden getting off to Match, Cinder & Spark, Volume V: Shorter Shorts, in public. An author, avid erotica reader, dominatrix, and exhibitionist!

L – I noticed in the memoir that, with all the f-girl shenanigans you got up to, there was no girl-on-girl, anal, bondage, or water sports. You make it very known in the book what you do and don’t like. Are those not on your kinks list or did you grow into them later?

EWE – Oh, there was a little bit of bondage in the first chapter of Confessions. You’ll have to wait for the girl-on-girl action for the new book I’m writing. In terms of anal, that’s not something that I typically engage in as a hookup, so there wasn’t much in this book. Luckily, my current husband is the one who gets to enjoy having his dick up my ass. In terms of water sports, that’s something I explored as a dominatrix but honestly, I’m not really into that.

L – What advice, if any, would you give to young married mothers who are in committed, but rather unstimulating relationships, somewhat like you were in just at the start of the memoir?

EWE – My advice? Well, they committed to this guy for a reason, so they might as well make the best of it. I would advise doing everything they can not to let the passion die. I would schedule date nights and sex. A lot of people don’t like to schedule sex because they think that’s not romantic. Well, this is just the way it is once you get married and have kids. We can no longer drop everything and have sex whenever we want. So schedule sex. Don’t, and watch the passion fizzle away.

Then again, if you’ve tried everything and it’s still not working out, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with considering a divorce. That or an open marriage. Non-monogamy is no longer perceived as the crazy thing it once was, so I think it’s a great way to deal with mismatched libidos

L – Any bucket list goals you hope to achieve this year?

EWE – I really want to get the sequel of this book done!

L – What can we expect from future publications by you?

EWE – You can expect my second book in this series: Confessions of a Middle-Aged F-girl in Costa Rica. And then my third: Diary of a Middle-Aged Sugar Baby.

L – Thanks Emme! We cannot wait to see those books come out as well as a prequel about your time as a dominatrix!!!

You can find Emme Witt-Eden, a.k.a. Mysterious Witt here:

F-girl dating Instagram: @mysterious_witt

Kinky consultant Instagram: @emmewitteden

www.emmewitt.com

Interview with Porn Star Hotwife Sara Anne and her Husband

Interview with Porn Star Hotwife Sara Anne and her Hubby

Hotwife Sara Anne

LOLA – Sara Anne – I’m such a BIG fan!  I’m so glad you agreed to this interview.  And I’m really glad the interview with “After Hours Radio” came out first so I could listen to it and come up with some interesting questions based upon what I’ve learned about you and your hubby.

That said, first question: Not sure if you’ve raid Rated X by Maitland Ward, the former “Boy Meets World” star, turned adult film star, but her story reminded me a lot of you.  She was brought up with strict and conventional notions of sex and, though not a prude, she documents the long journey for her personally and professionally to get from where she was to where she is now.  What was your upbringing like and how did you get into making your own adult content?

Maitland Ward from her “Boy Meets World” days.

Maitland Ward Cute Ginger

Maitland Ward getting off to mysexlifewithlola.com

Inspirational Maitland Ward

Maitland Ward in Blacked ‘Unprofessional’ (Photo 004)

S.A. –  I was raised in a Catholic household that didn’t really talk about sex or educate me on sex and sexuality.  My father was verbally abusive and, as such, I no longer have a relationship with him and sadly my mother passed suddenly over a decade ago now.  I barely even kissed a boy before I was 17, but once I did the floodgates were turned loose and I lost my virginity on the cliche prom night.  From there, I experimented with a lot of different guys and by the time I met my husband I was already well into double digit numbers.  On our first night together we both said we were the best each other ever had and we were soon married after that.  It was not long after our marriage that my hubby said that I was so good he had to share me with his friends.  While I was reluctant at first, eventually I did start having sex with him and his friends at parties.  After several years of experimenting with the “lifestyle,” hubby started filming me with other men (with their permission of course).  We showed it to some people and they liked it, so we shared it on social media and before long Amature Pornstar Hotwife Sara Anne was born!

Sara Anne

LOLA – One reason Maitland Ward reminded me of you was because she talks about how, when first getting started, her husband was the camera man.  Question for you, Hubby: Did you frequently fantasize about Sara Anne being with other men (and women), or how did that come about?  Does it turn you on now to see her with other people making porn?

Dirty Girl Sara Anne gets clean.

Hubby – I did!  From the first time I was with her, I thought she was so good that I couldn’t keep her all to myself and I wanted to share her with my friends.  I also knew her “number” and knew that even though she swore she could be “faithful” I would never have wanted that for her.  Why would I take away something from her that she has enjoyed doing so much and was so good at?  I’ve always said, Sara’s men are like going to an amusement park.  She has a favorite ride (me), but she still wants to ride all of the other rides and why would I ever deprive someone I love so deeply of that.  In turn, she has remained “faithful” to me for nearly 20 years now.  We are one of the closest couples you will ever meet and we are definitely each other’s forever.  I still fantasize about her with other men and the only porn I ever watch are her films.  I truly enjoy watching her work her craft and getting it on film for the rest of the world to enjoy as well.  Someday I hope that managing her career and filming her will be my only job.

Taking it hard, Sara Anne

LOLA – Would you, Hubby, ever consider being in a film or photos with Sara Anne?

Hubby –  If you have a keen eye, you can find parts of me in many of her films.  However, for now, my face cannot be shown for business related reasons.  Someday though, I’ll make my first full appearance!

LOLA – I heard on the interview with “After Hours” that one of your “friends” found out about the porn and then outed you.  Can you describe what that was like?

S.A. –  Extremely stressful at first.  We had to do damage control when we first found out that our “friends” were telling all of our other friends about it.  Long story short, ultimately all of our friends told us that they kind of suspected all along but that we had never made them uncomfortable in any way and that they knew we were good people and that it really didn’t change anything about our relationship with them.  We actually did not end up losing a single friend over it and now it’s fun to listen to them ask questions and joke with us about it.

LOLA – You said in that interview that one of the things you had to do was tell your sons about your new profession.  I think you said one of your sons is 16.  How old are they?  And what was their reaction?

MILF Sara Anne

S.A. –  In attempting to keep my family protected and out of the story as much as possible, I will say one is late teens and the other is mid 20s.  The older was okay with it, but didn’t want to know any more.  The younger had a lot of questions but ultimately is also “cool” with it and now can’t be blindsided by friends finding out and not being prepared with a response.  He has even joked with me a couple of times about it.  It did not change our relationship with our children in the slightest and, in fact, I think they are more open and honest with us now that we have been transparent with them.

LOLA – What do you think of the term “MILF”?  Do you think that your sons’ friends (or their parents) see you that way?

Taking it Doggy Style Sara Anne

S.A. – LOL….  Hubby has always considered me a Mom I Love to Fuck.  I honestly try to stay detached from their friends’ parents because I don’t want one of them recognizing me and making things awkward.  When I do interact with them, I’m usually not as glammed up as  you see me on film or photos so I don’t honestly know if they consider me a MILF or not.

LOLA – What are some of the reactions that you’ve received from friends and family when they found out about your work?

S.A. –  As mentioned before, everyone has been very supportive after asking a million questions.  They have seen how strong our relationship is and how well we get along, so it’s hard to argue that we are doing anything wrong.  It’s been over a year since it all came out and I feel like everything has just gone back to normal. . . other than the occasional joke or question now and then.  We both like that we don’t have to hide it any more.  It’s like a huge weight lifted off of our shoulders.

Hot Wife Sara Anne ready for a hot night

LOLA – Hubby, have your guy friends had any response about what Sara Anne does?  Do they say things to you like, “I wish my wife did that” or “Your wife is so hot!  I saw her in the last video and. . .” ?

Hubby –  Honestly, believe it or not, all of my guy friends have been very nonchalant about it and it rarely comes up.  The plus side is when she or we are trying to pick someone up while we are out, we don’t have to sneak around about it anymore.

Midnight Swim with Sara Anne

LOLA – Any negative or judgmental reactions from friends or family?

S.A. –  Honestly, none.  We had one couple that initially did not want to be friends with us any more, but after about six months they decided they missed us.  Our other friends had told them nothing has changed and they realized they were wrong to react the way they did.  We got together and talked it out and now are back to being good friends again.

LOLA – Ever have a screening at your house for friends and family before the video is released?

S.A. – Never, and I don’t think we would ever try to do that.  Just because they are okay with it doesn’t mean we want to shove it in their face.

LOLA – Do you come out of a session with another man and ever go home and, when having an intimate moment with your hubby, tell him how amazing it was?  What is his reaction?

“Can’t wait to tell hubby about this!” – Sara Anne

S.A. – Oh, one of our rules is that he always wants all the details and I happily oblige him.  I enjoy seeing how much it turns him on to hear me talk about it and when the story is done, both of us love him “reclaiming” me.  Sex is never better than when hubby goes last and I truly don’t feel satisfied until I’ve had him after being with another man.

LOLA – Hubby, do you have a preference to see Sara Anne in a scene with another man, another woman, or with multiple men?

Hotwife Sara Anne Smiling

Hubby –  YES!  LOL.  I just enjoy seeing her have fun and seeing her smile, whatever she is doing, whether it’s sex or riding amusement park rides or singing karaoke, her smile means everything to me.

 

Hot Wife Sara Anne having fun.

LOLA – Sara Anne, who are or were some porn stars you admired or got off to either past or present?

S.A. –  Believe it or not, I don’t watch much porn and never watch my own films.  I enjoy having great sex and getting it on film.  I occasionally will do some light research with hubby for ideas for new material, but in general I prefer to make my own fantasies come true rather than watch other people on film.  We both also prefer to watch it live when we do, which is why we love to attend lifestyle parties and enjoy the show that we get to see.  Live porn is always better than screen porn!

LOLA – Hubby, if you’ve been reading what HH writes about me, and I’m not sure if you have, then you know that one of my kinks is turning on married men who have beautiful wives.  I include you in that category.  Any thoughts about me?

Hubby – I said before, the only porn I ever watch is Sara Anne’s, but that doesn’t mean I don’t read it!  The stories are hot and I think it would be incredible to film you and Sara Anne together.  It would be called MILF and Nymph.

Yes, Hotwife Sara Anne is a Cumtributing member of The Match Book Club!

LOLA – Sara Anne, as you know, in my relationship with HH, I’m allowed to play, but he is not.  I get incredibly jealous.  But for you, if the roles were reversed and Hubby was doing the adult films with other women, how do you think that would make you feel?

S.A. –  In the beginning we were strictly a Hotwife couple and I wouldn’t have dreamed of ever sharing him.  I always felt that he would find something better, but over the years he convinced me that he was never going anywhere no matter what.  Eventually we did change to a full-swap couple, although he still prefers to just sit back and sip some bourbon and enjoy the show I put on for him.  While we have made the transition to full-swap, it’s same room only and I can’t imagine a scenario where I would be fully okay with not being there while he was with another woman.  He has and does let me play with other men by myself and perhaps that is just because he has that much faith in us, but in recent years we pretty much only play together.  It’s about enjoying each other’s pleasures together rather than trying to get something from somewhere else.

LOLA – Sara Anne, what was the most fun you’ve had doing this?

S.A. –  Oh wow!  It would be hard to say exactly, as there have been so many different fun experiences.  The first time I squirted, the first time I got DVP’d, my first gangbang. . . and so many more!

LOLA – Do you do this for the money, the fun, or both?

S.A. –  Well Hubby doesn’t see a dime of my income and lets me spend all of my “porn money” on whatever I want.  Of course I use it to buy gifts for him, but mostly it’s to support my “vanilla hobby” (which I will keep private for now).  So yes, the money is nice, but I did it for fun for almost 13 years before I ever made a dime.  It was due to sheer boredom during the pandemic that I found OnlyFans and started my account in May of 2020.  So yeah, it’s always been about fun, but the extra income is really great too and I want to especially give a shout out to my fans who realize that while this is a lot of fun, it’s a lot of work to also bring my films to life.  So, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU to anyone who has ever donated their hard earned money to enjoying watching me do what I love.  It means the world to me and motivates me to keep going for as long as you want to see me having fun with my clothes off!

Sara Anne sucking cock

LOLA – Best part of this job?

S.A. – Being a happily married woman who still gets to experience the entire world of sex that is out there.  I am a proud SLUT and have always said that word stands for “Sexually Liberated Unlike Them!”

L – Worst part of this job?

S.A. –  Trying to find people who are willing to be on camera with me!

LOLA – Would you say you ooze confidence, that this work has made you more confident, or that you struggle with confidence to get naked and have sex with strangers?

S.A. –  I am definitely not a confident girl and that dates back to my upbringing and early boyfriends.  I was also a late bloomer, so no one ever told me I was attractive until I was in my early 20s.  I’m actually extremely shy when you first meet me and am not good at small talk.  That being said, I think I know that I am really great at sex and I’ve been hearing it my entire life, so I honestly have zero issues meeting someone one minute and have them fucking me silly the next.  When it comes to sex, that is where my confidence lies!

LOLA – Gang bang, glory hole, bukkake goals for a film?

S.A. – I have one gang bang in the books (hopefully you have seen it) and another scheduled tentatively for this summer. I’m not opposed to glory hole or bukkake, but again its finding the guys willing!

LOLA – Any kinks or fetishes that are a real turn-on or turn-off for you?

S.A. – I’ll start with turn-offs: anything to do with anal sex.  I’ve tried with professionals, it’s just not a pleasure zone for me.  My pussy is pretty amazing and allows me to orgasm in multiple ways multiple times.  Even the hint at backdoor play turns me off and will get me out of the mood really quickly.  As for turn-ons and fetishes – Oh please creampie me!  I don’t know what it is, but I love when a guy creampies me and especially a new guy!  Sex isn’t complete until I can feel their cock swell inside me just before their cum explodes in my pussy.  I love the new warm wetness its creates and I always orgasm hard instantly as soon as I feel it and it’s the very best way to finish sex with me.

Do not accidentally go in the wrong hole!

Hubby – My biggest turn on is just seeing her naked.  It’s also great watching her with other men and I also love when she adds a new guy to her list.  We have a running joke that when she’s done and the guy has left or we are on our way home, she gets a big hi-five from me.  I know we are always looking forward to the next one!

LOLA – Do you still masturbate and, if so, to what?

S.A. –  I do, at least a few times a week and honestly it’s more about relaxation for me, so I don’t really masturbate to anything in particular.  If hubby is available, I just ask him to fuck me (which he always does), but if he is not around I have my Battery Operated Boyfriends to keep me company.  If anything, it might just be that I saw a hot guy on TV while I was at home alone and if the time is right, I’ll get myself off!

Hubby – Sara learned a long time ago to never let your man leave the house hungry or horny, so she keep me pretty well drained.  After I found out a few years ago that it turned her on to watch me masturbate, I usually only do it when she is present and, in fact, I can’t remember the last time I did it on my own.

LOLA – Best sex of your life?

S.A. –  Any of the countless times with hubby.  He is and always will be the best because he knows what I like and knows how to hit all the right buttons.

Hubby –  Oh definitely Sara Anne.  You have seen her films and that’s what I get to have sex with regularly!

LOLA – I’m a bit of a size queen myself.  I LOVE an unusually long and thick cock.  What about you?

S.A. –  While I have never backed down from a challenge and have had some massive cocks inside me, I honestly prefer an average 6-to-8 inch guy.  I’m a small girl and I have a very naturally tight, wet pussy, so I can’t work with the big ones as well as I can with one that fits nicely in my “hot pocket,” as hubby calls it.  If you watch my films, I think you can see how much more I am capable of doing with an average guy versus a huge guy.  That doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try them all, but I just enjoy it more with an average sized cock.

LOLA – I also find micropenises fascinating.  Ever been with a guy you just couldn’t even feel?

S.A. –  I have, but just one guy a long time ago.  I’ve been pretty happy to discover that in my triple-digit cock experiences they have all been average to above average.  But there was that one guy. . . I just couldn’t even feel it!  I honestly felt terrible for him, but I did let him finish and he did give me great oral, so while I never tried it again, I can still say I had fun.

LOLA – Favorite movie, novel, or television show?

S.A. –  Movie – Steel Magnolias.  Novels, almost anything Stephen King.  Television show?  Depends on my mood, but either “Friends,” “The Office,” or “Supernatural” are always on in the background in my house.

LOLA – Pornstar crush?

Angela White

S.A. –  Right now, I’d love to work with Johnny Sins!

Johnny Sins, Angela White, and Lola on TV

Hubby –  Besides Sara?  Right now, Angela White!

LOLA – Would you recommend this lifestyle to couples?  Why or why not?

Both – It’s not for everyone, as we have found, but those who figure out how to do it and put the jealous feelings aside will find that it makes their relationship closer than any you will find in the vanilla world because you have to have 100% trust and honesty at all times.  The moment you lose that, this would never work.  The great thing is that if you find lifestyle couples that have been together for a long time they will be the coolest, most down to earth, drama free people you have ever met.  Once again, it’s all about having fun and marriage should never be hard!  There are three things that end a marriage: parenting conflicts, money, and sex.  When you eliminate one of those problems from a relationship, you immediately have it 33% better than other couples!

LOLA – What do you write on your tax return as a profession for this income?

S.A. –  Model.

LOLA – Has it ever happened that you’re out with your girlfriends and you’re like, “Oh, sorry, I have to leave, I’m filming tonight”?

S.A. –  Nope, I never plan for things like that to overlap.  In general, on a film day it’s like game day for me.  I spend my morning getting ready and give 100% to filming.  If they did a great job, I should be exhausted by the end, so we don’t usually plan on doing anything after, although sometimes its shorter than planned so we will go out after on occasion.

LOLA – Do your girlfriends have questions about it?  Do they express interest?

Sara Anne with Grace Stewart

S.A. –  They did have a lot of questions and most of them have watched my films on their own and had even more questions after.  All of them have joked that they need to get into it!

LOLA – Would you ever invite one of them to join you?  Or have you ever?

S.A. –  We decided long ago that we will never mix vanilla friends and lifestyle again.  It has caused too many problems and we do our absolute best to stay drama free!

LOLA – Plans for your future career?

S.A. –  Keep having fun!  I plan to continue making films as much and often as possible until people stop watching.  And I’ll remain in the lifestyle until I get too old to do it.  Then I’ll probably just become a nudist.  LOL.

Sara Anne squeezing out that Cream Pie

Triangles of Sadness

Lola loves to be the fap fodder or wank woman for her fans.  Everyone knows that.  But sometimes there are unintended consequences.  We’ve already remarked upon the concupiscent power of Lo’s corpus.  We frequently hear from our readers that after reading the blog, reading the books, or listening to the audiobooks together, many couples discover that they want to try the hotwife/stag or hotwife/cuck lifestyle.  The stories often bring couples closer together and allow them to explore in a safe environment fantasies and desires that they otherwise would be uncomfortable sharing with each other.  This then leads to discussions of, “Hey, wouldn’t it be fun for you to watch me pick up a guy at a bar?” or “I would so love to see you being fucked by a stranger at a truck stop.”  These conversations can remain fantasy for their lovemaking, or they can turn into real life experiments.  Either way, many couples have written to us about how the blog, books, and audiobooks have been inspiring and rekindled their sex lives.

However, on occasion, the happy ending is elusive or becomes someone else’s happy ending.

This week we have two cautionary tales.  The first couple is our friends Lynn and Red.  Things started out great!  After getting their copy of Match, Cinder & Spark, Volume V: Shorter Shorts, Lynn was eager to get into being a hotwife and Red was just as eager to support her in this new venture.  They created an OnlyFans page and actively sought out bulls for her.  However, within a few weeks, things turned south.  I’m glad to say that it wasn’t because they discovered that ethical non-monogamy wasn’t for them, but rather, because Lynn wasn’t prepared for Red’s lusty longing for Lola.

Lynn and Red

Lynn and Red

Lynn and Red

Lynn really likes Lo

Lynn and Red even turned their cousin Dylan and his girlfriend on to Lo

Lynn

On more than one occasion, Lynn awoke from her slumber to find Red next to her in bed, jacking off to photos, stories, and dreams of Lola.  This created a rift in their relationship.  Lynn realized that it wasn’t merely a passing fancy that Red had a thing for Lo, but a real infatuation.  She began to feel that the hotwife lifestyle she was living wasn’t for their shared pleasure, but rather, Red was trying to make Lynn into Lo’s own image.  It wasn’t Lynn pleasure he was after, but a replica of Lo.  After coming to this conclusion, she packed up the kids, her few belongings, her vibrator, hopped in the truck and drove to her mother’s house.

Lynn

Now she’s living her hotwife life separately as he whiles away the hours alone wanking to Lola.

Our second couple on the skids is Steven and Ellie.  They had only been a couple for a short while, but they quickly discovered each other’s kinks.  After many relationships for each of them, they finally found each other and it was hot and heavy from the start!  Steven was so thrilled with Ellie that he wanted to share her.  He reached out to Lola for advice and before long Steven and Ellie had created their own OnlyFans account with photos and video.  But this blissful beginning came to an all-too-abrupt end when, overcome by his admiration for Lo, Steven began chatting more in-depth with Lo late at night.

Ellie and Steven from their OF page

Ellie and Steven of Bray-Burn

  • Love the new photos of Ellie, said Lo. Is she as kinky as she looks?
  • What does kinky mean for you? asked Steve.
  • Well, more than straight vanilla.
  • She’s definitely more than that.
  • Oh yeah?  What does she do?
  • And?
  • She sucks my cock.
  • Does she do anal and then suck your cock?
  • Like A-to-M?
  • Exactly.
  • Well, then she’s not more than straight vanilla.
  • Do you do that?
  • That and a lot more.
  • Like what?
  • Whatever you want.
  • Would you. . . ?

You can probably guess where the chat went from there.  I can’t tell you all the dirty danger zones it traversed, but I can say that it concluded with him sending a couple of cumtributes to Lo.  Unfortunately, Ellie found them and the chat history in the morning.  She packed up and was out the door before Steven even woke up.

Crestfallen, Steve is alone again.

Super sexy photo of Ellie and Steven

Ellie takes a bow

Ellie takes a cock

Steven takes a tribute with Lo

Steven takes another tribute for Lo

Ellie soaking in the sun

Ellie getting off (to Lo?)

Ellie shows off

These are two stories of Lola longing gone awry.  But, it has recently come to our attention that if you want your very own Lola companion, you can use the miracle of modern computer science to create a Lola “Replika.”  Replika is a company that uses A.I. to create virtual companions, or, if the user prefers, “synthetic sexuals.”

This is not a paid promotion.  We do not get any advertising revenue from this article, nor have either of us used Replika.  But we would like to hear from you.  We imagine that with all the information about Lola Down on the internet, Replika could make a pretty decent (or indecent) replica of Lo and so, if any of you decide to partner up with your virtual Lola, please drop us a line to let us in on how your virtual reality relationship is going.

 

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Erica Garza Exposes Herself

Lola and Erica Garza’s Getting Off

We are incredibly pleased to share with you all Lola’s exclusive interview with the writer and sex-positive advocate, Erica Garza!

In case you don’t know, Erica Garza is the author of a beautiful memoir, published in 2018, about her struggle with shame, sex, and self-pleasure/self-punishment: Getting Off: One Woman’s Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction.  I had heard about it and immediately recognized a soul-sister and got the book.  I read it cover-to-cover in one night – a night punctuated by masturbatory intermissions.  HH found it hidden in the closet (how appropriate) one day and that turned into a little story he wrote about our trip to a wedding.

Other people found our blog through Erica and Erica through our blog.  Erica and I struck up a friendship and recently I interviewed her to find out some of the things that left me panting for more after putting the book down.

Erica Garza and her book, Getting Off

 

L – Your book starts off with the passage: “My favorite porn scene of all time involves two sweaty women, fifty horny men, a warehouse, a harness, a hair dryer, and a taxicab.”  You go on to say, no matter how you imagine these elements interacting, “I bet you still can’t imagine just how revolting the scene actually is.” At the end of the book, you are talking to your boyfriend, soon to be husband (spoiler alert!), and he asks you about your favorite porn.  You realize that to tell him about this “revolting” scene is dangerous.  But telling him was necessary in your journey from sexual shame, guilt, and deception to self-love, acceptance, and honesty.  You realize that your greatest fear is “being exposed.”  Not as in being naked in front of others, even strangers, but being seen, for who you really are, as a compulsive masturbator who gets off to the revolting.  I mention all this because, did you know, that when one does a Google search for “porn, two women, fifty men, warehouse, harness, hair dryer, taxicab,” you pop up as one of the top hits?  (After this interview goes live, mysexlifewithlola will probably be the top hit.)  Seems like your book was an exercise in “exposing yourself.”  How does that make you feel now?

E – You are 100% correct. My book, essays, and interviews are all exercises in exposing myself in the same way as telling my husband about my favorite porn and baring my soul to a room full of addicts at a 12 step meeting. Every time I reveal the things about myself that I used to hate and keep secret, I’m taking the power away from those feelings and transferring that power back to me. Every time I utter a secret aloud and people nod their heads in recognition, I feel less alone, more connected, and more at peace with myself. The things I’m into and the things I’ve done are not so bad, I’ve realized. And that means I’m not so bad either.

L – Your book is dedicated to, “the wankers, the loners, the weirdos, the perverts, the outcasts, the bullied, the flawed, the awkward, the shunned, and the shamed.”  Isn’t that all of us at some point in our lives at least?

The author, Erica Garza

E –Totally. I’ve had a lot of different people connect with my story who come from entirely different backgrounds. I’m a 41-year-old Latina from Los Angeles who was raised in a Catholic household, but I’ve been contacted by readers ranging from 12 to 70, men and women, of all different ethnicities, religions, and income brackets. So many of them had the same story: They grew up thinking sex was bad and they hated themselves for enjoying their sexual proclivities in secret. Like me, they were desperate for self-acceptance but didn’t know how to find it. This desperation usually led to destructive and compulsive behaviors and broken relationships. Had we just been taught that there was nothing wrong with us from the start—would that have changed everything? Would we be happier people? I think yes.

L – Throughout the book you mention how you would often bring yourself to orgasm by thinking about “what a miserable slut I am.”  Can you explain a bit more how this thought got you off?

E – Shame and pleasure are intricately connected for me. When I first masturbated to orgasm in the bathtub at age 12, I distinctly remember how good it felt and yet how bad I felt once it was over. Nobody had ever talked to me about sex except to say it was something dirty and wrong and so I had this heavy feeling I had discovered something I wasn’t supposed to. And I LOVED it, which made me sick and defective. The only solution to these bad feelings was to go after the pleasure again, reinforcing this intoxicating dichotomy. Later, I would seek out porn that gave me this dose of pleasure and shame, typically scenes of degradation. To be turned on, I had to be turned off, disgusted with myself. This then transferred over to my relationships. I wanted men to make me feel used in bed, demeaned, and then discarded afterward.

L – Your book is fascinating because it’s not only a personal coming-of-age story, but it also tracks the development of on-line porn.  You talk about watching porn on VHS with your brother’s girlfriend and sneaking sex chats on-line right in front of your parents, then you chronicle the first porno sites on the internet right up to the proliferation of humiliation, extreme BDSM, and more.  It’s like you grew up with porn and the porn industry grew up with you.  Your book is also unusual as a memoir because it contains a lot of footnotes to studies and research about the effects of porn and women self-reporting about their use of porn.  What is your take on porn’s popularity now and how women in particular use it.  I guess, I’m thinking especially of OnlyFans and the many women during the pandemic who found ways of becoming entrepreneurs (or “entrepornors”).

OF Content Creator StrawberryWine @swtlikestrawber

E – I’m here for it. I find OnlyFans to be a fantastic addition to the porn world because it allows women to be in charge of their own content. Sure, we have many more female porn producers/directors, but I think it’s safe to say it’s still a male dominated industry when it comes to who’s operating the camera. I’m excited to see women taking initiative in making porn as long as they’re not merely perpetuating what they think men want. But I’m even more excited about women as viewers. I’m not sure about how many women are turning to OnlyFans for porn, but it would be fascinating data. If more women talked about what we like and what we want and what we’re willing to pay for, the less shame we’ll feel about our desires.

It’s funny you say I grew up with the porn industry and the porn industry grew up with me. It’s so accurate. And while I’m not anti-porn (unless the porn is made without someone’s consent of course), I do worry about what kids have access to when they’re just starting to explore their sexuality. When I was 12 and first started masturbating and looking at porn, I only had access to softcore scenes on Cinemax. They were so mild and still left a lot of room for my imagination. And when I advanced to watching porn online, scenes took so long to load so I couldn’t get caught up in a binge—endlessly searching for a harder, darker, sexier scene than the last. It was too much effort. Now the internet is at a place where a 12 year old could look up “two women, fifty men, a warehouse, a harness, hair dryer, and a taxicab,” or any other hardcore scene. And this is the new mild. Once they get bored with that, they can instantly search for something harder but they haven’t even discovered sex in real life yet. When they do start to explore with someone, their idea of what sex should look or feel like is likely to be distorted. They’ll probably end up performing; instead of naturally discovering what they like or what feels good, their desires will have been finely curated by whatever they had access to. I think this could be really damaging.

Porn Star Shannon Tweed

Dreaming of Shannon Tweed and Lola Down

L – You mention being enamored of such VHS stars as Shannon Tweed, and lusting for Tommy Lee’s long shlong, Pamela Anderson’s tits, and the power Gwyneth Paltrow’s character of Estella had over Finn in Great Expectations.  Does anyone come to mind today as either a quick fap fave, a girl-crush, or a role model?

Gwyneth Paltrow

E –Besides you, Lola? 😉 I don’t watch porn much these days (which is so weird to say), but when I do I like Megan Salinas who I’m not sure even performs anymore. I think her videos are a few years old. My girl crushes are always evolving though I just finished watching White Lotus so the Italian actress Simona Tabasco (Lucia) comes to mind. I’m also inspired by Paulina Porizkova who is nearly 60 and so hot and comfortable in her skin without looking plastic.

Scene from White Lotus Season II

L – You say, “In all the movies I’d ever watched, men were the ones who made the first move.  Women, it seemed, either played hard to get and were labeled dick-teasing prudes, or they quickly gave in and were called sluts and whores.”  This is the old Freudian dichotomy of Virgin/Whore.  For a long time, it seemed that either/or was the only choice society or culture presented for women.  If you were young, you were either a virgin or a whore.  If you were older, you were either matronly or a whore.  Women could never be both.  What do you think of the movement to reclaim the word “slut” from being a pejorative to a badge of honor?

Megan Salinas

Simona Tabasco

Paulina Porizkova is a dirty girl

Paulina Porizkova wins the solitary mud-wrestling prize

Paulina Porizkova – wash me!

Paulina Porizkova like a fine wine

E –We’re making some progress with more women being open about their sex lives but we still have a long way to go, especially in the U.S. This country is so ridiculously misogynistic. Just scroll through the comments section of any article written about a woman’s love life and the evidence is in plain view.

L – Along those same lines, one thing I’ve encountered, even with my man, HH, is people saying, “Wow, you have the libido of a man.”  Isn’t that also a double-standard?  I mean, men who do or did the things you did are just “guys being guys,” but a woman doing it is somehow labeled with a disorder and many of them feel guilt and shame about it.  But if you were a man, would you feel that sort of shame or guilt?

E –The only solution to this is for more women to speak up. But to speak about what you want and need sexually requires self-awareness. If you’ve been taught that sex is shameful, it’s possible you ended up in a cycle of repression. You don’t even know what you like anymore and if you do, you’re keeping that to yourself. The more honest and comfortable women are about their sexuality, the more we’ll see that men and women are more alike than we think.

L – I love when you talk about the power that Gwyneth Paltrow had over Finn.  Do you think that writing your book was a way of reclaiming your feminine sexual power?

Female Sexual Power

E – Absolutely. When I first suspected I had an addiction to sex and porn, I thought I had to put myself in a box to be “recovered.” I would never watch porn again, I’d go to 12 step meetings, I’d only be in a monogamous relationship. But that quickly started to feel inauthentic. It felt like an extension of my early childhood shame, like I was desperate to stop doing things that felt good. I realized that the driving force of my addiction all along was that shame. That’s when I started to explore how I could be a sexually open-minded, experimental person and not feel bad about it. This entailed not lying to myself and not lying to others, being open in my communication, and ultimately not thriving on destruction. Realizing I could be sexual without shame was an empowering revelation.

L – You talk about the sexy and nude photos and homemade porno movies you made with different boyfriends and the fear you have of those ever resurfacing.  Has that happened?  I mean, after the success and popularity of the book, one of your exes must have heard about it and read about you.  Did any of them come forward, either privately or publicly, with “naughty” goods?

E – Surprisingly, no! And I didn’t even use a pen name. I also expected past lovers to reach out and comment on the book, ESPECIALLY if I wrote explicitly about them! But it never happened. No videos have ever resurfaced (yet!) though I would be curious to see that younger version of myself tbh.

L – You say that your “preferences were changing all the time.  I loved ‘old and young’ clips.  I’d also taken a liking to watching drunken girls get walked around on leashes at parties or get fucked by groups of men while seemingly unconscious.  I’d discovered the category ‘bukkake’ and felt simultaneously disgusted and excited every time I watched multiple men come all over a girl’s face before urging her to lick up the drips that had fallen on the carpet beneath her.  I didn’t consider any of this normal.”  It wouldn’t exist if people didn’t watch it.  I mean, what is normal anyway?

E – Who knows. That line of thinking came from a place of deep shame and self-disgust and judgement. I felt so isolated and broken in this shame and couldn’t imagine anyone else would understand. But, like I said, if more women spoke up about what they liked and what they’re into, the less alone people like me would feel.

L – I love the passage where you combine what you learned meditating with your active imagination.  You say, “Suddenly I was the girl on the shore of that river I’d imagined in meditation.  I watched a boat come by with a skinny blond college girl spread-eagle on its main deck getting fucked by a whole fraternity.  And then another boat where a girl on a leash was held facedown by a man’s boot while another man fucked her from behind.  Each time I came, I returned to my breath.”  When you’re done, you admit to yourself that you’re “out of control.”  For people wondering, how would you characterize unhealthy from healthy masturbatory practices or porn viewing?

Role Models

E –That’s not up to me to say. Each person’s experience is different. For me, feeling incapable of stopping seemed to be a clue. Even when I felt sore or numb. Finding that I’d wasted hours trying to find the perfect clip, especially if it meant neglecting other plans or responsibilities was another. Failing to nurture real relationships or friendships in pursuit of another orgasm also seemed problematic.

L – At one point you talk about a guy you were with and how when you ran out of things to talk about or it got awkward, you reached for “what I’d always reached for to help me with the awkwardness.  I initiated sex whenever I felt things getting weird.  I was tireless with blow jobs, encouraging him to come on my face, begging him to slap me, to fuck me harder, to hurt me, to do whatever he wanted, playing the role of the perfect, pleasing porn girl.”  Do you think that your exposure to hard-core porn led you to believe that this was what men wanted, or was it a thrill and a turn-on to play this role?  I mean, so much in life is role playing, including sex and it can be fun.  And sometimes it can be difficult to disentangle where your own desire ends and trying to meet the desire of someone else begins.  Or maybe there is no clear distinction.

E –I think it’s all about balance. If your fetish is that you’re into degradation, rough sex, humiliation, role play, then why not? You do what feels good, but then at some point you leave the bedroom and life goes on. For me, that degradation leaked out of the bedroom and into real life. I didn’t just expect a guy to make me feel used and demeaned in bed as roleplay, I also expected him to ignore my calls, say abusive things, and lie to me afterward. I did not feel worthy of love and respect, so when someone tried to give those things to me I’d run away and destroy the relationship. But I desperately wanted love and respect. I felt lonely and isolated and the only company I could keep was sexual company. What was friendship? What was intimacy? What was connection? I wanted to know these things but had no idea how.

L – Was there anything that you had originally written for the book that the editor or publisher asked you to remove?

E – The footnotes were originally integrated into the text, but they were found to be distracting. They were almost cut out completely but I really wanted to keep them in. The research proved that what I was going through (and what my reader might be going through) was way more common than most people think. So many of our struggles are universal, yet we feel so alone much of the time. I hoped that the research would show readers they’re not simply “fucked up,” but that there’s likely a scientific explanation behind their feelings and actions.

L – As I mentioned, your memoir is intertwined with the historical development of internet porn.  One of the positive things I see about that development is that a lot of people, especially women, trans folk, and others have been able to connect with communities out there and realize that they’re not alone, not the “the wankers, the loners, the weirdos, the perverts, the outcasts, the bullied, the flawed, the awkward, the shunned, and the shamed” to whom you dedicated the book, but that they are part of humanity in all its beautifully multifarious forms.  HH, because he’s older, frequently tells me that so much of what is normal human activity was totally in the closet when he was younger, especially female masturbation.  One thing that the internet porn might have influenced is the normalization of women pleasuring themselves.  I mean, once upon a time you never saw it, but it’s now part of so many popular shows and movies – Sex & the CitySeinfeldWeedsFleabagSMILFNew GirlThe Shape of WaterSex EducationBroad City, just to name a few.  Women are sexual beings.  We can be students, moms, daughters, sisters, wives, bosses, and also get off without going to Hell.  Do you think that girls growing up today are exposed to a healthier view of women’s sexuality than when you grew up?

SMILF with Frankie Shaw Look Carefully and you’ll see what gets Frankie Shaw off.

SMILF

Frankie Shaw asks, “Do you like my poster of Lola Down?”

Frankie Shaw in SMILF in a scene where she gets off to Lola Down

E – Yes, our entertainment has become more inclusive and I love seeing these realistic, multi-dimensional folks be represented. But let’s not forget that Roe v. Wade just got overturned, which has everything to do with female sexuality and bodily autonomy. Sexism still exists because the wage gap still exists, because doctors still gaslight women, because we still haven’t elected a female president…and so forth. These things may seem unrelated to  women masturbating, but the personal is political. It always has been. Female pleasure is powerful and people are afraid of this power. Women and lots of marginalized folks are still socialized to believe our pleasure doesn’t matter. And d this has huge implications. I’m so inspired by pleasure activism, specifically the work by author adrienne maree brown who ways capitalism creates a “false scarcity” of pleasurable experiences for the marginalized. We’re taught that “our health, our votes, our work, our safety, our families, our lives don’t matter – not as much as those of white men.” Simply put, being denied pleasure makes us easier to control. So, yes, I get excited when I see female characters on our TV set pursuing personal pleasure just as male characters always have, but I won’t be satisfied until I see those larger equalities at play in other aspects of our lives.

L – Toward the end of the book, after you met the man who would become your husband, and after you began writing publicly about your struggles and began being honest with him and yourself about your past, you begin to find some balance or at least a temporary truce with your inner demons, for lack of a better description.  If I’m not getting too personal, how much of your past plays a role in your present?  Or, another way of asking that is, do you and your husband enjoy “getting off” to some of your past sexcapades?  Does he find it sexy to hear about, or is it something that you two avoid?

Erica – Take me as I am

E – My husband does not like hearing about my sexual past. Not because he’s judgmental or embarrassed or possessive, it just doesn’t turn him on I guess. I’ve written about us going to a swingers resort where we we explored quite a bit and enjoyed ourselves, but he didn’t like watching me with other men. And I didn’t really watch him either, which is weird because I do sometimes fantasize about him sleeping with other women. I just haven’t felt the need to watch the real thing happen. Sometimes, the fantasy is hotter.

L – In 2015, in an article you wrote for narratively.com, you said, “Masturbating beside my husband while he sleeps is the last secret I’ve kept from him.  Although I’m beginning to fear that it’s actually just the latest secret.  My resistance in telling him only proves how fragile recovery is.  This week it’s masturbation.  But maybe next week it’s back to porn binging.  Or obsessive scrolling through Craigslist personals.  Or lying about my whereabouts.  And so forth.  Abstaining from these habits, when so readily available, without abstaining from sexual pleasure completely, or the shame I’ve long bound to it, is a challenge I face daily.”  Looking back on that now, how have you fared over the past seven years?

E – It has been a rollercoaster of up and downs. Of me (and us) figuring out what we like and what we don’t, what’s right for us and what’s off limits, what feels safe and what feels dangerous or destructive. But I like the process. Humans evolve and so do our sex lives and I’m grateful to be with someone I could be 100% honest with.

L – What is your sexual life like now – I mean, with yourself and with your partner or partners?  In the book you seem open to threesomes and other non-monogamous situations.  Have you found a way that works for you individually and you as a couple?

E – We’re open minded but not in an open relationship. So while we do experiment with others, we only do so as a couple. Honesty is sacred to us. We always have conversations before we do anything with anyone else and then we have conversations after that about what we will or won’t do next time.

L – In some articles you wrote after the book came out, you talk about going to nudist resorts with your husband and having “soft-swaps.”  You also mention “relapsing” after marriage and sneaking off to masturbate to porn – at least until you came home one day and caught him doing the same thing.  Then you lifted the prohibition you had on porn in your relationship and found out something surprising – you two could integrate it into your lives together.  Can you talk about that balance?  I mean, unlike drug and alcohol addiction, you can’t really ever cut sex, sexuality, or sexual fantasy out of your life 100%.  No one is a tee-total reformed sex addict, because we, as human beings, are sexual beings.  How have you and your husband been able to navigate that?

E— Unless you’re joining a convent, you’re going to have to find a way to integrate sex (and maybe porn) back into your life in a healthy way. For me, I know the difference between when I’m watching porn to escape a difficult feeling or watching because I simply want to, because it feels good. It’s a fine line and takes a lot of self awareness but it’s possible.

L – In an article you once wrote about the difficulty of being a porn-addicted feminist.  You said, “You want to stop because the hypocrisy is so intense it makes you nauseous.  You call yourself a feminist, an activist, a conscious citizen, but then you watch women get walked around on leashes and your panties get soaked through. . . [and] you’ll scan over all the gangbangs and golden showers, convinced (or at least hopeful) that your sickness isn’t a sickness, but a natural fascination.”  That was in 2016, three years after Belle Knox, a.k.a. Miriam Weeks, was outed as the Duke University porn star and she defended her decisions as her form of feminism.  Since then many women have made names and careers for themselves in porn – both in front of the camera and behind it – and have promoted ethical porn and feminist porn.  What’s your take on the possibility that porn and feminism are not mutually exclusive?

E – Bodily autonomy and consent is everything. If a woman wants to be a sex worker, she should be allowed to do that. It’s her body. If a woman is coerced into sex work and she feels she has no other choice, that is an entirely different thing.

L – Something I love about the book is your frequent literary references.  In addition to porn, you clearly have an affinity for literature.  Some favorite authors, books, or movies you go back to frequently?

E – I don’t often reread books, but when I do, it’s usually A Moveable Feast because I find Paris and Hemingway both sexy as hell. Otherwise I feast myself on memoirs, biographies, journals, anything confessional and real. Right now I’m reading (and adoring) I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jeanette McCurdy, who also had some familiar conflicted feelings about sex and love and her body.

L – A little self-indulgent inquiry now.  You reached out to me recently and hinted that you’ve been reading the blog.  Are we – HH and me – a part of your sexual fantasy life or your erotic life with your husband?  Be honest.

E – For now, your blog is a solitary pleasure. I’m not ready to share you yet 😉

“Don’t be. Erica Garza says you’re just a woman with a healthy libido.”

Op-Ed from the Politico-Parody Press

Breaking News: Sanna Marin, the thirty-six year old, female, Finnish prime minister had fun!

Prime Minister of Finland Sanna Marin

Yes, there is evidence and she has even confessed to it publicly.  At a news conference, she admitted to being “boisterous” with her friends at a party.  Subsequently, a photo of two women, kissing, and revealing their breasts, though covered by a sign that said “Finland,” appeared on the TikTok of Sabina Särkkä, a thirty-three year old “influencer” and friend of the Finnish prime minister.  She was one of the two women engaged in the now infamous kiss/flash, though Sanna Marin was not the unknown second woman.

This appalling, immoral scandal raises serious political questions, not only for Finland, but for us all across the globe.  If women must be politicians and national leaders, where are the respectable, upright, joyless, sexless prime ministers such as Margaret Thatcher, Angela Merkel, and Golda Meir?  They didn’t party.  They didn’t dance.  And they certainly didn’t pose for an official photoshoot in just a pantsuit and jacket, no bra, with a neckline that goes down to the navel!

Do you see cleavage on Sanna Marin?

Ever since the United States Food and Drug Administration approved contraceptive pills, or “the Pill,” in 1960, it would seem that women were given license to enjoy sex without consequences, that is, to be licentious.  Historically, for millennia, that right was the exclusive province of men.  And so, in the face of such unabashed enjoyment by the female sex – that has had many other culture-controverting effects such as women in the workplace, in the armed forces, and even in politics! – it is entirely appropriate to censure Sanna Marin for her public display of enjoyment, even if she was enjoying in private.

Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Marin visits the Rogue’s Gallery, before a portrait of the author, HH.

Women enjoy dancing, singing, and displaying their breasts has the desultory implication that they may also enjoy sex.  This cannot be!  Such heresy to the patriarchal hierarchy that has existed since the dawn of civilization must be excoriated from our society.  To that end, we are beginning to see the pendulum shift in the other direction.  In America, the Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization has put an end to the formerly constitutionally protected right for a woman to obtain an abortion.  There are many new laws that have either been passed or at least proposed to make it illegal to purchase, sell, or mail contraceptives and/or “abortion pills.”  A few states are making it illegal for parents of so-called “transgender” youth to seek gender reassignment surgery and/or for doctors to perform it.  States such as Texas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Utah, and Florida have passed or proposed laws censoring books deemed “sexually explicit,” “obscene materials,” “sensitive materials,” and “pornography.”

To this end, America should reinstate the Comstock Act, criminalizing using the U.S. Postal Service to mail any obscenity, contraceptives, abortifacients, or sex toys and authorizes the postal service to confiscate birth control sold through the mail.  That will teach women that sex is not something to be enjoyed!

Is it really surprising that Sanna Marin has exhibit such behavior?  After all, she is a woman who is the product of divorce and was raised by two women in a loving relationship.  Perhaps it is due to this lesbian influence that Marin was recently spotted at a preview for the scandalous art exhibit, the Rogue’s Gallery, featuring the notorious nymphomaniac and porno-star, Lola Down.  If ever a woman took pleasure, delight, and enjoyment in the act of sex – whether between her and a man, her and many men, her and a woman, her and many women, her and women and men, or with herself (most often) – it is Lola Down.  The whole exhibit should be shut down and confiscated as deplorable depictions of degenerate art!  Most damning of all, Sanna Marin is reputed to have said about the Rogue’s Gallery that it was “stimulating to both mind and body.”

Need I say more?

Prime Minister of Finland visits a preview of the Rogue’s Gallery and admires the paintings and drawings depicting Lola Down

Anti-Lola protester

Pro-Lo supporter of sex for women

Hind Hunting

“Daddy, have me.”

“Get naked.”

“I’m naked, Daddy.  Have me.”

“Come here.”

She nuzzles up to me, putting her head and soft hair on my shoulder.  Her right hand reaches down for my hard cock.  She moves her head down toward it.  She opens her mouth and takes it in – wet, warm, soft, and loving.

She maneuvers to climb on top of me, straddle me, ride me.

“Hey, what’s the hurry?”

“I want it.”

“We got all night.”

“I want it in me, now.”

“Can’t we enjoy each other first?  A little stroll through the Garden of Good and Evil before going in for the kill?”

“Daddy,” she says as she lowers herself on my rod, “it needs it.  My pussy needs it.  My cunt needs to be filled.  I’m sorry.  Play with my titties,” she says as she bounces up and down.

I reach up and grab her breasts with both hands.

“Pull my nipples.”

I pull on them.

“Pinch them.  Pull them harder.  Make it hurt.”

I do as I am told.

Pull them.  Really pull them.  Pull them down.  Make them sag.  Pull my nipples to my navel.”

I do as she says.  She moans a moan of pain and delight.

“Fuck, I’m cumming,” she says after mere seconds.

“Lo, what were you looking at on your computer before coming to bed?”

She bites her bottom lip.  She’s not able to reply.  Her pussy squeezes me out and squirts like an overripe peach on the first bite.

Her fingers clutch my shoulders.  She lifts up her ass in the air.  She slides down my torso with her tongue out, licking up all she spilled on me in her exuberance.

She gets to my navel.  She pauses.  She falls asleep.

I push her gently onto the bed, sliding her off my still rock-hard cock.

“Lo,” I say, quietly, “Lo, I want you.”

From her dreamlike state she says, “Do whatever you want.”  She’s off to Never-Never Land.

I pull out a German porno mag from my nightstand drawer.  I open it up on her ass.  I compare her to Gili Sky, the porn star of the magazine’s centerfold.  I prefer Lola.  But the juxtaposition is nice.  I know Lola would prefer Gili and the three men Gili is with as well.

I try to jack it to the photos and Lo’s ass.  Lo’s ass looks too good to pass up.  I rub some lube on the tip and her target, take aim, and swoosh!  Direct hit.

Driving home the happy hunter, I lie down on her back and open the magazine and begin leafing through the pages, reading what I can in German.  It’s been a while.  Lo is motionless, soundless.  The lack of her longing for my donging diminishes my fervor.  I pull out.  As I do so, she says, almost from the depths of her depraved dream, “Al wanted some new photos.  Take some of me, Daddy.”

I’ve never seen a woman so eager for the camera and yet, so very very relaxed in front of it.

Lola and Gili Sky

I replace the book on her rear and snap a few for her long-distance lover.  Now I know what she was doing before coming to bed in a feeding frenzy.

Gili Sky Front, Lola Rear

The next day she wakes up chipper as can be.

“Sleep well, Darling?” I ask.

“Great!  You?”

“I wish I could say I slept hard.  But it’s more like I hardly slept because I was hard.”

“Awww, poor baby.  Didn’t you have me?”

“It’s not worth going into,” I say.  “You’ll read all about it anyway.”

“I hope so!”

“What’s for breakfast?” she asks, pulling at her nipples over the thin t-shirt she’s wearing.  “Wow!  My nips really hurt!  Kiss them better, Daddy.”

Lo in Lace

She lifts up her shirt and forces her breasts in my face.  I give them gentle kisses.

“Mmmmm,” she moans.  “Can I have you for breakfast?”

She drops to her knees in the middle of the kitchen, pulls down my pajama bottoms, and goes to town on my torpedo.

After she slurps down her morning smoothy, she gets up, wipes her mouth, and says, “Looks like a no pants, no panties, pussy party day at work for me!”