If I were in Lo’s brain, I imagine it would look like the cockpit of a plane. There would be all sorts of gauges and indicators. When she sees something she likes (whether it be shoes or a new purse, a pretty curve of a woman’s breast or a bulging cock in a man’s pressed pants) all the lights would flash and the dials would spin. But, beyond these daily spikes in the instruments, there are a few other dials. Over there to the far left is one labeled “monogamy/polyamory.” Over on the far right is one labeled “horny/sex-crazed/off-the-hook.” These dials have longer cycles of alternation. Sometimes the first dial, on the left, will be pointing toward monogamy for months on end. And then, without any real warning, it will slowly drift toward polyamory. The other dial, on the right, is always at least on horny, but within a few days it will begin to tip to the red line of sex-crazed and occasionally goes to the danger zone of off-the-hook. When the dial on the left is pointing at monogamy and the dial on the right is off-the-hook, I am in for some serious demands placed upon my time, my energy, my stamina, and my performance. But when the dial is pointing toward polyamory, as it was a few weeks ago, then I get a brief respite to recoup.
So, if Lo were feeling randy for a woman, then there would be little problem. There’s always Heather or Sylvia. But when Lo wants a man, it’s a bit more of a challenge. This time, when she was aching for something new, something fun, she resorted to her old standby – a post on Craigslist. It ran:
In a good, loving relationship with a great guy – quite a bit older. (And he’s ok with this too!) Need a little something more to keep me satisfied sexually. I have VERY high standards and am VERY choosy. If you’re interested and think you can keep up with my appetite, you have to do a few things:
1) Write me a long e-mail telling me about you – interests, life-situation, sexual experiences, expectations, etc. (Poor writing skills are the first disqualifying factor.)
2) Include a few pics – nothing explicit necessary, but you MUST be well endowed.
3) If my interest is piqued, I will require that you be available for a phone call.
If you make it to the final round, we can meet up in person.
Within minutes, literally minutes, Lo’s in-box was stuffed. She liked the prospect of having her box stuffed with the cocks of anxious guys. But as she went through the responses she found her suitors to be sub-par at best. Some of the men who responded were downright rude and mean-spirited. I just can’t comprehend the point in going out of one’s way to say something negative in such a venue, unless these guys are feeling awfully insecure, inadequate, and rejected.
But, after some time had passed, there were some more thoughtful and creative responses. Lo took her time to inspect each one – discarding any poorly crafted entries (unless, of course, they were accompanied by a visual that made up for the written word) – and inspecting the pictures for quality indications of authenticity. After careful scrutiny, Lo reduced the finalists to three. Two of them never came through with a phone number, but one of them advanced to step three.
Around nine or nine-thirty one night, Lo got naked and hopped in the shower. She was in there for at least a half-hour with the door open as I lay in bed reading. Her predictable crescendo of moans to screams coincided with the plumes of steam flowing from the top of the doorway to the bedroom ceiling. After she got out, she looked at me and said, “Was I loud?” “A tad. A tad,” I said, desiring her ferociously. She tiptoed into the bedroom and lit a candle, slipped into bed, and dialed the phone number of contestant #1. He answered on the third ring. He went by Sean and he had a slight Irish brogue – a total turn-on for Lo! I, for my part, was sitting next to her, hearing most of the conversation through the volume of Lo’s phone. Lo made some small-talk and found out that Sean is very busy conducting tours of some Caribbean Islands for wealthy clients. His work keeps him traveling back and forth frequently and as a result he just doesn’t have the time for developing a relationship, though he frequently has had the opportunity.
All of this information got Lo riled up even more and the fingers of her left hand were busy at work between her legs. Her sexy voice was in full-throttle mode and, unable to resist her sexy body any longer, I maneuvered my face between her legs. Lo was impatient for a well-spun yarn and she didn’t hesitate to ask Sean to tell her something “hot.” He was slow on the up-take and so Lo spelled it out for him. “Listen Sean,” she said, “I just got out of a hot shower where I came really hard. I’m aching to cum at least once more, but I’ve got my hopes up for a fun evening. Now tell me something scorching that will help me out.”
“What do you want me to say?” he asked, doltishly.
Lo gives him his start: “You said you take people out on cruises in the Caribbean on a small yacht. That sounds pretty sexy. Having sex in the cabin of that boat sounds like a good time. Have you ever done that?”
What else could a guy ask for?! She practically wrote the plot for him. Just fill in some of the details. Really, is it so difficult?! Apparently so. He goes into an explanation – an explanation – of how he doesn’t mix business and pleasure. Lo doesn’t care! Make it up! She looks down at me between her legs and mouths – “Stupid!”
“Are you going to make me cum, or what?” asks Lo, impatiently. “I’m naked in bed, touching myself and I’m just waiting for you to turn me on. Help a gal out here.”
He finally begins to get it and he starts telling her some story about the boat. A minute or so into it Lo looks down at me and whispers, “Boring.” But, for some reason, she encourages him. She continues moaning and talking in her seductive voice. I can tell she is totally uninterested in this guy, but she leads him on in an incredibly sexy voice. For some reason, the fact that it is totally a sham turns me on all-the-more! I’m frantically eating her out and she begins the lead up to a faux climax. I mean, this acting job deserves an Oscar. She makes Meg Ryan’s performance in When Harry Met Sally look amateurish.
After she fakes the Big ‘O,’ she tells him, “Thank you, Sean. I really needed that.” She leaves him happy and after she hangs up we both laugh together. She pulls me close to her and I give her what she wants. She cums. . . but now, can I every really be sure that it’s true?